Cancer men pulling back

Cancer men pulling back

I have been dating cancer men for the first time . Went out for 4 months,we started our relationship last year in October, but had to separate because of his job (military contractor). We had so much fun when we were together, he was very respectful, considerate, looked at me with admiration. Never actually said to each other ' i love you' but i swear there were times it wasn't necessary. We decided we will still be together even though, he had to leave. He gets 20 days off every 90 days, the plan was, we see each other and be together when he's off. i agreed to this, we even said we are not going to date other people, talked every day, skyped...And than 2 Months after he left, our communication came down to once a week, when we did talk, he was acting like nothing has changed, said he is still missing me and wanted to be with me and stuff like that. I am a closed person too, my pride did not allow me to admit that it bothered me soooo much that we don't talk as much as we did.
Until it bothered me to the point, that i scheduled a skype meeting and while we were making plans about our vacation, i said everything i kept inside - "how i don't want to be messing around, that it felt like i had no one, even though i had him, i told him about the guys that tried to ask me out, and people that i rejected because of him. he just set there quietly, i was telling him how i don't want a daily report form him or anything but, just to know he is thinking of me like he used to, because i cant move on even if he is far away, i asked him if it appeared normal to him to say you have somebody but talk to them 3 times a month. And at last to tell me straight up, if he wanted this or not. He didn't say a word, not a single word. Just sit there quiet. only thing he said and kept on repeating was ' i didn't expect this conversation'. I am big girl i can handle anything, i obviously made a bad choice that's what said. and that his silence said everything, that i will find somebody who appreciates me more and he should too, he said he didn't want to find anybody. i waited for him to say something more but no, a month after still NOTHING.

Please cancers your opinion on this story! I can't forget him, and it is very strange to me, he didn't say anything, not even yes or no! 😢

honey...i am not a cancer, but i am with one....and sincerely, you made some of the worst mistakes possible[bringing up the idea of other guys around, losing composure, criticising, snapping at him].

what you didn't get from the very beginning is that this guys are very sensitive and pretty insecure...and that this is a long distance relationship.

if you wanted him to contact you more often, why didn't you just say so,and ONLY SO, not that whole avalanch of reproaches and nonsense things....

yes, guys, generally speaking, not necessarily cancer men, withdraw when women lose composure in critical moments...

I agree with miz 100 on this. You knew he was a military guy before you too got together. He does the best he can considering his job. At least he hasn't left you. You have to understand that with his job, he won't be at home all the time, but when he comes home, he might tired. So at least he trys to make time for you. If you can handle being in a long distance thing with a military man who is good to you, then move on. Otherwise, be patient & deal with it. It's not like he's gone forever lol.

Thanks for your advice! Yes, that was my intention, i wanted to let him know that i feel bad, because we didn't talk as we used to, i guess i was trying to make him aware that if he is not interested in staying in my life, somebody else is, but he did not say a word, i felt upset. that's what pissed me the most. I kept on talking, and i still remember our last conversation- monologue like it was yesterday, we had to turn off the camera in order to hear each other better, i couldn't see his face...if i could only see it.
In the end when i said that this is ridiculous, if he wants company for only when he is off he should find somebody else who wouldn't mind if he calls or not - (only thing he replied to this is - he didn't want to).
I guess if he cared he would have tried to contact me again after all this, but i just needed to hear some else's opinion....
Oh and btw i am not american - we met in Europe, in a country where he worked before he was deployed where he is now.

Well look at it this way, if you aren't happy in this situation, ain't no sense in staying somewhere you aren't happy with & stressed over. He'll pick up on that behavior after awhile. So if you aren't happy, why force yourself to stay. His job only allow hin soo much free time. So you can deal with that or move on. You gotta follow your heart on this one ok

Mz said it well.
If what you said was told to me by someone I was in a long distance relationship, it would be interpreted as you saying you wanted to start dating other people.
So the question is-do you think you can be in a long distance relationship with this guy or not? Doesn't sound like to me.

I want to, i really do! i just said that, because i needed him to be aware of the fact the he may lose me if he doesn't try enough, maybe it was misinterpreted...i don't know. I don't know how he got everything that i said, since he did not say a word!

He probably got quiet because he probably interpreted things the way I did.
The next time you talk to him, don't bring up things about being approached by other guys.
Frame it in terms of missing the frequent communication you both had.
He may be busy with his work.
Tell him you would like to talk to him more.
Try and set a schedule for when you two can talk-weekly, twice a week, whatever you both can agree to.

If he is spending his time off with you, every time, I would argue he is giving you his time as best he can.

The one thing I would say is don't frame things in terms of "you don't do this " or "you better do this".
Things sounds like they're pretty sensitive right now.

Posted by capricorn4ever
I want to, i really do! i just said that, because i needed him to be aware of the fact the he may lose me if he doesn't try enough, maybe it was misinterpreted...i don't know. I don't know how he got everything that i said, since he did not say a word!

all of what you said here is a big fat 'no' to the question. Wanting to is not the same as able to. May lose you? You can't have the mindset and date someone in the service. I don't know you and I'm scared you're gonna flake out on the poor guy. Like a cheater waiting to hatch. As a cancer reading this specific post, I view you as disloyal and not to be trusted. BASED SOLELY ON THIS. So please don't think I'm going for your throat. Just trying to be honest. Cancers are big on loyalty. All or nothing.

he hasn't contacted you for a month, right?

move on to the guys you threw up in his face...because i think you lost his trust.

don't get upset with me, please...but i really think you are immature and insecure and you need too much validation for a long distance relationship to work for you. he must have understood that too