Sun Signs - The Downside

Aries -

You are capable or soaring to any height. Sometimes by utilizing your determined Martian energy. Sometimes by hopping on the nearest broom. You play all the angles, are jealous, competitive, and totally oblivious to your own worst behavior.

You don't do laid back. Instead, you picture yourself as The Great Enlightener and spend your time haranguing the rest of us unto submission. You are nearly as tactless as a Sagittarius stuffing his size-twelve foot in his mouth. At the least, you have a gift of gab that can make a Gemini cry, and at your worst, your bellicose attitude loses friends and starts family arguments.

Since your favorite topic of conversation is the endless minutiae of your personal existence, you are also a colossal bore. Of course this means little or nothing to you as long as you get to hear yourself talk. You are genuinely perplexed when rooms empty at your appearance and all your friends get Caller ID, then refuse to answer the phone.

Your home is a combination trophy shop and arsenal. The hall next to the gun cabinet is filled with heads from your latest Bambi-shoot. The table in the corner holds a high school debate team cup and a marathon dance blue ribbon. Pictures of relatives line the hallways and the basement is stuffed with assorted military gear, World War II surplus, K-rations and bottled water.

From the time you learned about the birds and bees (and people would be surprised at how early an age that was) until you're dead, sex is the uppermost thought in your mind. In grammar school, you played doctor. As a teen you wore out the backseat of the family sedan. And as an adult, you forever fall in and out of love.

When you aren't filing your fingernails, you are sharpening your rapier wit on unfortunate friends or instigating family feuds. Actually, the word friend is something of a misnomer, because you usually choose people as friends in direct proportion to how they can help further your own plots and plans.

You Martians climb the social ladder as eagerly as Capricorns, but with far less finesse. You'll transparently kiss up to the most powerful person around and have the nerve not to blush with shame when you are accused of that very thing. In fact, you'll twinkle and smile, be all the more charming, and get away with the whole mess.

Aries is the sign of the sculptor, warmonger, Chippendale dancer, and the bad half of a good-cop-bad-cop team. Rams are also great athletes, freedom fighters

and bank robbers (e.g., Aries Clyde Barrow).

You were the type of child that flung open the closet door and dared any monster living there to get out of your space. You also had to get burned before you believed that the stove was really hot. You still do. And therein lies your strength. You have no shame, and more nerve than a one-legged wire walker.

wow, this describes my aries beau in a lot of ways...kinda creepy actually. would send it to him but he takes all the negative astro stuff i send him so seriously.