cancerguy29
@cancerguy29
9 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 10 · Topics: 1
Broke up with my cancer woman and I don't understand what she wants from me!
Only later I would find out from her transactions of credit card that she has been either drinking/eating near the other guys appartment. I'm not sure if she is sleeping or dating him but I know for sure that she has been spending time at the guys appartment & staying over at his place. Also from her call records I found out that she had been speaking to him at night for hours. So I asked her a couple of times if she had been seeing that guy, & she outright denied it & told nothing was going on with him & also that she would never get into relationships with anyone again. And this had been going on even before we broke & when we were on break. So after finding this out, I started ignoring her & tried communicating less. But she always tried to contact & talk to me like once in 2-3 days. She also kept telling me that she misses me & stuff & she would not find anybody who would understand her the way I did, but also tells me that we can't get back because she knows that it won't work out. This was in the month of december. She contacting me went on for a while & hence I finally asked her if she has any feelings for me & she told me that she doesn't feel anything about me. So I called her up & told her not to contact me for a while as it would affect me & I was not in the same place as her & we could be friends after sometime in the future. So she agreed. But even after that she kept contacting me & I started ignoring her. She always comes up with some excuse to contact me. Today as well, she contacted me & quoting her words "hey, I don't know why I still hate you so much & it is frustating at times". I really don't know what to say to this. I would want us to get back together & I want her to give me a chance to prove that I can be a better guy & not be a jerk. I already made amends and I want to make things right. I do not know what to do about her & what is going on in her head. Please all the cancer ladies, help me with this & I would be grateful. Thanks a lot in advance & I have shortened it as much as possible.
Posted by SensitiveBluesI have cut her off, I did not text her for 13 days, while she was finding some excuse to text me or sending cute dog pics. I ignored her for 13 days and finally she came up with something regarding the sim card and phone which was mine and was with her, she had already called me thrice and had sent some 7-8 messages. So I called her back and talked only about the sim card. But she wanted to casually talk about other things and she was asking all those. I told her that i was busy and hung up. Today after a week, she pinged me regarding the hating me. And yes, it our relationship never started on a very serious note. She already had a bf and I was working with her in the same company. She was instantly attracted towards me and that's how things started. I backed off when i found out she was already committed, but she kept pursuing. I told her that she should go back to her bf as it was not right. But she told me that she was unhappy in her relationship and she was going to break up with him. So she eventually broke up with him and then we started dating.
Cut her off. You both need to grow up she is lying to you but you made her insecure why she's moved on to another guy!
You guys really need space to work on yourselves. You both effed up but you didn't even take the relationship serious if you did you we wouldn't be flirting with other women and you def would not sleep over another girls house!
She does hate you but she's emotionally connected to you. She hates you cause you broke her trust
And I did write her an apology letter. I mean I don't know how else I can apologize or make it up to her. I would also like to know how to make her let go of all the anger and hatred and forgive me and give this relationship another chance so that I could make things right.
That comment " I hate you and its your fault" I'm paraphrasing but she is hurt. You are hurt. Hurt people, hurt people.
Work on yourselves for awhile. Together or separately just with it clear on the table that you are both working on yourselves and not a relationship.
Work on yourselves for awhile. Together or separately just with it clear on the table that you are both working on yourselves and not a relationship.
Posted by SensitiveBluesWe both are 25 years old. Yeah, I felt that too that I'm her backup now and her ex bf was her backup when she was with me. Cause she always was in touch with her ex when she was with me. She used to tell me that he constantly messages and calls her and tries to get back with her. And when she wouldn't get back with her, he used to abuse her verbally and blame her for what he is going through. This is what she told me. I felt bad for the guy and I had suggested not to ignore him, at least talk to him whenever he contacts her. She always was on talking terms with him and I didn't mind it. But now I realize, I'm in a similar situation as her ex now. But the only difference is I have never abused her and I don't try to contact her at all. She's the one who reaches out to me.
Time then a serious discussion! But you got to look at a person's habits if she uses her emotions to move from one relationship to another there's something wrong!
Seems like she always has backup!
How old are you guys?
Posted by ListenlearnteachYeah, I have been working on myself since then and I've come to learn the biggest lesson of my life. I have realized certain things that I should not do in relationships and I shouldn't be impulsive like I used to be with her. But she on the other hand never wants to do anything with me.
That comment " I hate you and its your fault" I'm paraphrasing but she is hurt. You are hurt. Hurt people, hurt people.
Work on yourselves for awhile. Together or separately just with it clear on the table that you are both working on yourselves and not a relationship.
