My bf is aN aries, and I'm the scorpio

Ok, not that astrology has anything to do with it, but my bf is spiriling down to wards a very bad life, he smokes weed, does bad in school, skip school, and there is nothing i can do except be be there for him. He does not want to change his ways, or does not care, and that hurts me, but i care for him too much to give up on him, in a way i'm trying to rescue him. Umm he's also 1.5 years younger than me, so we're not on the same level of maturity, and so I don't know what to do about it. we've been together for about 2 months, and I feel kind of lost. Any one has any opinions or suggestion, i'd be glad to hear. also u can ask me more questions if u need in order to give a better answer, thank u forur time.

Tylly.....sorry to hear your story with Mr. Aries......

Perhaps you could try the following - it worked for me when my guy was drinking out of control, gambling big time and had lost his job, etc. etc. I said to him at the end of one nite's drinking episode....."N. what happend to the lovely person that you were...the one that made me laugh, was kind, generous.....what happened to that person?? He huffed and puffed as all men do and looked at me disdainfully in the eyes and made some sarcastic remark......so then I went straight for the jugular.....I said N. I can't and don't want to be with a LOSER any more....I used the word LOSER a few times......guys don't want to be losers at anything!!! especially in the eyes of their girlfriend. I know I hurt him deeply calling him that but strangely the following nite I got a phone-call from Mr. Virgo - he said he was cutting down on his drinking and gambling habits and had a job interview for the following day - never in a million years did I think my "speech" the previous nite would have that effect on that man but it did and he's never really looked back!!!!
Worth a shot I'd say T:-)
A x

That is an interesting point, my friends say he is a loser.. Ok, a day has gone by since i wrote this and today a lot more has happened. It's bad and it's good. It's bad because at the beginning when i told him i hated the smell of smoke, he decided to quit smoking, and there were a lot of clues that said he was still smoking. Like he would chew gum, and and i felt like he was trying to hide the fact, but today when he gave me his jacket i saw inside his pocket a packet, i didn't look too closely but he must have seen what i saw. And then 10 minutes later he tells me he is still smoking. I was really dissaponted, but what can I do? if i tell him i am dissaponted, he will keep on doing it behind my back. Then he tells me how everyone says that i am a great person, even his teachers, and he is very happy because his girlfriend is praise worthy, he is also thinking about talking more to people about me, like i'm his new topic now, and i feel really flattered, but I'm the only thing that he talks or thinks about, she did, she said, not entirely, and i feel like if we were to break up, he would be so devastated: the person who is the center of his life, whom he spends time with, think about, feel good around, talk about, and give him support will not be there any more. I feel so lost. I feel like if i end it i'm leaving him to die in a way. I'm so confused.

Also I have a lot of guys that like me, and that i like too, and i would like to give it a try, but i'm so commited to him now, it's so weird. I already initiated conversation with this guy whom i think is really cute and i want to know. How can I tell him that i have a bf? I will not chet on my bf. I feel i can't talk to any of them, though i still flirt, i feel like i would so like to be with someone else, who makes Me feel good, more than bad. My bf makes me feel good, but not as good as i make him feel, to me he is like a project i have to work on, not smething i can just enjoy. I would like to be with someone who does not have problems, and my bf whom I care about is in the middle, and pain will come to him because of that. It's almost too good to be true, for him that is, i feel so guilty for having given a taste of bliss, and having to take it away soon. I feel so bad. ANy thoughts? greatly appreciate.

-Tylly

"My bf makes me feel good, but not as good as i make him feel, to me he is like a project i have to work on, not smething i can just enjoy".

You say the above Tylly.....read your sentence over and over and over again my friend.....your boyfriend shouldn't just make you feel "good".....good is how nice friends make one feel, good is how your dog or cat make you feel when they come wagging their tails to you, good is how you feel after a good meal!!!.....but "good" is not "good enough" where romance or your heart are concerned.....he's got to make you feel wonderful, special, walking on cloud 9 (especially in the early days when everything should be so magical) and it's very early days in your relationship. If there are more lows than highs...then perhaps it's time to walk.....you are too young to be burdened by all this "baggage" and worry....OK you have given him a taste of bliss.....if you walk away, he will feel and see what he's missing...who knows he may get his act back together and then perhaps you can be re-united at a later date and he will make you feel "fantastic".....
Whatever you decide to do - hope you have a great weekend.
Alana x

Thank u so much, I know I will walk, and i know the reason why i will, so thank u so much, and u have a very good weekend also. I love it when people help eachother, it makes this world a better place.

Peace
-Tylly

ohh and he does make me feel special, but only when he tells me how i make him feel, and how other people talk about me. But him, himself, no he does not make me feel special. In the beginning like 1st days it was really good, but then it got serious and real, and the magic just dissipated.

