When an Aqua is done....

Signed Up: Jul 30, 2013
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When I know I'm getting to the point of no return in a relationship, I feel like I go through a process before just letting go. I go through the pros and cons of the relationship, then start verbally saying A, B, C needs to change in order to give the other person one more chance, then I start getting mean and start calling out the other person's B.S., and then finally just coldly cut it off. But by the time this happens, I've dealt with and put up with so much that the other person can't believe I actually walked away. I'm never sure if this is typical Aqua behavior though. So what is your process once you realize you're done in a relationship?

Aquarius09

@aquarius09

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Posted by aquarius80
When I know I'm getting to the point of no return in a relationship, I feel like I go through a process before just letting go. I go through the pros and cons of the relationship, then start verbally saying A, B, C needs to change in order to give the other person one more chance, then I start getting mean and start calling out the other person's B.S., and then finally just coldly cut it off. But by the time this happens, I've dealt with and put up with so much that the other person can't believe I actually walked away. I'm never sure if this is typical Aqua behavior though. So what is your process once you realize you're done in a relationship?

That's exactly my process!

lisabeth

@lisabethur8

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Posted by sandynads
ITS A FIXED SIGN THING

it is?

Helena88

@Helena88

Signed Up: Oct 15, 2013
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yeah, I do just that when I want to end things.

I break of the relationship in my mind multiple times, and see exactly what I want and don't want anymore... after I know for sure, I break up... but unlike the other I am already at peace with it.

Signed Up: Feb 26, 2008
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I do the same thing.

My 1st instinct is to run but if I really love them or value their friendship, I sit down, catch a breath & get ahold of my stubbornness lol

I'll analyze what went wrong & decide if the problem 1. Worth fixing & 2. Fixable

If I feel the problem is worth fixing AND is fixable then I'll bring that to the attention of the other person. If they outright are unwilling or pretend like they're gonna change only b/c they think it's what I wanna hear, then I start the process IMMEDIATELY of emotionally distancing myself from that person

If I see them trying but stumbling along the way, I'll be irritated but not enough to leave. Somewhere deep down, I'm at least grateful & feeling hopeful that they're at least trying. However, "almost" can't count forever, so if nothing seems to be working, then it's time to go.

Aquas often break up with the person in their head/emotions long before the physical/literal break up happens

But I think what helps us to move on so gracefully is that we can look back, knowing that we did our part, tried to fix it & gave that person the chance to fix it. You feel so much better & more content in your decisions to break away when you know that you've done all you could do

I hate "what ifs" which is why I make it a personal mission to do everything I can to make it work, so that in the case it fails, it's NOT b/c I didn't try or wasn't patient enough. We're not THAT cold-hearted, damn! lol

Signed Up: Feb 26, 2008
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People don't give us enough credit

We know others aren't mind readers which is why we go the EXTRA MILE to clearly spell out what went wrong, what we need from you, what we'd like to see change & what would need to happen in order for things to change. WE GIVE YOU THE ANSWERS TO THE TEST!

That way, if you fail it, it won't be b/c you didn't know what we wanted or where we stood (we made that clear...we actually probably talked TOO much lol). If it fails, I'll take it as that person not being worth the trouble OR chalk it up to the problem not being fixable with that particular person.

If I feel that they're not worth fixing or that the problem isn't fixable, it won't matter how much I love them, b/c my logic/intellect will take over & over-ride those feelings

People don't understand that breakups are sometimes just as hard for the person doing the dumping as it is for the person getting dumped! lol It's especially hard on us Aquas b/c we rarely ever attach to something that we figured would lead to a dead end.

So if it dead ends, we are crushed & beat up on ourselves in silence...we blame ourselves for having bad judgment & b/c making bad emotional decision is every Aqua's worst fear, I'll personally make a vow to never go back. Why? B/c heartache is probably more painful for us to endure & get over than other people. Others may cry for a week, month or 2, but Aquas carry that hurt with them for a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time!

Sometimes you just gotta do what ya gotta do! Our strong sense of this protector called "logic" is 99% of the reason we have the strength to let go. We trust logic more than we do emotions. And if logic says run, we listen to our master & run lol

WaterCup

@WaterCup

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Posted by Helena88
yeah, I do just that when I want to end things.

This. If I break up with a person TODAY, I've already broken up with them mnths ago in my mind..by the time I break the news to them, I'm already over it.

I break of the relationship in my mind multiple times, and see exactly what I want and don't want anymore... after I know for sure, I break up... but unlike the other I am already at peace with it.

Undine

@Undine

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What if the other person had no idea that a breakup is about to happen? Did you play your part so well, while preparing yourself in your mind? Is it not a way to deceive someone?

It took both of you to have that relationship. Shouldn't it take both of you to consciently go through its last moments, at the same time?

How would you feel if your siblings knew your grandma is dying, but only call you when she's already dead?

truecap

@truecap

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Posted by aquarius80
then I start getting mean and start calling out the other person's B.S.,

During this process, are you secretly hoping the other person will decide to break things off with you, so you're not the bad guy in the break up?

RaeofSun

@RaeofSun

Signed Up: Jun 05, 2013
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Posted by krysrenee7
People don't give us enough credit

We know others aren't mind readers which is why we go the EXTRA MILE to clearly spell out what went wrong, what we need from you, what we'd like to see change & what would need to happen in order for things to change. WE GIVE YOU THE ANSWERS TO THE TEST!

