catin
@catin
16 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 161 · Topics: 7
Cancer Leo HOW patient do I have to be—
Part 2...apparently..... continues
message..he was back to me in minutes. He convinced me to come back to finish the work??_. But I was no well received??_and he wasn't there??_.. Hence came another e-mail in which I told him I would not be coming back.
Take note that all e-mails were exposing my feelings, what I want??_. And what I won't put up with??_. Always putting it back in his court??_to do the right thing. BTW they still owe me 8k??_. I know that he is holding on to this ??_. Because he thought that would be a way to get me back there??_ so he could continue to play the game.
Nothing until January of this year??_ after I had called to speak to a colleague and he answered the phone??_. He knew it was me??_ and I could feel him through the phone??_lol But did not want to speak with him??_ not that way.
The next day I wrote him another one of my fabulously delicious e-mails??_.. which must have got his attention??_ because he responded with ??_.If you want to discuss??_ call me??_. WTF??_ He continues to play the game??_ More wonderful e-mails from me followed??_ all of which telling him he isn't worth my time and energy??_. Almost like take a hike??_.OK??_ the love stuff was above??_ to lower the blow at the bottom??_..
No activity since??_. But in July I received two calls from him??_both hang ups??_. The first I could have dismissed as an accident??_. But the second??_. Not a change??_.and then in September??_ a restricted call..come in??_. another hang up??_..
Now I'm back to thinking about him??_.. How long does this SH!T last—— I know he loves me??_ He said nothing but look at my desk??_ when I told him that almost two years ago now??_.
OK??_ I know this was long??_. But this is two years in the making??_..
message..he was back to me in minutes. He convinced me to come back to finish the work??_. But I was no well received??_and he wasn't there??_.. Hence came another e-mail in which I told him I would not be coming back.
Take note that all e-mails were exposing my feelings, what I want??_. And what I won't put up with??_. Always putting it back in his court??_to do the right thing. BTW they still owe me 8k??_. I know that he is holding on to this ??_. Because he thought that would be a way to get me back there??_ so he could continue to play the game.
Nothing until January of this year??_ after I had called to speak to a colleague and he answered the phone??_. He knew it was me??_ and I could feel him through the phone??_lol But did not want to speak with him??_ not that way.
The next day I wrote him another one of my fabulously delicious e-mails??_.. which must have got his attention??_ because he responded with ??_.If you want to discuss??_ call me??_. WTF??_ He continues to play the game??_ More wonderful e-mails from me followed??_ all of which telling him he isn't worth my time and energy??_. Almost like take a hike??_.OK??_ the love stuff was above??_ to lower the blow at the bottom??_..
No activity since??_. But in July I received two calls from him??_both hang ups??_. The first I could have dismissed as an accident??_. But the second??_. Not a change??_.and then in September??_ a restricted call..come in??_. another hang up??_..
Now I'm back to thinking about him??_.. How long does this SH!T last—— I know he loves me??_ He said nothing but look at my desk??_ when I told him that almost two years ago now??_.
OK??_ I know this was long??_. But this is two years in the making??_..
as a fellow fire sign (aries sun, leo rising) i would say get as far away as you can from a cancer. we are drawn to them, probably because we shouldnt be.
they occasionally throw us a bone, but most of the time leave us utterly confused and frustrated. just as we are getting over them they throw us another treat, making us start to like them again. man save yourself the emotional stress. find a fire sign. they are much more straightforward. i am trying to get over a crab and find myself someone who is not a piece of work
they occasionally throw us a bone, but most of the time leave us utterly confused and frustrated. just as we are getting over them they throw us another treat, making us start to like them again. man save yourself the emotional stress. find a fire sign. they are much more straightforward. i am trying to get over a crab and find myself someone who is not a piece of work
TIKI33 8/9/2007 You wrote... this in 2007... although I was months/a year into it.... I think that I followed this to a T..... I have been brutally nice... yet firm with this guy.... He is going through those hit and miss relationships.... I know... and that was brought up... in my not so kind words..... I really respect your input...on this... I am financially independent, can cook, sew, etc... and from I've read... this is what this guy is looking for... How long do I need to wait for this to turn around... and him to come to the conclussion... that he is done with bimbo's.
"I'm not a leo but Summer you have to stop being so nice, period, you don't have to argue and spit mean venom but you have to learn to be indifferent to a cancer man, if you can stop associating your feelings with his feelings you will have more success with dealing with him. If he's being rude, you mirror that back to him in a nice mean way, yes thats the only word i can think of, be non chalant when he's being pissy, INDIFFERENCE is the key, let him BE with his emotions, take yourself out of the equation, you will never understand why and what for inregards to his moods and behavior, he holds them deep within him and if you ask he may or may not choose to open up, once you understand that 95% of the time your not going to crack the surface of his shell you will begin to stop struggling, this sign can keep secrets unlike no other.
Ask him if he's alright, if he says he's fine and yet he's acting pissy then go about your normal routine in life, this will make him open up because he will feel neglected in some way....some cancer men live for neglect this is their way of getting love and assurance so what seems like neglect turns into affection and making up, I have read that this a pattern with some cancer men...so stop being afraid if you are afraid of hurting his feelings, give him all the hurt he can take lol!He will love you hard because he will see your not letting his emotions overwhelm you and this a huge plus.
If you can relax, flow with the ins and outs of his moods, give him space to brewd and sulk, which will and can be days at a time, he will begin to trust you, he has all kinds of thoughts of disloyalty and cheating and seething about things he feels slighted about, stop competing with his emotions, let him figure it out and when he's being pissy around you, you go and find something or someone else to hang with until he gets his act together. "
"I'm not a leo but Summer you have to stop being so nice, period, you don't have to argue and spit mean venom but you have to learn to be indifferent to a cancer man, if you can stop associating your feelings with his feelings you will have more success with dealing with him. If he's being rude, you mirror that back to him in a nice mean way, yes thats the only word i can think of, be non chalant when he's being pissy, INDIFFERENCE is the key, let him BE with his emotions, take yourself out of the equation, you will never understand why and what for inregards to his moods and behavior, he holds them deep within him and if you ask he may or may not choose to open up, once you understand that 95% of the time your not going to crack the surface of his shell you will begin to stop struggling, this sign can keep secrets unlike no other.
