RIP, my beautiful friend

I just found out one of my good, good friends, who I affectionately thought of as an "Abraham Lincoln Aquarian," just died this week. A memorial service is being held for her this morning and I'm waiting to get a hold of someone at the office to tell them I'll only be in for half the day. I found out at 4AM this morning, and I still don't know how it happened. I'm hoping to get more details at the service and talk with her family.

As you might guess, she was beautiful, witty, and had a big brain (she was finishing her second year at Yale law), but wildly unpredictable. She actually gave it all up and dropped out of Yale halfway through her first year, thinking she was going to study to become a nail technician, on one of her wilder bouts of rebellion. When she realized she didn't necessarily going to be forced to think like everyone else there, or even become a lawyer after she finished, she was able to go back. She was one of those people who could become happy just knowing other people were happy, and brave enough to stand up and point out hypocrisy and inequality no matter how intimidating the situation might have been. She would never have continued on with law school if she'd have thought she was just going to make a lot of money but do nothing substantial to change the system. I was so proud of her for that. At the same time, she was so down-to-earth and fun, just content to be a girly girl sometimes, just content to hang out and spend the day shopping and gossiping.

Goodbye, my friend. I will miss you and love you forever.

Death, death, death everywhere. I lost an aunt too last week, she was a bitch though, unlike your friend. I hope they are in a better place. Life is hard. May their souls rest in peace. Dont take it too hard, its part of life, i know how it feels when a loved one passes. Keep her memory alive in your heart and keep well.

Thanks, Watercup...I will.

you have my condolences....may she rest and peace.

So sorry for your loss. Sending you thoughts of peace and courage during this difficult time. *hugs*


DEATH TEACHES

nothing is definitive
or solid as belief.

we are particles of particles,
moving spinning light.

birth
made us seem separate
but death reminds
we are not divided
after all.

i am the sun
you are the rain
we are the same,

we are one.

love called me here
and it's love to which you returned.
you are the wind in the trees,
and have the strength of the mountains.

you are flute music,
an echo,
my friend.

you are everything i love
and because love calls
i shall answer,
and not recede.

~JonaKarina C. F. Whisenant~

^ Beautiful and goosebump producing.

Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate it. That was a beautiful poem, tamara.

Aquaj, apparently, she committed suicide. Of course I had no idea what was going on, although we had related stories of personal turmoil to each other before. I'd known that she gone through a really tough time in law school, just getting along with people she perceived as fake, and being a cog in the machine of law school factory, so to speak, but I thought things were much better since she'd taken the break I mentioned earlier. She was living with her boyfriend and everytime she came back into town from Yale she'd visit me, and we'd go shopping or to a club or something. The last time I saw her was at Christmas, and she paid for my cab home. I was like, "But why?" And all she would say was, "Because I like you." The last thing she emailed me was a picture of us after we'd gone out dancing. I just have no idea how to begin to believe this news. It's so startling.

Im so sorry extempjunk for your loss. 😢

Thanks, Aqualad.

It's easy to say that death is just a veil,wish it could have been so.
but unfortunately it's the ultimate Parting !
Yes-Rest In Peace
sorry to hear about your loss

Thanks earthypisces, that's how she was in life, truly. Thanks ShahBano.

Aquaj, thanks. it is a blow. To know that somehow you were unaware of the incredible magnitude of suffering a friend is going through is (I'd guess) something that stays with you for the rest of your life, alongside all your memories of that person. The fact that there was nothing you could do. It is devastating.

So sorry for your loss. I hope you can find peace.

Thanks, truecap. It's rough right now because it's so fresh, for example there are places I walk past in the city that we frequented before, which worsens the pain, but I'm still trying to keep active. I know that's what she would have wanted me to do.

Thanks, Purrrr. She was.

Posted by PurrrrHissss
So many brilliant, kind, and wonderful people take their own lives, unfortunately. It's devastating. 😢

As a depressed person, it has (already) totally changed my views on life and death. I can literally never be the same complacent person again. If you've ever seen The Hours with Nicole Kidman and Julianne Moore (or read the book), you might remember that part where Virginia Woolf explains that a key character in her novel dies, and as a result, the rest of the characters consider their own lives more. That's really what happened here, as much as it makes me shudder to think that at the cost of her life, the rest of us then re-evaluate our mortality. But it's something that happened.

Here is the article in the Yale Daily News for anyone's who's interested in the life of this incredible person.

Here's a quote from the article which I believe beautifully encapsulates her fighting spirit and rebellious nature:

—Some of you hate law school; some love it,?? Foucher wrote. —Yet many agree that law school, including Yale, is a self-centered institution that, along with the national and state bar associations, works to protect the current monopoly that lawyers enjoy over legal practice, keeping legal fees exorbitantly high and ultimately preventing many, many people from receiving the legal services that they desperately need.??

She was never afraid to challenge anything, not even a lofty institution such as Yale. And so concerned with the welfare of others. I remember going to a club with her when she was kind of tired and didn't feel like dancing, and she remarked afterward that she actually had a really good time because she was "glad to see so many other people happy," and rejoicing in the same space. She was such an original.

Posted by extempjunk
Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate it. That was a beautiful poem, tamara.

Aquaj, apparently, she committed suicide. Of course I had no idea what was going on, although we had related stories of personal turmoil to each other before. I'd known that she gone through a really tough time in law school, just getting along with people she perceived as fake, and being a cog in the machine of law school factory, so to speak, but I thought things were much better since she'd taken the break I mentioned earlier. She was living with her boyfriend and everytime she came back into town from Yale she'd visit me, and we'd go shopping or to a club or something. The last time I saw her was at Christmas, and she paid for my cab home. I was like, "But why?" And all she would say was, "Because I like you." The last thing she emailed me was a picture of us after we'd gone out dancing. I just have no idea how to begin to believe this news. It's so startling.

Omg!! So sorry to hear this. Suicide is the absolute worst thing to hear.

Thanks Pecheresse, lnana04, and especially PurrrrHissss. I guess I relate these stories because I'm already afraid of forgetting a single detail of a time I remember having with her. She was the first friend I made when I moved here and even though I only had two years with her, I feel like we fit in a lot. It's true, she was so young, and part of what I can't get over is what might have been around the next corner for her. Today was better than yesterday in terms of dealing, but it still had its rough spots. Thanks everyone.

Posted by aquaj
Heaven knows in this day and age we need all the good people we can get. This is profoundly upsetting. I wish she had made a different choice.

I wish she had too. I'm sure the world disappointed her (as it does us all), but she had so damn much to offer.