Why do i have to act pissy...

to get an aqua friend to respond?

Seems like if i'm nice, he ignores.
The moment I show emotion and get a little miffed at his behavior, he responds/acts.

Example..

Hadn't heard from him in 2weeks.
he called but I couldn't answer.
called him back an hour later and left voicemail.
he doesn't call back.
I text back 3 hours later and say "wrong # earlier? there's a fix for that...its called delete."
I get an immediate call back.

And its like this most of the time.

wtf?? thought they didn't like emotion?
And when i asked what he wanted..he says 'nothing'.
Think he just wanted to hear my voice?? or was he lying and really got the wrong # ? LOL

What was his tone like when you did eventually talk?

sounded tired and depressed

oh but still trying to joke around. I got the feeling he wanted to say something more but didn't.

Hmm...well I was going to say that perhaps hes very defensive and didn't like anyone scolding him for doing wrong, but it doesn't sound like that was the case.

It may also be that he was just doin his own thing and not really taking anything else into consideration. He may not even realize hes doing it so you gettin pissy is a way of kind of snapping your fingers in front of his face saying, 'hey...remember me?'.

He's not that into you. If you coming out of the crazy bag is the ONLY way to get his attention, something is wrong with that picture. It should be the other way around. The worst in you shouldn't have to come out just to get his attention/the best of him.

No, Aquas generally don't like big displays of emotion(s) from others early on, BUT don't get it twisted. If an Aqua is really into you, they'll make time for you. They won't be inconsistent all the time. They'll show you better than they can tell you that you've got their undivided attention.

The only time someone doesn't give you that attention (Aqua or not) is b/c they made the choice NOT to.

And trust me, if an Aqua senses that you're aware of them playing games with you & yet you STILL stay around, they won't respect you. They may react simply b/c they hate being "checked" by ANYONOE (friend or foe) BUT actually reacting for all the right reasons AND changing what caused the other person to get upset in the 1st place is a different/another story

All he's doing is responding to you when he feels he doesn't have a choice, but I'd be willing to guarantee that he's keeping score of all the times you get "snappy" with him & unfortunately he's probably using that against you and/or further justifying why he's not that into you. It's unfair but hey, it is what it is.

Take some of the control/power back. Show him that you've got a backbone. If he's acting like he's not that into you, don't wait on him to control the situation. Drop him. Trust me, if the tables were turned, he would've BEEN gone.

Unfortunately, sometimes losing someone altogether is the RISK you take when you want to get the point across that you're not ok with just being their "option."

How about you say

"Hey, i enjoy talking to you but I'm never sure when it's okay. Let me know what your comfort level is with texting and calling and let's go from there with our conversations".

1) ground rules
2) actual feedback
3) letting him know you'll talk but not chase
4) you'll have his attention.

He called me. If he didn't want to talk to me, why would he call in the first place—

I've known him 2 years. I knew he was going to pull the distance act again when he did, I can always tell. And it usually lasts 2 weeks, give or take a day. LOL

We aren't dating. It's platonic. and I know he cares about me. But I don't get the cat and mouse thing and honestly, I'm tired of it. Friends don't call for 'nothing' either. I could tell something was on his mind but I don't pry.

No problem SD 🙂 Yep..if he doesn't answer, let it be.

The person I speak of is the same guy under the "what does he want' post.

my text wasn't really pissy but imo, he probably took it as such the way I worded it, and i worded it for that reason to see if it made a difference and it did. I just don't get why?? I don't like conflict as its not my true self. Its like lately he just has to bring out the worst in me!

if someone calls me, I do not ignore them and will always answer/return a call, and I expect the same in return. Otherwise, why bother calling in the first place!

he may very well know I know he's playing a game because at this point, it seems like he is playing..something.

The convo...