Ask him if he's alright, if he says he's fine and yet he's acting pissy then go about your normal routine in life, this will make him open up because he will feel neglected in some way....some cancer men live for neglect this is their way of getting love and assurance so what seems like neglect turns into affection and making up, I have read that this a pattern with some cancer men...so stop being afraid if you are afraid of hurting his feelings, give him all the hurt he can take lol!He will love you hard because he will see your not letting his emotions overwhelm you and this a huge plus.
If you can relax, flow with the ins and outs of his moods, give him space to brewd and sulk, which will and can be days at a time, he will begin to trust you, he has all kinds of thoughts of disloyalty and cheating and seething about things he feels slighted about, stop competing with his emotions, let him figure it out and when he's being pissy around you, you go and find something or someone else to hang with until he gets his act together. "
TIKI33 2007 MESSAGE CONTINUES..... OPPS .. POSTED IT AGAINST ANOTHER LINK. HOPE THEY FORGIVE ME SOME DAY...LOL
"in other words act as if you could care less about his moods and this will push him to find out why your not being expressive towards his moods, if he says I don't wanna talk to you, you say okay and end the conversation, if he says I don't like you, you say oh okay, talk to me when you do start to like me again or you say I don't like you either....this is just examples but, these are examples of indifference, you could care less if he's happy, moody, sad, mean, you have to let him BE..period
If you can show him this side of you, he will be more apt to not pull you into his mood swings, you have to allow his moods to be his, don't take ownership of his moods, let him be whatever it is he's choosing to be that day."
"in other words act as if you could care less about his moods and this will push him to find out why your not being expressive towards his moods, if he says I don't wanna talk to you, you say okay and end the conversation, if he says I don't like you, you say oh okay, talk to me when you do start to like me again or you say I don't like you either....this is just examples but, these are examples of indifference, you could care less if he's happy, moody, sad, mean, you have to let him BE..period
If you can show him this side of you, he will be more apt to not pull you into his mood swings, you have to allow his moods to be his, don't take ownership of his moods, let him be whatever it is he's choosing to be that day."
stop competing with his feelings is so important because you will lose each and every time...
Something a I read from some posters on another forum, I think some of you will know exactly what he means, so I will post here and hopefully it will help others
"Ladies PLEASE STOP BABYING THESE CANCERS! They are sensitive emotional, moody, and slow to trust. But they are MEN they will use their sensitive nature to confuse us and manipulate us if we let them. The end result is they treat us as bad as any gem, sag or leo but we feel sorry for them!
After a few months a man knows exactly where you fit in his life. If he refuses to tell you, it can't be good. Make the cancers handle bussiness or step aside LIKE EVERYONE ELESE. There comes a time when we have to stand for something or fall for anything
P.S.
I love cancers, I believe they feel terible about the games they play, and taking advantage of us, but just like the other 12 signs they can't help but try to get something without giving anything."
Something a I read from some posters on another forum, I think some of you will know exactly what he means, so I will post here and hopefully it will help others
"Ladies PLEASE STOP BABYING THESE CANCERS! They are sensitive emotional, moody, and slow to trust. But they are MEN they will use their sensitive nature to confuse us and manipulate us if we let them. The end result is they treat us as bad as any gem, sag or leo but we feel sorry for them!
After a few months a man knows exactly where you fit in his life. If he refuses to tell you, it can't be good. Make the cancers handle bussiness or step aside LIKE EVERYONE ELESE. There comes a time when we have to stand for something or fall for anything
P.S.
I love cancers, I believe they feel terible about the games they play, and taking advantage of us, but just like the other 12 signs they can't help but try to get something without giving anything."
Another poster said...you have nailed us Cancerians, both male & female! We never consciously put people to the test, but still we do it 🙂 Our trust issues are many and varied, due to past hurts, so we do need tender loving care, tolerance and IMMENSE patience. Yet, we are strong as oxes, independent (but not always in the traditional sense of independence), and like to maintain our individuality. We can be covert, secretive and almost downright sneaky when it suits us. We are able to live double lives if we have to or choose to, so I guess we'd probably make excellent Don Juans ... or Bill Clintons ... or whichever ... both male or female too 🙂
We have fragile egos which constantly need stroking, yet on the other side of the double-edged sword that is all things Cancer, we often find a way to stroke our own, remaining aloof to others who wish to pump us up, so to speak.
We're probably as complex as you Gemini's are touted to be if truth be told! My duaghter's a Gemini and 99% of the time, we get on like a house on fire and I find her changeability endearing and am able to let it run off my back most of the time along with her outright nastiness which lucky for me, I ain't the recipient of too often - otherwise I'd go away and cwy ... 😢
You're right too about feeling terrible about the games we play. This is not done on a conscious level, as said above, but seems to be something which comes naturally and often to our detriment. We don't like dishonesty, but will be if the situation calls for it. We're the masters of excuses, the best concocters and tellers of "stories" and fantabulous joke relaters also (if we remember the punch line, or don't fall over laughing uproariously before we get to it).
We are slow movers, tenacious, we procrastinate, love retreating when fings are mean ... 🙂 are probably the most infuriating sign in the zodiac, yet it seems, the most loved and revered.
Yes, Cancers are a fascinating bunch. Even though we try so damned hard to be reliable, we often fail and it really does rankle with us. We want to look after each and every person who is nice to us and run out of emotional steam as we just can't be all things to everyone, much as we'd like to be.
Anyhoo, I'm just gonna go off and close me shell for the remainder of the day as I've been SO exposed here, I just can't cope
We have fragile egos which constantly need stroking, yet on the other side of the double-edged sword that is all things Cancer, we often find a way to stroke our own, remaining aloof to others who wish to pump us up, so to speak.
