We're moving too fast

my beau finally responded to an email i sent him earlier this week and he's to give me a call later. long story short, he said that i (taurus) am moving too quickly for him (aries). i know, WTF!...dude really has a pair 😛

now, i would love to go into further detail but i'm angered by the sheer impossibility of what he's suggested. a taurus moving faster than an aries? come the hell on!

i think what's happening between us is that he's made mistakes in his past and he's worried about repeating them. his prev relationship was 8 yrs long and ended with her cheating. he met me about 6 months after and we cliqued instantly. i feel we've been taking things pretty slowly and methodically...the way i like it but of course, that's not what he's been feeling.

it's like he's already started plotting our future in his mind and as i'm FORCING him to slow down, he's actually being lucid and rational for the first time in his life and is surprised by it. OMG! maybe we should get to know each other. i know, it's such a novel concept to aries.

so when he says i need to slow down, his jack ass is the one who needs to ease up. i still have trouble calling him my boyfriend!

when we talk later i hope to help him see how ridiculous he is but to do so without being insulting (aries moon here) is quite difficult for me. i already told him he was a b*tch in the email i wrote and had to apologize for it as i should've uhm...like taken a moment to decompress 😛

i like him and i want to reassure him that we're working together or whatever but, i dunno. what to do?

i need the deets:

how long have you guys been together (exclusive/dating)?

how long have you known him?

are you guys effing and stuff?

how often do you guys physically see each other?

ohhh and what was the email you sent him earlier this week in reference to? was there a problem that was being addressed or was this your response to him saying things are moving too fast?

I Agree with ewe, If you want real advice we need more details!lol

yall are just nosey! lol...he txt me earlier and he was all sunshine. i was a lil worried i was too direct but at the same time, the aries in me didn't give a rats behind. i actually read both emails i sent earlier today to one of my virgo friends and she said, you are banned from sending emails ever again. that of course after she said "wow" a good hundred times.

--- background ---
i'm 32, black, female, taurus, college educated, left-leaning
he's 34, white, male, aries, ged, right

yeah i know...Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? so in addition to our taurus/aries drama, we have cultural issues to deal with but that's for another forum. we've known each other since september. we've been exclusive since like...end of september 😄 he liked me, i liked him and all is dandy for the most part. we totally get each other and the only time we have a break down is when he breaks down.

the issues started when i started thinking about what i want to do with my life. i decided that i wanted to go back to university and get my masters. i talked about a number of things i want to do in the future (my goals and what not) and initially, he was excited. he even decided to go to school himself. but within a couple weeks i started discussing other variables. like, maybe i want to go to uni part-time vs full. maybe i want to go to a uni in another state...another country. maybe i want to move to an island and...well you get the idea.

so he went from being gung ho to confused. i think an aries can go full steam...at one option. and they have a tendency to take on your dream/live through you. so i have to be aware of that moving forward. i have to be sure that he's doing stuff for himself and not for me.

also being a taurus, i like to mull over all options. that's probably what takes us so long to move. we gotta be sure we're sure and that takes time. as the # of options increased, he got weirder and more distant.

well, earlier this week i got fed up and i sent him an email asking what the hell is going on. in it, i simply said that his behavior is inappropriate and he doesn't get to unilaterally make decisions. he replied with the "moving to fast" crap today. i replied right after with my "pointed" emails and surprisingly, we're back on track.

i think he read them, realized he was wrong, got a lil clarity and he's normal again. aries are weirdos....aries, aquas, virgos...all weirdo

wow i totally feel for him on this one lol. you're not in the wrong though.

"the issues started when i started thinking about what i want to do with my life. i decided that i wanted to go back to university and get my masters. i talked about a number of things i want to do in the future (my goals and what not) and initially, he was excited. he even decided to go to school himself. but within a couple weeks i started discussing other variables. like, maybe i want to go to uni part-time vs full. maybe i want to go to a uni in another state...another country. maybe i want to move to an island and...well you get the idea."

