Second Round

Well, I've been a bit absent from this forum but I read many of you when I can. I felt that I needed to sort some things out before I would come back.

I know there are many things we could all talk about, but if you knew me in real life, you would know how much I talk about anything and everything in my 3-dimensional world. I think my purpose to come here has been mainly to get inputs about relationships as well as to get insights into the minds of some people, I've been gained more than that, so bear with me if you can...learning to love seems to be a journey.

When I came here I wanted some answers regarding some problems I had with my aqua girl at the time. Many people here were simply awesome in their time and responses. Thank you for that!

After my x-aqua girl and I broke up (after a year in the relationship) I felt a bit torn about what to do. I'm not the best at expressing my emotions and she wasn't very tactful about handling the breaking up process either. I felt that she was stringing me along for weeks and weeks after things ended?I don't know what was going on in her head, but I knew I needed to protect my heart from all that mess.

Eventually I gave up on the chance to being back with her and so I moved on with my life (of course only on my head). So, then I meet Ms. Libra, sweet and charming during this time. We really bonded quickly. Ms. Libra has a kid and I never dated someone with a kid, so it was new for me, but it was a chance I wanted to take. I love her child. She, like my x-aqua is older than me for few years and she is just as attractive and fun.
We dated for few months, and just as I was getting ready to ask her to be my gf?Ms. Aqua decides to get back in the picture...in her Aqua timing ways.

So, here I was torn for months after that between my Libra and my x-Aqua.
My Libra was so understanding and flexible that she said she wouldn't mind waiting while I figure things out, but she kept on persuading me to stay with her?.meanwhile my ex-Aqua was showing me what a changed woman she was.

When my x-Aqua and I reunited after the break-up for the first time (months after) she held me tight and cried?.she wouldn't let go?.she said ?I missed me so much??
?Why would she let me go in the first place then?? I wondered?but I had to leave, I had plans with the Libra girl?and I wanted to do the right thing?.and the right thing isn't always what I feel?

Continued...

I've tried to break-up or end the relationship with the cute Libra girl ever since then, but she would never give up. She really believes is a matter of me ?coming to my senses? she says.

I've been seeing them both. Since I never established I specific title with the Libra girl and since Ms. Aqua feels bad about the way she ended things, I think they both have been aloof to the idea of situation we all got in.

Anyhow, I'm coming to conclude that I care for them both in different ways?.I think my situation with Ms. Libra could be great, but even though I do yearn to be a parent one day, I don't know that I can give her everything she needs at this point in my life. I get nervous with the idea of a family on my own right now.I just got my first house, I'm slowly but surely achieving my career goals, but that little kid may need more than that wouldn't she? I have talked to the Libra girl about that and she says we should take things day by day. I want to be the best parent I can be one day, but I need to be in the right place in my life to do that should I tell her that again? Would I hurt her feelings if I say that? I've tried, but is so hard, because she acts like she gets it, but when we hang out again (she arranges ways to hang out) things end up happening and I feel guilty and we are in the same circle again.

Meanwhile, although Ms. Aqua is so very aloof and not always as dependable when it comes to talking (because of her personality and also work schedule)?she is where I am as far as what we can give and receive. Meaning?she gives me the sense that what she needs from me right now?is something I can give. She doesn't need much from me?other than my commitment and honesty?she lives her life I live mine?we meet somewhere in between?and yes at times I miss her a lot?.and she can't be there for me, as Ms. Libra can always?.but when my Aqua gives me her time, she is sweet?those few minutes of the day are nice. She could be a bit deeper in conversations?she could apply a bit more time and effort to strengthen our relationship?but maybe a side of my hopes than time and living in the same city could help.

Continued...

Clearly my Aqua girl loves me, but sometimes I wonder if our care for each other will last?.she wants similar things in life?and although we are very different in many ways?we can't stop the pull we feel towards each other?its weird?I don't know what it is. I don't think she knows either?we always end up holding each other with wondering eye...with her it isn't about physical closeness as much as the connection in our minds...with her sometimes is so hot and sometimes so cold...but we continue to stare into each other's eyes...what is it that we have for one another?

I think I need to have a good talk with the Aqua lady this week, to establish things and know what's going on once and for all. I also need to have the guts and the strength to pass on the inviting love Ms. Libra has for me if I don't feel ready. I did also considering cutting all ties with Ms. Aqua if she was going to hurt me again like she did the last time?but how would I know. I guess I'm scared. I can't base a decision only in what feels right. I'm taking in consideration all the facts, feelings, and timing we have?

I guess my question for you Aqua friends is?did you ever get back with an ex after months? What were the reasons for you considering that? Can you trust your feelings? If so, how?

