i'm a leo, he's a cancer - give up now or wait?

i find myself posting about my cancer man a lot more that i'd like to be. i just don't understand him at all. but i love him, and i want this to work out.

i'm a leo myself, and with every relationship i've ever had i've been completely insatiable. i want more of their time, more affection, more attention, etc. i realize that i can be unreasonable so i try to hide this yearning i always have and find other ways to satisfy it.

we've been dating for almost seven months. in the beginning he was so attentive, we were always together, he was completely affectionate and did all the right things. every day we would be at work but we'd be sending text messages to each other all day long....an hour was too long to not have contact with one another. we met each other's families, and friends, and i have really become attached to him.

i recently told him that i loved him, and he replied with, i wish i could say it back, but it gets thrown around too much. i need to know that i really mean it. but please dont take that the wrong way because i really like you a lot.

he brings me to family gatherings and i'm included in everything he does with his friends. when i'm out with my girls it's not unusual for him to "show up" at some point in the night. he keeps finding these interesting events for us to go to, and when we do things like that i feel like a total princess.

i found out on the weekend through a mutual friend that every girlfriend he has ever had has cheated on him. she told me that when we started dating, the one thing he made clear was how different i was. she said he's been through some brutal experiences with women in the past and was deeply hurt by them. she said i have to be patient, even though my feelings are there it's going to take him a while longer because he is so afraid.

she also said that she's never known him to introduce anyone to his family, or that he brought around as much as he does with me. but i don't know if that means anything. honestly s

but i don't understand this. there's nothing i wouldn't do for him, and i would never intentionally hurt him. he is everything to me - no other man would ever even come close at this point. every day i do everything i can to show him this, and i am starting to worry that he'll never understand, that maybe he's just not capable of loving at this point.

do i stick it out, or do i let him go to try to find someone who can love me back as much as i love them?

What?? No. You've only been dating for seven months. Chill out :-) You are overreacting.

Find romance in the practical things he does (i.e. takes you to family gatherings) instead of words that at the end of the day, are meaningless.

It's true that actions speak louder than words.My aqua man doesn't realize just how much he tells me by his actions even when he goes cold on me.So watch his actions

...i recently told him that i loved him, and he replied with, i wish i could say it back, but it gets thrown around too much. i need to know that i really mean it. but please dont take that the wrong way because i really like you a lot....

omg, I am not a cancer but I know what he means. DON"T take it the wrong way. Everything he is doing is proving that he has deep feelings for you. I agree with him that "I love you" gets thrown around too much. It's his way of saying he wants more than "I love you" (saying it). Sometimes I feel it so much that saying it just doesn't express it enough.

allleo is right, watch his actions. And I think you should stick it out. Just because he isn't saying it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it as much as you and letting go would be a mistake, in my opinion.

People show their affection for each other in different ways. Just because he's not saying I love you, doesn't mean he doesn't. Not to mention the fact that he has a harsh past regarding relationships...obviously, he's not trying to rush into anything. He wants be sure of you, and most important, he wants to be sure of himself. I'm going to say something, and you can't take offense:

This statement "she also said that she's never known him to introduce anyone to his family, or that he brought around as much as he does with me. but i don't know if that means anything" shows just how insecure you really are, sunniegrrl. The fact that you crave attention as much as you do...the fact that you do everything to show that you love him...and the fact that you want so bad for him to say the words...furhter contributes to the fact that you fear you may not be enough for him. You fear being rejected by him (and please correct me if I'm wrong, or tell me to shut up if you agree).

Bottom line, sg...the fact that saying "I love you" is not enough for him, has nothing to do with you. You need to get over yourself, sweetheart. You know that your intentions for him are nothing but good. You know what it is you have to offer, and you know (deep down) what you're worth...you're one of the good ones, the keepers, yes? I'm 95% positive that you've already proven to him just how much you care for him...so STOP trying to prove yourself. HE is the one that needs time to come around, and HE is the only one who can take that leap himself...there's nothing you can do to push him or speed up the process. If you love him, you will be patient. Like I said, we all show affection in different ways, and it sounds like the only reason why you would leave him is because he doesn't "love you the way you love him." How do you know that? He probably does, but on another plane. Do you really think you can find someone who will love you and treat you the way you want? Maybe, but it would take time and work (it's called a re--LA--tion--ship...maybe you should just stick it out.

truthseeker, thanks, i think you're right on about me. I don't take offence to anything you say, in fact i think it's what I've needed to hear. my last relationship scarred me pretty badly as well. my ex broke up with me because he never really had any feelings for me. he told me he had dated me for so long just to see if he could, because he hadn't had a girlfriend in awhile. so now i am afraid this will happen again. i am so sensitive to all the signs, for example my bf has a long work week this week and I won't get to see him until Saturday...he's been emailing me all day but all i can say to myself is, not until saturday? he can't MAKE time? he must not be all that into me.

but, enough about my issues. thanks for speaking the truth 🙂

i am always nice and loving to him. i'm hoping the more i show how i feel, the more responsive he will be...but it hasn't been working. it's really hard for me, i am sad every day because my feelings aren't reciprocated...

(((Sunnie)))

Maybe you need to step back and stop trying? It sounds like you are chasing him. Wise words were once spoken to me ... "Anything you chase runs away from you". Maybe what you need to do here is just stand still and not do anything.

But you really have to ask yourself, regardless of how he feels for you .... how do you feel in the relationship? It doesn't sound like this is a positive experience for you. It is just dragging you down.

Start putting your feelings aside and ask yourself the tough questions:

"Does this guy have what it takes to be a good boyfriend and then husband?".
"Does this guy have good character qualities?"
"Does this guy add to my life instead of taking from my life?"
"Do I feel good about him or do I feel angst about him?"

Good luck honey.