OK, I'm back because my bf and i had a conversation that made it so much more hard for me to break up with him. It was probably the longest one we had, and the subjects were deep. When I heared how much he wants to be with me,and hold me, and have me, and how I have helped him so far, and that I'm the person he's told the most to, and the person that actually listens to him I began to feel really happy and satisfied, and think well how can I break up with him, when he's endearing himself to me so much? and it's like i'm starting to care for him more, the more we talk? Ok he told me he doesn't show his feelings a lot(but that time he did), and he's not an emotional person(but he is beacuse he might not tell me how he feels towards me, but he shows his feelings a lot), and he deals with things violently sometimes(get into fights, but actually he doesn't), he does not belive in love(but he might love without even knowing, or wanting to recognize) and does not think much about himself or life(very ture), nor does he have any hope(that he can do anything to make it better)He told me that what we're going through/talking about is new ground for him. But still somehow after we talked there was hope. And he made me feel really important to him, and now it's that much harder to stick to my plan, and break up. Can I stand having him hurt his body and future, while i fight to reach for him and bring him to light, and happiness? How much can i give?

I want to distance myself, yet i don't, I want to be with him, yet I also wanna try something new, I wanna help him, I want to be his gf and still kiss, and yet I wish we could still be friends. I have nothing guaranteed. Do you think that he sees enough reasons to stay my friend after we break up, things won't be the same no matter what, at least it's what i think. I don't know that what I'm thinking is true and it's not what i want to belive it is true. I'm thinking I'm ruining a good thing here, but that is still hurting me, and I selfishly want to have fun, go out with other guys, and not have to go through work with my bf to make something really good out of it. I am at crossroads. Anyone can u see the big picture?

I support what Alana says; you are too young to be burdened by this sort of thing. Unless you feel he is the 'one', which you have not indicated in your message. You've got to be careful of people who try to 'cling' to you because he needs you more than you 'need' him. Let's face it, who's winning out on the deal here? Him. And don't worry about being 'selfish'; if you can't look after yourself who can you look after? You come number 1 in this life and don't you forget it.

WOW THAT MADE ME CONVINCED< I AGREE 100 percent, thank u, though it will be hard i will break up, have any idea how i might formulate my words, short sweet, explanation? i don't know for sure... thank u so much, u have no idea how light i feel.

Tylly, I will share some thoughts with you and hope that you can gain some insight into the situation, or maybe what i say will 'trigger' something off for you. I can not tell you how to do this because i don't know the situation as well as you do, and i don't know the guy you are going out with. Also, i think this is a 'challenge' for you; one of many that you will undergo in your lifetime.

My first thought is that he may make it difficult for you to end it and as harsh as it may sound, you have to stick to your resolve because you are not doing him, or yourself, any favours by staying in a situation that you are not happy with.

My second thought is that if he has 'addiction issues', he will want to hang on to what he has with ferocity (too harsh perhaps, but i couldn't think of a better way of explaining it), so this may be the 'root' cause of why he may find it hard to 'let go'.

My third thought is that people usually end up adjusting to situations.

My fourth thought is that you are going to have to be 'strong' for both him and yourself, and that entials not 'giving in' once you have made up your mind. I am not telling you what to do, all i am saying is that you probably know 'deep down underneath' what to do and that those deeper thoughts will end up ruling you and you won't be able to deny them (that's what happens in life; you can't hold the truth down). So what i am saying by 'not giving in', is that once you KNOW you want to move on (and there's nothing wrong with it, we all do it at various times in our lives), that you may have to wear the uncomfortable feelings that come with ending a situation.

My fifth thought is that I have been on the recieving end of this scenario and while at the time (i was being dumped for reasons similiar to why you want to move on now) i protested, i now appreciate what that person did for me because if that person hadn't have, i would never have woken up to myself. What that person did for me was the most loving act they could ever have done.

So... what i am saying is that firstly, you have to look after yourself because you are doing nobody any favours by putting yourself second, and secondly, you will be challenged by his reaction, but you will have to be strong. Another thing is that nobody is perfect, and if you had have been older or in the relationship for longer, i would say you should work at it before you decide to walk. You are young though and you are going to meet many more guys before you settle down with one.

