Need a bit of help...

So, I've been dating this aquarius for almost 3 years, we have had our share of problems and recently I decided to tell him that I wasnt feeling the relationship was going anywhere and that I was feeling like we were both slowly winding down. He had been distant lately and so had I, and that was my fault for breaking up with him before because of those same feelings. I love him deeply, but yesterday I felt trapped and felt like his being distant would never have stopped. I talked to him about it and he had admitted he had been feeling frustrated because he felt I handled things badly and it took a toll on him but that he still loved me and just need time to unwind, and he said that if I could just refrain from breaking up with him it would help alot. I did just the opposite and broke up with him, feeling that I just didnt think I could deal with his aloofness and mine and he tried to talk me out of it, he even hid my keys. But in the end, I left and I was so sure of myself...until I got to my house and couldnt stop crying until 2am were then promptly the dinner he had bought me came up. I texted and called him, saying I was sorry and that I sincerely regretting doing that. He said he just felt that I would do it again and that he didnt like hurting me and that he himself was very hurt. I completely understand that, but now his only request was for me to let him unwind and just be there with him.

Thats not hard for me to let him do, but he didnt want to see me today, and he said "lets see if we do anything friday?" so...I was very...astonished. I dont know if this is normal, I think I would react the same way. When I confronted him with it I said that he shouldnt shut me out and that he should be open to me, but I understand his unease and he said he understood but today he would just relax and play some games.

I told him I understood, but I seem to just feel so, left aside. Would this be normal? Would this be the route taken by others under this circumstance?

I would really appreciate some answers, because I'm beside myself on what I'm going to do from now on 😢

I wasnt feeling the relationship was going anywhere and that I was feeling like we were both slowly winding down. He had been distant lately and so had I, and that was my fault for breaking up with him before because of those same feelings. I love him deeply, but yesterday I felt trapped and felt like his being distant would never have stopped.

I don't understand - do you want a relationship with this guy? Is he your cup-o-tea?
Cos he's never gonna change who he is and you are never gonna change who you are, right?

Yes, correct. Problem is zenalchemy, even though that is true it doesn't stop the fact that at the end of the day I rather be with him then not :/

yet your actions are childish and born out of a desire to MAKE him change...'SEE if you do not change, i will leave you...see"

do you stomp your foot too as you leave the room?

Well, I would say ask your self what do you want from this man. List three things in YOUR HEART that you feel NECESSARY to carry on any further dealings with this man. Ask yourself some questions.

1). Is he consistent with his actions or does he constantly disappoint you?
2). Is he reliable or unpredictable?-does he honor his word or does he tell you things and don't follow through!
3). Does he share his feelings with you or does he ignore you and act like you or your feelings don't exist?
4). Does he call when he says he will or does he tell you he is going to call and he doesn't call at all?

You get the message. I know personally, just like your man is stating to you, he DOES NOT LIKE YOU PUSHING AND PULLING from him. He doesn't WANT you doing it but instead of you listening to him, you are doing things he is expressing to you that bothers him. He doesn't want you being ambivalent-playing games with him to get your way. He doesn't want to be PUNISHED for his faults. He wants you to accept him the way he is and quit IDEALIZING him to be a man that he is not capable of being for you. Just think of THREE things that YOU need from HIM to make you feel safe. Anything more are things that YOU need to work on and make yourself happy. Relying to much on one person to make you happy and relying on another person to constantly reassure you of YOUR baggage is going to cause him to distance from you.

You want a MAN, not a puppet.

Thanks for all the responses guys, to tell you the truth I don't respond unless I'm brutally told something...
I've stepped back and thought about everything you guys have pointed out and the three things, but no I honestly had no intention of breaking up with him to get his out of being distant because I am sure as hell in my mind that would never work, I don't know who would respond like that, at the time I did it I felt good about it, and I felt I could handle it till I went home :/

which merely indicates you are a manipulator.

Well one, one of an Aqua's biggest fear is to invest in something that will so quickly turn their backs on them the minute something goes wrong or when the "thicks" start to outweigh the "thins." The very fact that you keep breaking up with him (even if you felt justified in the moment) is creating a feeling inside of him that you are not content & that you are insatisfiable; and believe it or not, once an Aqua senses that simply being himself & making "human" mistakes will get him left abandoned & vulnerable, he'll just simply stop trying to complete you or make you happy. Aqua males hate to be in a state where even if they do everything right, they still might be left abandoned. And the reason I say that is b/c 9 times out of 10, he doesn't agree with you or justify that you broke up with him all those times. And when he doesn't agree, he'll just simply take your actions & base how much he opens up to you in the future on that alone, & not necessarily the words & the "I'm sorrys" you give him 5 minutes later.

I think you need to decide what you truly want. It seems like your unhappiness has nothing to do with him, but yet you are putting the pressure on him to make you happy, but yet he can't if you've left the commitment. It probably bothers him even more that you can so simply break up with him like it's nothing just to go back 20 minutes later & act like everything should be okay. Remember, Aquas are sensitive & emotional, but one thing we can't stand is someone who lives in their emotions SO much to the point that they can even let their own emotions betray or abandon a loved one. That's unacceptable to an Aqua, b/c we'll always fear that even when things go right, there will always be a chance that the same thing will happen again. And you even said that he feared that too. Instead of focusing on what he DID say, focus on what he's NOT saying & what he's NOT doing for answers to your questions. Aquas hate anything that's unstable or anything that's not promising. If you give him the impression that he's screwed either way, he'll just simply give up & once he gives up, there will come a day when all of your "I'm sorry" will no longer be music to his ears, but will instead be annoyance that will cause his respect for you to go away.

