Blame His Star Sign: CANCER

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

'I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.' Hunter S Thompson (Born July 18)

The first thing you'll notice is his genuine, and adorable, smile. The Cancer man is sweet, chivalrous, and has a wonderfully off-beat sense of humour that can be downright loony. He is sentimental, sensual, and truly affectionate. He is a traditionalist who respects the proprieties of courtship, believes in family and forever, and he's absolutely the best snuggle-bunny in the universe.

You may see an ideal mate, but what you get is an ideal stalker. A male Crab's idea of devotion is bonding at the hip, so unless you are prepared to become his Siamese twin, run in the opposite direction as fast as possible. In bed he is tender, but so passive that you'll soon tire of always being on top.

His devotion is legendary. However, don't say 'I do' until you understand that this extends to every friend and relative he's ever had, especially mother. It's not above him to wait until the honeymoon to tell you she's coming to live with you as soon as you return.

He's subjective. His favourite game is 'Guess How I'm Feeling'. You will be expected to read his mind, sense his moods, and mend his fragile ego, all without benefit of knowing what has upset him. Don't worry. Everything upsets him. Forget to buy toothpaste, and he'll decide you don't love him anymore. Say you want a night out with the girls, and he'll expect divorce papers in the morning.

Conversely, he will be so blind to your feelings that you will soon find yourself thinking of ways to escape. Try talking rationally, and he will become morose and over-emotional. He's so preoccupied with his own sensibilities, and his basic character is so convoluted, that he simply can't believe you don't feel exactly as he does on every issue. He's as moody as the female Crab, and punishes any perceived slight by retreating into his metaphorical shell so he can have a good old pout.

The male Crab is as paranoid about security as the Bull but, in a financial crisis, will expect you to do all that nasty stuff like making a budget or working two jobs to ensure the family's future. He'll be too ill with a case of stressed-induced acne to show his face in public.

He will stop at nothing to get you to agree with his point of view, even if it's only on the best flavour of ice cream. Anything less is total rejection. First, he will explain in excruciating detail why pecan is better than walnut. Next, he'll try his lost boy look to win your acquiescence. If neither tactic works, he will sigh, say he's not hungry, and sit brooding in front of the TV. You better be prepared to either give in or live in silence. Before you gratefully choose the latter, remember silence to a Crab is punctuated with long, mournful sighs, minor to major groans, and frequent whimpering mutters.

A prime example of a male Crab in action is King Henry VIII. When Henry wanted to divorce his first wife, Catherine (a Sagittarius), to marry Gemini Anne Boleyn, you would think that he would have said, 'So be it'. Instead, in typical Cancer style , Henry tried to ensure that everyone in the kingdom agreed with him. He dragged out the barge, visiting his royal advisors up and down the Thames. He petitioned the Pope for an annulment; even encouraged Catherine to say their marriage was never consummated.

When Catherine refused, he locked her in the Tower of London. When the Pope refused, King Crab created the Church of England, installing himself as its secular head. Through alternating displays of temperament and torture, he secured most of his noblemen's support. Then, true to his changeable nature, he had Anne beheaded, in just under three years of marriage, after it had taken him five years to fight the battle to marry her in the first place.

While your Crab will probab

Ohhhhhhh my goodness. This is so HIM. Seriously, THIS IS SO HIM. However, he's not the stalker type ... and if he was he would stalk me that's for sure. Since we are concerned just friends ... all this "telling me what to do" stuff just can't fly anymore ... ohhhhhh it felt good to say that 😉 True, he is very subjective ... VERY! He is very emotional along with some other things ... YESSIR!!!!!! (Hey it's NBA playoff time and I'm a Pistons fan! hahaha would you expect anything else from me 😉 Yeah baby!!!!

"A prime example of a male Crab in action is King Henry VIII. When Henry wanted to divorce his first wife, Catherine (a Sagittarius), to marry Gemini Anne Boleyn, you would think that he would have said, 'So be it'. Instead, in typical Cancer style , Henry tried to ensure that everyone in the kingdom agreed with him. He dragged out the barge, visiting his royal advisors up and down the Thames. He petitioned the Pope for an annulment; even encouraged Catherine to say their marriage was never consummated.

