Do as I say, not as I do.

Alrighty, here's the story, short and sweet.

Cancer male friend is not big on initiating contact due to whatever reasons he has, I don't need to know them.
Will answer me when I initiate and doesn't appear to mind the contact at all.
I don't get stroppy when I don't hear from him, don't question it - it's just what he does.

So, I take a couple of weeks to myself to get well (have been sick, he knows this).
I don't contact him.
He's now upset.

How is it that I'm given attitude for taking time out for myself when it's okay for him to do the same and I don't give him a hard time?

What gives, cancer males?

Because he's a Cancer lol. He's used to being that way and for him to disappear from someone's life for weeks is a normal thing, we go through our moods and we really don't ever think of how others perceive that. Now that you've done it to him, he takes it as a personal insult because he's used to you being the initiator. Now that you say it that way, maybe I need to evaluate how I do that myself, I go through spells where I initiate a lot of contact with friends and then for a few weeks I don't really talk to anyone. Never really thought how others would see that lol.

Posted by MoonBunny
Translation.

If you don't call him, it means you're not thinking about him. And he's depressed because he probably thinks about you more than he'd admit.

Ok and what happens if THE OTHER thinks the same about him?
he doesnt call, he is not interested...

any girl would feel that way.
Crabs should sometimes think a little bit about the other..I agree you are selfish...and you know I love a Crab but yes, he is selfish! Even he admits it..

Pigeonpie: Nope lol, that's why I'm not pandering to his moaning ;op

Lunarlady: I tend not to notice the long silences from people, I guess i just take it they're busy. But it seems for some, that it's taken pretty personally...oops.

Claire: So which is deemed the more "fatal" to a cancer do you think? Cos i see it as "I need time out, it's not personal, you do it too"...ah, it seems it's not the case in his head.

Mermaidbabe: Ah, see, I've had a conversation in the past with him that goes "I always feel like you don't want to hear from me". This drives me insane, there's no logic behind it that I can see and even he can't explain it except to say "My intuition tells me that" argh!! Yeah, he asked how I was - and then proceeded to tell me all his dramas lol!


Moonbunny: I see. Well, he's gotta know that people have other stuff in life too. he knows I've been sick and he also knows I run my own business as well as study etc.

PiscesArgie: Yup, he can be one selfish bleep at times. I pull him up on it and he gets an apology. I've been told by him "i guess i didn't see it that way". Selfish for sure at times - especially if it means his life is affected in some way emotionally.

MoonBunny: Ah flip, I don't want him to be sick - but I won't pander to his needs before my own. I've done it loads and I need to look after myself. He's a sweetheart in many ways but oh so sensitive! Apparently I am meant to look after his needs first and then mine. Ah, to heck with that, I aint his mum lol

Cancer males...yopu're such lovely men....but what's with the "You must reassure me every day of your devotion" crap? It's SO draining.

"You begin to see why we hate phones so much. There's no better way to show a person you don't care than not calling back. Or initiating calls."

Yes I can tell.
If he phones and I cant answer for a reason, he frets. He then says he is not going to phone me again cos I never answer. (yes, so mature!)
If I PHONE AND HE CANT ANSWER, I have to grin and bear it. Because he will ALWAYS have an explanation.
so, conclusion:
if he calls and I dont answer its a scandal
If I call but he doesnt answer, its okay

This is how a Crab's mind works!

"Cancer males...yopu're such lovely men....but what's with the "You must reassure me every day of your devotion" crap? It's SO draining."

Yep!!! It can get draining indeed. they are demanding crustaceans!

Posted by PiscesArgie
"Cancer males...yopu're such lovely men....but what's with the "You must reassure me every day of your devotion" crap? It's SO draining."

Yep!!! It can get draining indeed. they are demanding crustaceans!

for some reason i don't find it draining at all. i'm all about expressing my eternal devotion to my mate. i just have to make sure it's balanced enough to not cross the line into smothering. i love that my cancer man eats it up happily!

Claire: Ah, I see what you mean, thanks for that. Okay, so I'll look at them as different areas and go from there - cheers :o)

Moonbunny: he's not my partner, he's a mate, which is some of the reason i don't feel i should have to stay in continual contact when I've got my own stuff going on. He's aware of my sickness and other things that I have going on, yet still needs the number one spot. I think it's a tad selfish to be honest.

I believe that Aquas and Cancers (any water) DO NOT make good partners. I was with one for too long...
I also know a waterbaby or two who share my chilly experience with them.

