Cancer man melts me again..........

Ok Crab aficionados! Everyone may remember that I have this Cancer guy that I REALLY like and in a drunken text moment thought I may have alienated and pushed him away because we are still in the stages of getting to know each other. I learned from that regardless and I've taken a page out of Tiki's book to not text him anymore for just the reasons she mentioned in another post. Impersonal and hard to bond that way.

Anyway, the drunken exchange happened last Thursday and he ignored my apology from Friday. I haven't heard the first word so I've been worried that I had lost my chance and based on all the advice here was not going to contact him thinking that would only make things worse. Not to mention he might think I'm stalking him. Yeah, that would be great!

Well, last night I wrote this long email and had planned on just putting it to draft but hit SEND by mistake! You know, iphones and fat fingers. It basically said:

1) I think we had a misunderstanding and I had hoped I'd hear from you so I could explain
2) It's been a long time since I've really liked someone and am not good at this whole "thing"
3) You know I'm shy around you but I really am not - told him that no one had made me feel shy (smittened) in a long time and I am fond of you.
4) I'd like to hear from you if nothing else to know there are no hard feelings

An hour later, I get this email from the Crab:

" We're cool. I'm on the phone, so I can't write a thoughtful email without delaying...
but don't worry about a thing. I have been very busy lately... holidays, work...
I haven't had time to think about being annoyed with you about some drunk texts; I am not that petty.
we're all good. talk soon."

So I feel good that I have not totally pushed him away. I sure wish he would have been thinking about me but apparently not 😢. Holidays for him is Rosh and Yom so this has been an important week for him so I can give him that benefit. Well, at least now, I feel like we're on ok footing and I can take it slow and not crowd him too much from here on out.

Any opinions? I though it very sweet that he said he could not write a thoughtful email without delay. Maybe he realized I was worried and was setting my mind at ease?

Oh my that is so sweet to me. Is it just me? I'm happy now, should I be? 🙂

Enjoy the moment. But seriously.... STOP CONTACTING HIM! I know you didn't mean to hit send but that subconscious has a way of popping through.

You drunken texted him on Thursday. Apologized on Friday. Then sent a heart felt email a week later. You've reached out and opened up about your feelings... STOP!

Now it's time to leave it in his court and let him actually find time to think about it and YOU. He said he's very busy... BELIEVE him. He's got stuff to do and it will take priority over you.
Idk about other Cancers but a week without contacting someone I'm not really seeing is a blink. Hell, someone I AM seeing has to wait that long to hear from me, if not longer. I like to miss a person... makes me appreciate them more.

remember, slooowwww.

A Cancer likes to be chased but also loves the chase, especially the men. They like to feel like men. Helps balance all that whining 😉

^^^ yep yep!

also, i think you should really work on communicating in a more effective manner than relying on such "indirect" methods where you can somewhat hide. it seems to me like your inability to comfortably express yourself ends up coming out in ways that aren't conducive to good communication and cause you to feel anxious. i'm not saying to try and contact him but, to push yourself a little more so you don't have to rely on getting drunk to feel more confident in saying what you want.

i only say this because i used to do the same things and it pushed a lot of potential mates away. luckily i've snagged a good cap but i've been mindful about really speaking/expressing myself so i don't bottle it up and have it explode in this nonsensical manner. plus, it helps you get more of what you want! 🙂

Posted by shellshocker
Enjoy the moment. But seriously.... STOP CONTACTING HIM! I know you didn't mean to hit send but that subconscious has a way of popping through.

You drunken texted him on Thursday. Apologized on Friday. Then sent a heart felt email a week later. You've reached out and opened up about your feelings... STOP!

Now it's time to leave it in his court and let him actually find time to think about it and YOU. He said he's very busy... BELIEVE him. He's got stuff to do and it will take priority over you.
Idk about other Cancers but a week without contacting someone I'm not really seeing is a blink. Hell, someone I AM seeing has to wait that long to hear from me, if not longer. I like to miss a person... makes me appreciate them more.

remember, slooowwww.

