Clingy and insecure?

I'm an air sign, and I assume you guys know what this means (detached, emotionless asshole, always one foot out the door and ready to move on, and so on). But could you guys help me understand something about Cancer behavior?

I was involved with a Cancer and at first things were going very well. We had things and interests in common, we got on well, we talked a lot, we had fun, I told stupid jokes and the person laughed, etc., but we also did our own thing (each one of us had their own set of friends and interests outside of the relationship). And that was agreed upon. And then, as more and more time went on, the person became very possessive and kind of jealous of the fact that I did my own thing and had my own set of friends outside of the relationship. Like they wanted me all to themselves. As an air sign, I'm sure you guys know that I perceive this as limiting my freedom.

The person would post lots and lots of Facebook status updates about me like he wanted EVERYONE to know about us. Like it was not enough that we were together, but they also had to let EVERYONE know that we were together. This made me uncomfortable because 1) I hate drawing attention to myself and am a private person, 2) I want a relationship to be between me and the other person and not me, the other person, and ALL of their Facebook friends. And the person would also talk about me kind of in third person like "XYZ is the most amazing person" as if to get my attention, but kind of indirectly. Like I was supposed to acknowledge what they said about me in the third person. Talking ABOUT me, not TO me. Which drove me nuts. And they would also leave lots of comments on my Facebook wall like they owned it (and me), I guess in case I even talked to some other guy(s) I was FRIENDS with. And they would constantly give me things and kind of ask for reassurance that we were together. As an air sign, I can't stand insecurity, especially when I haven't given someone any reasons to be insecure. Or they'd act like an asshole and when I asked them about it, they'd say they were fine (all the while acting like an ass) or avoid/change the subject or void talking to me.

At some point things just got too much for me and I had to leave Facebook and cut this person out of my life because frankly I was tired of this clinginess.

Is this normal Caner behavior? Do Cancers need constant reassurance? Is that a Cancer way of showing affection? Did I overreact?

Sounds about right

Posted by CluelessCancer
You're not meant for a cancer. Stop dating Cancers. Stick to your own kind.

I think you may be a J, personality-wise. Unfortunately, I'm a STP. It's a double indemnity clause because: 1) I'm an air sign, so I don't respond very well to people telling me to do things a certain way in a condescending manner (it doesn't bother me and I'm respectful of everyone's right to self-expression, but I have no use for it, so it's just a waste of THEIR time and energy), 2) I'm a STP, so I'm a perceiver, not a judger, and I don't respond very well to judging.

That said, yes, I think Cancers may not be a good match for me (and vice versa). This was my first relationship with a Cancer, so I kind of wanted to give it a shot and see for myself. I posted this to get input from you guys (Cancers) - to help me understand the other person's side of the story. What motivated this person.

Posted by Poisson
Water signs in relationship need something concrete and direct... Or you get these:

"And then, as more and more time went on, the person became very possessive and kind of jealous of the fact that I did my own thing and had my own set of friends outside of the relationship."

" And they would constantly give me things and kind of ask for reassurance that we were together. As an air sign, I can't stand insecurity, especially when I haven't given someone any reasons to be insecure."

How long have you been together?

So you're saying that the person thought they were losing me and the more they thought they were losing me, the more they wanted to kind of claim me, which had the exact opposite effect (it made me pull away)?

But how do you make a relationship "more concrete" than "we are in a relationship together." Once you establish that, what more is there (other than being "in love", which we definitely weren't, or at least I wasn't)? For me, being faithful kind of goes with the concept of being in a relationship, so it's not like the person had any reason to think my eyes were "roaming", but it doesn't mean that I can't talk to other people or interact with other people. Why would someone be jealous of that?

We were together for only about 9 months.

Posted by Poisson
He was probably in love with you... or at least starting to fall in love with you. When it's one-sided, it can be devestating for someone, but especially who is as sensitive as a Cancer. Perhaps that wasn't so much worried "losing" you as you weren't returning whatever he was giving... As curt as CluelessCancer's reponse may be, it has has some truth to it. Sensitive people just need a little more TLC when it comes to relationships.

I find it interesting that you started your original post with the Air signs' neagtive traits... do you think they applied to the demise of that relationship?

