Confusing Crab? What am I to this man? Is he mine?

I am a Pisces female. My lover/FWB of 3 years is a Cancer. We met when his ex (Capricorn) left him. My soon 2b ex was caught cheating while pregnant w/last child. Remained married 4 the kids. He continued his affair & I found refuge with my Cancer man. Was there during his divorce. We are in contact daily. 1st 2yrs we saw each other every night. He shared his history, pain, fears, insecurities, hopes, dreams, his finances, business & income info, deep desires.. Sexually, its explosive. We can kiss for hours. Initially Tender, intimate, sweet, loving, eye to eye grinding.. Amazing Oral, anal, light S&M, prostate play.. Me dominating then Him dominating.. Well u get the pic.. Sex is effortless, open & the best I have ever had..
Emotionally, I am distrustful of men so I have listened more than shared my own stuff with him. After 2yrs of being fwb he told me I would never leave my husband & I would never love him so he was going back to his ex. He moved to Wisconsin to be with her. We agreed to remain friends. I live in Illinois, 2 hrs away. He still called daily. Would complain about how cold she is, how loose she feels sexually & how he cant kiss her because her lips are not mine. Calls when something great happens or when he is hurt &broken. Shares when he is scared or hurt or fearful or joyful. Told me he missed me. She threw him out 2 months later. He got his own place near his new Job in Wisconsin. We still talk everyday. He still drives to see me at least x2 a week. Its been like this for a year. Together a total of 3.. I never pay for anything, opens car doors, pays 4concerts & meals.. Asks for my advice on finances, childrearing, home decor.. We really are like best friends. I do love him but he is 4 yrs younger, needs 2b lead, has his own business but is not wise w/his money unless he is given direction. But I kinda feel like he needs to be mothered. He is kind of selfish. For example. He will come see me instead of spending time with his daughter. He let her go with his parents to thier lakehouse in Michigan & he chose to come to Chicago to spend the wknd with me. I would never choose him over my kids. That makes me lose respect for him. Told me I am his best friend & he cares very deeply for me but never said he loves me. I never said it either. He is also way better looking than me. Hes 6'3 230 and a gym rat. I am a size 16 & a mom but I am very pretty. Just filed 4 divorce told him I would never remarry. Hes been moody since. WTF is all this?

You tell us. It sounds like a hot watery mess to me. Even though Pisces and Cancers are super compatible because they "get" each other, it's just too much water to keep things solid. I don't recommend it.

Posted by Pearlymagoo
WTF is all this?

ahhh.. Cancer & Pisces can be such a sticky mess of bittersweet, loving chaos

You are both shadow dwellers, reflecting each other. Enamored.. but both caught in your own selfishness and self - righteousness.

It is what you have made it..

Posted by ninjamu
You tell us. It sounds like a hot watery mess to me. Even though Pisces and Cancers are super compatible because they "get" each other, it's just too much water to keep things solid. I don't recommend it.

I agree.. these Sun Signs have to "rise above" all that water and find a foundation.

Seems like he's waiting for you to make a decision. But you are too afraid to do it.
Both of you need to finish out your divorces.

What do you want from him? Please just state exactly what you want, no other details.

I want him to man up and disclose his feelings for me. His dicorce is final last year. Mine will be final in a few months. His actions say he lovesme. His words have yet to follow suit. Am I just a fuck toy? Why wont he tell me how he feels. I am afraid to ask because I cant face rejection. If I knew it was more than fwb I would devote my life to him. I am however insecure. Is it possible for a man who is that attractive to love me?

If I sound pathetic and lost its cuz I am

Are his words more important than his actions? What action does he show? What do you want him to say?

it seem like he show u that he care for u the whole time.didn't u just filed for divorce. Wasn't u with your husband almost about the whole time when u was with cancer. U post about all the things he did for u and to u but u question how he feel. I think he feel like he may give and show u a lot ,hold back the words I love u may make him feel like he still have a pieace of his self. Remember u never said u love him either. You and cancer need to sit down and put shit on table and figure out do yaw went to be fwb on togather. Also it will be good to take time and figure out what u want. The cancer dude have made several moves, and u just filling for divorce , so u need to figure out what u want

So what I gather is that a verbal declaration pf love is difficult for tge crab

Posted by Pearlymagoo
So what I gather is that a verbal declaration pf love is difficult for tge crab

This is such a piscean thing. y'all need verbalization of everything while a lot of stuff is just implicitly understood. For a Cancer, even the way we kiss you or look into your eyes is a declaration of love. But not for a piscean noooo, god forbid, we must spell out everything....