A Cancer likes to be chased but also loves the chase, especially the men. They like to feel like men. Helps balance all that whining 😉

Yes, Yes and Yes! I agree 100% ! And if he doesn't chase? I guess you'll then know he's not that into you. How long can they hold out? I know Canceriangoddess says if they're that into there will be no doubt. So confusing.

Posted by cancergem
^^^ yep yep!

also, i think you should really work on communicating in a more effective manner than relying on such "indirect" methods where you can somewhat hide. it seems to me like your inability to comfortably express yourself ends up coming out in ways that aren't conducive to good communication and cause you to feel anxious. i'm not saying to try and contact him but, to push yourself a little more so you don't have to rely on getting drunk to feel more confident in saying what you want.

i only say this because i used to do the same things and it pushed a lot of potential mates away. luckily i've snagged a good cap but i've been mindful about really speaking/expressing myself so i don't bottle it up and have it explode in this nonsensical manner. plus, it helps you get more of what you want! 🙂

Cancergem - there is no doubt about that....work on communicating. I keep everything inside and repress a lot but have been working on that. Ironically, with this Cancer guy. I've never been so open to someone this quickly about how I am feeling. The text exchange was more a misunderstanding (not nasty or mean) because of his inability to understand the sarcasm that I should not have attempted at this point.

Thanks for the good advice.

"How long can they hold out? I know Canceriangoddess says if they're that into there will be no doubt. So confusing"


A Cancer is going to pull back at some point, no matter what. The question is not if.. but WHEN.

Some Cancer guys come on really, really strong in the beginning... only to realize that they were chasing 'the dream' of love and that this is not the best person for them. Then they disappear completely and leave heads spinning. Or all that attention that was initially given trickles down to nearly nothing. Again... spinning heads.

It's in our nature to move slow and 'feel out' a potential partner. If you are in the latter category, I think you're a step ahead of the game.
At least things only have the potential to get better, rather than worse.

There are no guarantees, I'm afraid

Hi there!!
You got a reply from the Crab, great! that is a start!
You really must work on your anxiety and start being patient in order to be with a Crab.
They are verrrry confusing and indirect, you have to learn to read them between the lines, it is very difficult sometimes but if you are willing to do that, you have yourself a keeper!

Right now, forget about furthering contact, you have done enough and have been quite obvious that you are interested in him. Now it is time for him to show some attention. If you continue contacting him, you could come as desperate and no man likes that.
If he contacts you by any means, you must propose. But only if HE contacts you. I mean this is just my advice because they definitely like to chase a bit, but if you really want to propose , go for it, I wouldnt.
If he is interested HE WILL SHOW IT.
Dont expect huge amounts of attention or nothing like that, but if he is interested, you will know. He wont disappear.
Im afraid there is not much you cann do in the meantime, but wait.

Crabs need their space and as SHELLSHOCKER said, they will pull back in one moment or another. And because of this forum, you will be better prepared when that happens 🙂

Keep us updated!

Thank you all soooooooo much. You are really spot on when it comes to telling me what it is I need to hear and giving great insight into what to expect. This is good because it's easier to handle things when you anticipate them. I'm not one for surprises and PISCESARGIE, yes, my anxiety is a perfect way to put that one and you are right.

I'll be taking all this into consideration as I move through the seas of change with this guy. Should be interesting. Relationships have not always been where I've been successful.

PISCESARGIE - where ya' been? Missed you the last few days!

Thanks everyone 🙂

Hey girllll!!!!


Been nursing my Crab, he was down with a flu and needed some looking after...needed affection poor thing!
Things are much better...He is a total mystery, one moment so sweet , the other seems so serious. I love the variety and hte unexpected...keeps me on my toes.. never boring.

We enter a relationship with a specific type of person to LEARN . In my case to learn tolerance, acceptance and patience, which were never strong in my past relationships..