We're probably as complex as you Gemini's are touted to be if truth be told! My duaghter's a Gemini and 99% of the time, we get on like a house on fire and I find her changeability endearing and am able to let it run off my back most of the time along with her outright nastiness which lucky for me, I ain't the recipient of too often - otherwise I'd go away and cwy ... 😢
You're right too about feeling terrible about the games we play. This is not done on a conscious level, as said above, but seems to be something which comes naturally and often to our detriment. We don't like dishonesty, but will be if the situation calls for it. We're the masters of excuses, the best concocters and tellers of "stories" and fantabulous joke relaters also (if we remember the punch line, or don't fall over laughing uproariously before we get to it).
We are slow movers, tenacious, we procrastinate, love retreating when fings are mean ... 🙂 are probably the most infuriating sign in the zodiac, yet it seems, the most loved and revered.
Yes, Cancers are a fascinating bunch. Even though we try so damned hard to be reliable, we often fail and it really does rankle with us. We want to look after each and every person who is nice to us and run out of emotional steam as we just can't be all things to everyone, much as we'd like to be.
Anyhoo, I'm just gonna go off and close me shell for the remainder of the day as I've been SO exposed here, I just can't cope
As for your circumstances catin no offense but I see a lot of game playing and ducking and dodging on your part, you seem to get a kick out of this man chasing you which is fine but as long as your running nothing will ever get resolved, I also notice you keep getting heavy in emails and choosing to discuss heavy emotions via emails that is not the most effective way to connect with a man nor to get a point across, he seems open to sit down and discuss it but you keep running away, you have opportunities to talk but it's never convenient to talk right then and there so you run, you hide behind emails no wonder your 2 years in your still running around in circles.
What do you want? I mean seriously what do you want from this man, so far all I see is a lot of running on your part and him chasing. There is no way you 2 could officially date, hell he would have to catch you first to do that.
I wonder if you have a bought of commitment phobia and your projecting that onto him, your the one running not him...
What do you want? I mean seriously what do you want from this man, so far all I see is a lot of running on your part and him chasing. There is no way you 2 could officially date, hell he would have to catch you first to do that.
I wonder if you have a bought of commitment phobia and your projecting that onto him, your the one running not him...
tikki when did you become a cancer?
ok...TIKI33... I've read your response...and trust me... all I have done since I left was to push him away... Not right for him... hope he finds what he is looking for... and believe that he will succeed..in whatever he undertakes... Not worth my time and energy... See you in our next life....etc...
I have never chased him... or attempted to contact him... without circumstances.... I am in business... hence cannot just shut the door so to speak... I have been in control... gave him options... but in NO WAY will I play his game.... No contact since February... until these calls came in... and some associate convinced me that I should do something to show that I may still potentially interested..... Heck I wasn't going to do anything... until he told me that his now wife ran after him after a fight... which gave him the reassurance he needed to marry her. So what did I do... Call him— Heck NO!!!! e-mail him—?... Heck NO!!!
I decided albeit painful... as texting is a waste of time...imo... I sent him a simple message "Calls!! Hi There. You trying to make contact—?? I won't bite you.... Promise!"
If that is also wrong I need to know.... Apparently according to my associate...he may have been affraid of rejection... so I stewed on that potential fact for a few hours before I text that simple message.
Again... I appreciate your input... If I have to not respond to the next calls...so be it... I really wasn't going to respond to these one's in the first place. see above.
I have never chased him... or attempted to contact him... without circumstances.... I am in business... hence cannot just shut the door so to speak... I have been in control... gave him options... but in NO WAY will I play his game.... No contact since February... until these calls came in... and some associate convinced me that I should do something to show that I may still potentially interested..... Heck I wasn't going to do anything... until he told me that his now wife ran after him after a fight... which gave him the reassurance he needed to marry her. So what did I do... Call him— Heck NO!!!! e-mail him—?... Heck NO!!!
I decided albeit painful... as texting is a waste of time...imo... I sent him a simple message "Calls!! Hi There. You trying to make contact—?? I won't bite you.... Promise!"
If that is also wrong I need to know.... Apparently according to my associate...he may have been affraid of rejection... so I stewed on that potential fact for a few hours before I text that simple message.
Again... I appreciate your input... If I have to not respond to the next calls...so be it... I really wasn't going to respond to these one's in the first place. see above.
Tiki33... OK... I am not afraid to a face to face.... but heck I won't be doing it on his turf nor mine...for that matter.
Here is the e-mail sent in Jan 2008... FYI... to which I never go a response.
"Now lets assume.... I agree to a meeting with you to discuss... ..... Are you willing to negotiate the time and place... to get this done in order to gain more positive results from it—?? We both still have serious trust issues...which I would like to put behind us...regardless of the outcome.
ie.... not at Classic .....not in some restaurant or bar....... I believe a more social environment which may permit both of us to relax in time...and which may even allow a more open and honest communication to take place. This is all I ever asked for. We may even have a little fun in the process. Think of it as buds...(like I believe we use to be) just hanging out for a few hours.
I got upset with your previous e-mail...as it sounded too formal a transaction...which would not heave the right results for either of us...imo. A meeting at Classic would only get my back up.. and would most likely last less than a nanosecond."
Classic BTW is the company..
Here is the e-mail sent in Jan 2008... FYI... to which I never go a response.
"Now lets assume.... I agree to a meeting with you to discuss... ..... Are you willing to negotiate the time and place... to get this done in order to gain more positive results from it—?? We both still have serious trust issues...which I would like to put behind us...regardless of the outcome.
ie.... not at Classic .....not in some restaurant or bar....... I believe a more social environment which may permit both of us to relax in time...and which may even allow a more open and honest communication to take place. This is all I ever asked for. We may even have a little fun in the process. Think of it as buds...(like I believe we use to be) just hanging out for a few hours.
I got upset with your previous e-mail...as it sounded too formal a transaction...which would not heave the right results for either of us...imo. A meeting at Classic would only get my back up.. and would most likely last less than a nanosecond."
Classic BTW is the company..
Sorry Tiki33 that should have read..e-mail Jan 2009
Kiss... I still want you input... thanx
Kiss... I still want you input... thanx
OK... Tiki33... I know my last message re: e-mail Jan 2009.. may have taken you aback... based on your previous theory...
