Part II

This is Emma again.

I have decided to create a new topic because the first one was about my initial interaction with the Aries male. I struggled a lot during this phase and was questioned, even blamed very harshly by some folks here.

But a new era has begun. This Aries is so challenging and intriguing that I almost feel like I am put on an online game of courtship and I have successfully finished the first level and now started the next one, called:"The chase". (Please do not take these words as if I see this thing as a game okay? NO, this is serious and I'm only making a literary reference here!)

I was very inexperienced in the first level and did not know anything about the character that I was dealing with, so got almost "killed" virtually. Yet, in this level I have some useful skills and "weapons" with me so to speak.

Let me tell you about the new scene. I'm still trying to understand if the guy is interested or not. If you have any useful advice to offer on how should I act at this point I'd be grateful:

1. I'm sending him short, one sentence e-mails in about every other day. Some of them are related to work and he answers those very promptly and acts upon them almost immediately. Anything I ask, he takes ownership and no matter how unimportant the request was and how many other things are piled up at his desk, he takes it almost as an order, puts effort and get it done. He is like my loyal servant now.

2. Some of my messages are pure compliments. If the compliment is about his achievement at work, he responds and accept the compliment in a tactful way. But when I add something personal or tease him with a smiley at the end, he does not write anything back.

2. This week he started to make short visits to my desk. But the excuse is always work. He comes quietly, says whatever he needs to say (something like: I got your email and will respond you in half an hour), and while he speaks he keeps his eyes on me, not like before when he could not look at me in the eye for more than a few seconds. He is very polite and warm to me. In those moments I remain silent only acknowledging what he says, listen to him with all my attention and give him the "gaze". When he finishes, he leaves without adding anything or doing any flirty talk or act.

3. On the other hand when talking to other ladies or guys he is very loud, laughing, making jokes, telling stories, almost like a 5 year old kid. He does this when he's around me. But to me, he's

But to me, he's never like that.

My theory is this:

He adopted the role of the servant, because I have been atroking his ego, mostly complimentig his achievents at work, and giving positive feedback to him how much an achiever he was, how fast he could handle a task, how good his speech was, how big was the project that he finished, etc. I appreciate his qualities and he gives me more of them because he knows that he'll hear more beautiful things from me. he is really addicted to flattery. And he'll keep coming back for more.

About his silence to personal messages: maybe he is not sure how to respond to them. Or he is still recovering from my earlier email and want to play safe for now or finds it more comfortable developing a colleague-friendship first before getting close emotionally.

Do these sound logical to you?

Oh Good Grief

Wow....aren't Aries crazy and act like we are masters of relationships. Why ask advice from crazy people?

Those were not Aries people as I remember...

I still welcome anyone's comments, including the ones that think I'm doing wrong, give me your fair thought, I can handle it believe me. All I expect from you guys and gals is don't judge me and my motives so quickly because you do not know me. I'm asking for advice on what to do and how to interpret specific things yet all I hear is how crazy I am.

I am really really into this guy. As I observe him more and spend time with him my admiration grows and I see the best in him. All these compliments that I give, they are not fake. I mean it. I just do not want to make a mistake and give him the wrong vibe again.

I think you should let him come to you so your not coming up with these ideas of what you think it is. That way you know he is into you.

I tend to behave very differently around and toward people I am "interested" in. One of the thing that gives me away is how reserved I can become around a person I am interested in. I think this is a key point in your outline of "his" behaviors. If I don't really care what you think of me (99.999% of the people currently on the planet) then I will just plain let it all hang out. If I am interested in you, then I will take some pains to not be to obnoxious, and over the top around you. That can be terribly draining for others, and I recognize this, and I am trying to minimize this negative aspect of myself.

Compliments can be very tricky. They tend to make me rather uncomfortable, unless done with a good deal of finesse. It is very easy to come across as fake, even if you aren't being fake. A few well placed comments will be more than adequate. But as I say, well done rather than volumes.

As for him doing what you ask of him, the person I have most deeply and truly love is my daughter. I also refer to her at times as SWMBO (She Who Must Be OBEYED!!) You will see my point, no doubt.

Posted by lovingemma

Do these sound logical to you?

No.

Let him chase you. HIM. Chase. YOU. It's that simple. Guys go after what they want.

I think it's a little deranged that you've picked up that he WANTS to be your servant. I wouldn't think much of it, but from the beginning you've portrayed that you want to basically conquer and control this guy and "fix" him to your liking. :/

Btw, Aries are actually nice and just like doing nice things for people. Don't read into it too much. ESPECIALLY as a "servant" role. If it's one thing about Aries, we don't do "servant."

I have a feeling his friend told him what you said and Aries feels bad because he may not feel the same way and is just being nice.

Men like to chase especially ARIEs men let him do that. Be femimine,receptive and subtle. Really thats all you can do, no one here can give you the real answers. But you are talking a bit crazy, maybe you should reflect on that.

Thank you all Love366, dofacc, rockroadicecream, bkbela86 and celticlioness. I think I'll be spending more time reading and writing on this board because it really helps!

I am not a big fan of astrology and do not know much about signs. However the more I read, the better I get to understand how relevant it is to our personality and lives. Although each one of us are different people, some traits are still common and you can get very helpful clues by looking at his/her sign while you're just getting to know someone.