Him: jokingly turned things around like i called wrong #.
Me: "what did you call for?"
Him..'nothing.' (sounded tired/depressed)Didn't hear phone, etc.
Me: "whatcha been up to..haven't heard from ya in a while'(not said accusing, just as a general statement/realization)
Him: "working. I'm tired, (yadda yadda).
Going away to visit family friends for TG." (This I already knew cause he told me weeks ago)
Me: "Sounds like its what you need."
Some small talk and we hung up.

But something in his voice told me there was more he wasn't saying.

I think I have my answer..his venus is in Aries 🙂
Verbal sparing mentally would excite him...that I know that about Aries.

K.."If you coming out of the crazy bag is the ONLY way to get his attention, something is wrong with that picture. It should be the other way around. The worst in you shouldn't have to come out just to get his attention/the best of him."

I agree. he used to come out of his crazy box and I'd roll my eyes. Until a mention of 'feelings' came up. Then he slowly shut down as i expected he would. So I gave him the space.

But he called me and then ignored me. Yes it was a choice. Not sure why and then mention delete, he's all over it...(insert eye roll here)

He has quite a bit of Aries in his profile(and i know all about Aries) and then i remembered that a friend told him recently "don't tick her off.." and imo, he now does it because he likes to rile me up as I am generally soft-spoken/quiet. I dunno..

We didn't talk for 4 days and I texted and he answered it right away. Sounded upbeat and wants to get together this weekend with bunch o friends..

How can someone be "into you" if after 2 years, they still haven't learned the value of consistency? Ok ok I get it that some Aquas pull the disappearing act BUT this is something most Aquas do in the beginning and IF they even do, it's only temporarily. But years later? That's crazy.

If a person blatenly ignores me for a long period of time and/or consistently year after year when I really need them, I don't turn that around to suite my own ego & say, "Oh he cares." That's bullshxt. Aqua or not, he should be consistent & considerate. And a person can't be consistent or considerate if they disappear and/or turn a cold shoulder to the very person reaching out to them.

Every time you call/text, trust me, he receives them. He makes the decision not to respond to you until HE's ready. It'd be diff. if he was this way when you pissed him off and/or did something wrong, but if he's just being that way "just because" then that's not cool. It may not mean that he's necessarily mad at you but it def. shows a certain lack of respect for you or that he's not THAT into you. He may be into you a little bit BUT obviously it's not enough or else you wouldn't be complaining.

When Aquas are confronted about this, they make 1 of 2 decisions: They change or they don't. If they change it's b/c they know how to put themselves in someone else's shoes for once. If they don't change it's b/c you're not a priority to them and/or they can afford losing you or atleast pushing you away. And an Aqua who feels they can afford pushing you away is NOT that into you.

I mean come on! It's not like Aquas are such azsholes that we'll risk completely offending/pushing away a good thing? We only do that when the other person doesn't mean much to us. There's no such thing as "I love/like you but I ignore you!" Stop making excuses for him. Tell him how you feel about this & if 2 months down the road he pulls this again, then move on instead of investing more & more energy into a habbit that he's going to continue having

if he doesn't even want to be friends why call in the first place. I don't have an issue cutting ties. but don't call and then ignore..I find it rude.

btw..he only saw his last g/f 2 maybe 3 times a week and dated her for 3 years.

Posted by jules69
if he doesn't even want to be friends why call in the first place. I don't have an issue cutting ties. but don't call and then ignore..I find it rude.

btw..he only saw his last g/f 2 maybe 3 times a week and dated her for 3 years.

Then tell HIM exactly that:

"I don't like the inconsistent behaviour, it irritates me, so I'm cutting ties with you because you don't have your shit together".

End of story.

""I don't like the inconsistent behaviour, it irritates me, so I'm cutting ties with you because you don't have your butter together".

I will thanks! cause he drives me nuts and we sit around like 'wtf??"

