balls deep in denial

so, i've vented before about my bestfriend/roommate, a cancer, who's dating this gem guy before. anyway, things have gotten a bit nuts, they got into an argument two days ago right outside of my door. apparently, she has once again found dirty messages to some girl. some of which said things like "send me pics of your tits" and "do you like the way my dick tastes". this is the just about the third time this has happened. mind you he's also has been disappearing for days at a time and they're sex life is pretty much non-existent.

the first time this has happened, was via text messages (he deletes everything now) with a girl he used to hook up with. the second was his facebook messages with a different girl. and this time around again its on facebook. his excuse was that it was a joke and that he finds it "weird" she'd get mad at him for that... what kills me is that she believes him!!! anyway, this whole time they've been together i've held my tongue but last night i just couldn't take it anymore and in the nicest way possible, i let her know how i felt about the situation. in turn she went to our mutual friend and also other roommate (a cappy) and told her i made her feel uncomfortable and that i was incredibly rude and i didn't let her talk. that i don't understand their relationship and he wouldn't lie to her...

all three of us got together this evening to talk. me and the cappy both agree that this guy is up to no good and both felt it may be better if we all talked. i didn't say too much because i've already have said most of what i needed to say and the cap pretty much reiterated everything i had told her the night before. her response? that they've talked about things and she believes he didn't mean anything by it and it wasn't sexual. i told her that actions speak louder than words and she literally told me that they don't.

it was by far the most aggravating conversation i've ever experienced. i also asked her what more evidence she would need for her to realize that what he's doing is wrong and she couldn't she said she didn't know. there's nothing i can do about this and it makes me really sad and incredibly angry. they're moving in together in september. she has no real friends anymore because she doesn't hang out with anyone anymore. she said she's going by what she feels... she's definitely not thinking. i was one step away from telling she was being an idiot, i almost wish i did say it.

You can lead a donkey to water, but you can't make it drink. I find this whole thing incredible. She is truly balls-deep in denial as you have said. If she really is that stubborn, she is going to have to learn the hard way. I would really try to convince her against moving in though. Then she will be stuck in a bad situation for a whole year at least.

And when it all comes crashing down on her, guess who has to be there to pick her back up? You! Life isn't fair.

i have no problems with being there for her when things go down, but some days i almost want nothing to do with her. mostly because she doesn't ever want to hang out with me (or anyone for that matter) and i don't really see her at home. at the same time i love her and i would love to spare her from having to learn the hard way but she obviously does not want my advice. it just sucks to watch your friend get hurt and on top of that continually decide to keep getting hurt.

when it comes to moving in with him, there's honestly nothing i could say to change her mind about it. plus, they've already signed the lease and she's pretty dead set on staying with him. today she told me that she wants me to understand that she's not being "stupid" about the situation. i didn't really respond, she's going to do what she wants. i think the other thing about is that she has a holier than thou sort of attitude. she honestly believes she's too smart and pretty to get cheated on...

anyway, thanks for your response. i just need to vent or i'll go crazy and possibly punch him in the face if i see him... and that would not be good lol

Sorry, but your friend sounds dumb and young, she like drama, and likes to be the victim, typical negative cancer behavior. One day hopefully she will get tired of being treated bad, grow up, and figure out what she wants. Hopefully she doesn't catch nothing from this man whore. You sound like you have been a good friend, I personally do not know how you have been able to put up with her for any amount of time.

I really hate hearing about women accepting behavior like this from men. and men moving along through life thinking this is OK. It's not...

Good luck to the both of you.

From: A Smart Cancer Girl 🙂)

I know it's difficult but you really have to let her get hurt before she comes to her senses. If she believes she's too good to be cheated on then she needs this kick in the ass to wise up. Let her be, let her do what she's going to do. And when it all hits the fan IF you still want to be there for her then be there for her. But you're not obligated to and don't let her drag this drama into YOUR life.

thanks girls. i really hate to see her go through it but she's made her decision.