You're both young, so you're both still figuring out what you want in a partner, and how relationships work. If you had been truly serious about her you would have pushed for marriage, but you didn't, which says you're not looking at her as a potential mate (and there's nothing wrong with that!!). Just move on. Work on yourself, do some deep thinking while you live, work, play. You can't do anything to make her forgive you, and personally, you didn't do anything horribly wrong, but it did look bad. She broke up with you, and that's her right to do if she doesn't feel that you're what she wants in a mate. She will have to work on her feelings about you on her own. The fact that she hasn't been completely honest with you, and that she keeps backups around says alot about how not ready she is for marriage. Just move on from her. Learn from this and apply what you learn to yourself and others.
Posted by MoonArtistYeah, I completely agree. But I realize her worth now and I truly saw her in my future(not particularly marriage) and hence I'm constantly guilty and regretting things every minute of my life. Also why does she keep coming back to me and trying to get in touch? She says that she misses me and that I understood her the best and she hates me etc etc. Doesn't she realize that when she is feeling all that, she hasn't completely moved on from me and she could give another chance for our relationship? Why won't she realize that she could forgive me for once and let go of all the hatred and be the bigger person cause she won't achieve anything from hating or despising me. Why can't she just leg it go once and try to see how I'm making a real effort to change for her and I wouldn't repeat my mistakes?
You're both young, so you're both still figuring out what you want in a partner, and how relationships work. If you had been truly serious about her you would have pushed for marriage, but you didn't, which says you're not looking at her as a potential mate (and there's nothing wrong with that!!). Just move on. Work on yourself, do some deep thinking while you live, work, play. You can't do anything to make her forgive you, and personally, you didn't do anything horribly wrong, but it did look bad. She broke up with you, and that's her right to do if she doesn't feel that you're what she wants in a mate. She will have to work on her feelings about you on her own. The fact that she hasn't been completely honest with you, and that she keeps backups around says alot about how not ready she is for marriage. Just move on from her. Learn from this and apply what you learn to yourself and others.
Posted by SensitiveBluesI didn't get married until I was 24, not right out of high school. Shock and awe, but I actually had some college under my belt by the time I got married, too. Like, OMGERD, amazing, right? 😛Posted by MoonArtistWRONG absolutely WRONG.
You're both young, so you're both still figuring out what you want in a partner, and how relationships work. If you had been truly serious about her you would have pushed for marriage, but you didn't, which says you're not looking at her as a potential mate (and there's nothing wrong with that!!). Just move on. Work on yourself, do some deep thinking while you live, work, play. You can't do anything to make her forgive you, and personally, you didn't do anything horribly wrong, but it did look bad. She broke up with you, and that's her right to do if she doesn't feel that you're what she wants in a mate. She will have to work on her feelings about you on her own. The fact that she hasn't been completely honest with you, and that she keeps backups around says alot about how not ready she is for marriage. Just move on from her. Learn from this and apply what you learn to yourself and others.
Him not pushing for marriage has nothing to do with his feelings for her. He wasn't ready. Wtf Marriage isn't the end all to everything, it has a certain time and place.
Just cause you got married straight out of HS doesn't entail others are mentally prepared for that jump.
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I never said he had to marry her, I'm saying that a part of him knew it wasn't what he was ready for and/or she wasn't the one he wanted for that much of a commitment. His gf wanted it and he didn't. Simple as that.
Posted by cancerguy29She hasn't worked through her emotions, yet, and it seems like her emotions are all over the place. I don't think she knows WHAT she really wants. Her pattern (from what you've said), is to keep guys around as fall back options, she pushed you for marriage, but then acted like she would go with the arranged marriage thing, but still pushed you for it, plus going into insecure mode about what you might be doing with other women.....in short, I think she wants marriage for all the wrong reasons, and it has more to do with her own insecurities and what she thinks is expected of her than it does with what she wants in her heart. She has a lot of growing up to do.Posted by MoonArtistYeah, I completely agree. But I realize her worth now and I truly saw her in my future(not particularly marriage) and hence I'm constantly guilty and regretting things every minute of my life. Also why does she keep coming back to me and trying to get in touch? She says that she misses me and that I understood her the best and she hates me etc etc. Doesn't she realize that when she is feeling all that, she hasn't completely moved on from me and she could give another chance for our relationship? Why won't she realize that she could forgive me for once and let go of all the hatred and be the bigger person cause she won't achieve anything from hating or despising me. Why can't she just leg it go once and try to see how I'm making a real effort to change for her and I wouldn't repeat my mistakes?