Keep in mind that he and I are both business professionals... and like I said before I knew him from the get go... Scary stuff... let me tell you... but also so beautiful...We are both running our own businesses....So easy to maneuver the back and forth... I actually feel that we were together in a former life... I now that I'm an old soul... and I believe he is as well...
I don't want to be walked on like a carpet... and from years of experience I have come to the conclusion that it never my choice... but all the cards are held by the man in question.... hence I have learnt the hard way to give a man distance/space... without barking at them... day in and day out. When they are ready...if ever...they will come to me.. to discuss... Hard lesson to learn..This man is special.. hence why I chose to share my feelings with him albeit by e-mail due to circumstances... which is more than what I've done in the past... of just kicking them to the curb..
I have pull away from this man...before he got the chance to think that he was the one pulling away... I confronted him before I exploded... from frustration... I have not been phased by the silence.... but continued to do my life..as I see fit...Bought a Century home last fall... and this week..I'm look at buying a couple of acres.. near water.. adjacent to my waterfront property...as an investment...
I am receptive to talking when he is ready... and all my communications with him... has demonstrated that fact...but I HECK WILL NOT BE ALLOWING HIM TO CONTROL ME. HE, IF A MAN.. MUST STEP UP TO THE PLATE...and that has been verbalized by me...to him... or he is a wimp... And if the latter....not my problem. I have to continue with what my life vision is... if he choses not to be part of it... As I'm the most important person on the planet at the moment.. I just would like this man in my life... It was magical... but I'm also able to walk away if need be. Hence I need your help in this matter.
Keep in mind that he and I are both business professionals... and like I said before I knew him from the get go... Scary stuff... let me tell you... but also so beautiful...We are both running our own businesses....So easy to maneuver the back and forth... I actually feel that we were together in a former life... I now that I'm an old soul... and I believe he is as well...
I don't want to be walked on like a carpet... and from years of experience I have come to the conclusion that it never my choice... but all the cards are held by the man in question.... hence I have learnt the hard way to give a man distance/space... without barking at them... day in and day out. When they are ready...if ever...they will come to me.. to discuss... Hard lesson to learn..This man is special.. hence why I chose to share my feelings with him albeit by e-mail due to circumstances... which is more than what I've done in the past... of just kicking them to the curb..
I have pull away from this man...before he got the chance to think that he was the one pulling away... I confronted him before I exploded... from frustration... I have not been phased by the silence.... but continued to do my life..as I see fit...Bought a Century home last fall... and this week..I'm look at buying a couple of acres.. near water.. adjacent to my waterfront property...as an investment...
I am receptive to talking when he is ready... and all my communications with him... has demonstrated that fact...but I HECK WILL NOT BE ALLOWING HIM TO CONTROL ME. HE, IF A MAN.. MUST STEP UP TO THE PLATE...and that has been verbalized by me...to him... or he is a wimp... And if the latter....not my problem. I have to continue with what my life vision is... if he choses not to be part of it... As I'm the most important person on the planet at the moment.. I just would like this man in my life... It was magical... but I'm also able to walk away if need be. Hence I need your help in this matter.
Kiki33... I would also like to add.. that during the 12months prior to the me leaving ...and getting into the e-mail scenario... I did in fact express my feelings verbally to him... ie... when before xmas.. and he was having work done on his condo... and was staying with his x... I repeated many times... I trust you are sleeping in the spare room... to which at the end he stated..he would sleep tonight in a hotel.. Did he?? Who knows!!!.. but I did verbalize it... ..When he said I was playing hard ball... I told him that he was in love with me..more to it... but words were spoken... This is just a bit of what went on..between us..
Next year I will be putting my house up for sale..unless this guy comes to the table... I will have 4 properties in another area of the country... by then... I will support them off of my house here..once it sells... I will begin a new life... and that will be the end of this discussion.
I have always had a vision... and had taken the necessary steps to initiate that vision... If this guy doesn't want me so be it... I will be ok... with or without him..However I don't believe now that I will ever connect with anyone else like I did with this one... It was special... but life will go on.
Next year I will be putting my house up for sale..unless this guy comes to the table... I will have 4 properties in another area of the country... by then... I will support them off of my house here..once it sells... I will begin a new life... and that will be the end of this discussion.
I have always had a vision... and had taken the necessary steps to initiate that vision... If this guy doesn't want me so be it... I will be ok... with or without him..However I don't believe now that I will ever connect with anyone else like I did with this one... It was special... but life will go on.
Catin my honest opinion is this man is doing nothing to lean your way, he's not professing his love, he's not proving his love, he's not providing you with a solid way to be in his life, you are basing a relationship off of emails and little physical contact, that is not REALITY. I won't debate if he's your soul mate yet I think your vision is a bit distorted in the reality of your situation. It's so easy for women to base a real relationship over emails, it feels real, the feelings seem real for us but most times it's just an email exchange that leads to a cyber relationship that leads to nothing. After 2 years of this it's clear there is no opportunity to go beyond it.
Yet If there is an opportunity for more he will make it clear and he will pursue it in some way, I have a strong feeling this is done, you have went as far as your going to go, the emails/calls may spark up from time to time but in and out is all your going to get out of this man. I suggest you get away from that computer as much as possible to establish REAL relationships.
These cyber email based relationships can keep women stay stuck in la la land due to her own fears. After 2 years he's way beyond fear of rejection, you 2 have communicated via text, email and phone and face to face so there is no way he could be afraid of rejection, he most likely is stalling due to the business relationship and not all that interested in being in a REAL relationship with you, I know that is not what you want to here but I think it's what you need to hear. I suggest keeping this relationship strictly professional or continue on this roller coaster ride with him.
When a man feels a gut level attraction for a woman he will throw it all away to be with her, he will hurl against any obstacles, he will fight any challenge and I just don't see him doing that. What you choose to do is up to you but if it were me I would move on to more interested-interesting men, I wouldn't necessarily shut the door but I wouldn't stand there holding it open and welcoming him in either....You have a few options, stay and play, wait and date other men while he figures it all out or go no contact for the exception of pure business reasons and leave the rest of it alone.
Yet If there is an opportunity for more he will make it clear and he will pursue it in some way, I have a strong feeling this is done, you have went as far as your going to go, the emails/calls may spark up from time to time but in and out is all your going to get out of this man. I suggest you get away from that computer as much as possible to establish REAL relationships.