I see. I didn't think it of that way because I'm definitely not the sensitive type. It does make sense: knowing how air signs view relationships (fun, light, sparkly, not heavy), he might have been afraid of how I'd react if he maybe told me he loved me. Because I WOULDN'T HAVE returned the sentiment. And that does suck if you're the one who puts yourself out there and gets rejected. Is fear of rejection a big thing with Cancers? That WOULD explain it. And yeah, I can understand that maybe he wasn't getting enough, "feelings"-wise. I have no idea how that works because I like showing affection verbally (I'll make up a rhyme about the person, I'll write a poem, I'll tell them a story, I'll have a lengthy conversation and listen to the person to show that I care about them, etc.) and physically. Feelings and being sensitive is not my area of expertise. But then, I'm an air sign, that's how I am. We won't suddenly magically change into sensitive, feeling-oriented people. We probably had different expectations of the relationship and different needs that simply weren't being met because we were on two different wavelengths: I'm guessing he wasn't getting something from me and I was getting too much of something from him.

Re: "negative" air sign traits, not really, I just wanted to save you guys the trouble of pointing out that THAT might have been the problem.

Thanks for your thoughts!

Posted by whever

Posted by CluelessCancer
You're not meant for a cancer. Stop dating Cancers. Stick to your own kind.

I think you may be a J, personality-wise. Unfortunately, I'm a STP. It's a double indemnity clause because: 1) I'm an air sign, so I don't respond very well to people telling me to do things a certain way in a condescending manner (it doesn't bother me and I'm respectful of everyone's right to self-expression, but I have no use for it, so it's just a waste of THEIR time and energy), 2) I'm a STP, so I'm a perceiver, not a judger, and I don't respond very well to judging.

That said, yes, I think Cancers may not be a good match for me (and vice versa). This was my first relationship with a Cancer, so I kind of wanted to give it a shot and see for myself. I posted this to get input from you guys (Cancers) - to help me understand the other person's side of the story. What motivated this person.

click to expand

^^^Well said.

"This person"? Why the third party reference?

Are you male or female? Makes a difference, in that men and women are totally different animals.

i love poisson's pic. drop dead gorgeous.. 🙂

Being on FACEBOOK is a disaster in the making. More marriages, relationships, friendships, etc have ended because of the nonsense and foolishness that people post due to their insecurity and lack of heartful communication which is needed in the first place .. before it EVER gets to the internet ... WOW!!! Believe me .. I'm not there, and never have been, and have little to no time for it ... not to mention Tweeting on Twitter —?................. Im too busy working and have no interest in the little diatribes of people that I have no knowledge of .. will never meet... or see. I have great friends and family that mean a great deal .. and put forth the energy and drive into maintaining those relationships that will last a lifetime!!!

CrabTwin, I wish I could quit Facebook. 😢

yes every Cancer man on this planet is insecure. Unless he is so enlightened that he has transcended insecurity and fear all together, Like the Dalai Lama.. even though I wouldn't doubt he has the ocassional insecurity. It's all about how he manages that insecurity. It's usually in one of three ways. In your case he clings on and tries to own you and squeezes too tight in hopes he wont lose you. secondly He plays the exact opposite, pretends he's not insecure and doesnt cling at all but at the same time doesnt get to close out of fear of suffocating you and losing you, although he's already fallen for you. This will also eventually drown the relationship. Lastly there's the cancer man that manages his insecurity well and finds a happy medium in between those two extremes and knows how to trust in his partner and knows how to reassure himself, probably not as insecure as the other two and more mature but make no mistake the insecure tick is in the back of every Cancer man's mind.

Do you still feel a little bit for this person? or feel guilty for breaking their heart? Im just wondering why your curious. btw I'm a Cancer male and I would consider 9 months a long time relationship wise and would most definitely know by then if I loved a person.

If you really are an air sign through and through then I wouldn't say a Cancer man is best for you, unless you had some significant water floating around in your chart. But to be honest I dont believe astrology can tell me wether or not I'm going to work with someone. so do as you like. Hope this helped!

