iCarryWater
@iCarryWater
15 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 18 · Topics: 1
when they won't leave...
Agreed. You're telling us your done with him, but your actions are not showing that.
I don't see what the issue is. the previous two posters told you to stop answering the phone. So just stop no one is making you do anything that you aren't already doing to yourself.
I text 2 hours later..'busy, ttyl'. and then he calls later.
When I did text him i just said 'merry xmas and happy new year'.
Just chit chats for about 5-10minutes. I have no interest in talking to him and don't feel he's a friend anymore.click to expand
You have no interest in talking to him. So why answer the phone?
By contacting him you are allowing him back in each time. If you really want to break contact then you have to be stronger and ignore it all. Don't answer any call - or text him back as you have done. He should get the hint after a little while.
Every time you give in & respond to a call or text, you are giving him the signal that you are NOT completely done.
He's not looking at it the way you are. In your mind, you're expecting for him to notice that you're not being as thorough in conversation like you used to be, thus you expect for him to get the point that way. Well, he's seeing it another way. He knows that when a person is really done, there is NOTHING he can say to persuade that person to respond.
He's going off of your reactions as his basis for which whether or not you're done. Each time you respond (regardless of what you actually say) says to him that you're still hanging on, even if just 1% .
Him & the drama he's got going on with his girlfriend shouldn't really matter at this point. The whos, what's, when, where's & whys should NOT matter. If you're done with a person WHY they're doing what they do shouldn't matter. The minute you are truly done, trying to figure the other person out comes to an end. He can probably sense that you're not willing to 100% give up until you've got the answers to the questions you have about him. Instead of him giving you that closure or clarity, he's choosing to keep testing you & stringing you along until you finally give him the proof that you're done.
If you are REALLY done, stop contacting him. And if he won't stop contacting him, 1. It's b/c you keep responding & 2. It's b/c you haven't shown him better than you could tell him that you don't appreciate his advances.
Get a restraining order. Change your number. Call your cell phone provider & have his number BLOCKED from contacting you. There are ALL sorts of ways to deal with this. 1 thing's for sure, the way you're going about this is NOT working so change your strategy.
He's not looking at it the way you are. In your mind, you're expecting for him to notice that you're not being as thorough in conversation like you used to be, thus you expect for him to get the point that way. Well, he's seeing it another way. He knows that when a person is really done, there is NOTHING he can say to persuade that person to respond.
He's going off of your reactions as his basis for which whether or not you're done. Each time you respond (regardless of what you actually say) says to him that you're still hanging on, even if just 1% .
Him & the drama he's got going on with his girlfriend shouldn't really matter at this point. The whos, what's, when, where's & whys should NOT matter. If you're done with a person WHY they're doing what they do shouldn't matter. The minute you are truly done, trying to figure the other person out comes to an end. He can probably sense that you're not willing to 100% give up until you've got the answers to the questions you have about him. Instead of him giving you that closure or clarity, he's choosing to keep testing you & stringing you along until you finally give him the proof that you're done.
If you are REALLY done, stop contacting him. And if he won't stop contacting him, 1. It's b/c you keep responding & 2. It's b/c you haven't shown him better than you could tell him that you don't appreciate his advances.
Get a restraining order. Change your number. Call your cell phone provider & have his number BLOCKED from contacting you. There are ALL sorts of ways to deal with this. 1 thing's for sure, the way you're going about this is NOT working so change your strategy.
Posted by jules69
I'm not a 100% aqua sun that can just do the ignore game with no feelings either...that makes me feel like I'm stopping to his level....sigh...
You're making excuses. Astrology has nothing to do with this. Neither does this have anything to do with being mean. There are plenty of ways to get the message across w/o being "mean." And hell, sometimes you DO have to just come right out & be mean or stern or whatever, to get your point across. Some people need the other person to be as stern as possible before they really "get it." And this guy might be 1 of those people that needs the other person to come right out & say it.
Right now you're being passive/aggressive. TRUST ME, he can sense that in you. Why he's still contacting you and/or why he's still chasing you shouldn't even really matter. Only he knows. And I'm sure that even if you had the raw uncut answer, it still wouldn't make a difference or make you feel any better.
This guy is exhibiting behaviors that are NOT normal. Showing up unannounced at someone's house and/or calling someone 100 times is NOT normal. It's annoying & obnoxious. Those are things 1 shouldn't even be doing to their own partners, let alone friends or ex's.
If you want a different outcome, CHANGE what you're currently doing now. IF YOU CONTINUE TO DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS DID, YOU WILL CONTINUE TO GET WHAT YOU ALWAYS GOT. Sucks, but hey that's the way it is. If you hate it so much, start at base/step #1 & stop responding to him. Even afterwards, he may still attempt to contact you, BUT if YOU (not him) remain consistent & allow your actions to speak FOR you, he'll eventually get the point. TRUST me. Can't knock it until you've tried it!