When Catherine refused, he locked her in the Tower of London. When the Pope refused, King Crab created the Church of England, installing himself as its secular head. Through alternating displays of temperament and torture, he secured most of his noblemen's support. Then, true to his changeable nature, he had Anne beheaded, in just under three years of marriage, after it had taken him five years to fight the battle to marry her in the first place. "

Ok I'm gunna put on my history girl hat right now. Personally i believe King Henry VIII was probably manipulated by (gemini)into starting his own church. (she gave him all the info about lutheranism which was spreading through europe at the time) and he didn't simply want everyone to agree with his decision to divorce. As a king he had to try and keep people on his side, especially nobles. You don't want them turnning against you and he also HAD to try and get an annulment from the pope because he was catholic and only the pope could legally grnat him his divorce. He had to have it all legalised in the eyes of the law so his marriage to anne (and any subsuquent children) would be completely legal and he could have a legitimate heir to the thrown.

*Takes off history hat* i wish people would get their facts straight about these things. Where did you find this?

HEY HEY HEY calm down crabby 😛 LOL Aren't you typical ha ha ha taking things to the butt 😛

Got it from a website. First one I read was the Taurus man and thought it was funny as hell!

Didn't like the Henry crap but thought that some of it had some actual truth to it lol

Henry VIII true to cancer spirit was a rebel jsut liek another cancerians Jean Jacque Rousseau and Princess Diana. We know that these poeple never bea round the bush. Cancers look into the face of outdated conventions and are bold enough to standby what they believe in. Henry VIII was a product of his times. Challenging the authority of Pope was not easy and he was backed by the King of Spain Catherine's Father. HGis actions were guided by the intricate political situations of those times. Henry was a moron no doubt. But if one has to go by sun signs then i wud say ti is so very unliek cancer to have a couple of his wives beheaded. We cant forget the court politics which were at its vicious worse during the trubulent years of Henry VIII till the rise of Elizabeth I.

So if at all there was anythign typically cancerian about henry VIII it was his radical reforms, passion for food. If y'all visit the following website it will throw some light on the life and tiems of Henry VIII

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_VIII

"Henry VIII was a product of his times. Challenging the authority of Pope was not easy and he was backed by the King of Spain Catherine's Father".

What i mean is that Pope was backed by Cahterine's father.

I must say i'm a pretty good stalker.

"What i mean is that Pope was backed by Cahterine's father."

Thank god you corrected that. I was just about to kill you and tell you to get your facts straight - not in that order of course.

how come my crab is nothing like you guys? He's not clingy, doesnt stalk, is not that really moody, blah blah blah he doesnt have that much of the cancer traits. Cept I think Im more of like a cancer... I do all the stuffs above lol

ummmm this is so on point it's scary.....

Holy. TL;DR

Posted by CancerKitten
"A prime example of a male Crab in action is King Henry VIII. When Henry wanted to divorce his first wife, Catherine (a Sagittarius), to marry Gemini Anne Boleyn, you would think that he would have said, 'So be it'. Instead, in typical Cancer style , Henry tried to ensure that everyone in the kingdom agreed with him. He dragged out the barge, visiting his royal advisors up and down the Thames. He petitioned the Pope for an annulment; even encouraged Catherine to say their marriage was never consummated.

When Catherine refused, he locked her in the Tower of London. When the Pope refused, King Crab created the Church of England, installing himself as its secular head. Through alternating displays of temperament and torture, he secured most of his noblemen's support. Then, true to his changeable nature, he had Anne beheaded, in just under three years of marriage, after it had taken him five years to fight the battle to marry her in the first place. "

Ok I'm gunna put on my history girl hat right now. Personally i believe King Henry VIII was probably manipulated by (gemini)into starting his own church. (she gave him all the info about lutheranism which was spreading through europe at the time) and he didn't simply want everyone to agree with his decision to divorce. As a king he had to try and keep people on his side, especially nobles. You don't want them turnning against you and he also HAD to try and get an annulment from the pope because he was catholic and only the pope could legally grnat him his divorce. He had to have it all legalised in the eyes of the law so his marriage to anne (and any subsuquent children) would be completely legal and he could have a legitimate heir to the thrown.

*Takes off history hat* i wish people would get their facts straight about these things. Where did you find this?

Right also he was dealing with Spain and The Vatican. I don't think that had anything to do with zodiac but more politics.

Posted by tiziani
11 years ago lol

I can't remember what I was doing in 2005, off the top of my head.

..prom?

2005 I was dating a taurus, that would be so meta if this were her who made the original post. Once when we broke up she told me she read all the astrology stuff about cancer and taurus couples. that didnt help her.