These cyber email based relationships can keep women stay stuck in la la land due to her own fears. After 2 years he's way beyond fear of rejection, you 2 have communicated via text, email and phone and face to face so there is no way he could be afraid of rejection, he most likely is stalling due to the business relationship and not all that interested in being in a REAL relationship with you, I know that is not what you want to here but I think it's what you need to hear. I suggest keeping this relationship strictly professional or continue on this roller coaster ride with him.
When a man feels a gut level attraction for a woman he will throw it all away to be with her, he will hurl against any obstacles, he will fight any challenge and I just don't see him doing that. What you choose to do is up to you but if it were me I would move on to more interested-interesting men, I wouldn't necessarily shut the door but I wouldn't stand there holding it open and welcoming him in either....You have a few options, stay and play, wait and date other men while he figures it all out or go no contact for the exception of pure business reasons and leave the rest of it alone.
Did you admit this man is married Catlin?
If I read right and he is married, leave the situation alone. He married his wife for a reason.
If I read right and he is married, leave the situation alone. He married his wife for a reason.
krobe03 .... no his not married....he has never been married..... he lived with a girl.... and booted her ass out in mid 2007.
Kiki33.... I appreciated your honesty..on the subject... which is exactly... what I've been doing.... Communication via e-mail or text... has been nominal.....albeit... I have been extremely honest, opened and very very brutal in kicking his ass to the curb in a nice way 🙂... so to speak.
There was no communication on my part for over 7 months...until I text him over the two calls received on my cell back in July..... No reply from him.... well back to no communication imo... I opened the door....making it safe for him to walk through if he choses.... Up to him.. to make his move....
BTW Kiki33... even if he walks through... or anyone else for that matter.... Physical contact is not an option for me... At my age... I want it all or nothing. You don't need expressed physical contact in order to fall in love with someone.... and you don't chose who you fall in love with.... It just happens.
I'm back to doing my life.... I just thought of posting here... I guess I needed to get some feedback on his last maneuver... and what to do... other than do nothing...like I have been for the most part...other than getting on with living my life.
Kiki33.... I appreciated your honesty..on the subject... which is exactly... what I've been doing.... Communication via e-mail or text... has been nominal.....albeit... I have been extremely honest, opened and very very brutal in kicking his ass to the curb in a nice way 🙂... so to speak.
There was no communication on my part for over 7 months...until I text him over the two calls received on my cell back in July..... No reply from him.... well back to no communication imo... I opened the door....making it safe for him to walk through if he choses.... Up to him.. to make his move....
BTW Kiki33... even if he walks through... or anyone else for that matter.... Physical contact is not an option for me... At my age... I want it all or nothing. You don't need expressed physical contact in order to fall in love with someone.... and you don't chose who you fall in love with.... It just happens.
I'm back to doing my life.... I just thought of posting here... I guess I needed to get some feedback on his last maneuver... and what to do... other than do nothing...like I have been for the most part...other than getting on with living my life.
Catlin,
I honestly feel like you are doing the best thing by getting on with your life. Don't respond to NONE of his restricted calls and let him move on. You said, two years? It usually takes three years for him to fully trust that you are not trying to trap him anyway. Once he is aware that you have moved on, he will be back, FULL force. Two calls won't mean anything. Try 25 calls in less than two hours, it will be that bad.
I would just date someone else, get on with my life and put the memory of him on the back burner. You two have a SET PATTERN with your communication style and it will not change. Well it will for a minute, until he gets feed, his feel good, ego boost, siated and then he will bounce again.
Save yourself the heartache. Right now, you want him because he is being HARD TO GET. He is CHALLENGING you and you don't know what to do next. His difficulty is challenging you, his resistance to give in to you is putting you on edge. Don't reach in for him because he will be on the run again and that will hurt you even more than his distance is hurting you now.
He will come back around when he "thinks" you have LONG forgot about him. It won't be on your terms. WHO wants that type of relationship in all honesty? You already know the ANSWER. Don't do anything. Nothing to try and convince him that you are still waiting around on him.
I honestly feel like you are doing the best thing by getting on with your life. Don't respond to NONE of his restricted calls and let him move on. You said, two years? It usually takes three years for him to fully trust that you are not trying to trap him anyway. Once he is aware that you have moved on, he will be back, FULL force. Two calls won't mean anything. Try 25 calls in less than two hours, it will be that bad.
I would just date someone else, get on with my life and put the memory of him on the back burner. You two have a SET PATTERN with your communication style and it will not change. Well it will for a minute, until he gets feed, his feel good, ego boost, siated and then he will bounce again.
Save yourself the heartache. Right now, you want him because he is being HARD TO GET. He is CHALLENGING you and you don't know what to do next. His difficulty is challenging you, his resistance to give in to you is putting you on edge. Don't reach in for him because he will be on the run again and that will hurt you even more than his distance is hurting you now.
He will come back around when he "thinks" you have LONG forgot about him. It won't be on your terms. WHO wants that type of relationship in all honesty? You already know the ANSWER. Don't do anything. Nothing to try and convince him that you are still waiting around on him.
krobe03
Thank you for adding to this.....
While I was away... I thought of putting a second name number in my cell phone.... Now I have a total of two....His and the company.... His July 13th call changed from his name to the company name.. WTF... Devine Intervention...or what—... and the restricted number.... now changed to the company as well..... again WTF...
OK... confirmed 3 calls... from him...as no one else would have called me after all this time other then him.
I bought 2 acres this week... in a recreational area..across from my waterfront property.... YEAH!!!! Don't need this Cancer guy..imo. Worked on my Century home..which has been rented for a year since I bought it last fall... trying to stabilize it for the winter. I've never stopped my life for this guy...If anything... he has always been the one to try to pin me down.... Trying to get my schedule, wanting to know if I was going away again...etc....
Hard to get—?? He's the one that stated I played Hard Ball.... which I found out means I play hard to get...lol.
Anyhoot.... I only sent him a simple text vis a vis his calls..... He did not respond... so now I go back to not even doing that..... He can play his game whatever way he wants... however ... I opened the door.... now he must go through it...As I'm not going to play....
