How throw shade at the signs

Since we have users that insult signs and try covering the insult with : "I love/My best friends are Sign". I thought I'd show you all how it's done properly. 😐 Take notes.

Aries: Your heads look so fragile. Care to prove me wrong? Only way is to do the "head" test. Your head will be smacked against a bedpost multiple times in bed. Any who refuse the test are soft-headed marshmallows.
Taurus: Your kissing skills don't seem to match the hype. Betting the same goes for stamina. Unless one of you can last my "rigorous" tests, that will push your five senses to the limit. Any that pass leave with a hickie of approval.

Gemini: Your hands aren't magic. Only way to prove otherwise is beat me at thumb wrestling. That if you wrinkly dishpan hand looking, paper cut covered, peacon shell nail having dorks have the guts to try beat me and my man hands in battle.
Cancer: Your tits have to be fake! No way they look that glorious without work done to them! Thankfully my Cancer Mars doubles as a fake boob detector. Just have to let him have his way with them to check their authenticity. 😄

Leo: YOU GUYS HAVE NO HEARTS! YOU'RE JUST EVIL SPARKLING ZOMBIES COLD AS YOU ARE CRUEL! You dare say otherwise? Prove it. Let me rest of head against your chest to hear your (lack)of heart beating! Will need to hare your warmth with me so that I know you didn't just steal some poor saps heart like the COLD S.O.B.S YOU ARE!
Virgo Your internal systems seem to be malfunctioning. Also you sound creaky and cranky. Clearly you need more lube. I can provide that while running a through test on your insides to make sure you function properly. Your performance will improve after I'm through with you.

Libra: It seems talking out of your ass has become a trend. Your kidneys also are on high demand on the black market. So how about I handle that overly talkative ass of yours while saving it and your kidneys from those unsavory types? You can thank me now by just bending over.
Scorpio: Your crotch doubles as a void to hell. I suppose if you care to disprove me, you ca let my Cancer Mars deal with it.

Sagittarius: YOUR HIPS TELL SO MANY LIES IT'S HORRIBLE! Only way to fix this is have me between your thighs so I can punish them for being so slanderous ad scandalous.
Capricorn: Never get on your knees for the unworthy. They do not deserve to witness the sight of you bowing. 😐

Notice how I insulted every sign by implying the body part they rule in medical astrology isn't in top condition. Also how I didn't mention Aquarius or Pisces, as ignoring signs is also a effective way to insult their pride/etc without looking like an asshole.

Take Notes.

*taking notes*

Posted by Whatu
The best way you could insult any of the signs is to blabber on about how you know so much about all of them. you do that day In and say so just keep it up.

Your serious is showing. Might wanna cover that up, Mr. Stingy.

You left out Aquarius and Pisces!

Posted by truecap
You left out Aquarius and Pisces!

😭

Posted by SirHorns

Scorpio: Your crotch doubles as a void to hell. I suppose if you care to disprove me, you ca let my Cancer Mars deal with it.

I didn't see this as much of an insult to be honest. Still a cool post though.

Posted by KVZZMIR11
Obviously he doesn't know the body parts Aqua and Pisces rule in medical astrology, so it would make sense for him to leave them out.

Having Aqua's cover their ankles and Pisces hide their feet from me, wouldn't have been funny, just sad.

Posted by Whatu
The best way you could insult any of the signs is to blabber on about how you know so much about all of them. you do that day In and say so just keep it up.

You're such a "void to Hell"



😈



*sparkles*

Aries - bitch u look like your walking your way head first into a bin with the shit you're wearing

Gemini - Whats up gemini? your blood sugar levels biatch probably from eating your sweet twin in the womb.

Taurus - Moo you whore! flush the toilet for fucks sake I'm sick of your pats clogging up the system.

Cancer - Whats crabby and smells like fish—_.Cancer's crabs

Leo - I wish I could say that you have a wide gaping hole from being a slut but it collapsed long ago.

Virgo - best way to check to see if the floor is level is to wave a black cock in front of virgo's face and see if the drool is coming evenly out the sides of its mouth.

Scorpio - Witness gods mistake, the sting doesn't even reach its own head.

Libra - Your shadier than a palm tree thats why your shadow looks like side show bob.

Sag - lame

capricorn - Seriouly the lengths you guys climb in life just to lick the salt from a hobos balls is the true testament to mans will, and brings a tear to my eye balls.

Aquarius - I want to shoot myself in the dick and hump you till your leg is red.

Piscese - BP is justified.