Aquarius girl with Cancer man....plz help me!!!!

Hi, i am so new in here and really need help from all of you for my situation.

Apprently, I am Aquarian girl who is currently being with Cancer guy . We have been together for three months. The first two months was perfect for me. Everything bw us was fantastic...he was very sweet , caring, understanding and thoughtful. He always shared things with me, everything I must say, even his past love life....how his exs cheated on him and how he has been so scared of feeling being cheated n get hurt. He cares everything for me and do care of how I feel. Honestly, i must say this is the first time for me to be with a Cancer guy. Its really hard for me to understand him, esp when his mood starts to swing. Anyways, everything would have been perfect for two of us if he hadnt been almost dead in the car accident one month ago.

Things totally changed since the day he almost died due to car accident. He totally changed himself. From caring n sweet to cold n distant person, this really hurts me a lot. He locked himself in his room, didnt want to talk or see his housemates including me, his gf....sigh...he doesnt want to talk or see anyone at all. As his gf, i feel like being left out, being ignored all the time since he chnaged himself like that. Me and his friends try to help him out but he kept refusing our help....he kept stating that leave him alone ,,,,didnt wanna get any help from anyone, including me... Been a month since the day he got car accident, we barely see each other , barely talk on the phone or txt....I tried to call and txt him just wanted to know if he was fine or not.,,,,but didnt get back anything from him....Then suddenly he appeared and txt me with random msg "Morming" . I was like wtf....is that all he wanted to say...nothing else—?


Then finally one day he called me out and we had a chance to talk in the car. He wanted to see me just because he wanted to let me know what really happened to him on the day he got car accident and how it affected his mind and feelings. He said that was the 1 st time he experienced a terrible car accident,,, eventhough he didnt have any physical injuries but somehow it still left some weird ideas in his mind. It totally distorted the way he thinks n sees someone. He said to me he didnt why he saved the life for the guy who was being hit by the car, didnt even think about himself....he said he always do all things good to everyone,,,,never think about himself...always helped everyone....

But now he says he starts to feel so bad whenever he helps someone....he starts to look down himself and hates himself so much.....One thing really pissed me off that was he said he didnt know why on the day he got car accident, the moment hes got scared,,,,no one came up in his mind to guide him to make a phone call for help...even me he said,,,,he didnt see the image of mine came up in his mind....and this made him jump to the conclusion that i was not the one for him...( i was like wtf he was thinking) and that was why he said break up to me in his car.... I could see a big conflict inside of him the moment i asked if he still loved me or not. He said he did love and care about me....i am very nice to him as he said and he didnt want to let me go...and kept saying the car accident showed him a sign what he really needed for his life....to be honest, he was freaked out and really confused...he admitted with me his mind was totally blank and couldnt think of anything....didnt even have any feelings for anything and anyone....I tried to calm him down and tried to take care of him a lot. I havent done anything that overwhelmed him. Just sometimes cook for him and txt him say hi and how are u bla bla...but he didnt reply anything...

One week after that, he suddenly called me out again and talked to me in the car. He said he did know what i tried to make him feel more comfortable and happier...he did know that as he insisted. And he said he felt panic n sort of pressure himself coz he couldnt do anything for me in return,,,,he felt extremely bad whenever he thought about that....he said he wanted to take a break on us coz he didnt want t do any unwanted hurt to me,,coz he knew he turned into different person after that car accident and couldnt take care of me or take any responsibility of what he did to me...

To be honest, i havent been in any break in relationship before,,,didnt really know how it works and what benefits it brings...so i felt so scared when he said take a break to me. I asked him what he meant by it, asked him if he wanted to break up...he said Not A BREAKUP, AND NOT A CONTINUE... ( again, I was like wtf....) didnt know what he meant. He kept confirming that was not a break up bw us....i was totally confused....

To me , I still care about him n love him so much...cook for him every weekend...one week ago, told him I cooked the most fav food for him. He said he would come n enjoy that food but...he didnt turn up at all...Needless to

.Needless to say , he didnt even call or txt to let me know the reason why he didnt come....just totally disappeared....I tried to call n txt him but he didnt pick up phone n txt me back....I was really pissed on that day and completely disappointed with him and his action. The next day he posted his status on fb like "Why one cant understand as human being ' s mind could b busy and that eating the real time"....the status didnt stay there for too long tho...he deleted it after few hours. ....m off from him til four days after that he appeared again and sent me a very short msg like " Morning"... Until now I havent replied him....i decide to back off a bit and see how things go.....i am still pissed with him and with what he did on that day to me....

