Cancer's!! Help a Pisces =[[[[[[

(I'm sorry if my post seems so scattered I just have lot on my mind and just don't know where to start)

Okay so right now I'm dating a cancer, and it's just hell =[

I never see him, like he always seems to have an excuse but then when I call him out on it he gets defensive saying I'm assuming things and that it hurts him. So I back off and become understanding telling him ?don't worry about it?. He HATES being called out when he makes mistakes, and always ties to rationalize his actions by playing them down and acting as if they're not a big deal. Like, this guy that likes him a lot suddenly starts talking to him again on AIM, he mentions it to me and tells me ?oh so and so just aimed me?.. and goes on to read his responses with are very flirtatious. It makes me feel like shit so I tell him ,?can you delete him? just block him, please, I just feel jealous since I know he like you?

He tells me ?Okay? and says ?aww? to me being jealous

Two days later he slips, and I know he slipped because he tried to stop himself, and tells me that guy Aimed him saying hi. I get upset and say, ?Wait, I asked you delete him and you said okay?? he tells me, ?well I didn't feel like it?? and I say, ?Oh so you're totally fake?? he gets REALLY defensive and you won't BELIEVE what he says: ?I'm not fake, I'm a liar!?.. as if THAT makes it better!

So I'm upset but realizing no matter how upset I am he won't care, so I just give in. I can be crying my eyes out and he won't care.

Here's something interesting: He deleted me from his myspace. No big deal right? Well his page is private.. he doesn't want me looking at his page. I noticed I was deleted and he swore he didn't delete me.. so I ?magically? was deleted, yet he coincidentally wanted that. I call him up asking about it, and as I said he tells me he has no clue what happened, so I, although confused and knowing inside he's a liar, I tell him, ?no problem I'll just add you back?.. he says ?okay? and we hang up. I friend request him and about 1 hour later I check, no accept. I am guessing he's busy, so I decide to send him a message to see how quickly he responds to it. In a matter of seconds the message I sent about him adding me was read. But no reply. So I decide to AIM him about it, I ask him, ?why are you ignoring my friend request??.. there's a pause, and he says, ?Oh, ha, I forgot?? I was really upset ?I forgot—? So I'm like, ?well are you gonna add me?.. he tells me, ?when I feel like it?.. and I'm like, ?wait, why not right now?? he's like, ?I don't know if I want to??
Basically he tells me ?cause I'm an ass hole, then he tells me he just don't like me reading his stuff? I mean it's a whole list. He tells me I'm too emotional.. which I am but he can be SO mean to me and I'll be obviously hurt and he's like ?oh well??
He even talked to me while talking to one of his friend on AIM, he and I were on the phone, and he's reading to me her comments about our relationship? all hurtful things about me. And the sad part is I could KILL his heart and make him feel SO shitty and yet I wouldn't do that. =\
That's another thing. He always seems so cold and distant.. reserved. But if I call him out on that he gets hurt. He's almost anti social, but he tells me it's just me and he feels ?uncomfortable? around me. He tells me I'm weird. HE says many hurtful things about me, yet seems oblivious to it. You may be asking yourselves now, ?why are you dealing with this— because I don't know his heart and he tells me he loves me =\ and like I love him too. So I mean, my reaction is to run, that's how I am, but I have to be sure because I hate regrets.

Help Cancers =[

Ladies, we got another one.....

okay wait a minute, he sounds like he's gay or bi-sexual, or am I reading this wrong?

Not that I have anything against that but it seems he's deleted you and kept the guy who likes him, thats hmmmm well you know.

its not his sign my dear...he's being an immature asshole towards you and no one should ever have to put up with that mess.

You say you wanna make sure, well his ACTIONS speak VOLUMES, don't listen to words, look at how he treats you.

What does his actions tell you?

He says he's liar so wouldn't that mean he would lie to you about loving you, he allows others to put you down, he tells you things that make you feel insecure and jealous...what does all this mean to you?

your going to do some serious damage to your self esteem if you stick around.

Fishy,

Ur looking for trouble. Why be so concerned with what's going on his myspace? Please put ur sneakers on and run fast before u end up hurting yourself and then blaming him for breaking ur heart.

PLEASE LEAVE THIS ONE ALONE

"okay wait a minute, he sounds like he's gay or bi-sexual, or am I reading this wrong?

Not that I have anything against that but it seems he's deleted you and kept the guy who likes him, thats hmmmm well you know."

I am gay.