Posted by DetailsPlease
I don't get why she doesn't want to be mean to him. Hell, he's been mean to her. Why care about his feelings? I think this Aqua is doing what he is doing to just piss her off. He succeeded. They are mental people. They like to pick people's brain a little.
because I'm too soft hearted and nurturing and never want to see the bad in people..sigh...its my nature
ok i was able to get his # blocked on my home phone and cell is easy enough 🙂
Nice! See, try not to look at it as something you are doing TO HIM. Try to look at it as something you are doing FOR YOURSELF. For every action there is a reaction. Sometimes what is good for us may not feel good to another, but welcome to life. 🙂
Ahh, just realized that could easily apply to your dad situation. :/
Well hopefully that was the LAST message you sent for good. He knows that YOU know what he needs to be doing. But hey, not everybody follows their moral code. Not everybody goes about their life like they have common sense & decency.
I agree with Shadows..if you think of this situation as you DOING something to him, you're placing HIM as the victim, when in reality you are really the victim. If you can't stand it to be "mean" to him or if you're not going to change your strategy for going about this situation, then you shouldn't be complaining.
I've been in this situation before. I care about other people's feelings too, but there comes a point where you have to step back, evaluate how your own actions are NOT helping the situation & try to find other solutions. Some people need to be told more sternly. And in your case, the BEST way to get your message across that you don't want to be bothered is to consistently ignore him. That way your actions will speak louder than anything you can possibly say. If you keep verbally communicating with him, he's always going to find a loop hole, way out or way to pretend like he doesn't understand what it is you're saying. The min. you stop entertaining his game, he'll eventually get the message & stop playing them. But YOU have to do your part too. And I see that you did. Good for you girlie!
I agree with Shadows..if you think of this situation as you DOING something to him, you're placing HIM as the victim, when in reality you are really the victim. If you can't stand it to be "mean" to him or if you're not going to change your strategy for going about this situation, then you shouldn't be complaining.
I've been in this situation before. I care about other people's feelings too, but there comes a point where you have to step back, evaluate how your own actions are NOT helping the situation & try to find other solutions. Some people need to be told more sternly. And in your case, the BEST way to get your message across that you don't want to be bothered is to consistently ignore him. That way your actions will speak louder than anything you can possibly say. If you keep verbally communicating with him, he's always going to find a loop hole, way out or way to pretend like he doesn't understand what it is you're saying. The min. you stop entertaining his game, he'll eventually get the message & stop playing them. But YOU have to do your part too. And I see that you did. Good for you girlie!
$ 5 says you will talk to him in the next 2 weeks and the thread title changes to "when i won't leave..."
Your s/o is an Aries and he's ok with this? And you've been with him for 9 years so how or when did this Aqua come in with less than platonic overtones?
Well 1, screw the fact that the other guy kept trying to communicate although he was back in a relationship with some other girl. The mere fact that you kept talking to him (even if just to say a few words) while being in a relationship with your s/o is disrespectful.
It's cool & all that your current partner isn't intimidated by this guy, BUT make no mistake about it. He's eventually gonna get tired of hearing about the chapter b/w you & your ex that should've been closed long ago. And he's especially gonna eventually get tired once he realizes that alot of this you brought on yourself. Right now, you're partner is trying to be the secure & rational one, but your s/o isn't an idiot. He may love you but that doesn't mean that he can't see through this whole situation like all of us on Dxp can. If we don't even know you & yet we've been pretty dead/spot on about what's going on, I'm sure your s/o is thinking somewhat the same in the back of his head, especially since he actually does know you.
Your ex is a tool. He's a cheater, manipulator & like most people who want to have their cake & eat it too, you're exactly right when you said he's just looking for the next ego boost. And he'll continue to seek that boost as long as there are willing participants. For all you know, to him, you simply responding period could be enough of a boost for him.
Even if this guy does continue to call from another phone, the solution to this problem is STILL simple. If you notice an unknown number calling you & if after you've picked up you notice it's him, hang up immediately. No, don't give him time to explain or get your undivided attention. Just b/c your s/o might be standing there or knows what's being said/not said doesn't make it right.
I'm sure your s/o would prefer you be done with the situation PERIOD & as a whole moreso than him only feeling good that you actually do tell him everything. It's your man's time to shine now. Give your current s/o your undivided attention. You already know how manipulative your ex is so when he's literally being manipulative, you shouldn't be surprised or even entertain answering any of your own mind's questions b/c it won't really make a difference anyways
It's cool & all that your current partner isn't intimidated by this guy, BUT make no mistake about it. He's eventually gonna get tired of hearing about the chapter b/w you & your ex that should've been closed long ago. And he's especially gonna eventually get tired once he realizes that alot of this you brought on yourself. Right now, you're partner is trying to be the secure & rational one, but your s/o isn't an idiot. He may love you but that doesn't mean that he can't see through this whole situation like all of us on Dxp can. If we don't even know you & yet we've been pretty dead/spot on about what's going on, I'm sure your s/o is thinking somewhat the same in the back of his head, especially since he actually does know you.
