Cancer guy suddenly became quiet and distant. Help——??

First off, let's call this guy "Jake". We were just students from the same class but we joined a school club that got us closer.

As we got closer, I realized that he would always nitpick me. Like when I updated my profile picture, I'm not saying that I'm absolutely pretty, but it is a decent picture I took during my birthday. He would be like "i just noticed your profile picture, HORRIBLE". He would also make fun of my height and laughter at times. Out of all the friends that we hangout together with, it's always me that he nitpicked.

From time to time, I can sense that he likes me. For instance, there was this one day during class that I broke my earpiece and I randomly sent a message through the skype group chat saying "sigh my earpiece is broken." And then Jake, he told me "I have a spare one with me now, do you want?". I was hesitant because it was during lesson and we were all doing our own work and I don't want to go out of class just to take that earpiece. In the end he was like "nevermind". However, both of us take the same bus home because we live nearby. We did not sit together back then because we were still awkward, so I would sit separately. While on the bus, he suddenly turned around and passed me the earpiece without saying anything. I was super shocked but I just said thank you. When it was my time to alight, I was about to return the earpiece to him but he just texted me saying "you can keep the earpiece". At that moment, I was not really sure if he was being nice or he really likes me.

But, there was another day where it was my friend's birthday and we all planned on surprising her. All of us had already prepared gifts. I realized that he had two plush toys. One was a big penguin plush and another was a small one. I was super shocked that he gave the small one to me when he could give both to the birthday girl. He was like "this is for you, since youre so small and short". My friends started teasing me and Jake because of that incident because they also were not expecting that to happen. I went back home to text him saying, "I dont know why you gave it to me when you could give both to her but thankyou". He said he "cant" because it's a "gift" for my belated birthday. I was super dumbfounded because my birthday was way back in March and at that moment it was May. That was his only explanation. At this moment it was clear enough to me that he likes me because which guy would randomly get you a gift?

At times when the weather was so hot, I was sweating, he would buy a few packs of tissue paper and give one to me without me asking.

There was also this day that I was super quiet all of a sudden that I don't laugh as much as I used to. I was having too many thoughts. I can tell that he actually noticed. But I didnt tell him what's wrong up until we were going home together, taking the same bus. I opened up abit but I did not tell him the reasons why I did certain things to myself. I was struggling a lot that I actually self harm myself. I told him that I started an old habit, which was cutting. He saw my scars. I can't remember much what he said to me during that bus ride but he said not to do it again. As I was walking back home, he texted me asking "Hi, just making sure if you reached home.". And slowly from there he questioned me if there was anything that's bothering me. I wrote him a long text, opening up on my bad past experiences, my fears, my feelings, basically everything. He started reassuring me, saying,

"I want to cry, I'm so useless, I tried to help but I can't help a friend. You are actually pretty amazing when it comes to understanding people. Let's not base things on the stupid school. There are many things you can do that I can't. you are you, you are needed. your future does not lie within the words of your parents. you gave me a view of things that no others dare to reveal. And I believe that you are a much more amazing person than how your parents see you. I never think that you are a burden, I think you are just as good as me, actually better. Many times that you are the laughter of the clique. To be honest, I think about you a lot, in class, in bus and at home. Like how I can help and stuff like "oh i shall get you one of these to brighten your day". but I'm afraid that it'll be creepy if i did". Even if things might not be so good at home, I hope our company with you will be your sun that will keep you through the night safe and happy."



At this moment, I felt so warm. Like the things that I have lost all these years, returning back to me. I swear this was the moment that made me completely fell for him but I kept denying myself because I've been treated so badly all these years and when someone treated me the way I deserve, I think it's a joke. I just thought he was being nice. I couldn't believe myself that it was him saying all that because from what I observe, he's a gamer, watches anime a lot. He don't really have a huge circle of friends, he doesn't have a good fashion sense. All he wear was a red jacket or black jacket with pants. He don't really talk to girls. So I didn't take him seriously. But when this happened it totally changed my perception of him.

We talked a lot, we shared a lot of things together. There are moments where he actually asked me out to go animefest with him. He also opened up about his past, childhood and say things like "oh I should bring you to my neighbourhood sometimes, I had good memories there".

But the thing is right now, the holidays really made us awkward. He was working during the holidays so I couldn't talk to him much and as soon as school starts, he never talked to me as much as we used to. We're in the same class but we didn't talk or say hi to each other. It's not only me who he's ignoring but I don't see him talking to our friends that we used to hangout with. These days he won't go for lunch breaks, he would straight away go home. I would try to talk to him through skype but his replies are so cold that it sounded like he's really annoyed.