Ok, continuing on my story about the Aries guy:

Things have heated a bit more. After our communication has been restored and become regular, I decided to take another step. Without looking like chasing him of course. I emailed him and said that I need help to develop a training program for myself and asked his help to do some mentoring to me on some topics that he masters but I feel I am not very adequate. He took a day to respond to it and finally wrote back and referred me to one of his managers saying that he believes she could help me better. In my email, I had one another request: To join in a project that he leads. He gladly accepted this one.

his initial response to the mentoring request hurt me a bit because I was expecting he would be honored and accept it immediately. So I sent another email thanking him for involving me in his project and asked him whether his reason for refusal was because he did not have time to spare. I added that I still th,nk he would make a great mentor and that I have considered other executives in the company -including the lady that he referred me to- but at the end had only one candidate. I finished my email proposing him that I share briefly the topics that I am interested in and he can think about and get back to me with his final response.

The next day he came to where I sit and I waited for him to approach me and talk about my proposal but he stayed at a diatance and did not even say hi! He passed by my desk more than a few times but ignored me. At one point I was sitting alone and he approached to check my colleague sitting next to me (they had something to discuss) but my colleague had gone to take some water so he could wait for him but he did not, because I was the only one and he would be forced to have a conversation so he choose to leave and come back later when they guy returned.

The interesting thing is, he did not ignore me like before. I mean when he was shut down, he was

not even looking at my way, and was acting very cold. But this time he was just standing at a distance. He was staring at me (I catched his looks a few times), and was not cold. It was like... he was either afraid to talk, or did not have an answer for me yet so wanted to prevent me asking him.

So I also ignored him.Looked at him as he stared but did not say a word. Just kept sitting there silently and calmly. Maybe he feared that I would ask again, even insist. But I did not.

When I got home later in the evening, I found an email message from him in my inbox. he had forwarded me a report about his project as an introduction. And he did that apparently while he was in his evening class. This made me think that he might have been confused about my behaviour during the day and forced him to contact me to make sure I'm still there and interested. Because maybe he was expecting that I would chase him and try to be close him and ta??lk him when I see him because that's what I do in writing. My emails and very warm and open. In writing I treat him like he is the smartest and most skillful gut at the office. And I say very very nice things. But once we are in the same room I act very calm and normal, even a bit distant and never approach him if he does not approach me. So I bet he's confused and I am hoping this would intrigue him.

OP I read this and I feel like I am reading a novel. LOL.

Haha. Hope it's not boring.

You're still reading into everything too much and that email freaked him out. You think you aren't chasing, but you are.

I know I know... I feel like I am doing all the work most of the time. But this is only temporary and to keep his atention on me. This man is so focused on his work that nothing can distract him. Believe me, even a herd of elephants walking in front of him could not do it. So if I do not do anything I am afraid that he'll forget me.

How can I do both? Don't let him get distracted while not chasing him? I saw many posts asking this question so tell us dear Arians, what's the secret?

Posted by lovingemma
I know I know... I feel like I am doing all the work most of the time. But this is only temporary and to keep his atention on me. This man is so focused on his work that nothing can distract him. Believe me, even a herd of elephants walking in front of him could not do it. So if I do not do anything I am afraid that he'll forget me.

How can I do both? Don't let him get distracted while not chasing him? I saw many posts asking this question so tell us dear Arians, what's the secret?

If you re read the answers given to you in this post and the last post you will find the answer. The best way to get his attention is to back off and not give him so much attention. Aries like to be challenged, you aren't presenting yourself as a challenge instead your coming off very eager which will scare any man off.

Posted by lovingemma
I know I know... I feel like I am doing all the work most of the time. But this is only temporary and to keep his atention on me. This man is so focused on his work that nothing can distract him. Believe me, even a herd of elephants walking in front of him could not do it. So if I do not do anything I am afraid that he'll forget me.

How can I do both? Don't let him get distracted while not chasing him? I saw many posts asking this question so tell us dear Arians, what's the secret?

If a man is truly interested, he won't forget.

If you're having to struggle to keep his attention, that answers everything in regard to what he feels about you. For you to do all this stuff is just making you look desperate.

I think you're just taking little bits of positive and turning them into more than what they are. You are so obsessed and infatuated with this guy that you think every little thing is interest. If this is how you have to approach things in order to "figure out" if he's interested, then he is NOT interested. Guys who are truly interested don't do this. It will be obvious and clear as day. If you have to do all the initiating and play these little tactics in order to get his attention, the guy does not like you. Not like that anyway.

Dating 101- You will KNOW when he's interested.

I never realized how true this was until I experienced it. They aren't kidding. You will know without a doubt in your mind because it will be THAT obvious.

All the info that you've given us is not indicating that. You're just digging for scraps in order to make it appear that he likes you.

Do your thing and quit worrying about him so much.

youre obsessed, are u a gemini?

No, I am a Cancer but was born in late June so might have some Gemini effect...

People say that I have a huge determination/persistence when I really want something. But this is because of how I was raised. My family was not wealthy and I lost my parents when I was a kid so I had to take care of myself at a very early age and become just like a man. This made me sort of rough towards life in general. I am like a lonely wolf. I never whine and complain. I get up and do things because that what I always had to do, nobody offered me any free lunch. I might be carrying this to my love life as well. If I like somebody or fall in love, I start doing favors and taking care of my beloved and do not expect anything back. I am kind of motherish. But I am also very independent and do not like having dependent people around me.

You may be right. I guess I'm thinking too much indeed. I'd better back off for a while and see if he comes after me.

I'm going for a summer vacation for 2 weeks tomorrow. I'll completely put him behind and enjoy my time.

Posted by lovingemma
Haha. Hope it's not boring.

Not boring....different.

Use that two weeks to clear your head. Sometimes when you're so wrapped up in something, it makes it hard to see what's really going on until you step away.

Cancers are not dumb infact extremely intuitive and smart. She would know this man backward and forward before she even step to him. Hmmmmm.

I have a Cancer moon so I can relate to an extent. ...which is why she needs to stop. It's not healthy.