since you've already been to college and he hasn't, he was probably looking up to you as someone who could help steer him in the right direction and give him some emotional support and pep talks when needed. there's no doubt in my mind that college is something he's considered for years but it probably got harder for him to initiate as he got older. it also helps when there is someone guiding you who's already been through it. the fact that you wanted to go back sparked his interest and he probably saw this as something you guys could start together (even though it would be different classes and such). when you started sounding like you didn't know what you wanted and saying things about going out of state his feelings were hurt. obviously he doesn't want to hold you back but he probably sees future potential with you and he went from seeing the two of you going back to school together, to seeing you move out of state to go to school alone and leaving him alone. basically i think he REALLY liked the idea of your first set of plans and was hurt that your other options didn't include him. his problem though, not yours. maybe you should encourage him to look at schools more seriously so whatever your final decision ends up being, he's got something going on too. it sounds like you bring out a lot of confidence in him though

just an fyi, if my boyfriend started saying he wanted to move out of state to go back to school id turn to ice too. i'd be thinking "then what the eff are you doing with me right now?" id prefer he not get me riled up if he were merely daydreaming about it because thats the kinda news id have a REALLY hard time getting over and it would always stick in my mind and i would start detaching myself and stop showing emotion.

@i love ewe - i understand and thanks.

i pondered other options because i was being realistic ya know? when you apply to schools, you don't apply to just one. so looking at various options, in-state and out is just the nature of the game ya know? you put your apps out there and see what sticks.

and i agree with you, i think he was becoming encouraged by a lot of the things i was saying and his email reflected that. he owns his own business so he's actually very much accomplished. his going to school is more to give him a sense of security that he'll have something to fall back on if the economy goes to poop again years from now.

basically i learned the hard way that when i start talking about stuff, i need to be a lot clearer because he's only half-listening to begin with 🙂

and, aries responds to honesty. even if it's blunt and profane 🙂 better to be honest and real than sensitive and mushy.

^^^yeah but we're aries and it's easy to talk us off the ledge if you promise us candy 😄 😄 😄

it sounds like tubby communicates with this aries well though and he's receptive to it.

yes, i'm fluent in YELLish and i'm learning DRAMAn 🙂

thanks y'all - love typing that word.

after sleeping on it, i wonder if he staged this just to figure out what i was feeling?!?!? if so, i am pissed that i fell for it. UGH!

i can be pretty reserved with my feelings. even if a guy says i love you or whatever 😛 , it generally takes me several weeks/months thereafter to feel the same way myself.

overall, how is aries in this arena? i know they can fall pretty quick (that's evident). but when it comes to feelings and mushy stuff, is that typically left to the woman/man in their lives and if so, he's gonna be waiting a loooooooooooooooooong time because i think i play this particular "you go first" game better than he does.

ok, we spoke this morning on his way to a job and turns out, yall are right. he thinks my plans are great...for me. but what about him? i won't say that it was simply a "i feel left out" response but a combination of that and his asking himself, "what do i REALLY want out of life?"

we also spoke about his needing space. he said, if he has something difficult to say, if he can't say it in a few words, he's more likely to take a step back. he said in the past, he would say whatever was on his mind and it would come out bluntly and hurt people's feelings. he's not trying to do that anymore.

well, surprise, surprise! i ain't them b*tches! 😛 i'm tough-skinned, i like honesty and directness, i can dish as well as i can take. what hurts me is not knowing what's really on my beau's mind. if you're not talking to me because you're scared of what i might think/say, then that means you think i'm childish when you're the one who's engaging in childish behavior. say what you mean, mean what you say.

we're going to have to talk more later but ultimately, i want him to know he can be himself around me...verbal diarrhea and all. he definitely needs to work on his communication with others but hey, by being a loud-mouth jerk with me, i can let him know what's a green and what's a red. instead of now when he feels like everything he's thinking is a red light. no wonder aries is so anxious/wound up. how much crap are you guys holding in?

i dont think aries natural instinct is to hold stuff in but we certainly try as we get older. personally, im pretty moody and i get my feelings hurt over really stupid shit sometimes. im aware of this and i try really hard not to make a mountain out of a molehill buuuuuut being the aries i am, when i try to control my outburts i wind up acting silent and withdrawn (kinda like the people who cant walk and chew gum at the same time lol)

I had to send my aries another email yesterday because apparently, he's soooo not getting it 😛 anyhoo, i talked about our communication or lack there of and how there were times when i felt compelled to call/see him but decided not to. i have a tendency now to wait on guys to make a move b/c i figure, if he wants you, he'll let ya know. i know this sometimes can come across as being uniterested.

anyway, i called him this morning to tel him i hope he had a good day. he called me a couple hours later and we talked for a good 30 min before he had to get back to work. at the end of the convo, i started to wonder, maybe i'm not putting in enough effort? maybe the problem isn't necessarily that he's busy but that he always has to initiate contact with me? any thoughts?

OMG! 1 more hour and i can start working. i hate mondays...slow slow slow!