really need help with this Cancer man

i'm a Virgo female, met this Cancer man about a month ago. we live in different cities, about 2 hours drive from each other and have hit it off pretty well. we met on Tinder. it's a little lengthy but i really need some advice here. we've hung out on 3
i'm a Virgo female, met this Cancer man about a month ago. we live in different cities, about 2 hours drive from each other and have hit it off pretty well. we met on Tinder. it's a little lengthy but i really need some advice here.

we've hung out on 3 consecutive weekends and he would be the one to come to my city and he's always here for about one night as Sunday was his only day off. we would always make time for each either over a meal or meet up on Saturday night when he gets in and just talk. he always say how much he loves the city I'm in so i was take it like he legitly likes the city im in that's why he traveled out here so much. at this point, nothing intimate yet.

i've noticed his body language to change by the second weekend we met. he would get closer to me, teased me once or twice, and when we sat next to each other at a restaurant, he would have his arm on the back of my chair, accidentally brush the side of my thigh, keep rubbing his own thighs, etc.

so just last week, we had a small argument over texting. long story short, it was because i wasn't responding to his alleged advances. then he said guess it's time to find someone else with the peace out emoji. i then realized he has been trying to get with me so i apologized for being so guarded and that i had a good reason for it (i was so heartbroken from my last relationship with a Libra man, found out he was married and butter). he didn't reply after.

the next couple of days, i was trying to say hi and all, and his replies were extremely short but like always, he responds immediately, if not within like 10 mins at most. and finally i asked him if he was still in his feelings. he got upset and defensive, and said i gave myself way too much credit and that he never was in his feelings. i then apologized again and asked if we could start over. he said we're cool, and said it again that guess it's time for him to find someone else. so i teased him and asked if he wanted some recommendations from me and he said no need bluntly. lol. so i told him i like his vibe and that again i apologize for being an marker, and drove out to see him that very night since we won't be seeing each other the following weekend due to his work.

when he saw me, he was kind of dancing and happy to see me. we didn't speak about what happened before but spoke about something else. i ended up staying with him. i got him to cuddle with me, and he was breathing so heavily like he was extremely nervous. about a few mins later he was breathing normally. and we ended up cuddling for at least 20 mins, he didn't try to grab my butt or feel my back, but he was fidgeting a lot. and i know he was trying to meet my face and kiss me. we finally did and had sex. though it was fast, there was a lot of kissing. and he said embarrassingly, "that was fast, well it's been awhile for me". and i just smiled back at him. it was indeed short, but at that moment i realized i was truly catching feelings for him.

the next day, while he was cleaning up his room, i hugged him and he gave me a really nice deep peck on my cheek. like i could feel it was an extremely loving one. when i had to leave, we hugged again and kissed twice.

but just like before and always, he never initiates conversations with me unless he's on his way to my city. yet everytime i text him, like i said, he would reply almost immediately. he even sent me a love-kiss emoji in one of his replies. idk if i'm also overthinking, but he would post stuff that is pretty unlike him - it's like he knows i like them. basically, idk what to do with him. should i continue to say hi every day with short conversations like we always do but i don't want to come across clingy, or should i just give a couple of days' of break till he reaches out to me on his own accord, which i somehow think he prefers me to take charge. idk, i really need help with him and i like the connection we have especially when we see each other.
"Double Pisces, double delight. Sag rising VIA MIA
He's married!
Posted by Undine
He's married!


Lol no he isn't. He has a kid though. He and the mother of the child has a clean break but it's all about raising the child now. We never spoke about this yet either. Just wondering if i should just walk away.
23 years old female
Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
keep your guard up. Virgo last longer with cancer when they stay cautious like they do in most relationship.

You fall for them , it usually start falling apart
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
keep your guard up. Virgo last longer with cancer when they stay cautious like they do in most relationship.

You fall for them , it usually start falling apart


Im still guarded, just wasn't sure if i should continue to initiate convos with him on the daily or i should just walk away. He seemed really egotistical and a softie at the same time. I just dont want to come across seeming clingy if he isn't feeling me the same way.
I was in this exact situation a few weeks ago. I’m dating a cancer man as well. In the beginning he was terrible at replying to messages, it would take him hours to reply; sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him in days. At times I would give in and initiate a conversation and other times I would (painstakingly) wait for him to. I’ve learnt that you have to be super patient with cancers. I eventually brought it up with him in a subtle way (us virgos can be really blunt). As usual he took hours to reply to me and I responded with “I always thought I was terrible at responding to messages but you take it to a whole new level!”. This must’ve sparked something in him because he apologized and said work had been hectic. Since then he started replying every second! To the point that I was actually getting a little annoyed. Another thing that really keeps him on his toes is when i go out with the girls. He’ll be messaging constantly.