Now what do you mean by "TRAP HIM"—— Just so I understand the term... with respect to a Cancer... I'm beyond having children... I am financially secure... I run my own business.... I have 5 properties now..... Who would be trapping who— OK.. he is also financially secure...runs his own business and owns his condo. How the heck can I possibly trap this man—
Based on what you said... my simple text... may have him on the run again.... Oh well.... So be it...life goes on.... Actually my life goes on.... with or without him....it will always go on...
I appreciate your input in this matter.... which confirms what I already suspected..of the behavior.... What 25 times in two hours—— I won't be answering all those calls.... I do have a life... Catch me if he can!
Thank you for adding to this.....
While I was away... I thought of putting a second name number in my cell phone.... Now I have a total of two....His and the company.... His July 13th call changed from his name to the company name.. WTF... Devine Intervention...or what—... and the restricted number.... now changed to the company as well..... again WTF...
OK... confirmed 3 calls... from him...as no one else would have called me after all this time other then him.
I bought 2 acres this week... in a recreational area..across from my waterfront property.... YEAH!!!! Don't need this Cancer guy..imo. Worked on my Century home..which has been rented for a year since I bought it last fall... trying to stabilize it for the winter. I've never stopped my life for this guy...If anything... he has always been the one to try to pin me down.... Trying to get my schedule, wanting to know if I was going away again...etc....
Hard to get—?? He's the one that stated I played Hard Ball.... which I found out means I play hard to get...lol.
Anyhoot.... I only sent him a simple text vis a vis his calls..... He did not respond... so now I go back to not even doing that..... He can play his game whatever way he wants... however ... I opened the door.... now he must go through it...As I'm not going to play....
Now what do you mean by "TRAP HIM"—— Just so I understand the term... with respect to a Cancer... I'm beyond having children... I am financially secure... I run my own business.... I have 5 properties now..... Who would be trapping who— OK.. he is also financially secure...runs his own business and owns his condo. How the heck can I possibly trap this man—
Based on what you said... my simple text... may have him on the run again.... Oh well.... So be it...life goes on.... Actually my life goes on.... with or without him....it will always go on...
I appreciate your input in this matter.... which confirms what I already suspected..of the behavior.... What 25 times in two hours—— I won't be answering all those calls.... I do have a life... Catch me if he can!
I should add.... that the 1st call came in on July 13.... the other came in on July 30th... while the restricted number which has now been identified as the company came in on Sept 1... I did not send my simple text until the 7th of September... incumpasing all calls as a question.... Yup he did not respond... But I showed I was not phased by this...
I ended the transaction so to speak ... by telling him to take care..... No mushy stuff/or love stuff... No desperation... on my part.... Which would coincide with my previous kick him to the curb results... Again not phases by his lack of commitment...or lack of acknowledgement... Don't really care which... His problem .... not mine at the moment anyhoot!
I ended the transaction so to speak ... by telling him to take care..... No mushy stuff/or love stuff... No desperation... on my part.... Which would coincide with my previous kick him to the curb results... Again not phases by his lack of commitment...or lack of acknowledgement... Don't really care which... His problem .... not mine at the moment anyhoot!
thank you Katica for your insight... It is all coming together now.... I will just ignore... whatever signals he sends me until... I get a concrete message that he wants to communicate... Until then... they will be errors in his dialing capabilities...lol... and no more. I won't be responding to anymore of these ghostly calls... but register that they are happening.
I guess...based on krobe03... the more he calls...and the frequency...will determine... where he is at...(which in turn is power) but nothing will happen on my part...until a concrete message... is left...and even then.. I will wait a few days... if he ever leaves that message... to let him know... I'm not convinced at the moment anyways.
I guess...based on krobe03... the more he calls...and the frequency...will determine... where he is at...(which in turn is power) but nothing will happen on my part...until a concrete message... is left...and even then.. I will wait a few days... if he ever leaves that message... to let him know... I'm not convinced at the moment anyways.
Tiki33..... I found your profile verbiage today... and read all 8 pages.... This exerpt was very revealing to me..
"Where does he go? On to the next one where do you think? This is who he is and this is his pattern. The only way you will ever stand a chance of catching the player is CHANGING HIS PATTERN. If a player puts on the Princess Syndrome after knowing you less than a week then he is on his game. Don't worry ladies you don't have to turn down any of his generosity or attention - however, never "go the distance" in the first week or two no matter how hard you fall for his lover boy routine. He will be good at it, trust me I know.
Change the pattern? Yes, change the pattern. If you see all of those signs and you think he thinks you are falling into his hands but you really want to get to know what he is made of and if he is sincere - throw him a curveball. CANCEL A
Don't just cancel the date, do it like a PLAYER. Call him up an hour or three before the date and if he does not answer then leave the message on his machine. Tell him, "I have good news and bad news, the bad news is I have to cancel for tonight but the good news is I will make it up to you." If you have to answer the question, "Why are you cancelling?" Then simply say, "Personal reasons".
Yes, that is the way of the player, promises promises. Next, you will let him get "hot & heavy" with you but not go all the way. In other words make every date with this guy enough to keep him coming back for more. If he does not do that he is not worth keeping and he is lazy. If you went out on three dates with the guy and all of them were good dates but he does not call you for a fourth then just chalk it up to him being a player who got either bored or has too many chicks on the fly at once. Either way you are not missing out on anything because 3 dates means he likes you but not enough to change his pattern - who wants that?
Catching a player is more about "taming" a player than catching him. Players are guys who really enjoy three things; variety, freedom and sex. It is that simple - if you can be the one girl who gives him monstrously good sex and allow him his freedom then more than likely the variety aspect will go by the wayside. Men want a woman who impresses them. Nothing impresses a player more than a woman who can resist him??_csometimes." SEE next post for details.
"Where does he go? On to the next one where do you think? This is who he is and this is his pattern. The only way you will ever stand a chance of catching the player is CHANGING HIS PATTERN. If a player puts on the Princess Syndrome after knowing you less than a week then he is on his game. Don't worry ladies you don't have to turn down any of his generosity or attention - however, never "go the distance" in the first week or two no matter how hard you fall for his lover boy routine. He will be good at it, trust me I know.