If you really want this guy long-term, stop breaking up with him & letting your emotions take comlete control over you b/c in a commitment there are 2 people, which means that everything you do & say must be said or done out of the consideration of the other person. It seems like one minute you care so much & give him the impression that you really need him, but yet the next minute your emotions will flip flop & by you breaking up with him like that, you're contradicting yourself & showing him that you don't need him; in fact you're showing him that you don't need him at all, that's why you can drop him like a bad habbit & walk out the front door like you're heart isn't' broken.

Aquas become distant every once in a while & half of the time, it has nothing to do with their partners. It's no different than what men hate about women. Men hate that we can be so emotional & so vulnerable & so sensitive to everything sometimes, but then again they know that they can't live w/o us either & chose to put up with it as best as they can. He's going to be distant sometimes; that's just how Aquas deal with stress or disappointment. And if you want him long-term & if your communication with him is the way it should be, you should always know not to take his distance personally. After all, if the communication is where it should be, he'd make it very clear if he was mentally drained b/c of something HE put himself through versus something he feels YOU are putting him through. The reason you take his distance to offense is b/c the communication between you 2 is not where it needs to be. And it NEVER WILL BE if the only way you solve your problems in the relationship is through leaving, walking away or playing "cat & mouse."

You can't control him, you can only control you. If you're bored with the relationship so bad to the point that you're willing to put your emotions over his all the time, then leave. Don't make him suffer & try to put it all on him b/c ultimately, he's not going to chase something that will drop him in a heartbeat & honestly, I hope you wouldn't either

It sounds like you have double standards. You're way of dealing with built up stress is to leave the situation, even if just for 5 minutes so that you can clear your head (that's why you broke up with him & went home & cried, completely disregarding how low you'd make him feel by simply leaving). But yet his way of dealing with the same issues is by being distant, which might mean sweety that he won't want to be all up in your face all the time as if things are going perfectly. But yet you want him to understand you & be patient with you when you have your "tantrums" but yet the first thing you do when it's HIS turn to express his emotions (the way HE choses to), you turn your back on him, become so impatient to the point that you walk out on him (and on your relationship.)

If the guy is just not doing it for you anymore, then leave him alone. How he deals with his stress, his problems or his feelings might be completely different than the way you do things & you can either respect that & learn to live with that or move on. But don't hound him or continue to play the "one minute I want you, the next I don't want you" game with him b/c it'll come back as karma in the end. Don't be so selfish. A RELATIONSHIP WORTH HAVING IS A RELATIONSHIP WORTH SAVING. First, you've got to figure out if this is a relationship worth having? If it is, stop complaining & CONTRIBUTE to solutions (not the problems) as to how you can do YOUR part (b/c you're the only person you can control). If it's not worth saving, then say what you mean & mean what you say & leave; do both yourselves a favor & leave b/c you're content, and not just b/c you feel like it in the moment. Even a man that truly loves his woman will only take being left behind so many more times. Eventually, he's just going to say "That was the last time" & he'll stop taking your feelings into consideration. And it will kill you & you'll cry 10xs harder b/c you'll realize that you made such a big decision based off of anger & irrational versus contentment & something you really thought out. Never assume that the other person has all day to sit & watch you step all over them. And if that's what he's doing to you, then take your own advice & leave, but if you're going to leave, leave for good. If you're going to stay, stay & work things through even when the times get tough. Make up your mind first, instead of trying to over analyze HIS mind or control or influence how he makes up his mind.

This guy might be hesitating to "kick it" with you b/c he's not sure that he wants to invest one more minute of his time with someone who's going to not appreciate it at the end of the day. He's a strong man if you really look at this from the other point of view. He's not the type that's willing to give in to everything you say & do & that's a good thing, b/c that means SOMEBODY's got to be the rational & clear-thinking partner in the relationship if the other person isn't.

If you feel that the relationship isn't going anywhere, then talk it out & come up with solutions. Only YOU know what will please you & make you happy & give you the motivation to continue the commitment. But he won't know unless you tell him & he's not even gonna care to know after a while, if you're only way of telling or showing him is by leaving him high & dry. Do your part. It's a good thing that this guy is not quick to jump back into your life; after all, you left him high & dry & when that happens to us, it just stings us deep to our soul & it's hard to recover. He can't recover from something like that in 20 minutes the same way you can. The worst thing you can do is leave someone high & dry b/c of your impatience with them & then come back 20 minutes later just to complain that it's taking them too long to recover & get back to normal with you.

It seems like communication is the problem with you two. You both might be unhappy, a little bored & be lacking the excitment & motivation to keep the commitment going, but if the relationship is worth saving, you'll learn to keep control over your emotions even when you don't want to (out of respect for your partner) & find solutions. Analyzing, arguing, fighting, leaving & complaining never did anyone's relationship any justice & your relationship is not the exception