If guess I'm bringing this up, because if I get back with my Aqua this week?I really want for things to be better than the last time?.I don't want to put our possible friendship at risk if it isn't worth it...and don't want to pass on the chance on being happy again...I want her to be happy though...but all that happiness I want for her and me...could come for us but inspite of us...

She says that she loves?but she had said that in the past?and yet she gave up so quickly when things weren't perfect. I'm a bit nervous, but I need to do it this week.

How good or how bad has it been for you any 2nd round you've taken with someone?

VLL

Awesome words aquaagi...very good points. I'll write something in a paper so I can be prepared and not forget anything when we see each other again.

I'll ask her the questions you mentioned...is only fair for me what this round will take. I am willing to work at it...I just want to make sure she's ready for that...

Thank you, I will 🙂

Hey VLL!

I see, your still in a pickle. I hope evrything works out...I have yet to return to someone, so I really cant comment. BUT I have thought about returning...

I wish you the best.

"She says that she loves?but she had said that in the past?and yet she gave up so quickly when things weren't perfect."

-vll...that is exactly how it is with my aqua, and you and i have talked about this before with each other...but it is crazy how similar your situation is to mine. i know exactly how you feel right now.

"reassure her that everything will be all right and help her to trust you."

- i agree with aquaaqi on this...aquas need reassurance and they must trust you in order to open up to you and share a healthy relationship. you must show her that.

You are all so great!

Aquaagi and Leokitten -
I talked to my Aqua girl today and I told her that before she comes to see me she should think about some few things I wanted to discuss: 1) What we are/ Do we want a relationship again 2) If so, what hurted us in the past and what would be different this time.

We had talked briefly about things here and there these past months we've been "seeing" each other...but I really need to talk about it all at once this time.
It isn't fair for cute Libra, myself or even my Aqua to be in this limbo...so I gotta sort things through.

I told her that I knew she didn't like talking about 'us' or relationships...as much as other people and things...but that as she was very responsible at work and did things to be successful there...she and I needed to be responsible and work hard about what we had if we wanted to strengthen anything we could potentially develop. Sometimes she forgets that being a relationship involves sacrifices...and YES...long discussions and compromises ya know...
She has no problem seeing her responsabilities at work or as a friend...so I want her to see that in her position as girlfriend too...because her payment, as supposed to only money and fun times...will be my pure and honest love.

So, LeoKitten (thank you so much for sharing your experience) and like Aquaagi thank you for encouraging to talk to her about defining things...before I get more involved again.

Aquaagi - what makes you trust someone? how can someone reassure you in a relationship? Is it words? Specific actions?

Lady M! -

I was just thinking about you yesterday...and then got your message...how weird and yet so pleasant 🙂
You read my posts...how are you doing little lady?
So, you never got back with anyone yet huh? Who were you considering to get back with? I wonder what makes you feel smithen. Also, moonchild and others were mentioning how
making an Aqua trust in you and feel reassured in a relationship is so important...so I was wondering what makes you feel that way...in other words how can someone make you feel reassured in a relationship...words? actions? consistency? time?

Finally Lady M, are we still platonic friends? 🙂

Moonchild -

I hear ya! I read your responses. Thank you so much. I know you can relate.
I'm glad to hear things are still going well...and I hope over time you and I figure out a way to feel at complete peace with the way things are sometimes...

Continued...

Also moonchild...how is it that you reaffirm or reassure your bf these days?
I think sometimes I tried to do it with her at the beginning, but at some point my mistrust and fear of being hurt stopped me from giving myself more...you know what I mean?

I think I am a guarded person in general, like her, but it is because when I love I really do love with everything I have.
I've been thinking moonchild, that just as we fear the unpredictability our Aquas may bring...they may also act accordingly to other fears they have...such as that of loosing their freedom.

I think we all have core fears to battle. I was trying to read a book about that with my ex-aqua...because sometimes we react and respond inappropiately based on those fears we hold deep in our hearts...whereas that of abandonment or that of loosing control/freedom. And in order to grow stronger in a relationship...besides having someone next to us that loves us...we ALL need to understand those fears we have and overcome them over time...dont you think?