Change the pattern? Yes, change the pattern. If you see all of those signs and you think he thinks you are falling into his hands but you really want to get to know what he is made of and if he is sincere - throw him a curveball. CANCEL A
Don't just cancel the date, do it like a PLAYER. Call him up an hour or three before the date and if he does not answer then leave the message on his machine. Tell him, "I have good news and bad news, the bad news is I have to cancel for tonight but the good news is I will make it up to you." If you have to answer the question, "Why are you cancelling?" Then simply say, "Personal reasons".
Yes, that is the way of the player, promises promises. Next, you will let him get "hot & heavy" with you but not go all the way. In other words make every date with this guy enough to keep him coming back for more. If he does not do that he is not worth keeping and he is lazy. If you went out on three dates with the guy and all of them were good dates but he does not call you for a fourth then just chalk it up to him being a player who got either bored or has too many chicks on the fly at once. Either way you are not missing out on anything because 3 dates means he likes you but not enough to change his pattern - who wants that?
Catching a player is more about "taming" a player than catching him. Players are guys who really enjoy three things; variety, freedom and sex. It is that simple - if you can be the one girl who gives him monstrously good sex and allow him his freedom then more than likely the variety aspect will go by the wayside. Men want a woman who impresses them. Nothing impresses a player more than a woman who can resist him??_csometimes." SEE next post for details.
OK... here's the deal.... While I was at the company... I got very frustrated at times..... hence needed a break from the whole situation.... I am a consultant...
I know I got under his skin.... One day when I was scheduled to be there... I didn't show up...nor did I call to advise I wasn't gonna show up.... As my gut told me.... He called in the afternoon.... and stated... " You are a no show... to which I explained that I needed a day away from the frustration.... more words..were spoken.. and then I hung up on him...lol
Another time... it was a Saturday... which I was suppose to go in and get stuff done..... but he had pissed me off the previous day.... with wanting to reduce my daily charge.... On the Friday we spoke after hours... and I told him that the day he pays for my bills... we can discuss my charge ...until then... My fee is what it is... Because of that Friday conversation.... and the fact that GM was trying to kill me for 7 years... and I needed a divorce from GM... I chose to not go into the office.... but rather go looking for a vehicle. Now on weekends.. I never turn on my cell phone... which he was aware of..... But this particular Saturday.. I decided to turn it on...to see what his reaction would be.... Yup!!!!! as I suspected.... He called on Quew... just after lunch... but did not answer the phone.... He reacted exactly how I anticipated he would react... to me not showing up... when I was suppose to be there....
These are only a few examples... of cancelling a date.....(Date not in the typical sense... but he was spending more time at the office... since I starting this gig...so I found out...) He was my office husband..for a year...and yes I was in his spell..sort of speak....I had ZERO problems walking away... when the time came..to get serious...
I truly do see the benefit of this action.... At the time...I didn't know the implications..... ..... but now I thank Tiki33 for explaining the benefit of it.
Tiki33 imo...has had a bad rap...on these boards... As I see the benefits of learning from the post written by Tiki. It may not be what we want to hear... but at least it is truthful to the scenarios given.... I have learnt the hard way... I wish someone would have expressed this to me some 30 years ago... I've most of the books... and have tried to incorporate what I've learnt from reading...into my life...
BC of Men are from Mars and Women from Venus... I am able to laugh off the cave time...stuff..with ease
I know I got under his skin.... One day when I was scheduled to be there... I didn't show up...nor did I call to advise I wasn't gonna show up.... As my gut told me.... He called in the afternoon.... and stated... " You are a no show... to which I explained that I needed a day away from the frustration.... more words..were spoken.. and then I hung up on him...lol
Another time... it was a Saturday... which I was suppose to go in and get stuff done..... but he had pissed me off the previous day.... with wanting to reduce my daily charge.... On the Friday we spoke after hours... and I told him that the day he pays for my bills... we can discuss my charge ...until then... My fee is what it is... Because of that Friday conversation.... and the fact that GM was trying to kill me for 7 years... and I needed a divorce from GM... I chose to not go into the office.... but rather go looking for a vehicle. Now on weekends.. I never turn on my cell phone... which he was aware of..... But this particular Saturday.. I decided to turn it on...to see what his reaction would be.... Yup!!!!! as I suspected.... He called on Quew... just after lunch... but did not answer the phone.... He reacted exactly how I anticipated he would react... to me not showing up... when I was suppose to be there....
These are only a few examples... of cancelling a date.....(Date not in the typical sense... but he was spending more time at the office... since I starting this gig...so I found out...) He was my office husband..for a year...and yes I was in his spell..sort of speak....I had ZERO problems walking away... when the time came..to get serious...
I truly do see the benefit of this action.... At the time...I didn't know the implications..... ..... but now I thank Tiki33 for explaining the benefit of it.
Tiki33 imo...has had a bad rap...on these boards... As I see the benefits of learning from the post written by Tiki. It may not be what we want to hear... but at least it is truthful to the scenarios given.... I have learnt the hard way... I wish someone would have expressed this to me some 30 years ago... I've most of the books... and have tried to incorporate what I've learnt from reading...into my life...
BC of Men are from Mars and Women from Venus... I am able to laugh off the cave time...stuff..with ease
Krobe03- Tiki33
Here we go again... Got another call today... on my land line this time... No message... just a call coming in from the company.... So he is thinking of me.... but not willing to manup...as Tiki33 would put it...And as Krobe03 would say... he is looking for his fix...lol 😉
No I do not plan on playing this game.... Like I said before... he will have to leave a message..requesting something from me. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO ONE ELSE WHO WOULD BE CALLING ME FROM THAT NUMBER... HENCE HAS TO BE HIM ... THINKING OF ME. Maybe he is having problems with his newest hit and miss bimbo he picked up in some bar... Who knows!!!! and I surely don't care!!!!... It is his life... to lead.. and he needs to figure this out.... right——
Won't put much emphasis on this... however... if this is a game.... I won't play!!!! until I know for sure he really wants in.... I've already opened the safe door a few months ago.... He needs to walk through...