I honestly do not know what I did wrong. Right now I dont know what to do. Do I wait for him to talk to me? Or should I make the first move to talk to him and ask him what's wrong? I'm scared he won't be honest about what he's actually feeling and he would usually try to cover it up. I don't want to seem that I'm trying to pry on him, but I really want him to know that I care for him and let him know that I'm here. What do I do? Help!!! 😢



I'm a Pisces btw, thanks for taking the time to read this long ass story but I really needed someone's advice, preferably from a Cancer guy.

I'm a Cancer so I'm goin to take a stab at this. Sometimes we can be the most friendly, caring and nurturing people but other times we might just randomly shut off due to life situations. You didn't do nothin wrong, he just goin through something, he sound a lot like me. When I was in school I didn't date or talk to girls too often and didn't have too many friends. We feel very unwanted by life and unfortunately that makes those around us suffer inadvertently. Cancers don't mean to be that way, we just are. So when you see him in school gently attempt to talk to him.

Whatever he's going through (since you said he's not speaking to the group friends as well) it certainly doesn't have anything to do with you that he's acting the way he is. He's likely hit a mood or wants to separate himself from most of the people around him. He's likely acting like this around family members as well. It's just something we do from time to time. It's like a switch goes off inside us or something. It can very well be a situation where he was let down by someone or affected by something in his life that was upsetting but he chooses to alienate himself. We do this because its what's most comfortable for us, how we coup. Yes the Pisces/Cancer connection is a magical one. But the nice things he did for you did not come with any form of flirting or joking around as far as I can tell in your story. Yes, picking on you about the profile picture might be a little of that. But, it would be ongoing if he was truly trying to flirt and make you laugh. If his humor is not on full display around you then no. I'm pretty sure he was just being nice as most of us (cancers) are. I'm not trying to burst a bubble here but he would be making a fair amount of effort if he was interested. I think he see's you as a friendly person and approachable. When you mentioned the cutting, that likely put him off, especially if he's particularly young as you both sound like you are given the bus rides home. You should likely just bide your time and seek the attention of other males because if there's a chance he does like you and he see's you flirting with another or even talking to a guy. He will step up his game and seek to get your attention pretty quick. If he sees you doing this and doesn't react at all. You have the answer you seek.

Best of luck to you Snowflake

Ok let me clarify certain things first. We were not given bus rides home, we just took the same public bus home because we live nearby. And we’re students trying to get our diploma certificate, it’s our second year in college. I did approached him last few days, initiating if he wanted to go home together. He didnt say anything so I just went for it. I told him my honest thoughts and asked if our other friends asked him out for lunch break, he told me they never did. His tone was super bitter like,

“Yeah they didnt asked me out for lunch break, so what?”

“Why talk when there is no reason to?”

“I’m just being myself”

“I’m sure you know this yourself, I dont approach people”

I just reassured him that if there was anything that he was keeping in for so long, feel free to tell me. I knew that he wont be so quick to admit certain things but I said that I just dont want him to feel like I dont really care when I actually do.

He said thanks and he told me that he dont really want to push people to an extent that they have to force themselves to approach him so that he wont feel left out. He’s fine being like that. He may say that but I’m sure he wish someone would be by his side.

Another thing, I actually went back to read all our text messages. I finally remembered that there was this certain text that we were talking about each other when we were strangers in class.

I have always observed that he never really went to eat for lunch break and all he ever ate during the day was Mentos. He told me, “You want to know why I dont go for lunch breaks? Because I have no one to eat with”

I tried sending him memes because he loves to use memes when we were talking but I got no reply. However, I got a text from him. Like finally?? He was talking about the weather because it was raining while he was on the way home. I know it wasn’t much but I felt relieved when he texted first, talking about random things like weather, games, noisy people because thats how he used to talk to me before all of this happened.

And yeah, he might be nice like many Cancers do but... why would he say things like “I should bring you to my neighbourhood sometime”, and why would he invite me over to go Animefest with him and his friends? I was the only girl there. Tbh he really opened up a lot about his feelings to me. Plus no guy would get a gift for a girl out of the blue and coming up with a stupid reason to give.

You said I should flirt with other guys but I heard there are certain Cancers that do not like seeing someone they like flirting with someone else because eventually they will give up. I’m afraid if I do that he will take it as me pushing him away. And since hes an introvert, if i dont approach him, he wont approach me. I’m so confused hahahaha.