I just think someone is a bit harder for my adorable Aqua to have that inner exploration though...she can tell me the most intimate details about all of her closest friends...and yet when I ask her about how she feels or what she thinks she may fear...she has this suprise look in her...lol...is actually cute, a bit scary but cute (maybe because I may love her) I want to help her out to see the beauty and yet challenges I see for us...so we can be the best we can be for one another...
What do you think?

starfish225,

good thoughts...i think we all can teach one another to love...we just do it in different ways.
this has defenitely been a different road, and you are right, besides overcoming the fears i mentioned in my post above, lots of patience, understanding, observation, and unconditional could help greatly.
i just think though, it is a matter of the time, place, we needs we each have to.

dating each other casually or even for years and years wouldn't bother me...giving my own needs for space and time...but i know for me, things have to come to something serious eventually, the more i understand the more safe a i feel.

i think i may have touched my x-aqua deeply somehow...
i think she keeps me intrigued and i like that to some extent.

i've only dated one more person a bit like her. most of the girls i dated made me feel always so sure about how things were...with my aqua is like, we both are constantly taking one step forward and one back...because we both are SO cautious and afraid to get hurt, whereas we want to admit it or not. she protects herself by living her own world at her own timing...and by focusing in her friends (she sees that as safe) and things she wants to do (because she wants to do it all)...me...i protect myself by analyzing my every move (i think that is safe) and by focusing on understanding things...of course i love my friends and activities, but not as much as she does...but i honestly think is because she feels safer that way.

i hope she finds safer with me too over time. it would be allright for her to invest her heart. i'd take baby steps too.

just like i want to know that i am who she may need right now, i hope that she can be who i need right now too...i have to wonder about my needs just as much as hers...but i think my care and willigness are real, so above all i think happines for her and me is what we should strive for (whatever that means).

she just texted me and she said "please, call me tonight" 🙂

i think what you need to do is allow her to feel comfortable with showing her vulnerable side to you...encourage it in a sense...

here's an example of how i did that with my aqua:

we had a halloween party at his house, and he ended up drinking a little too much that night. well, i was outside talking to some people, and about 20 minutes goes by and i notice my aqua is not around (and there were only about 15-20 people there so it was easy to tell he was gone), so i go inside the house and look for him. i knock on the bathroom door and he is in there throwing up. so i wait for him to come out and then i sat in his room with him for a while to make sure he was ok...and then i left him alone for a little while. he asked me why i went looking for him, and i told him b/c i love him and i care about him and i wanted to make sure he was doing alright. when i didn't see him around outside i became concerned. anyway, he couldn't understand why i was concerned so i had to keep telling him it's b/c i love him and i care about him very much. then, i went back outside and mingled with some more friends. one of our mutual friends asked me if he was doing ok, and i said yes...he was just feeling a little sick, but he is ok. then his best friend (who is like his brother) came up to me and asked where he was, and i told him he was in his room. his friend then asked me if he was sick, and i said yes, but he will be fine in a few minutes...so, about 5 minutes later, my aqua comes back outside looking like crap. and our mutual friend asked him is he was feeling alright, and then his best friend asked him if he was ok... so my aqua pulls me aside and gets infuruated at me for telling people he was sick, b/c god forbid he look weak to others in any sense. and i told him that they had asked me if he was ok, and i told them the truth...i wasn't going to lie. so for the next hour he was pissed off at me, thinking i went and told everyone he was throwing up. anyway, i later on pulled him aside and we went into his room...i told him that he was being silly earlier and shouldn't have gotten mad at me. i told him his friends were concerned, as was i, b/c they care about him...i told him they don't look down on him just b/c he got sick...it happens to all of us, it's ok. and i finally told him that he needs to stop being a macho man/tough guy and just be himself. i said that i wasn't about to lie to his friends just to make him look like a tough guy ...

he thinks that b/c he got sick from drinking, that people are now going to look at him as a pussy that cannot handle his liquor...when in reality, if those are his true friends, they wouldn't care about stuff like that. they love him regardless...and i want him to know that.

well, that is an example of how i showed him that it is ok to look weak or act vulnerable sometimes. and i also let him know that he is loved and cared for more than he knows...and i think it really stuck with him and meant a lot to him...

Moonchild,

Poor guy...lol...I could already picture his drunk eyes in my head. lol. My aqua girl got drunk on her bday...and I didn't even know...is hard to tell with her, because she is just as outgoing...but she becomes more protective with me 😉

She got sick recently with the cold weather and not only was I not allowed to talk about it...which was hard for me, since I just wanted to check on her, but because i took care of her the night she came to see me..*I* got sick too...LOL..and I had a cold for the rest of the weekend! At least one of us got better I guess, haha.

I love her when she's so soft and vulnerable though. She's so cute covering her face under the sheet to not let me see her sicky face 🙂 It makes me want to hold her and kiss her all over her face.

As far as sharing things with friends though...moonchild be VERY careful with what you say to his friends about him.

I think what you did was nice and of course it woudln't be a big deal for others...but don't ever talk about concerns you have in the relationship or about concerns you have about him...I got in big trouble because of that even though I never said anything bad about us or her...same whenever I told one of her friends that she said that she loved me. I guess she felt exposed to her friends and Aquas don't like that so much it seems...I mean I wouldn't like that much either, but she got REALLY really mad with me that day. Ever since then, when her girl friends or guy friends ask about us...I'm short in the subject and extremely careful.