I am so friggen insecure.. I HEAR WHAT HE IS SAYING THRU HIS ACTIONS BUT MY LACK OF CONFIDENCE TELLS ME ITS ONLY I MY HEAD. SO YEAH,, SOMETIMES ITS HAS TO BE SPELLED OUT. I AM VULNERABLE AND AFRAID OF BEING REJECTED. AM I more than a piece of ass to him. Does he, could he ever love me—

I would lay down my life for this man. He is beautiful, gentle, honest, sweet and accepting..

I also know that Cancers are selfish.. Is it more for him than me. he did not want to see his siblings.. he still makes comments about other women.. Said he met the most beautiful woman in the world and asked me if I should send her flowers... I played it off. Said yes, women love flowers...he gets this pitiful look on his face and says he hopes to woo her.. like looking for a reaction out of me. Does he do this to get a rise out of me? I act like I dont care. I tell him were just fwb and that he owes me no loyalties. i tell him he is free to go with whoever he wants. but if he did. i would die.. How do I get him to verbalize things? I need him to tell me I matter. that I mean something.

I usually just come this site and don't ask many questions but yet I look all the time at the insightful boards regarding my " friend " sign Cancer and my zodiac sign " Pisces". I had to log on just for you. Here's words of wisdom and some insight! I hope I enlighten you and encourage you to do it for loves sake. I had a Cancer that did so much for me has been support of me regarding my completion of college, my accomplishments etc, brought me things, always sweet( sometimes) . Great conversation about our lives HIS actions shows he has feelings for me and cares about me deeply and I always feel the same. The Problem is I needed him also to be a little more vocal about these feelings. He is more action and subtle/ ambiguous w/ his words. As my grandmother would say: Someone needs to be a hero. MAKE THAT MOVE, VERY RARELY CANCERS MAKE THE FIRST MOVE! They too fear rejection. Just have a simple convo with him , he would respect your honesty, and hopefully respond to you with the words You want to hear. I have two quotes for you " NOTHING haunts us like the things we " don't" say and 2🙂 Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have".......God bless you! From another Pisces🙂

A few errors Ooops lol...I'm sure you get what I'm trying to say

U are going to make me weep. Thank u for responding. The coward in me has left things as is and three years later.. I still dont know what I mean to him. If I boldly inquire what I am to him and he says, "nothing-a piece of ass" I will die.. Thinking that the physical aspect of our union makes things tough. if I formally demand a lable and it isnt the lable I want to hear, how will I live without the physical pleasure this man has given me. He is so out of my league. When we are out, women stare.. waitstaff never ask how I am doing..or if I need anything.. only him.. he is so seemingly unaware of his gorgeousness.. Making him all the more desireable. Is there not a risk free way of finding out where I stand. I stand tall & smile confidently and remain silent.. but the truth is.. this man owns me.. I always get a hand squeeze exactly when insecurity washes over me. How does he know??

CLASSifiedPisces has given you the best advice anyone can give.

You want him to tell you that you mean more to him than just a piece of ass, that he wants more than just a FWB relationship, but when he baits you to say you want that you act like you don't and tell him to pursue other women.

That's why he doesn't say he loves you. You push him away! He sees the signs of your love in how you act with him alone, but when he dips his toe into the real issue, the face you show is that you don't love him.

Cancer's don't like to make the first move; true, but many misunderstand what that means. Cancers are Cardinal signs; we get shit done and make progress, move forward. We just have to know that what we're starting can get off the ground. If we take that step to build on a dream and get the ground pulled out from under us, we fall hard.

Show him that you love him. When he baits you, tries to get a rise out of you, don't pretend like you don't care; you're lying to him and that's not right. When he baits you, bait him back. If you drop the right kind of hint, if you show him in a way he can understand that you want him to say the magic words, he'll say them. He'll say "I love you."

Thank u so much Zenbear.. I will try to be more direct. I truly appreciate the insight.

Posted by Pearlymagoo
I stand tall & smile confidently and remain silent.. but the truth is.. this man owns me.. I always get a hand squeeze exactly when insecurity washes over me. How does he know??

awww...! then just admit to that and get on with it already.. it's not like you'll ever feel this way again. don't be scared.

this is so sweet. rising, rising, rising! 🙂