Well, the other guy is impossible for him to date as he's in a steady relationship with a guy been with 2 years. And he's not gonna leave him =P

I highly doubt it has anything to do with that. Maybe he doesn't want me getting jealous and angry @ him??

"its not his sign my dear...he's being an immature marker towards you and no one should ever have to put up with that mess.

You say you wanna make sure, well his ACTIONS speak VOLUMES, don't listen to words, look at how he treats you.

What does his actions tell you?

He says he's liar so wouldn't that mean he would lie to you about loving you, he allows others to put you down, he tells you things that make you feel insecure and jealous...what does all this mean to you?

your going to do some serious damage to your self esteem if you stick around."

I know I shouldn't, I just don't want to give up so easy =\. Here's the main reason: HE was threatening me when I complained about him not adding me saying, "if you're going to get mad over this then maybe we shouldn't be together"... so later when I called him I told him this, "You have two options, you either add me or we're done"

He is quiest and with a stutter in his voice tells me, "you'd want to break up over that?"... and I tell him, "Sorry, but there's a reason you don't want me reading your page, and if it's really no big deal, you'd have added me"

I tell him I'll talk to him later and we hang up... I go on aim, and he's on, acting fairly nice. I tell him, "Hey, why don't you just tell me now whether you plan to add me or not, so I can save teh trouble of dumping you now instead of tomorrow."... there was no response to that. I changed the subject and went on about how I was tired.. seemed very carefree, and he all nicely says, "maybe you should get some sleep?"

WTF, he totally missed the part about me dumping him? If he REALLY wanted to break up or didn't like me, wouldn't he have ended it there?

The next day though he brought up his friends convo, talked about how he wasn't sure he wanted to date me, etc, etc.. told me he had to think about it, but ended up wanting to date me. He told me he wanted to see me today, yet doesn't look like it will happen.

"Fishy,

Ur looking for trouble. Why be so concerned with what's going on his myspace? Please put ur sneakers on and run fast before u end up hurting yourself and then blaming him for breaking ur heart.

PLEASE LEAVE THIS ONE ALONE"

What if he's just scared and being careful? I keep making excuses for him, he's no idea I NEVER stick around whne I feel so hurt I rather run right now it makes me cry =[[[[

lol sorry Fishy....i think both me and Tiki thought we were talking to a woman. I neglected to see "male" in ur profile.

awwwwwww fishyfishy

he's playing games honey,

p.s.

never make false threats, if your going to dump him then do it, when your saying these things he keeps a mental note of it....also get a hold of your emotions, your turning him off.

R U a male dating A male?

yes LS, I thought so too, sorry fishy...I meant no harm, I was a little bit confused (:

yes Krobe

Fishy, i say run because u don't seem ready yet emotionally. ur gut is even saying to run. please listen to your gut

I hate telling people to leave someone alone but you really should consider distancing yourself from this guy.

he seems like he brings out the worse in you and this isn't healthy. Find you a guy thats all about making you happy and making you feel secure, this guy likes seeing you squirm and thats not healthy and if you stay with him your essentially condoning his bad behavior and teaching him its okay to be the way he is.

I agree with Tiki

Tiki, how do I get a hold of my emotions? How should I react to how he acts?? I wear my heart on my sleeve, I really care and it's hard for me not to be emotional. I usually never show such vulnerable to people =\

Scop, I have thought run a lot trust me, but how am I not ready emotionally? Like can you give examples on what you would have done that is emotionally different?

btw Krobe, yes I am a male dating a male, haha =]

And tiki, the part you mentioned about me distanting myself from him. Are you saying what Scrop is, in that I should just run and never look back (which is usually what I do).. or I should just give him space and come around later?

"Scop, I have thought run a lot trust me, but how am I not ready emotionally? Like can you give examples on what you would have done that is emotionally different?"

the whole myspace thing was blown out of proportion. if he deleted u its because obviously u were on his page "looking" for things. which shows insecuirty. and he sees that, which is why he deleted u. you just seem very similar to one of my sag friends and she is definately not emotionally ready to be with someone.

what i would have done, i would have noticed i was deleted and would have known he's trying to hide things and was being shady. and i'm not saying this part is easy, but i would have tried to run before i got hurt. u still have a chance

Fishy...i just don't want u to get hurt, ur not ready for this guy honey. U will be on an emotional rollercoaster with this one and i dunno about u but i hate rides.