I completely agree though, I think if her friends are truly her friends, as much as she says they are...it shouldn't be a big deal for them to know when she is in love or when she is sick or when she is having problems...nor should they base their relationship in how often she can see them or be there for them. I have friends of 8 and 10 years I see barely and that know so much abou me...but I think we are all different you know...we have different fears, like I said before...so I try to understand where she is coming from and go from there. The last thing I want to do is make her feel unsure about things and I know how important her friends are for her. I think finding a good balance and setting lines respect is key...overtime she and I will have to learn to see a bit of what the other sees if we do stay together.

"I think what you did was nice and of course it woudln't be a big deal for others...but don't ever talk about concerns you have in the relationship or about concerns you have about him..."

-i already learned that the hard way, trust me!!! i talked to his good friend one night, a while ago, about us and my concerns, etc. and when he found out...wow, i was in trouble. i don't think he spoke to me for days after that whole episode! but, yeah...i know better now.
though, his friend did give me some good pointers about being with him...he told me that if i just chill out, be patient and not push him too much...that he would be with me forever...

"As far as sharing things with friends though...moonchild be VERY careful with what you say to his friends about him.

I think what you did was nice and of course it woudln't be a big deal for others...but don't ever talk about concerns you have in the relationship or about concerns you have about him..."

Sorry you guys had to learn the hard way but thats a BIG NO NO...

HI VLL! 🙂..Yes your still my "platonic" friend 😉

Well I have thoughtt about continuing a pass relationship, seeing thatit never fully developed and we parted on good terms, because of certain circumstances.

But I think if I were to return to a previous relationship its only because I felt we really didnt have a good chance the firat time around. I still would have feelings, but there has to be hope and potential for something better to come along from renewing the old relationship. (this is only if I broke up with the person)

Reassurance from me would have to be words that are to be backed up by actions...from both sides. Of course things would have to chancge...and the aqua aloofness would have to end...to an extent 🙂. BUT I would have to swallow my pride and fear for it to be possible. (If I were the person who let go of the relationship in the first place)

BTW I doing good, just a little stressed out bout school...but everything is good right now. 🙂 Thanks for asking.

Hi VirgowithalittleLibra, I do think that you have touched heart and thats why she is back. And honeslty if you still love her and want to try you need to try and see what happens. I don't think you would really ever be able to move on from her if you don't try again and I think that it is great that you are going to talk to her because if she is serious she will not have a problem talking to you about the relationship. I am involed with an aqua guy that broke my heart and came back , but he never said it like your friend did but he told me that he regretted letting me go but we are just friends right now because he still does not know what he wants, he is not ready for a relationship because he is still not over his x. I believe he knows that I am a hell of a catch but he also knows that emotional he not availble to open up to something that takes work like a relatioship does and since we did this before he knows what I want . You do have to be patience with her but don't take any mess either. If she is willing to talk I think thats great. no matter how much you care for your libra you can't move on until you resolve the things with your x.

Question: What is the exact date of Aqua's birth?

reniba-chan: what are the major differences between january aqua's and februaury aqua's?

leokitten,

what a fun story! i'll respond more as soon as i get the chance.
crushbuddy, i'll write you back as soon as i can as well...

and

reiniba-chan, the aqua girl was born on february the 15th, i'm born in the last day of august.

looking forward to your thoughts.

reniba-chan: what are the major differences between january aqua's and februaury aqua's?

The aquarius born between Jan 21 and 26, 27th tend to have capricorn tendencies whereas aquarius born between 28, 29th through February 11, 12th are stuck in aquarius w/out capricorn or pisces tendencies. Then Feb 13 through 18 aquarius has pisces tendencies.

Last day of August? the 31rst. hmm You are more than a week away from Leo so you should be a strong virgo. Does the 'little libra' thing have to with the planets? I haven't gotten that far into it yet cause I don't know others exact birthtimes and not even my mom can remember my own X_X

my aqua guy was born on january 21, so he is an aqua with some cappy qualities...but he is definitely more of an aqua.

Um, I dont know that my x-aqua has anything that looks like piscis behavior in her...lol...well, she did wrote me a poem once, but it had two paragraphs and it was funny rather than romantic, but she can be emotional at timess...

She has her Venus in Aries like I said (that I think may explain her impulsive, dettach, and competitive ways)...her moon in Capricorn (that I think may explain her structured life, especially in her time and work..as well as her interest in wealth), and she's pretty much super Aqua in everything else...of yeah and she has her ascendent in Scorpio (that I think may explain her looks of go-getter and kick-a $ $ ! lol).

She's quite interesting...

Oh and Reiniba,

Yes, I'm kind of in the middle...which may mean that I'm a super Virgo eh? Yikes!