Your ex is a tool. He's a cheater, manipulator & like most people who want to have their cake & eat it too, you're exactly right when you said he's just looking for the next ego boost. And he'll continue to seek that boost as long as there are willing participants. For all you know, to him, you simply responding period could be enough of a boost for him.
Even if this guy does continue to call from another phone, the solution to this problem is STILL simple. If you notice an unknown number calling you & if after you've picked up you notice it's him, hang up immediately. No, don't give him time to explain or get your undivided attention. Just b/c your s/o might be standing there or knows what's being said/not said doesn't make it right.
I'm sure your s/o would prefer you be done with the situation PERIOD & as a whole moreso than him only feeling good that you actually do tell him everything. It's your man's time to shine now. Give your current s/o your undivided attention. You already know how manipulative your ex is so when he's literally being manipulative, you shouldn't be surprised or even entertain answering any of your own mind's questions b/c it won't really make a difference anyways
The Aqua is not an ex just a guy that hit on her yet she still kept him around as a 'friend'. She's been with her Aries boyfriend for nine years and only known this Aqua for two.
If you were with someone why would you become friends with a man who was hitting on you? And involve your kids? I mean, if it were me, I tell him to f off and that's it when he first started to come on to me.
But he cooled, went back with the gf and now is coming back on and you have made posts wondering about Aqua dudes. What's going on here? You want an affair? Because you are really making efforts to understand someone that you should have cut out of your life from the get-go.
Let the s/o go and go for the Aqua if that is what you want but don't pretend you don't care because you would have nothing to do with this man at all if he did not intrigue you or bolster your ego.
If you were with someone why would you become friends with a man who was hitting on you? And involve your kids? I mean, if it were me, I tell him to f off and that's it when he first started to come on to me.
But he cooled, went back with the gf and now is coming back on and you have made posts wondering about Aqua dudes. What's going on here? You want an affair? Because you are really making efforts to understand someone that you should have cut out of your life from the get-go.
Let the s/o go and go for the Aqua if that is what you want but don't pretend you don't care because you would have nothing to do with this man at all if he did not intrigue you or bolster your ego.
Posted by Mistery
The Aqua is not an ex just a guy that hit on her yet she still kept him around as a 'friend'. She's been with her Aries boyfriend for nine years and only known this Aqua for two.
.
He was better off being an "ex" b/c she's treating him like one. She's got this undying loyalty for him in the way some women do when they jump from 1 relationship to another, only to make excuses for why they can't completely & 100% let go of the last one. Friend, ex or not, it doesn't matter. Being nice & entertaining something that can jeopardize a relationship are 2 DIFFERERENT things. They are NOT interchangeable.
It's great that you're a caring person & that you don't have a mean streak in you, BUT sometimes you have to acknowledge when YOU are being more a part of the problem than you are the solution. And in this case, you're making things worse. The min. this guy hit on you, you should've made your partner aware & kept it moving. The fact that this Aqua has as much access to you than he should have proves our point that you let him in "prohibited" areas when you shouldn't have.
If this guy were just a friend, he wouldn't have gotten the impression that you'd be ok entertaining TWO men at the same time. He would've never been in your house, never been willing to use his own daughter as bait to play mind games & to see you. He may be a nutcase, but somewhere along the line you gave him the impression that you would "take it." And so far he's been right. Even nutcases don't spend all their time being a nutcase to someone that won't give them the time of day.
Every time you make excuses for him or yourself, you're giving yourself your OWN ANSWER to why he "won't leave."
The min. he hit on you, he was then disrespecting your partner. And if your s/o was ok with allowing another grown man who has the hots for his girl, step into his own household, I see that as more of a "red flag" than anything.
It's a great thing to be able to communicate everything to your partner, especially the bad/uncomfortable things. I'm sure communication has really helped & is the reason your s/o hasn't told you to "call him when you're done entertaining that Aqua" line. BUT, having the ability to stay away from situations that can jeopardize your relationship is just as GREAT too!
You're more focused on the fact that this Aqua is disrespecting/manipulating/lying to his real girlfriend but really you are doing the same thing he is. This Aqua is a tool b/c he can't focus on the woman he choose to be with & the mere fact that he's still hitting on you & trying to manipulate you for his own benefit is damn near the same & just as jeopardizing when you continue to make excuses for a man you're not even in a relationship with.