Fishy, it also seems like there's a lot of drama with this guy. If u like drama, then go ahead.

you have to build your self confidence and self esteem so what others do won't affect you, some people are weak and gain strength by using others weaknesses to make them feel strong, in other words your dealing with a guy that clearly has no confidence because he needs to use you as an emotional punching bag to feel special...ditch this guy

Stop showing other people that they can control you with your emotions, you might think its great that you can be emotional which it is but never let anyone see you sweat, your boyfriend clearly gets a kick out of making you feel insecure so stop reacting to his non sense...if your spilling your guts, he's not listening because your nagging and whining in his eyes and this is a total turn off and he uses this as a tool to torture you emotionally, you have to emotionally unplug from this guy.

He won't change unless you change and that means you have to become stronger and stop reacting to his BS. This is very hard but try it, it works LOL!! You see him online don't say a word, get on and log off, make your profile private and cancel your add request.

You need to suddenly become very unavailable, if he talks about whats being said about you between him and other people, you don't say a word, smile and change the subject. You have to show him your strong and you can live without his BS, oh and he will do everything he can to lure you back in, he will sense you have caught on and will flip the script and suddenly become nice again BECAUSE HE NEEDS YOU TO FEEL STRONG AND TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF, HE'S WEAK AND HE'S NOTHING WITHOUT HAVING SOMEONE TO EMOTIONALLY BEAT UP.

Stop reacting to this guy and feeding this guy your emotional energy, the weaker you feel the stronger he feels and he's dominating the relationship by making you feel like shit all the time, let him find someone else to be an emotional leech off of. Stop being available, stop nagging and whining, stop calling and texting, and if he calls, wait a day to call back, if he texts you wait a day to text back...make him submit to you by being aloof and ignoring him, watch how the tables turn in your favor.

Stop making someone that clearly doesn't have your best interest at heart a priority

If you say you can't then its not him that has the problem...its you

If you don't love yourself enough to not be mistreated by him or anyone by that fact then why would you expect him to love you.

personally I feel you should ditch this guy but if you ha

if you have to have him then flip the script.

How do you get control of your emotions...you stop reacting to his bad behavior, very hard but its do-able.

I recommend you leave but I can sense your not ready to go so arm yourself with tools that will give you an advantage.

Stop reacting, stop crying, stop questioning his motives, either you trust him or you don't. Stop Assuming and stop making demands, this guy is turned off by that, how are you going to tell him what to do, that alone would make me ditch you if I was him.

I sound bossy with all the stops...I don't mean to be bossy, I meant to show you that your demands are turning him off, your assumptions are turning him off and he's more than likely misbehaving because he wants you to leave him alone.

he is a young cancer playing games. he likes the attention the other guy is giving him and the attention you are giving him. all i can say is nothing is going to change him but time. so it comes down to what you are willing to put up with. you can either keep putting up with his games or decide your sanity is more important and move on for a bit. i bet once all the attention stops he will be back looking for you..

thanks scorp, you're right. =]

tiki, amasing post thank you. I am gonna take your advice.


"How do you get control of your emotions...you stop reacting to his bad behavior, very hard but its do-able.

I recommend you leave but I can sense your not ready to go so arm yourself with tools that will give you an advantage.

Stop reacting, stop crying, stop questioning his motives, either you trust him or you don't. Stop Assuming and stop making demands, this guy is turned off by that, how are you going to tell him what to do, that alone would make me ditch you if I was him. "

Yeah, well he's only seen nice side of me if I wanted to I can easily make him feel as shitty as I do. >______< I have an arsenal, and I know he's hyper sensitive, I see right through him but I ignore everything 'cause I care about him. =\

I never actually told him what to do. I will stop reacting, etc and take your advice.

Do U want me 2 tell U how 2 make him whine? LOL!

Oh it is so doable LOL! He whines alot U know. Don't treat him bad, treat him nice. Kill him with the bith-- kindness, however, be very unpredictable. Do everything he does 2 U, back 2 him. NOT right away. Reel him in with kindness. Then shut his arse completely out and do a disappearing act on him. Oh, he will come whining. Y? That is all U will hear. Y? Y? Y? Then look him dead in his eyes and walk away. LOL!

"Do U want me 2 tell U how 2 make him whine? LOL!

Oh it is so doable LOL! He whines alot U know. Don't treat him bad, treat him nice. Kill him with the bith-- kindness, however, be very unpredictable. Do everything he does 2 U, back 2 him. NOT right away. Reel him in with kindness. Then shut his arse completely out and do a disappearing act on him. Oh, he will come whining. Y? That is all U will hear. Y? Y? Y? Then look him dead in his eyes and walk away. LOL!"