I'm Aquarian I hope Cancer guy knows how I felt to him. To sad he believe on third party . And instead of asking me be intend to used those things against me. I have a lot of trouble to him. I'm completely lost my mind. I was told that he has girlfriend when last December he gave me a chance but I wonder why I'm being rebellious to him . I always find it so hard to be in my situation he always hand an upper hand to do the mind tripping on me.. I always caught him chatted with different lady's I was hurt cos I thought we had understanding and we and communication is important apparently he never listened to me and leads to misunderstand and hurting each other feelings. I was always humiliated and I never ever once seeing any potential to approach me and asked me if that's all true instead driving me crazy and telling me to leave him along. It's more that 4yrs and I tend to send a billion SMS and call just to get it all done. We end up to police station and I'm aware that he can put a grounds on me and I could end up in jail. I'm not scare cos I know I'm being honest to him and his being unfair to me after all the things I've done. I sometimes wanna take my Facebook were not friends on that site or any site but sometimes people surrounds me is not happy cos I choose to be him and be on my own cos I'm sick and tired of people using me and it cost me to much. He thought I'm going home for go but it's not true i just want to stand up we're I get downs be a better that I can be I'm not an idiot nor stupid but he always telling me that I had no idea it's kinda puzzle to me and I don't really bother now and I'm not sure of I press a legal action to him it's not all about everything we shared but I find it so unfair when I'm always the one to blame and accusing very personal I lost my everything reputation and dignity it's totally wipe of I have myself confident and full of positive spirit when I came to how place end of of pushing and physically bruises and I have no right for trespassing. I can't believe this all this is the second time he did this to me. When I only want to settle and asked him what's is going on. For almost month he has girlfriend and telling me that he will asked her girlfriend and her friends to come toy place and do something to me. I said to him get a better girlfriend for his self costs the both like that there's no good people in this world to take their responsibility very violent and abusive. I accept all now I got nothing to me.

I'm absolutely female and yes I do like socialising people and I'm hanging out to what gay guys cos I find them good company . Not anymore cos i they usually drive me crazy and get in to my personally relationship ship and its totally over the line and one of the reason why we fell apart .

From the outside people look at it as insecurity and clinginess. But it is not. We love very deeply. We would do anything for the person we love. We love them to death. Kind of like the mother who cannot let go of her children unto the world well we feel that way. It is a drowning type of love. It is constant water fall. I tell cancers to be careful. To focus on yourself and to not get attached so easily. To slow down and rationalize things. I dated an Aquarius and I left a mark on her. I showed her so much love and affection that she still wants me as a friend. I was hurt but for an air sign it must cause a Hurricane or Tsunami when that happens. It is hard for us to communicate when our innate natures come out. Aquarius's do not mean bad they just are they way they are. Love their intellectual ways but when it comes to emotions they are not the ones to know how to fully actualize them for a Cancer.

He let you have your freedom at the beginning, us cancers try to please everyone and in he beginning we will go along with what you say, partly because we still have our walls built up so as to not get hurt, and show you really how into you we are, we like to protect ourselves. We act as if we are not that bothered about what you do in the beginning to show you we are adaptable, and even though the cancerian was going about having their own life and seeing their friends you can bet your bottom dollar that his friends were bored stiff about hearing about you, even if that's not the impression he was giving you, because the truth be told he probably wanted to be spending time with you, but was just going about his everyday life so that you wouldn't think he was so into you. We like to suss people out and see if they are worth us opening up to them.

As the relationship started progressing he opened up more to you, started coming out of his shell so to speak, this is where our feelings start getting really involved, by this stage we are so in love with you, and the fear and insecurity start setting in, so what he was doing was writing all over your facebook wall to steer anyone that maybe interested in you away from you, because he didn't want to lose this good thing he had. Cancerians need constant re-assurance that we are good enough and the only ones you want to be with, when a cancerian is in love they are the most loyal faithful people you will ever meet, however, start getting us insecure and unsure about your feelings towards us and we do one of two things we either get really possessive or we look elsewhere for attention. With regards to buying things for you, we do that because we actually enjoy giving presents and seeing the smile on your face, although we will ask you 100 times if you really like it, its just our way.

Think yourself lucky as this Cancer guy obviously has really strong feelings for you and just wants the reassurance that you do too, and that they arn't wasting their time, us cancerians really want to be settled down and happy, we don't like all the dating part and getting to know people, we like the knowing someone and knowing that they love us whole heartedly so we don't have to go out looking for anyone else.

When us Cancerians are in love we want everyone to know how happy we are.

In my experience with a particular cancer whom I was in a relationship with for 17 years is that he was extremely clingy and insecure to no end among other things...at first I thought it to be sweet and I sort of liked it but then it became overwhelming. He was jealous of everyone and everything in my life. He hated all my friends or anyone who took attention away from him and he was even insecure about my hobbies— I recall on several occasions if I happen to get a call first thing in the morning from a friend and he knew about it he'd start a fight and acted like I didn't love him because I had the nerve to speak with someone else first thing in the morning and not him. He would mention all the time that he just feels left out. There was nothing or anything I could do to pacify him. He was an incredible piece of work.