I have a Aqua female friend, who doesn't give a rats ass about anything emotional, unless it manifests into something physical. does that make sense?

ex. I'll tell her I'm having a rough day and I'm really missing my ex bf. She'll smile, say "that's great" and quickly change the subject.
Now, If I tell her I'm having a rough day because I saw my ex and we got into a screaming/crying match... she'll be all ears.

Only when it is something tangible, will she consider it to be real. She sees things in concrete terms only that don't often matter that much to me. With Aqua and Cancer, communication may be easy between the two, but I don't think an understanding of each other can ever really be reached. I could be wrong.

Aquas are cold, and they can chill a water sign and freeze their nature. Eventually that water must move, so the ice will crack and we'll move on to warmer tides.
I think Aquas need Fire to melt those icy hearts.

What about real life? On the outside, people thought me and my ex Aqua had the perfect relationship... friends/lovers/business partners.

Not the reality. The relationship just can't work on all levels.

I think Aquas despise weakness, and view emotions as being weak. I highly disagree with this... but whatever. When you display emotions, they file that info away and be extremely mean when they see you in this weakened state.

The only emotion my ex Aqua was really comfortable with was anger. The only way I could get a response out of him was to be a bitch and blow up or get him really anger. The nicer I was, the more he took advantage. If I cried... he'd be the cruelest.

We have a much better relationship now that his shit doesn't bother me and I show no emotion to him. It's like he respects me more. He still tries to manipulate by using old triggers that used to piss me off. They don't work anymore because I'm completely detached and it frustrates him. He even admitted it.

My Aqua girlfriend would say cruel, cruel hateful things to her boyfriend until it turned into something physical. Either fighting or sex. Pretty twisted... but that's an Aqua for you.

Luv em!

Shellshocker: Aw, us Aquas most definitely have emotion - we just do it in private. there's a lot more that goes internally than people will ever know about. There's a certain level of display for us. We won't go nuts about the smaller things in life because, logically (to us, anyway) it's not the end of the world and nobody died, kinda thing. It's also hard for us to feel the emotion of others unless we have the same experience as what's going on - hence the not really making much reaction to the more passive of explanations. Anger? Sure, because it's another scale and we recognise it as a shift in emotion on a different level.
Cold? No, just not into huge displays of dramatic reaction. You have to remember we're the humanitarian sign, we spend much of our time trying to "be there" for people, so reactions are smaller - but the depth and emotion is there for sure.
Weakness and emotions: I don't despise them, personally. The cancer guy i know has shown his tears many, many times. I respect him for it because he's in a vulnerable state when he does that, which I see as a strong thing to do, especially for a male. I've walked up to complete strangers who've been upset and hugged them. Lol, the unemotional thing is a bit of a curse because, for me, I'm all about the emotion - I just PREFER to do it in private.

Treefrogger: I let the cancer man brood, work it out in his head and get back to me. he knows he can talk to me if he wants, and has acknowledged my support and willingness to do it. He's very private, he has a mood, works it out and comes back when he's done. he can do it for weeks.

Now, what to do about my silence... I feel a little pressured into initiating again. I don't want to bend to the pressure as I'm feeling a little resentful at having this expectation on me. I mean, come on, I've known the guy four years, surely he can pick up a phone first and say "Hey, how's it going?".

Hummm... not quite sure what to do.

"No. Aquarius's despise weaknesses. It's true. Don't deny it.".

No, I WILL deny it. WE love honesty - I use honesty, hence not bending to pressure to deny something that isn't true.

We don't lack emotion - at least i don't - it's just more private than most, as in anyone's right to their own private emotion.

I deal with these people already in my world.

In my line of work there are also people who don't love honesty - as honesty means they have to face their own crap and deal with it.

Regardless, that's a different topic, this thread is about how to deal with a sensitive cancer male. So - how do you propose i deal with a male who has one rule for himself and another for me for the same situation?

:o)

eirelav87: Thank you for answering the initial question, I did tell him I was sick, I think he just needs more reassurance than i first thought.

On spiritual strengrh: Yes, as an Aquarius I believe it's better to let go of negativity as it only breeds illness in self. I draw on the things that make me happy in order to stay positive.

Self-pity is....boring :o)

Update:

Aw, I ran into him today. The look on his face was "Are we okay? Am I in trouble?"

I said "I'd love to have a coffer with you tomorrow, would you like to do that? I'm interested to have a catch up and spend some time with you, I've missed you while I've been off getting well"

Response "Yes please, I'd like that" and a great big smile - followed by some jokey texts and some humour.


And I SHALL keep the coffee plan.