I finally took the courage to approach him. Tbh, I'm not the kind of person who approach people who are not in a good mood. The reason is, I'm too scared of the response so I just escape.

I actually texted him after class if he wanted to go home together but he didnt reply me so I went on to call him instead. At that moment he was in the toilet and he never answered my question so I was like "fuck it, i'll just have to walk with him to the bus stop". Unfortunately, the public bus was full and I didnt get to sit beside him like how we used to back then. I was sitting infront while he sat behind me. All I could do was text him throughout the whole bus ride.

I said my honest thoughts and told him that I sensed that things might not be going so smoothly for him and I could see that. I told him that if there was anything he have been keeping in for so long, feel free to tell me but if he's not comfortable telling me yet then it's fine. I just wanted to make sure that he knows I'm here for him. I carefully made sure that I showed that I cared instead of making myself sound like I was prying on him.

He said thanks, and I'm pretty sure I was right about him feeling left out. He told me he dont want to make people approach him just because he was left out and he was fine being alone. But I'm pretty sure he wants someone by his side.

I just hope that he cheers up soon and things will get back to normal because I miss him so bad lol.

I have been thinking if I should say that but I'm scared it might be too sudden or like abrupt if I said that. And because of that he might run away. :/

I just wanted you to know I read your response and I will be making a new response tomorrow morning i just got to busy to get to it today.

I wanted to say that it’s very likely that if he was interested in you romantically that he would be doing a lot more things to get your attention. It really does seem like you are putting in the majority of the effort and from what I’ve gathered so far he doesn’t really make contact with you unless you make contact with him first. Yes he did contact you about it was raining and yada yada . But I really do have to say that I do think he’s just being casually friendly because if he was truly interested in you he would feel awkward around you and make awkward eye contact and be weary of every word that he said to you for example when you said that he mentioned “I should bring you to my neighborhood “I think what he meant by that was like wait till I get you to my neighborhood etc. so you can see how my life works in a general sense. I don’t think he meant to get you to his neighborhood because he was interested in you beyond a friend. There’s just some things we do as cancer men that may come across as extra friendly and may say things that seem a little flirty. But the truth is if we truly are interested we will flirt and get your attention nine out of 10 minutes of your day we won’t wait long stretches of time to talk to you. Another example when he told you that the reason he doesn’t have lunch with many friends because no one asks him. It’s because he likes being a loaner for the most part and if he was embarrassed in anyway to tell you that because he was attracted to you. He wouldn’t be mentioning any of this to you he would only say positive things like that make him look good or make him seem attractive. I do think you’re reading a lot into the things that he does say which seem to be few and far between meaning he doesn’t really think anything more of the relationship with you than just a casual friend like any of his other friends whether it be a girl or a guy. I kind of think he sees it as just another friend altogether because if he was really interested he would be all over you like calling you asking for your number yes I know cancers can be shy. But if he already has a rapport with you then it makes sense that he would say hey why don’t we hang out at this time, when can we go see this movie, why don’t we go have dinner at this place. I just wish there was a way that you could find out if he really does like you for your own good. Just be bold and ask if he’s even remotely attracted to you this way you’ll have an answer because I think you’re kind a torturing yourself and you don’t need to be torturing yourself. You need to be with a guy that you find appealing but also nurtures you in a way that you really want. I think you being more direct is the answer here. I think you asking him straight out if he’s attracted to you and then admit that you’re attracted to him because you clearly are. With the holiday season approaching I think you guys could have the best beginning to a wonderful dating situation at this point. But I don’t want you to waste anymore time guessing, you need to put your hammer down and just ask him and be bold and be confident be all the things you’re a little bit leery of being. I think he might be a little bit turned on by the fact that you’re showing more confidence than normal if you do ask openly. And I think you’ll be a lot happier on the holidays that are approaching. Plus if you get an answer now you can stop wasting time and move on to something that maybe even greater and more nurturing and more satisfying especially with Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s coming. To be fair when you mentioned the whole cutting thing. I think you put him in the friend zone almost immediately at that point because he probably doesn’t really know how to be nurturing in a situation that involves that kind of psychological issue for a person. Although we are nurturing and caring when we feel were in over our heads we sometimes back away because we don’t want to seem like we know how to fix everything although we would love to be able to fix most things it’s not likely that he will feel he’s equipped to deal with all the aspects of that type of situation especially the psychological end of why people end up doing that type of self harm. I’m not saying he can’t do it I’m just saying that he may not be able to face that type of reality given some of the descriptions you’ve mentioned about his own situation. He sounds like he has a host of his own issues that he’s dealing with and the fact that you mentioned all of that going on in your life maybe you can bond as friends. But I don’t think you can turn it into a dating situation at the present time due to these outstanding issues that are present between the both of you. Ironically you haphazardly both put yourselves in the proverbial friend zone By sharing that much detail about each other. I think that may be why he isn’t showing more interest than casual comments.

