Please help me understand what do I want

Okay, so I'm a Cancer girl and I guess it's not surprising for you at all that I don't know who and what I want. Cancers are like that, I have two Cancer friends and they are like 'one step forward two steps back'. Just like me sometimes. But now I want to know specifically about what kind of romantic relationship I want, because no matter how many relationships I've had nothing suits me right. I don't fall in love, I lose interest pretty quickly. For example, my longest relationship was with a Leo guy, we were together for 8 months with two small intermissions. I don't know his chart information, but from a Leo Sun sign he only had haughtiness, egomania and obsession with cool and expensive pretty things (ranging from clothing to electronics). Though he was very generous with me, very attentive (just sometimes when he wasn't involved with himself) and he was affectionate truly like a kitten. With this all he was a bit cowardly. Not like a Leo at all. As much as I fought with myself I couldn't love him back with all my heart. I ended the relationship soon. Then I met a Virgo guy. He was all sexy and cool and had a great sense of humor, sometimes even slightly perverted. He was a realist. I liked that. He was a bad guy, he was respected in his friends' circle. I was fascinated with him at first, but soon I became aware that he was engaged in some kind of shady business and he left me alone, said he didn't want me to get involved. We still text each other on FB at times, but everything is friendly. Then I met another Leo. We dated for like a month, he was pretty much like my first Leo partner. I was so fed up with these Leo men. They were always trying to possess me, to overbear me. I don't need that for God's sake. Then my friend tried to bring me together with a Scorpio man (he didn't get me interested in him) and with a Cancer man. Oh my God I felt like I was dealing with myself! Except I am in no way as clingy, possessive and always looking for a fight. I simply couldn't tolerate him for long. I stopped searching, not that I've been searching actively...

But not so long ago my long time male Libra friend made a confession that he loves me. I decided to try, he was very stable, very genuine and my parents were always in good terms with him. Not to mention that he was handsome and had the most beautiful doe blue eyes I've ever seen. First two weeks were great. He wasn't a romantic person, but he tried so hard. It was very endearing. He asked me to help him understand what kind of presents I like, what flowers I liked. I was trying to assure him that I didn't want any presents, flowers. I didn't really want all this roses and candy stage that he was trying to engage me into. I wanted a relationship without financial involvement, I just wanted my seemingly frozen heart to feel something. I kept asking myself why I couldn't return the love all these men had been granting me with. I started to feel depressed. I was involuntarily cold to my Libra boyfriend, kept telling him to leave me alone. I knew I was hurting him. At one point he exploded, he began to throw accusations at me, told me that I was playing with him. I never knew he could be capable of such rage. He was intense and on the roll. After that our relationship or what had remained of it kept fading. He was always angry, I always had an urge to spend time with my friends. Again there were accusations. We split up. It was very horrible. And so I was left without a friend and without a boyfriend at the same time.

I blame myself partly. No, I really blame myself. I'm sure that the problem is in me as to why I can't build a good loving relationship with anyone. I know I'm not a piece of sweet cake myself, I have a very difficult nature and I'm just too strong-willed sometimes. And too picky concerning not only men but many other aspects of life. I realize that.

By the way, I was interested in my Libra ex chart, because Libra people are not THIS intense. I was not surprised, because his chart was full of water (Moon in Scorpio, Mars in Cancer, Venus in Scorpio, Jupiter in Scorpio, Pluto in Scorpio).

Please help me understand what I want, what kind of man I need.

Here is my chart:

Cancer Sun and Rising Virgo
Leo Moon
Gemini Mercury
Leo Venus
Gemini Mars
Scorpio Jupiter
Pisces Saturn
Capricorn Uranus and Neptune
Scorpio Pluto

Posted by Everything
You obviously want and need a leo. Stay patient. You'll meet him one day.

I can't be patient with them. Leos are all into dominance. As I said I don't want to submit to anyone. So another Leo in my life would be highly inappropriate.

Just a couple of comments, they might not be accurate though...

I find Gemini placements can lead to being indecisive depending on your age, life experience, upbringing etc. It might not necessarily be your Cancer sun.

My sister has Virgo rising and she is far too picky for her own good. Nothing is ever good enough especially when it comes to men. She's been single throughout her 30's so that's like a whole decade. She has Libra Sun and Scorp Venus too so she can be more intense than your usual Libra Sun.

My dad is Libea sun on Scorp cusp and it wouldn't surprise me if he had Scorp Venus too. Very intense. I'm Scorp Sun and Venus so you can only imagine what our house was like growing up. I think I'm more diplomatic than the two Libra's!

My mother is Gem sun and cannot make a decision to save her life.

You may be clashing with the Leo Sun placements in others and competing for the attention. Actually, I thought that much of your post might be coming from your Leo Moon as it came across as a bit selfish and wanting everything on your terms. The exact same criticism you had of the others especially the Leo's. It sounds like when you don't get things your way that you feel the relationship isn't working for you. That Libra probably got pissed off as he was obviously making an effort to make you happy but it was never good enough. Virgo/Leo there.