He's always around/on the phone for weeks to months, and then disappears for 2-3 weeks almost on the dot(its so funny and predictable) and acts like he never left..lol
Ask what he's been doing and you get 'nothing'.
Then acts like I'm suppose to kiss his butt somehow when he does come around/call. Isn't that the attention thing again—
Says things he doesn't mean..will never do. We call it 'talking out your ass." LOL

Ok, I'll admit...it is kind of entertaining a times though..lol

Well there are ALOT of things people do for some reason even if they aren't fully invested emotionally in a relationship. Hell some men will buy you a house, car & a dog & yet not give 2 shxts about you! Anyone can pick up the phone & dial a number; that doesn't mean anything. It's about how that person manages/handles the actual TIME they spend with you whether it's on the phone or in person.

Sometimes people do things just for the sake of being able to say, "Look, I called you so you can't complain." That doesn't mean that there's any real feeling/emotion or intent behind it.

Ha! I can't tell you how many times I've called a man I was NOT (keyword) interested in all just for the sake of being able to challenge him in an argument persay he confronted me about not calling him! Point is, you can't make sense out of nonsense.

What you're saying is the same as saying that just b/c a man comes over & sleeps with you every night that he must be interested in you. BULL. Any man can come over & literally lay in the bed with me, BUT if that's ALL he does, that doesn't mean much of anything. Him looking like a skeleton in my bed doesn't mean anything. Now if he cuddled with me, sexed me, held me and/or talked to me all night, THOSE are things that would/could associate with someone generally being interested in me!

If he REALLY wanted to talk to you, he'd pick up his phone when you're calling back. You're focusing on all the WRONG things as your basis to measure whether or not he's into you. Instead of saying, "Oh he must like me b/c he picks up his phone & presses a button" start thinking "Oh he likes me b/c he not only dials my number BUT he actually talks to me, is consistent & doesn't ignore me!"

Sometimes it's not what a person does that tells the true story; sometimes it's what they DON'T/WON'T do that tells the real story of what's going on. And what is he NOT doing? He's not answering! He's not picking up! He's not being consistent! He's not being considerate of your feelings! He's NOT working on anyone else's time other than his own! You can justify or try to rationalize it all you want but obviously things haven't changed, that's why you're still getting the same outcome.

He obviously wasn't that into his last girlfriend either. I'd be willing to bet you 100 MILLION dollars that 1 of the reasons they broke up had to do with communication!

'Sometimes it's not what a person does that tells the true story; sometimes it's what they DON'T/WON'T do that tells the real story of what's going on. And what is he NOT doing? He's not answering! He's not picking up! He's not being consistent! He's not being considerate of your feelings! He's NOT working on anyone else's time other than his own!'

I AGREE!

'He obviously wasn't that into his last girlfriend either. I'd be willing to bet you 100 MILLION dollars that 1 of the reasons they broke up had to do with communication! Hell some men will buy you a house, car & a dog & yet not give 2 shxts about you!'

he paid for her apt and paid her bills. As he was flirting with me for months, it obviously made her jealous and rightfully so. When she dumped him, it was all HER fault. Yeah right. He told me a month before that he didn't think they'd be staying together and I reminded him of what he said! But imo, they used each other..until neither needed each other any more.

My s/o just ignored him and so did I...I even told him to knock it off with me, friends only. And now this is where we are at. Our kids are friends and with his behavior, they are caught in the middle, feel they can't be friends, and that is really sad! He isn't young either..over 40.

@Jules: Well how dirty he did his own girlfriend says enough. People don't realize what it means when 2 people are in a relationship. It means that this guy picked HER out of all the girls in the world to commit to. And if he couldn't even be emotionally faithful to the companion that he himself choose to pick, then it's no wonder he can't seem to keep things afloat with anybody less than (friends, F buddies, associates, etc.)

Even if this guy really like you, it wouldn't really matter. If he does really like you, he's only purposely being distant b/c that's his way of making sure no attachment to you ever happens. And if he doesn't like you, obviously that explains why he's not consistent with you. Point is, either way it's a lose-lose. If he likes you, he has a horrible way of showing it & if he doesn't like you, that'll explain why he's acting like he doesn't!