That way, if you fail it, it won't be b/c you didn't know what we wanted or where we stood (we made that clear...we actually probably talked TOO much lol). If it fails, I'll take it as that person not being worth the trouble OR chalk it up to the problem not being fixable with that particular person.

If I feel that they're not worth fixing or that the problem isn't fixable, it won't matter how much I love them, b/c my logic/intellect will take over & over-ride those feelings

People don't understand that breakups are sometimes just as hard for the person doing the dumping as it is for the person getting dumped! lol It's especially hard on us Aquas b/c we rarely ever attach to something that we figured would lead to a dead end.

So if it dead ends, we are crushed & beat up on ourselves in silence...we blame ourselves for having bad judgment & b/c making bad emotional decision is every Aqua's worst fear, I'll personally make a vow to never go back. Why? B/c heartache is probably more painful for us to endure & get over than other people. Others may cry for a week, month or 2, but Aquas carry that hurt with them for a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time!

Sometimes you just gotta do what ya gotta do! Our strong sense of this protector called "logic" is 99% of the reason we have the strength to let go. We trust logic more than we do emotions. And if logic says run, we listen to our master & run lol

Yes and yes!!! I agree with this 100% . What I find interesting, is that I feel that we are often misunderstood. In friendships and relationships, I have been told numerous times that I am a push over or I put up with things when I can leave and am therefore a door mat. However, when I love and I commit, I will believe and give everything I have to that person until I have nothing left. To the selected few... there aren't many. I endure the pain, the sweat and the tears of trying to make something work, that perhaps I should have let go sooner, but I believe that we are humans and that there is good in us all. I believe that those that stick around and ar

RaeofSun

@RaeofSun

Signed Up: Jun 05, 2013
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are unconditional are few and far between. However, there are those individuals out there that will not appreciate such a person and take advantage, and well.... they may continue to be repeat offenders, knowing that you will forgive them. What they don't know, is that you don't forget, and the time will come when you are just done. Done as in cutting off all contact and not looking back, not to even be friends again down the road, because people are people, and well... personally speaking, I don't believe in that change. People are who they are. I was in a relationship for 6 years, he wasn't the nicest person to me... I gave it my all, I allowed myself to lose myself in that relationship, to lose my spirit... everything I loved about me. Then I had an epiphany, the switch flipped and while I was home visiting family for the holidays, I told him that I was done and not moving back...ever. In my mind, it was as if he and I never existed, aside from all of the emotional damage I'd have to deal with. To each their own though... we are all different and handle things differently.

aquarius80

@aquarius80

Signed Up: Jul 30, 2013
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During this process, are you secretly hoping the other person will decide to break things off with you, so you're not the bad guy in the break up?

No. It just means that all the stuff I put up with and overlooked before because I love you will no longer be tolerated. At this point I have nicely asked repeatedly for to change X, Y, and Z, for the sake of our relationship, and you have either chose to ignore my request or worse pretend to change to appease me temporarily. That causes me to feel disrespected and go into super b***h mode and show you what's no longer going to happen in our relationship. It's like Krysrenee (aka Aqua prophet Lol) said about emotionally distancing yourself. The other party doesn't realize it's happening, and by the time we've gotten to this step it would take a LOT to get us back!

truecap

@truecap

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Oh, okay. I get it and understand. I know a lot of people who use the bitch tactic so their bf/gf will break up with them instead of them having to it.

I was just curious if that's what you meant.

aquasnoz

@aquasnoz

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Probably typical Aqua behaviour but the processes for me are entirely different.

Signed Up: Feb 26, 2008
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Plus it's human nature for people to only feel the "burn" once you're finally walking out of the door even though they completely shrugged off your warnings beforehand.

If I clearly spell it out to you what's wrong, how I'm feeling & what needs to change & you don't take me seriously, don't expect much empathy from me when I finally leave.

No I'm not being mean or manipulative. The reason you got dumped is b/c you didn't listen!! And Aquas will always leave obvious clues or just outright tell you what's up. Most of the Aquas I know actually tell people up front how they are in those kinds of situations & what they consider to be dead-serious deal-breakers.

Pay attention! If someone is giving you hints/clues that you are on thin ice, stop taking them for granted, stop being so arrogant, & stop thinking that you are so special that you won't be left if you act like a fool! If someone is telling you that you're on thin ice, be humble & LISTEN!

It's unfair that people only look at how coldly we walk away w/o also seeing that we probably stayed 5 months/years longer than we should've, trying everything we could do to avoid that final day!!! But people only start paying attention once things end & then wanna call us mean, manipulative or deem themselves the victim. BULL

Signed Up: Feb 26, 2008
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An Aqua that TRULY loves you will NOT leave you unless they feel that you are not worth the trouble OR if they get the impression (or in-action) from you that the problem is not fixable!

It takes a LONNNNG time for us to attach. Trust me, we get no pleasure out of having to break away from someone/something that we put a lot of effort into. Breaking away from you doesn't just mean that we're no longer in your lives; it hurts us too to know that someone that we cared so much for that was in a part of our daily routine is no longer around.

We are the sign of "doing what you gotta do" & sadly we get punished & a bad rep for it. We get a bad rep for being our own best friend.

Helena88

@Helena88