You're both young, so you're both still figuring out what you want in a partner, and how relationships work. If you had been truly serious about her you would have pushed for marriage, but you didn't, which says you're not looking at her as a potential mate (and there's nothing wrong with that!!). Just move on. Work on yourself, do some deep thinking while you live, work, play. You can't do anything to make her forgive you, and personally, you didn't do anything horribly wrong, but it did look bad. She broke up with you, and that's her right to do if she doesn't feel that you're what she wants in a mate. She will have to work on her feelings about you on her own. The fact that she hasn't been completely honest with you, and that she keeps backups around says alot about how not ready she is for marriage. Just move on from her. Learn from this and apply what you learn to yourself and others.click to expand
And YOU, seem to be wanting back into it so you can prove you're not what she says, which isn't the best reason to go back into a relationship, either. Both of you need a time out. Put some time between you and then see how both of you feel in 6 months or a year.
You both sound like you need to grow up some.
Posted by MoonArtistPosted by cancerguy29She hasn't worked through her emotions, yet, and it seems like her emotions are all over the place. I don't think she knows WHAT she really wants. Her pattern (from what you've said), is to keep guys around as fall back options, she pushed you for marriage, but then acted like she would go with the arranged marriage thing, but still pushed you for it, plus going into insecure mode about what you might be doing with other women.....in short, I think she wants marriage for all the wrong reasons, and it has more to do with her own insecurities and what she thinks is expected of her than it does with what she wants in her heart. She has a lot of growing up to do.Posted by MoonArtistYeah, I completely agree. But I realize her worth now and I truly saw her in my future(not particularly marriage) and hence I'm constantly guilty and regretting things every minute of my life. Also why does she keep coming back to me and trying to get in touch? She says that she misses me and that I understood her the best and she hates me etc etc. Doesn't she realize that when she is feeling all that, she hasn't completely moved on from me and she could give another chance for our relationship? Why won't she realize that she could forgive me for once and let go of all the hatred and be the bigger person cause she won't achieve anything from hating or despising me. Why can't she just leg it go once and try to see how I'm making a real effort to change for her and I wouldn't repeat my mistakes?
You're both young, so you're both still figuring out what you want in a partner, and how relationships work. If you had been truly serious about her you would have pushed for marriage, but you didn't, which says you're not looking at her as a potential mate (and there's nothing wrong with that!!). Just move on. Work on yourself, do some deep thinking while you live, work, play. You can't do anything to make her forgive you, and personally, you didn't do anything horribly wrong, but it did look bad. She broke up with you, and that's her right to do if she doesn't feel that you're what she wants in a mate. She will have to work on her feelings about you on her own. The fact that she hasn't been completely honest with you, and that she keeps backups around says alot about how not ready she is for marriage. Just move on from her. Learn from this and apply what you learn to yourself and others.click to expand
And YOU, seem to be wanting back into it so you can prove you're not what she says, which isn't the best reason to go back into a relationship, either. Both of you need a time out. Put some time between you and then see how both of you feel in 6 months or a ye
She hasn't worked through her emotions, yet, and it seems like her emotions are all over the place. I don't think she knows WHAT she really wants. Her pattern (from what you've said), is to keep guys around as fall back options, she pushed you for marriage, but then acted like she would go with the arranged marriage thing, but still pushed you for it, plus going into insecure mode about what you might be doing with other women.....in short, I think she wants marriage for all the wrong reasons, and it has more to do with her own insecurities and what she thinks is expected of her than it does with what she wants in her heart. She has a lot of growing up to do.
And YOU, seem to be wanting back into it so you can prove you're not what she says, which isn't the best reason to go back into a relationship, either. Both of you need a time out. Put some time between you and then see how both of you feel in 6 months or a year.
The arranged marriage thing was just a pressure from her parents to meet some guy that they like and hence she had to meet him for the sake of it, but she isn't into arranged marriage thing. I feel the whole me not taking a stand for marriage(serious commitment) was just an excuse given by her to break up with me. And when would she ever grow up and realize what we had was special and we do not give up on someone just like that and end a meaningful relationship? Also, regarding the time out, I have tried telling her in every possible way not to contact me for sometime, so that we could give space to each other and then we could get in touch once we're normal, but she doesn't seem to understand that. She always finds an excuse to contact me after a few days. What should I do about it?
If she can't respect your request to not contact you then find a way to cut off contact: block her number so she can't call/text, unfriend her on social media, do not read or open letters, email, etc. Just go no contact if that's what you have to do.
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