If you would ever like to chat I have this app that I use we can talk on. But I’ll let you decide whether not you’d like that happen. I think I could give you some fantastic insights into the Cancer-Piscean relationship

Wishing you all the luck in the world-MatrixYoda

Ps The app is a free download all the calls are free but I’m sure you know the already

is it a bad thing that i told him i missed him— because i did that. and in that same text i also said that it hurts to see him being moody.

he was like “huh?”

i replied “if i were to explain further i might be repeating what i said”

hes like “oh, im ok everyday”.

lol idk if he was too shy to respond to the i miss you part but if he’s going to keep running away and avoiding me, i’m actually torturing myself.

I think your reading into things now. Your looking at this situation a bit like you assume “ he’s shy “. And that he’s not replying because he is. I hear some one replying with a “what are you talking about” feel. I really think he’s not up for anything honestly. Because if he liked you in anyway ( in a romantic sense ) he would have jumped all over the “ I miss you “ part of this. He totally ignored it. I’m sorry but I don’t think it’s shyness, I think he’s just not into any of this from a dating position. He sees you as a friend from school like all his other friends. I know if a girl tells me she misses me and I don’t teally want to do much about it because I don’t want to lead her on. I would just gloss over it and not say anything about it, much the same as he did here. The fact that your showing concern for his moodiness. And he’s like “huh” he’s not exactly feeling like he’s moody it’s just the way he is. So he doesn’t see it as being moody understand? So mentioning the moodiness is only making him say say things like “I’m ok everyday” he’s who he is and that will not change. Bottom line is I don’t think he’s up for any kind of relationship at the moment. I sense he’s just trying to get through classes and make the best of an already confusing life. When I was in school even in college I just decided I didn’t want any kind of gf due to the fact that I saw so much drama and headaches people go thru in those young unions. I found myself resenting them due to there immature nature and behavior. I wouldn’t be surprise if he’s somewhere in that category at this stage of his life. He’s likely got his own thing going on mentally and he’s focused on that for everything from personal pleasure to complex thinking and pondering the universe etc. he’s likely heavy into soliloquy and makes endless conversations with himself just trying to make this world work for him emotionally and mentally. These are some of the cancer traits we use just to process our thoughs and carryon with our daily lives. I’m Pretty sure if he wanted you to be a part of his discovery especially as a woman. You would get a lot more of his creative humor and smiles of which I’m not seeing much at all. In fact I think he’s kinda not into much of anything when it comes to your interaction with him. Unless you can point to a noted actionable moment of affectionate talk or compliment he’s paid to to you. I think your falling further down the rabbit hole Alice haha. And yes I think you are torturing yourself a bit. If anything I think you should just confess your crush on him and let fate decide. At least if he knows and does nothing. Then you will know your answer and you can at least walk away proud knowing you didn’t leave any stone unturned. At this point I don’t think you have much to lose honestly in fact it may be the only card left you have to play In my opinion. Just let it all out in a grand gestured email or tell him you like to meet up as you have something you want to talk to him about. This way you can get all of his body language and answers in real time. He can’t fake a “no” in real life life. So I think sitting with him infront of you so you can see his eyes and work out his overall reaction is the best thing here. Since you are currently torturing yourself and not sleeping thinking about him like 25 out or 24 hours a day haha. Maybe it’s time to break out of your reserved self and be a bit bold. Cause think about it if he’s not into you then wouldn’t you just rather know now? I mean let’s be honest. If he’s not I’m sure you’d rather move on. Your Pisces heart can only handle so much.

I do hope you do this last part. I think you need it not only for your heart but for your well being so you can get back to sleeping and not looking at the ceiling in bed thinking about all those ways you want to talk to him. Right snowflake Rigghhtt. Lol

Let me know if you have any other questions and of course let me know what ends up happening here.

sighhhh i get what you mean. sorry im just so indenial and i just cant accept the fact that things like this happen.



thanks for your help!