I've ways found Cancer to be moody and especially the men to be quite emotionally manipulative.

As I said, nothing personal, just a few things that stuck out as I was reading your post.

Posted by AgentP911
Just a couple of comments, they might not be accurate though...

I find Gemini placements can lead to being indecisive depending on your age, life experience, upbringing etc. It might not necessarily be your Cancer sun.

My sister has Virgo rising and she is far too picky for her own good. Nothing is ever good enough especially when it comes to men. She's been single throughout her 30's so that's like a whole decade. She has Libra Sun and Scorp Venus too so she can be more intense than your usual Libra Sun.

My dad is Libea sun on Scorp cusp and it wouldn't surprise me if he had Scorp Venus too. Very intense. I'm Scorp Sun and Venus so you can only imagine what our house was like growing up. I think I'm more diplomatic than the two Libra's!

My mother is Gem sun and cannot make a decision to save her life.

You may be clashing with the Leo Sun placements in others and competing for the attention. Actually, I thought that much of your post might be coming from your Leo Moon as it came across as a bit selfish and wanting everything on your terms. The exact same criticism you had of the others especially the Leo's. It sounds like when you don't get things your way that you feel the relationship isn't working for you. That Libra probably got pissed off as he was obviously making an effort to make you happy but it was never good enough. Virgo/Leo there.

I've ways found Cancer to be moody and especially the men to be quite emotionally manipulative.

As I said, nothing personal, just a few things that stuck out as I was reading your post.

You are right about me being selfish in relationships sometimes. I had found myself becoming angry when something was not going my way, that was followed by tempestuous fights usually, in which I understand now that I was harsh.
But I know one thing definitely - I never made a profit on anyone's feelings towards me, I know I was not selfish in dealing with other person's feelings. I sensed their suffering and I left the person so he would not suffer anymore, at least he would not suffer as much as if he was being in relationship with me. Their suffering affected me too, I always tried to put myself in their shoes. So I just let them be. Maybe it's selfish too in some kind of way you would say. Okay, that was a brief digression from the subject.

And you are right about criticism too. What is mor

What is more I can't stand criticism directed at me. I know I have a lot of work to do on myself.

Posted by Arielle83
Omg I was starting to read your story and as I'm reading, I'm thinking libra!

Honestly, all your Leo placements might make the initial attraction but in the end it might be a competition. Leo's are hard for cancers. You sound pretty cancer to me. I still think libra, you just have to relax a bit. Maybe even a sag. Too bad scorpio didn't work out. Maybe just go with your gut and don't be looking at the sign all the time.

Believe me, I'm not looking at the sign all the time, I mostly happen to be interested when relationships go wrong or something like that. If I was always looking at the zodiac sign first things first, in no way I would engage myself in a relationship with a Libra man. As the saying goes a Libra and a Cancer have no mutual understanding and chemistry.

Posted by Arielle83
How did you feel though? Who did you have the most chemistry with thus far?

The chemistry with a Virgo guy was the best. I can surely say I regreted our relationship ended the way it ended. I still have a soft spot for him.

Posted by Impulsv
U need to first develop a relationship with self.

I keep trying. I'm just interested in what people who understand Astrology well think about my situation. Maybe looking at my chart they will say I've always needed a Gemini man for example with an explanation that my Mars is in Gemini. Just a guess.

Posted by sofee6432

Posted by Impulsv
U need to first develop a relationship with self.

I keep trying. I'm just interested in what people who understand Astrology well think about my situation. Maybe looking at my chart they will say I've always needed a Gemini man for example with an explanation that my Mars is in Gemini. Just a guess.

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yeah it's that "mercury" connection.

you need it. or else you'll get bored and there's no connection. it's part of the energy thingamag going on.

and you're probably gonna need some Jupiterian energy, not too much, probably pisces or sag or prominent 9th and 12th house. just a guess of course.

What about these squares and oppositions? They may be blocking each other.

Moon Leo
Jupiter Scorpio
Pluto Scorpio
Lilith Taurus
Asc node Scorpio ~ SN/Taurus

I would recommond someone with SN in Taurus. Or ASC in Taurus.
But not Sun. Avoid Lilith conj. Sun in synastry. That might be a codependency.
Avoid also Lilith-Saturn conjunction. And Lilith-Venus conj. in synastry.

Lilith conj. SN, AC or DC is lucky enduring relationship.

Posted by DwellingOnMove
What about these squares and oppositions? They may be blocking each other.

Moon Leo
Jupiter Scorpio
Pluto Scorpio
Lilith Taurus
Asc node Scorpio ~ SN/Taurus

I would recommond someone with SN in Taurus. Or ASC in Taurus.
But not Sun. Avoid Lilith conj. Sun in synastry. That might be a codependency.
Avoid also Lilith-Saturn conjunction. And Lilith-Venus conj. in synastry.

Lilith conj. SN, AC or DC is lucky enduring relationship.

Thank you!