The chapter needs to be closed. If you're lonely or need some friends to entertain OR if you just want to be "nice" to something, go get a dog. Give that extra attention/energy to your real partner. Go adopt a child. Go sign up for volunteer work. ANYTHING is better than continuing to make excuses for & entertain a guy who not only doesn't respect you but also doesn't respect your partner.
You shouldn't be conversating with or answering calls from ANYONE who doesn't respect your relationship. You can't control that this Aqua doesn't respect his own relationship BUT you CAN control and/or atleast demand respect & make sure he doesn't have the same access to manipulate you & your s/o.
It's all about perspective. TRUST ME, if 6 months or 2 years later, you're STILL talking about this Aqua (meaning he's STILL in your life somehow) I guarantee you that your s/o will start to get uncomfortable & will start questioning the relationship. 2 people can be together for 9 or 30 years & have the strongest love; doesn't mean though that they stopped being human & stopped being able to detect when something is a little "fishy." JustSayin'
It's a great thing to be able to communicate everything to your partner, especially the bad/uncomfortable things. I'm sure communication has really helped & is the reason your s/o hasn't told you to "call him when you're done entertaining that Aqua" line. BUT, having the ability to stay away from situations that can jeopardize your relationship is just as GREAT too!
You're more focused on the fact that this Aqua is disrespecting/manipulating/lying to his real girlfriend but really you are doing the same thing he is. This Aqua is a tool b/c he can't focus on the woman he choose to be with & the mere fact that he's still hitting on you & trying to manipulate you for his own benefit is damn near the same & just as jeopardizing when you continue to make excuses for a man you're not even in a relationship with.
The chapter needs to be closed. If you're lonely or need some friends to entertain OR if you just want to be "nice" to something, go get a dog. Give that extra attention/energy to your real partner. Go adopt a child. Go sign up for volunteer work. ANYTHING is better than continuing to make excuses for & entertain a guy who not only doesn't respect you but also doesn't respect your partner.
You shouldn't be conversating with or answering calls from ANYONE who doesn't respect your relationship. You can't control that this Aqua doesn't respect his own relationship BUT you CAN control and/or atleast demand respect & make sure he doesn't have the same access to manipulate you & your s/o.
It's all about perspective. TRUST ME, if 6 months or 2 years later, you're STILL talking about this Aqua (meaning he's STILL in your life somehow) I guarantee you that your s/o will start to get uncomfortable & will start questioning the relationship. 2 people can be together for 9 or 30 years & have the strongest love; doesn't mean though that they stopped being human & stopped being able to detect when something is a little "fishy." JustSayin'
Posted by krysrenee7
The min. he hit on you, he was then disrespecting your partner. And if your s/o was ok with allowing another grown man who has the hots for his girl, step into his own household, I see that as more of a "red flag" than anything.
It's a great thing to be able to communicate everything to your partner, especially the bad/uncomfortable things. I'm sure communication has really helped & is the reason your s/o hasn't told you to "call him when you're done entertaining that Aqua" line. BUT, having the ability to stay away from situations that can jeopardize your relationship is just as GREAT too!
You're more focused on the fact that this Aqua is disrespecting/manipulating/lying to his real girlfriend but really you are doing the same thing he is. This Aqua is a tool b/c he can't focus on the woman he choose to be with & the mere fact that he's still hitting on you & trying to manipulate you for his own benefit is damn near the same & just as jeopardizing when you continue to make excuses for a man you're not even in a relationship with.
The chapter needs to be closed. If you're lonely or need some friends to entertain OR if you just want to be "nice" to something, go get a dog. Give that extra attention/energy to your real partner. Go adopt a child. Go sign up for volunteer work. ANYTHING is better than continuing to make excuses for & entertain a guy who not only doesn't respect you but also doesn't respect your partner.
You shouldn't be conversating with or answering calls from ANYONE who doesn't respect your relationship. You can't control that this Aqua doesn't respect his own relationship BUT you CAN control and/or atleast demand respect & make sure he doesn't have the same access to manipulate you & your s/o.
It's all about perspective. TRUST ME, if 6 months or 2 years later, you're STILL talking about this Aqua (meaning he's STILL in your life somehow) I guarantee you that your s/o will start to get uncomfortable & will start questioning the relationship. 2 people can be together for 9 or 30 years & have the strongest love; doesn't mean though that they stopped being human & stopped being able to detect when something is a little "fishy." JustSayin'
WOW
correction..not yesterday..Monday...
Why don't you just tell him that if he continues to contact you then you will tell his gf and ask her to keep her man away from you. If you REALLY never want him contacting you again, then you should go into detail about how you are going to tell his gf, like I found her on FB and will message her the dates/times for everytime you have called/text me and I will forward her all the emails you have sent me etc. Trust me, it will work like a charm.
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