Why do they play this game—?? What a friggen waste of time and energy...imo. OK..I know... I'm old enough to know that they usually get away with this crap...hence continue to play it... Until they decide their done...
I'm better than this!
Here we go again... Got another call today... on my land line this time... No message... just a call coming in from the company.... So he is thinking of me.... but not willing to manup...as Tiki33 would put it...And as Krobe03 would say... he is looking for his fix...lol 😉
No I do not plan on playing this game.... Like I said before... he will have to leave a message..requesting something from me. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO ONE ELSE WHO WOULD BE CALLING ME FROM THAT NUMBER... HENCE HAS TO BE HIM ... THINKING OF ME. Maybe he is having problems with his newest hit and miss bimbo he picked up in some bar... Who knows!!!! and I surely don't care!!!!... It is his life... to lead.. and he needs to figure this out.... right——
Won't put much emphasis on this... however... if this is a game.... I won't play!!!! until I know for sure he really wants in.... I've already opened the safe door a few months ago.... He needs to walk through...
Why do they play this game—?? What a friggen waste of time and energy...imo. OK..I know... I'm old enough to know that they usually get away with this crap...hence continue to play it... Until they decide their done...
I'm better than this!
Catlin,
This is something this man just does to frustrate you! Period! If you confront him about it, he will LIE and say that you are accusing him of doing something he does not do and he does not have time for games. Try being contacted 25 or more times in two hours. Yuk, pure frustration. Again, when you give him attention, you will get dismissed. YOU RESPONDED! So, I would just move on. If you were in his face, it would be more games, like flirting with other women in your face, acting like he doesn't know you, or something else stupid.
This man is using PUA tactics just to string you along. You do deserve better than this. He is only excited about the challenge, the thrill of the chase but he really DOES NOT want you. It is the chase he is after.
This is something this man just does to frustrate you! Period! If you confront him about it, he will LIE and say that you are accusing him of doing something he does not do and he does not have time for games. Try being contacted 25 or more times in two hours. Yuk, pure frustration. Again, when you give him attention, you will get dismissed. YOU RESPONDED! So, I would just move on. If you were in his face, it would be more games, like flirting with other women in your face, acting like he doesn't know you, or something else stupid.
This man is using PUA tactics just to string you along. You do deserve better than this. He is only excited about the challenge, the thrill of the chase but he really DOES NOT want you. It is the chase he is after.
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
I'm usually NOT attracted to Cancers or Leos but this boy has a crazy charming edge to him and he is extremely smart. I
I am mad over a Cancer (Leo in Venus, Mars in Cancer, Pisces Moon) - Fire Water. I am an Aries (Mars in Gemini, Ven
I am a leo woman and I have been spending time w/ this cancer man that I have fell in love w/. But the problem is that
Just met the cutest Cancer guy. He's mature, has a sense of humor and we enjoy each other's company. The flirting has st
any ideas?
She is a Taurus, i know her through one of her best friends. We are just friends, or may be even acquainted. I drove her
OK. I just started seeing this Cancer guy and I am falling hard and very quickly for him.It scares me . At first bein
i like a leo guy but i hear their not compatible.y?wat draws eachother away?
im into this leo but i hear leos n cancers dont mix.why, wats cancer doing wrong?
how are they (vaguely) to live with?
Hi everyone! So, I'm in a new relationship with a Leo man. I'm the typical Cancer and he's the typical male. Lord kno
Is 17th July a Cancer Leo Cusp??
I have heard cancerians are pretty sad people...but this guy has a good sense of humor...he was born on 17 july does tha
Anyone?
What are sun in cancer /moon in leo guys like? I've never met one b4 and so I'm interested in learning.
I met this Leo at a bar where I was singing. He was with his musician friends. He is a musician. My Leo male and I had a "sexual" relationship for two years. I had no interest in him beyond that. I had a boyfriend (Capricorn) but my relationship with him
Insights...leos love compliments and loooooove money,almost more than cancers. they like da fact we can treat dem like queens. and we do admire u all. Now what about being a serious couple now that's a challenge. Comments ?
I am a libra female, dateing and living with a cancer male. I trust him and stuff but 3 CRAZY females are after him: a cancer, a leo and an aqua..... do i have anything to worry about?
i find myself posting about my cancer man a lot more that i'd like to be. i just don't understand him at all. but i love him, and i want this to work out.
i'm a leo myself, and with every relationship i've ever had i've been completely insatiable
i'm a leo myself, and with every relationship i've ever had i've been completely insatiable
My fiance is a pisces ((hes 20)) and I'm a cancer/leo-July 22((18)). At this moment he lives 6 hours away but we talk like 3 times a day, a total of u
I am older than he... so I was confused as to what his attraction to me was... OK... the table are turning..and some men actually like/love older women. There is are more positive stuff... but to many to recount here... Just let me say that I had to ask God almost everyday... why he brought this guy into my life..... I knew him from the get go... How awesome is that.
NO we never officially dated... but I felt that he was my office husband... He was always in my office...in my space..called stupid meeting to gawk at me.... we laughed, we cried.... It was wonderful.
A year later I decided this needed to move to something concrete ... or I'm out of here. 1st he claimed never getting the e-mail I sent him... Part of a business..e-mail... fun... stating Houston we have a problem!!!. Then when he called to find out where I was... I told him that I was done... Claiming never received the mail..so I resent it... Then he disrespected me by saying "I don't know where your coming from" many words...I hung up on him. He calls again two days later... and fireworks go off with him continuing to disrespect me...and me placing this whole thing back on his shoulders as he started the mess in the 1st place.
The next day.... Show no fear.... and went back to the company to pack my stuff... He wanted me to come back and deal with shit... I told him I would think about it.... he asked again... I told him the same thing.... then he gave me that little boy look...smile thingy..... which made my heart melt...and I couldn't help cutting him a smile back.... I left the building..forthwith. He called a few time after that... in which I did not answer... sent him e-mails telling him he needed to apologize...for his bad behavior.
Due to circumstances we spoke again a few months later??_. Left him a mess