That’s all I’ve figured out about cancer men so far!
Posted by Virgo89
I was in this exact situation a few weeks ago. I’m dating a cancer man as well. In the beginning he was terrible at replying to messages, it would take him hours to reply; sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him in days. At times I would give in and initiate a conversation and other times I would (painstakingly) wait for him to. I’ve learnt that you have to be super patient with cancers. I eventually brought it up with him in a subtle way (us virgos can be really blunt). As usual he took hours to reply to me and I responded with “I always thought I was terrible at responding to messages but you take it to a whole new level!”. This must’ve sparked something in him because he apologized and said work had been hectic. Since then he started replying every second! To the point that I was actually getting a little annoyed. Another thing that really keeps him on his toes is when i go out with the girls. He’ll be messaging constantly.

That’s all I’ve figured out about cancer men so far!


exactly! but idk how to bring it up in a subtle way. maybe i'll try that.

another thing is, are cancer men that clammed up that they wouldn't show their true intentions until called for?

he landed in his city yesterday after a hectic 10 day work trip and said he was going to come to my city on that very day. which, i think that's pretty crazy esp it was a hectic trip unless there was another intention. but bc he left his wallet at one of the hotels during the trip, he changed his mind. i told him to just come out since it was my day off too and i can spot him first (i know he's good that's why i offered) and he said he will just come out over the weekend instead and added "just to get a hair cut". i mean, he will never ever say he's coming to see me but the intention is there. so gawddamn it, why don't just admit it?? -______-
Cancer men are notorious for not returning calls and texts if they aren't super bonded. And even after being bonded, they still are pretty bad. lol
Pisces sun, Aqua rising, Capricorn Moon, Venus in Pisces, Mars in Cancer
You can keep texting and initiating conversation with him. I'll echo the previous poster regarding bad at returning text messages. They do tend to be much less direct than Virgos and won't appreciate you coming from the front. When you wanna deal with a cancer male, even in an apology, you almost always have to come from the side. They get super defensive. It's always two steps forward and one step back with them.

Cancers are my cryptonite. Keep your guard up and stay logical about what he tells you. Draw information out of him. I admit I am super Leary because of my history with them.
She was a poem in a world of status updates
1. There is no relationship terms on the table.

2. You met him off of tinder, notorious for treetrunk boi's and hook ups.

3. He only texts you when he is coming to your area to meet up.

This all points to him only wanting a fwb, nothing exclusive. Did you ask him if he is looking for a relationship??

Cancers are notorious manipulators. He threw a fit cause you didn't respond right away, threatened to move onto someone else,...and you came running with apologies and your kitty.

He played you like a fiddle.
Posted by LadyNeptune
1. There is no relationship terms on the table.

2. You met him off of tinder, notorious for treetrunk boi's and hook ups.

3. He only texts you when he is coming to your area to meet up.

This all points to him only wanting a fwb, nothing exclusive. Did you ask him if he is looking for a relationship??

Cancers are notorious manipulators. He threw a fit cause you didn't respond right away, threatened to move onto someone else,...and you came running with apologies and your kitty.

He played you like a fiddle.


thanks for the last 3 replies - truly appreciative of it.

before we met up, we had conversations about future, not with us, but he would ask questions like how long do i plan to stay here, where will i move to if i leave, etc. to me, that kind of insinuates that he wasn't looking for something short or not serious. we're both actually foreigners working in another foreign country so we are away from our homes and families.

ive been hearing about cancers are known to be manipulators, but at the same time i can read into things too much. ive been told so many times too. i was dead certain that he was looking for a hookup or whatsoever initially, but bc my homegirl told me that it was obvious he is making the effort to come see me, i should just give him a chance. indeed im basically the only female he meets whenever he comes out here. it may seem silly for apologizing, but im also someone who hates animosity with others. either we clear up the air or ill keep sulking about it.

recently, he does seem to loosen up a little, still doesn't initiate conversations but when we speak, he shares a very tiny bit more about himself.

im honestly pretty clueless on how to move forward with him. either i just don't think about it and treat him as a regular friend and that that hookup was a mistake, or i completely see him as a fwb.
and actually i've met my last ex over tinder too. libra. but bc we have a mutual friend, i felt more at ease to know someone could vouch for him. i don't talk or just meet up with anyone randomly if i don't see us to have mutual connections.
She was a poem in a world of status updates
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by LadyNeptune
1. There is no relationship terms on the table.