Dear bethan2713,
Thanks for ur feedback. I did send him a big email but he didnt reply me or didnt mention it to me when we met up and discussed about his problems... He totally messed up everything in his mind now...love him so much but cant do anything now except showing how much i care about him....

I really dont know what else i can do for him.

Anyone gives me sone feedback plzzzzzz

@hawaiiangirl~ i thot my situation was exhausting...but i dont think i could handle being where you are with yours. im so sorry you are going thru this. some advice ive been given was, when you dont know what to do...."do nothing".

its hard but i have seen it work in the past...i am trying to do just that now!

peace to you~

You need to let him go and start healing yourself. He clearly has issues he needs to work out for and by himself. If he ever does contact you in the future. Just be polite, don't bring up any issues or even try to arrange a meeting. It sounds like he tried to give you some kind of explaination unfortunately that's usually when I'm ending things with someone. Best of luck.

Now m overwhelming with all sorts of feelings......Not sure if he still wanna b in this relationship or not....interested in me or not.......grrrrrrrrr.......driving me like crazy now....

Find something to occupy your mind. Don't let this consume you. Besides aquas and crabs is a hard mix.

M trying to focus on my own things but seems like i cannot atm....that is really pissing me off now

Go surfing girl that fixes everything

@ truecancer: not sure if ur a cancer guy or cancer girl??

Do u know what my bf meant by "not a breakup but not a continue" . What does it mean actually— Sounds very confusing.

I'm a male crab darling. It means he needs time apart from you but doesn't know if its permanent. He had a life changing experience. He might be trying to isolate himself from everything and everyone involved with the event. Is he a June cancer and how old are you 2? Reason I ask is from all the early cancer's I've ever known don't cope well and are high strung enough as it is. Plus If he is young usually means lack of experience with traumatic events. I'm a late cancer but I spent the better part of 8 Years in the middle east and the last 9 as a single dad to a daughter. So I'm usually not phased by much or as I've been told there is nothing that seems to surprise or shock me.

He is 30 yrs old n m 27 yrs old. He was borned on 29th June 1982. As I said above, this is the first time for me to be with the Cancer guy. The way he acts n thinks totally different from other signs. If someone has sth happened to him/ her, he / she tends to spend more time being with their lovers to share things, sir down n talk to each other, by doing that they may feel more comfortable n supported. Thats why when things happened to my bf like that, i thought he came to me n let me take care of him . But all he wanted were avoiding everyone n evrything, including me. Didnt wanna get help from anyone,except went to see his psychologists. Thats why i see his action is very cold n distant, completely different from himself before the accident.

He just tried to push me away coz didnt wanna hurt me by his cold behaviour. But i just cant turn my back on him at this moment coz do love n care about him a lot.

M not sure if m right or not, i feel the more i try to take care of me, the more he tries to shell himself. This really hurts me a lot.

Sorry, i mean the more i try to take care of him, the more he tries to shell himself.

OK, cancer men don't want to be taken care of, its a control/insecurity issue. We want support, love and reassurance constantly that we are loved. Also if we are disturbed emotionally, physically, or spiritually; we will crawl into our shell and stay there until we are ready to come out and talk calmly. If we aren't ready to come out you will hear our pincers and use them if need be. I do this sometimes when I'm trying to understand stuff. And I tend to over analyze things as do most of us. Think of it as interrupting someone mid thought after they asked you not to.

Dear truecancer,

No wonder anytime I and his housemates tried to help him out, asked him what was wrong with him and offered him some help, he was just getting agitated and so aggressive, things were getting worse when he said bad words towards us or slammed the doors in the house. Geez, thats really complicating.

So things are getting harder for me when I received those feedback from u. Coz to me, when I care for the one I love, it means I wanna show him a support and love ( not too much care tho, coz I understand if I overwhelm him with too much care, then he will definitely think that he is being controlled or something like that, will get annoyed with that, I think not only his sign but other signs will react the same if too much care for them). What I have done so far are cooking for him every Saturday and sometimes send him msg. Will that be too much , u reckon—

As u said above, Cancerians dont like being taken care of,,,,they need support n love....so If I dont take care of him, how can i show him my support and love for him—? Its hard,,,really hard for me.

