talking about detachment

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CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
@CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
19 Years

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what is detachment?(part 1)
-Ability to allow people, places, or things the freedom to be themselves.

-Holding back from the need to rescue, save, or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional, or irrational.

-Giving another person "the space'' to be him or herself.

-Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.

-Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place, or thing.

-Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.

-Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
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CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
@CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
19 Years

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what is detachment?(part 2)
-Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.

-Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern, and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing, or controlling.

-Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.

-Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.

-Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
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CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
@CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
19 Years

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What are the negative effects not detaching?(part 1)

Will have people, places, or things which become over-dependent on you.

Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places, or with things, which you do not really want to do.

Can become an obsessive ``fix it'' who needs to fix everything you perceive to be imperfect.

Run the risk of performing tasks because of the intimidation you experience from people, places, or things.

Will most probably become powerless in the face of the demands of the people, places, or things whom you have given the power to control you.

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CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
@CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
19 Years

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What are the negative effects not detaching?(part 2)

Will be blind to the reality that the people, places, or things which control you are the uncontrollables and unchangeables you need to let go of if you are to become a fully healthy, coping individual.

Will be easily influenced by the perception of helplessness which these people, places, or things project.

Might become caught up with your idealistic need to make everything perfect for people, places, or things important to you even if it means your own life becomes unhealthy.

Run the risk of becoming out of control of yourself and experience greater low self-esteem as a result.

Will most probably put off making a decision and following through on it, if you rationally recognize your relationship with a person, place, or thing is unhealthy and the only recourse left is to get out of the relationship.
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Mystical
@Mystical
19 Years1,000+ Posts

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I can't stand for someone to be clingy or needy either. I have to have space and I give as much space as the other person needs.

I agree with Branh0913 that there is a flip side to being detached but I'd rather be detached than overly vulnerable and get hurt. Sure in the matters of the heart nothing is going to go smoothly the whole time and people are bound to get hurt but I want to see if the person I'm with is worth the effort. When I see that then some of my detachment becomes less but is never fully gone.
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nikki1676
@nikki1676
20 Years

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i have to agree with Brahn in this case. I know a lot of aquarians, and they pride themselves on being so detached and needing space, but i feel that is a big front to hide their insecurities. I have been involved with a few aquarian males and have ended things with them becuase of their insecurities. I am a libra with an aquarius rising, and i share this trait of being detached as well..i admit that it is becuase every time i get in a relationship i feel really insecure and that is the only weapon that i have to protect myself. I am not insecure when i am not in a relationship..but as soon as i meet a guy, i become a mess inside.
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CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
@CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
19 Years

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detachment is a control issue (part 1)
It is a way of de-powering the external "locus of control'' issues in your life and a way to strengthen your internal "locus of control.''

If you are not able to detach emotionally or physically from a person, place, or thing, then you are either profoundly under its control or it is under your control.

The ability to "keep distance'' emotionally or physically requires self-control and the inability to do so is a sign that you are "out of control.''

If you are not able to detach from another person, place, or thing, you might be powerless over this behavior which is beyond your personal control.

You might be mesmerized, brainwashed, or psychically in a trance when you are in the presence of someone from whom you cannot detach.

You might feel intimidated or coerced to stay deeply attached with someone for fear of great harm to yourself or that person if you don't remain so deeply involved.

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CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
@CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
19 Years

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(part 2)
You might be so manipulated by another's con, "helplessness,'' overdependency, or "hooks'' that you cannot leave them to solve their own problems.

If you do not detach from people, places, or things, you could be so busy trying to "control'' them that you completely divert your attention from yourself and your own needs.

By being "selfless'' and "centered'' on other people, you are really a controller trying to "fix'' them to meet the image of your "ideal'' for them.

Although you will still have feelings for those persons, places, and things from which you have become detached, you will have given them the "freedom'' to become what they will be on their own merit, power, control, and responsibility.

It allows every person, place, or thing with which you become involved to feel the sense of personal responsibility to become a unique, independent, and autonomous being with no fear of retribution or rebuke if they don't please you by what they become.
which sign is low-maintenance and easy to love without a lot of head games and such?
CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
@CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
19 Years
Joined: Feb 03, 2006 · Topics: 63 · Posts: 469
Ain't nobody gonna break my bones!
taurusgoddess
@taurusgoddess
20 Years1,000+ PostsTaurus
Joined: May 03, 2005 · Topics: 601 · Posts: 4058
like to have a new word every month & try & fit it into as many conversations as I can.

I had one that I could not stop saying & that was WHORE - But that didn't work out too well so (don't know why some people took offence?) I am going for Halit
pisces
@pisces
19 Years1,000+ PostsGemini
Joined: Apr 04, 2006 · Topics: 193 · Posts: 2425
Leo = the lion
Aqua = the circus man

who will win? anyway, this is just for fun
CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
@CallMeAlienRobotOrWhatever
19 Years
Joined: Feb 03, 2006 · Topics: 63 · Posts: 469