You just need to move on. If you like/want this guy for more than friendship, you'll be disappointed every time. When a man (especially an Aqua at that) feels a woman is commitment potential, he'll do EVERYTHING to keep her around, not piss her off and/or push her away.

Give this guy some credit; assume that he consistently goes after what he really wants, therefore if you don't see him aggressively chasing something there's a 99% chance that he's not b/c he doesn't want it bad enough. He may like you a little bit enough to dial your number, BUT he doesn't like you ENOUGH to actually give you the time of day once you actually pick up the phone. Think about it.

If you're ok with just being his friend, you need to accept that this is the way he chooses to communicate. He's not forcing you to stay around so if you don't like his speed/pace of things, move on. And if moving on isn't what you want to do then the least you can do is put your foot down & explain to him that he's about to lose you. IF he shrugs his shoulders like oh well, walk away for good. If he changes the things that are bothering you (after all, you're not asking for a million bucks!), then he STILL needs to learn how to effectively make sure his actions are matching up with how he really feels. Right now he's giving off the vibe like you're just an option to him & if that's not really his intention/mindset, he needs to be made aware of that.

The last time he did something and i stood up to him, i couldn't get him off my back...he was on it like a fox in a hen house. So i don't know if telling him the above is even gonna work..it seems to draw him in, not out.

Posted by jules69
The last time he did something and i stood up to him, i couldn't get him off my back...he was on it like a fox in a hen house. So i don't know if telling him the above is even gonna work..it seems to draw him in, not out.

Well the reason it may only work temporarily is b/c he's not really serious about you. A person that's serious about/with you will be someone whose attention you can keep for longer than 5 minutes.

He sounds kind of like the kid whom the parents have to bribe with candy/toys all just to get the kid to stop acting up. The candy/toys may make him stop being bad temporarily/in the moment, BUT if the kid doesn't really understand what he's doing wrong OR if the kid doesn't even care/see if he's even doing anything wrong, then of course he'll light up & come running when he/she sees the candy! Doesn't mean they actually get the point or apologize for their bad behavior. When kids see candy, they run towards it. And the minute they've swallowed the last piece, they go back to being bad again. What happens next? The parents are forced to keep resorting to bribing the kid with candy just to make he/she stop acting bad, thus they get resentful b/c they realize that 1 of these days, they might want him to behave WITHOUT the candy/attention-getter!

And that's what this guy sounds like. When you ignore him, you doing so is like the candy that brings him back in. He's not running towards you b/c he particularly gives 2 shxts about you; he's running towards you b/c to him, being ignored is just as enticing/attention-grabbing as candy is to a kid.

NO one likes to be ignored. Even people who don't care about you might momentarily step in your path simply b/c they hate being ignored.

If you can't keep this guy's attention w/o having to piss him off, something is seriously wrong here. He should be paying you attention and/or chasing after you when you're paying him the MOST attention, NOT when you're ignoring him! He's playing games with me. Him coming back when you get pissy is him just not wanting to totally lose you altogether (and him not wanting to lose you could depend on WHY he's keeping you around anyways).

Why does he do it if he doesn't really care for you? Well I can ask the same question to men/women who cheat! Why stay in a relationship with someone if you can't even be faithful to them?! (Silence)...There's no right/wrong/

Why does he do it if he doesn't really care for you? Well I can ask the same question to men/women who cheat! Why stay in a relationship with someone if you can't even be faithful to them?! (Silence)...There's no right/wrong/justified answer to that question! And there's no answer to that question b/c you can't make sense out of nonsense!

Thanks K..sounds like an emotional manipulation technique. I already suspect this guy has physical abusive traits.

Posted by jules69
Thanks K..sounds like an emotional manipulation technique. I already suspect this guy has physical abusive traits.

Oh most def. he's manipulating you. What makes it worse is that he probably doesn't even realize he's doing it. And if he does, he may not even realize the extent to which he's playing such cruel mind games.