2. You met him off of tinder, notorious for treetrunk boi's and hook ups.

3. He only texts you when he is coming to your area to meet up.

This all points to him only wanting a fwb, nothing exclusive. Did you ask him if he is looking for a relationship??

Cancers are notorious manipulators. He threw a fit cause you didn't respond right away, threatened to move onto someone else,...and you came running with apologies and your kitty.

He played you like a fiddle.


thanks for the last 3 replies - truly appreciative of it.

before we met up, we had conversations about future, not with us, but he would ask questions like how long do i plan to stay here, where will i move to if i leave, etc. to me, that kind of insinuates that he wasn't looking for something short or not serious. we're both actually foreigners working in another foreign country so we are away from our homes and families.

ive been hearing about cancers are known to be manipulators, but at the same time i can read into things too much. ive been told so many times too. i was dead certain that he was looking for a hookup or whatsoever initially, but bc my homegirl told me that it was obvious he is making the effort to come see me, i should just give him a chance. indeed im basically the only female he meets whenever he comes out here. it may seem silly for apologizing, but im also someone who hates animosity with others. either we clear up the air or ill keep sulking about it.

recently, he does seem to loosen up a little, still doesn't initiate conversations but when we speak, he shares a very tiny bit more about himself.

im honestly pretty clueless on how to move forward with him. either i just don't think about it and treat him as a regular friend and that that hookup was a mistake, or i completely see him as a fwb.
click to expand


None of that indicates he wants a relationship with you. Him 'making the effort to see you' just means he wants to see you, not that he wants to wife you up. And you said yourself that he always is super casual about it, saying he's gonna be in town for a hair cut...not saying he's coming there just for you. Your friend is telling you what you want to hear.

Asking how long you plan to stay here, etc. doesn't indicate deeper feelings either. If he's looking at you as a fwb he wants to know how much longer the kitty will be available to him.

Maybe he really does want a relationship with you. Your not going to know until you ask.

Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by LadyNeptune
1. There is no relationship terms on the table.

2. You met him off of tinder, notorious for treetrunk boi's and hook ups.

3. He only texts you when he is coming to your area to meet up.

This all points to him only wanting a fwb, nothing exclusive. Did you ask him if he is looking for a relationship??

Cancers are notorious manipulators. He threw a fit cause you didn't respond right away, threatened to move onto someone else,...and you came running with apologies and your kitty.

He played you like a fiddle.


thanks for the last 3 replies - truly appreciative of it.

before we met up, we had conversations about future, not with us, but he would ask questions like how long do i plan to stay here, where will i move to if i leave, etc. to me, that kind of insinuates that he wasn't looking for something short or not serious. we're both actually foreigners working in another foreign country so we are away from our homes and families.

ive been hearing about cancers are known to be manipulators, but at the same time i can read into things too much. ive been told so many times too. i was dead certain that he was looking for a hookup or whatsoever initially, but bc my homegirl told me that it was obvious he is making the effort to come see me, i should just give him a chance. indeed im basically the only female he meets whenever he comes out here. it may seem silly for apologizing, but im also someone who hates animosity with others. either we clear up the air or ill keep sulking about it.

recently, he does seem to loosen up a little, still doesn't initiate conversations but when we speak, he shares a very tiny bit more about himself.

im honestly pretty clueless on how to move forward with him. either i just don't think about it and treat him as a regular friend and that that hookup was a mistake, or i completely see him as a fwb.
click to expand


Some of the other posters know this about me, but my two best guy friends (family more than friends) are Cancers, and my current SO is a Cancer. I also have another Cancer ex as well.

Out of those 4 Cancers, the ex was the manipulative type that you have heard about. However, they are more far and few inbetween, and the majority are just more prone to being defensive. They tend to keep to themselves, or don't allow many people into their inner circle.

If you want to end up pursuing something with this Cancer, you will need to have a huge store of patience. They take a long time to do everything. lol
Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P
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