Tbh I know this, I mean I hate to admit but I can be extremely manipulative when I want to be. He's not seen how vague and forgetful I can be.

See, what I plan to do is take everyone's advice and just stop talking to him. No calling, block him on aim.. I even deleted my myspace profile so he cannot attempt to contact me there. I will become completely detatched.

Then, later if he comes around, I will be cold and heartless.

"Okay so right now I'm dating a cancer, and it's just hell" - at the tender age of 23 and when we are involved with someone, we think it's the end of the world and our world as we know it, if we won't or can't be with that other person right now! It's an illusion.....and a risk only a few take when they are so young - but walk away now, right now, go out and find yourself some other guy tonite!!!!! - change your hell into bliss and paradise - we all like "bad boys" to a degree.....but this "bad boy" is bad or immature to the bone! and won't be changing his ways for a long time to come in my humble opinion...so stick around and live in the land of chaos and heart-break or walk freely away with dignity to "the pleasure zone" of a real man, with a real heart who wants real love....just like you do.

Choose wisely Fishy. Best wishes.

Alana x

Then, later if he comes around, I will be cold and heartless.

make sure you smile while your at...LOL!!

No,
Cold and heartless won't DO the trick. If U treat him, kind and sweet, however, B a BIT-- incognito. That will KILL him, because he will not know how 2 read U. If U let him know U mad him mad, then he will know that his actions have caused U 2 react. No, take my advice...Treat him nice and don't let nothing he does B read U. He will B messed completely off his game.

so Fishy you have to kill him with kindness, ignore his bad behavior, stop feeding him reactions, your reactions teaches him he owns you emotionally, you don't have to be mean to get your point across, I think its great you deleted your profile and deleted him from your friends list but now your positioning yourself to have the upper hand so don't fall back doing the same ole stuff, stand your ground and watch how he behaves towards you, you will see a much more vulnerable guy.

When I say cold and heartless I don't mean like be evil. I'll be super nice but there will be no attatchment, it'll be like I'm "whatever" about him. I'll smile and be really nice but will seemingly not care either way. I won't show any anger at all. In fact I did this before with another guy I dated named Dane.

You guys rock thanks so much for your advice and help

Good I am glad U picked up and best wishes 2 U. Anytime U need advice ask me or Tikki, I have helped her and others a great deal and remember YOUR self confidence and self esteem is more important 2 U, than any other human in this world.

Yeah, thanks.

Actually I am gonna go about it even different, I am just gonna move on. Forget getting back at him and stuff, no point. What'll get him is down the line he'll remember me and that I was a good guy and it'll make him wiah he'd done better.

Besides, I already met another guy, and am focused on him now. Haha I know fast, we're "talking" 😆

btw, he's a cancer too lol, but he's WAYYYYYYY nice, maybe he's more mature.

Oh, I am so glad 4 U. Remember tuck in those feelings until he reveals his.

I was thinking about your problem yestearday, at a random time during the day dont ask why, but I realized that you're putting alot of pressure and expectations on your cancer which I think will turn cancer away. You should put yourself out there but just enough to let your cancer know its alright to open up to you and that you will wait for cancer to come around. Its true when alot of people on these boards say that you should keep your emotions intact around cancers. I'm pretty sure they like a partner whose emotionally stable because I think cancers do like to do things on their own terms and your flying emotions is making cancer crawl back into their shell because cancer doesnt know what to do when you're raging like that.

I've finally got to my cancer by following the simple rules that I've picked up on these boards and I so glad I came across these boards.. I am totally on Cloud 9 with my cancer right now but I'm not rushing anything, she knows how I feel but I'm letting her come to terms with it as long as it takes.. I will wait for her.

"Oh, I am so glad 4 U. Remember tuck in those feelings until he reveals his."

Instead of the whole blurb I posted before this... Listen to krobe. Krobe has some really good advice... yes I lurk alot 🙂

Oh, that U crudemood,
Yes, I have some good advice. However, I love the complex Cancer because now, he knows that I have figured his arse out and it is driving him INSANE! LOL! He does not know wtf 2 do. He is sitting back in silent mode now. Cause um, I had 2 let him know, U cannot handle A "Real woman" so until U get your rounds together. Stick my arse back on reserve until U can step up 2 the plate.

Oh,
I meant thank U. Crudemoon.
Yeah, and remember all 2 just move in slow mo. Because they cannot stand that there! I am not rushing or jumping in 2 give U my heart, NO not that easily. And he will come around 2 give U his. With time and patience.