Ok, so I did it, it's over now. I took him away from his friends told him I wanted to break up, saw his eyes get a bit moist, no tears though, and he was just quiet. So I ask him if he wants to know why, he says ok, and i tell him that I'm not happy, etc, that He should make himself happy, and get his life on track, and yeah. Then it was kinda weird, i gave him a poem also, that i wanted him to read when he wasn't around me. It told him how I hate to let him go, how we were so close, and that I don't want to loose him, and i thanked him for everything, and told him he was wonderful, and told him to make himelf happy, get working on a better future and realize that love exists. I told him to do it for himself, and told him he is love, that only the future and time hold the keys to it all. after we went back to his friends and we hugged and i went to my class hen the bell rang. The next 2 days i did not see him because I was sick. I asked around how he was, they said he looked to be happy, i talked to a close friend of his and he said that he is really hurt and really down, And that he might even be suicidal. His friends are mad at me. One of his teachers said I did the right thing, his friend said i did what i had to do, my mom said i did something very mature, my friends said i did the right thing, but i'm not so sure. I became very sad and went to the counseling office one morning after the first day of being at home, and talked about what was bothering me, and how i can help him. She offered to call him in the counseling place, and talk to him, maybe they could provide him with some help. at first I did not want to tell them his name, but then I said nthing bad can happen, it might help him, and his happiness would be my happiness. So I gave the lady his name, and she asked me is I wanted him to know that it was me that suggested he come to talk, i decided not to let him know it was me, because i thought he would hate me for it. So I'm so down, and sick that i can't bear to go to school for the rest of the day, so I go home again, and i don't see him. Today I go to school, and out of curiosity i go to the counseling office, and i ask the lady who was a different person if my counselor for that day saw him come in, she told me hesitantly that he did, i was so happy, then i asked her if he stood in for a while, and she said i can say yes. She is not supposed to say anything because it is confidential for anyone who goes in there, what goes there stays there. But I feel so happy that something good came out of that visit for him. I hope he took somestuff of his chest. Afterwards i felt nervous to see him, so I avoided him. One reason being that he did not call me back when he said he would after we had borken up, ad i tried to talk to him and still be his friend. I saw him though and I had mixed feelings.

I feel like I have helped him, but sacrafice a bit of myself to do that. because he did make me happy, but had he stayed with me he might not have realized some things. So I did all of this for his own good, and I feel very unhappy because he's out of my life, but happy that he might be better off in a way. I really wish i knew how he felt, but I'm so unsure about talking to him. I know he might just want to get over me, but that sux, he should at least let me know that. I sometimes miss him, and it's normal but that does not make me feel better.

Any one has some words of wisdom, any opinion, please feel free to comment and thank u to all that have written to me previoulsy.

Tylly, It's raining outside, and raining inside my heart....

Tylly, i think you have done the right thing, and your mother was right, you acted very maturally. It must be hard to let somebody go knowing it was for their own good, but you are showing great strength and good things will come your way. The 'missing' bit is part of human nature and he probably just wants to get himself together a bit and make himself stronger. There is nothing you can do about missing him though, time heals all wounds.

I think that you are right about if he had have stayed with you he might not have realized what he was doing and you are very right when you say that he needs to make HIMSELF happy; another person can not be our 'drug'. Very good wisdom from such a young person; I'd say you have a bright future ahead of you.

As for the 'missing' bit also, you should stand back and see what happens. You have taken a stand and now it's time to see what life dishes out for you. You know that famous saying, "if you love someone let them go, if they come back they're yours, if they don't they never were"? I know i am full of cliches but they are true.

I wish you the best of luck and i think you did the most caring thing. I am in awe of your actions; more should do it.

Take care and have a great christmas and if you need to chat just log on here; there's always somebody willing to listen.

😉

Thank u so much for ur response, U made me feel good about my decision. I'm trying to get over him.

U have a very happy christmas too!!

I figure, I'm one of those few people who help mediate the world, just like u, bcuz u helped me, because the world is so sick, so lost, so corrupt, it's one of my lifelong tasks, to heal and to give love, because I am love and care unconditioanlly, many don't understand, my motives sometimes seem with no reason for me also, but love has no ends. Sometimes I feel i must stop caring so much, because i get hurt in the end. I wish people were less sad and angry, i wish they could fight and find bliss, and peace within themselves. It feels so good to know that slowly u are making a difference. That maybe without ur help someone would fall, die, or let life hurt really bad. Some people are so weak, so ignorant, so lost, I feel really bad for them. If the best won in everyone this world would be a better place, my dream is to help others to a better life, to love themselves, to love, and along the way find the answeres to my questions. Once u help someone they will then have the power to help others and the chain will not be broken. Nothing makes me happier than knowing I made a positive impact on someone. I sometimes wish i would get something in return, but I must be often satisfied with only knowing they are better now.

Uh,oh...

Okay...simple. You're a (sexy) fire sign..he's a water sign. Fire and water don't mix. Personally I don't care for male scorps...too much secrecy, jealousy and non-communication. Enough to drive a girl crazy. I hate that BS!!

Find yourself an air sign. You'll be much happier.