{flails} suggestions?

I love fiction, mostly of the horror/crazy/funny variety, but I'm seriously starting to run out of authors. when I go to the library [which is huge, big city] the quacks who call themselves librarians these days lead me right where I've been and its making me rawr. my mum reads fantasy so she's little help, my bestie has been reading Stephen King over and over instead of finding anyone new, my Scorpio reads math theory books [just happy he reads at all]. Please book talk me someone? Suggestions would be nice or just a good 'ooohahhh' over shared interests?

I've read everything published by Stephen King [except the dark towers, saving them] Dean Koontz, Anne Rice [except the Christ books], Chuck Palahniuk[love], Christopher Moore[adore], Frank Peretti, Peter Straub, John Saul, Christopher Buckley[so funny], Carl Hiasen[ditto], Laurel K. Hamilton[too much porn not enough story], Nick Hornby, Cormac McCarthy. A lot of Robin Cook[medically creepy], John Grisham. I've read some classics, Jane Austin, Shakespeare, Poe, Bradbury, Lovecraft, Dickens, Twain, Hemmingway[not a fan]. I've read the Dragon Tattoo's and the DaVinci Codes even sadly the Twilights which took all of two days for all four. I can't deal with the new teen horror fluff genre, I like a challenge.

I'm running so low I've been browsing murder mysteries and True Crime, I'd really love an author with a good number of books under their belt, I hate reading an awesome book and finding out the author has nothing else to offer, but anything would work. It's times like this I wished I stayed in touch with my old highschool English teacher, he suggested my first King book and I have to say he's my all time favorite.

I am a bit of an Aries, at least when it comes to patience. If it can't grab me in the first 50 pages, its hard for me to hang

read the ODD THOMAS Collection Koontz

Read China Mieville! One of my favorite modern writers. His is a wonderful mix of grotesque sci-fi and fantasy.
Start with Perdido Street Station or The Scar.