The key though is in not taking it person. I highly doubt that he's just treating only you like this. Usually when someone isn't all that interested in general (zodiac doesn't matter/count in some situations), they will not be consistent and/or invest a reasonable amount of time/energy into another person. He's probably like this with 99% of the women/people he's not that into. I'm sure all the people on his "shxt list" are probably at home saying the same things about him that you are!

Now that you know what he's doing (whether HE'S actually aware of it doesn't matter since he hasn't shown signs of changing this any time soon), stop feeding into it. Stop letting him see you sweat. Stop entertaining his antics. Stop trying to "guess" and/or over-analyze everything. Stop trying to make excuses for him. Stop trying to make sense out of nonsense. Point is, some people do things for no reason; they do/say things just for the sake of doing it. And just b/c they do those things doesn't mean that there's any real feeling/emotion/attachment behind it.

The problem here is that you're measuring what you think is your worth to him based on what he IS doing. What you should be doing is basing the worth of the friendship on & paying attention to what he's NOT doing. He may call you when he feels like it, BUT he's NOT calling you back when you really need him. He's NOT being consistent. He's NOT being considerate. He's NOT thinking in terms of "we"...He's thinking only about himself. He's NOT giving you valid/reasonable explanations for why he's acting this way. He's NOT changing the very things he knows annoys you (He's making the decision every time NOT to change; trust me, if he really wanted to and/or if he felt that you were really worth it, he'd change in a heartbeat!)

The ONLY people who are ok with other people thinking they don't give a hot shxt about them are the people who really DON'T give a hot shxt! If his intention wasn't to make you feel abandoned/confused, he'd do what it took to make sure he wasn't sending you the wrong signals. He'd do everything he could to make sure his actions were matching up with his words.

He knows that every time you get pissy with him, it's for a reason. And trust me, he knows exactly why you get mad. He's fully aware of how his actions are negatively affecting you & the friendship BUT he's continually making the DECISION to not change anything on his part. And once again, it's what he's NOT doing that's telling the true story of what's going on here. What he's NOT willing to do is the real basis for which you can measure how worth it the friendship/relationship is.

Every time he sees you get upset b/c of something he did/said, he thinks about it. He knows exactly what he's doing. And each time you get upset he has every single opportunity in the world to stop confusing/hurting you BUT he keeps making the decision to continue on engaging in the behavior that's pushing you away.

Problem is, he's content with how his behavior is making you feel. So instead of waiting on him to rise up out of bed 1 day & respect you, now YOU'VE got to take some of the power back. Now you've got to take control. If you're sitting around & waiting on him to see what great of a catch you are and/or how much he's doing you wrong, you'll be waiting for a lonnnnnng time. He's already made up his mind about you; he's already determined your worth. Now his actions are a REFLECTION of how he truly feels about you. And if you're getting 1/2 load of bullshxt/inconsistency, that shows exactly how he feels about you. Instead of arguing with that or trying to make excuses for your reality, just accept it & keep it moving.

At this point, he knows that you're aware of what he's doing. And trust me, Aquas are quick to lose even more respect for the people that continually let us walk all over them. We may like that you allow us to manipulate you in the moment b/c it offers us temporary gain. BUT in the long run, we draw ourselves closer to only the people who have backbones & who don't let us get away with murder (b/c trust me, if the tables were turned, he would've BEEN walked away from you & the friendship!)

well I'm done with his BS 🙂

Huh..he called today. Upbeat, apologetic, blah blah and I never had to say a word about what an a-hole I thought he's been. He musta read my mind 🙂

I'll go ahead and assume he'll bring 'presents' or cook dinner cause that's what he always does when he comes back and wants back into good graces 🙂

LOL..probably!

'Then around the merry go round you will go... '

and as of yesterday, he is cut off because he simply couldn't be truthful. lack of respect and lying(manipulation) when he didn't have to is BS.

So the merry go round ends 🙂