He sent me a random msg as I mentioned above on Wednesda, just said to me Morning, i mean just few days ago after suddenly disappearing without turning up at dinner as promised, until now I havent replied him yet. I really dont know what to reply, really dont know how his mood at the moment....m just too scared and worried if I answered him now, he would be mad at me or get agitated again.....
U can tell now I sort of back off atm. Do love him and miss him a lot, all i can do now is to keep all those feelings inside of my heart,,,,dont really know when i can express feelings in front of him. If i do it now, he will shell himself even deep inside.....will be more worse bw us.....


Any idea, plz let me now.. I do appreciate ur help n feedback.

Him saying morning as the only word shows a few things. First he is thinking of you I.e missing you. He knows hes been harsh so it's a responsive statement to see how you are but us trying to feel out how you are feeling towards him.

Don't bring any emotion to table. Let him do it. I'd reply back with a simple hello sorry I didn't get back to you sooner and then wait. Feel the situation out and try to not insert foot into mouth. Keep your emotions at bay. If he ever does attempt to open up an talk about everything do nothing but listen, be supportive by letting him release his emotions in his way. He's bottled all this crap up and needs to release it but won't if he feels criticized or pressured. Think of him as a young child right now unfortunately..


As far as taking care of him cooking, help cleaning. All that stuff is great. But for fixing problems. leave that to him. We wear the pants in the relationship. We steer it. Not saying you have no say. Be tactful. Make suggestions not defi?ate solutions

I will like to add could also be flipping out inside now as to why you've waited so long to reply. If he asks just be honest tell him with everything that's been going on between you were a little bit scared. Appear vulnerable, which frankly you are right now. But not desperate. We cancers melt for damsels in distress. Hence why I post 😛

Thank you so much for your help .

Well, ur right when he said only Morning to me in the txt, he meant few things. I know he missed me and thought of me at that time and also wanted to see how i reacted to him , coz i bet he could sense how i was mad at him coz he didnt turn up at dinner , didnt let me know he couldnt come,,and also the status he posted on fb the next day. All sort of thngs he wanted to check my feelings towards him....very smart lol.....


But somehow i thought he should have said more than just Morning thing to me....lol maybe I was so demanding hihihi...but yeah,,,coz didnt hear from him that much so i always wanna hear n see him more.....

He txt me on Wedsnesday, just to say Morning, right— Today is Saturday ( as our time) , been three days he hasnt txt me anything else....quiet again......didnt know what to reply him plus atm,,,i also got family issue that needs to be solved....kind of no feelings with anything else ,except family problem.....but u know as an aquarian, we never stop thinking.....thinking too much and thats how i am. Start to think if I am too quiet like that to him atm...he may start to think m not interested in him...or may even think i got another person ( sorry must say..cancer guys are really insecure) . In fact, i do love him alot....but as normal n basic thing,,,,we all react with sth more important than a relationship even though we still think n care for our lovers. U know what I mean??

Ya I'm sure he thinks you could care less right now if you haven't contact d him yet. I'm sure he's hurt by that.

Truecancer , let me ask u sth. Pls help me understand it....

As i mentioned above, on the day he promised to come for dinner at my place but in the end, ge didnt turn up n didnt call or txt me....

Next day, he posted the status like Why one couldnt understand as human being's mind could be extremely busy and that eating the real time....this sounded how angry he was at that time i think n it seemed to point at me....

I used to wonder why he couldnt reply my txt or call me...but posted that thing on facebook instead— Was it weird— Didnt have two second to txt back but got time to jump on fb— ...

I didnt mean to critizise his action but just keep thinking about the way he acted....so weird to me.

Truecancer , let me ask u sth. Pls help me understand it....

As i mentioned above, on the day he promised to come for dinner at my place but in the end, ge didnt turn up n didnt call or txt me....

Next day, he posted the status like Why one couldnt understand as human being's mind could be extremely busy and that eating the real time....this sounded how angry he was at that time i think n it seemed to point at me....

I used to wonder why he couldnt reply my txt or call me...but posted that thing on facebook instead— Was it weird— Didnt have two second to txt back but got time to jump on fb— ...

I didnt mean to critizise his action but just keep thinking about the way he acted....so weird to me.

Was that the status word for word? It's really odd wording. The first part is obliviously pointed at you and his roommates for "interrupting" his thought process. The second part don't really understand but sounds almost like he is upset for being pressured to do something he isn't ready to do. Its a bit confusing

The status was word by word. When I saw it, i saved it on my phone....i didnt understand the second part either....really confusing..

One more thing, should I take care of him now as a his gf or as a friend?? Which one makes him feel more comfortable u think—