Effing confuzing Sheeeeeeeet

So, here's what's up. I'm probably more cancer than a chalk load of you here. I love my mommy, live my whole life around her. I cook a fucking lot, stay kitchen cooped and test EVERY single man that I develop an interest in who has a romantic interest in me.

Many many fail.

No matter, I'm a Leo, so I can take it.

BUT this Cancer man....

I don't even know where to start and this has been on my mind for days.

I met him, we hang out a lot, then he started talking about life, his future, school, work and other women. Ergo, I'm not even potentially viable in his grand scheme.

It has taken me everything to dial back and stay friendly with this guy - talk safe subjects, say Amen when he says hallelujah, slowly but surely start to distance myself and justify the necessity to do so in my mind.

Except, every time I take a step back, he does something to break my heart even more. I'm hurting, and then he says something like, "My best friend is going through something she refuses to talk to me about, but I can wait."

Of course, I ask who said best friend is and he says its me.

Mind you, I already have a bff - incidentally a Cancer. I've probably bored her stiff already with talk about this guy.

So, I say I'm good and hope he's doing good too, only to be told he's coming over.

Cool...

Trying to be friends with him is making it more difficult for you to pull back your heart. You have to detach to allow the feelings to dissipate. Once you detach and the feelings have dissipated, then you can determine if friendship is really possible or not.

He comes over and starts to lay a shit load of guilt on me.

Why am I pulling back- because I like you like that but it ain't happening.

So I decide to abandon him instead? Yeah

I hurt his feelings and don't care. I hurt my own feelings too, gimme a break!

*Crickets for a day*

Next time he calls, I ignore him and get a sad face text, then a crying emoji, then a long email about my shortcomings as a friend.

I understand all these, but how to make him understand me.

I just can't keep at something that will just break my heart in pieces.

Posted by crabbycrab76
Trying to be friends with him is making it more difficult for you to pull back your heart. You have to detach to allow the feelings to dissipate. Once you detach and the feelings have dissipated, then you can determine if friendship is really possible or not.

Exactly!

But he keeps hounding me.

One minute he says he'll give me space, the next minute he's sending message after message about his day. How he wish I had talked with him in the morning so his day would be easier.

I don't know why he can't see how this is difficult for me too. 😢

Maybe his chart holds some answers...

Leo asc
Cancer sun
Sag moon
Leo merc
Leo Venus
Taurus mars

I'm
Cancer asc
Leo sun
Cancer moon
Virgo Merv
Leo Venus
Scorp mars

May I ask why you are holding back?

Posted by 037
Maybe his chart holds some answers...

Leo asc
Cancer sun
Sag moon
Leo merc
Leo Venus
Taurus mars

I'm
Cancer asc
Leo sun
Cancer moon
Virgo Merv
Leo Venus
Scorp mars

Go for it. You obviously want to!

You have a Sag moon. Quit over analyzing it. You both have same Venus. You both want it and you both know it. That's why he isn't going anywhere when you tell him to piss off. Leo rising and fire moon. He's gonna get what he wants, happens to be you

Posted by Happygolucky
May I ask why you are holding back?

I developed romantic feelings for him that are unrequited.

I wish, happygolucky. I really do. 😢

Posted by 037
I wish, happygolucky. I really do. 😢

Embrace the lioness inside you for you are strong and proud. Dig deep and find the primal instincts of your soul. Then you will have the courage to admit your feelings

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by 037
I wish, happygolucky. I really do. 😢

Embrace the lioness inside you for you are strong and proud. Dig deep and find the primal instincts of your soul. Then you will have the courage to admit your feelings

click to expand

You've got it confused.

Cancer DOES NOT like me like that!

Posted by 037

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by 037
I wish, happygolucky. I really do. 😢

Embrace the lioness inside you for you are strong and proud. Dig deep and find the primal instincts of your soul. Then you will have the courage to admit your feelings

You've got it confused.

Cancer DOES NOT like me like that!

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I think he does. No man is gonna hound you like that for nothing.

Especially a cancer man with fire moon and rising. He might be wushu washy as fuck but he's making an effort. I just see a clumsy effort

hmmmm...just because he won't allow it doesn't mean you have to. He already knows your feelings for him. Cancers protect themselves - you're letting your leo side get the better of you. Right now, your emotions need you to be a cancer so pull back and protect yourself until that danger passes. Once you're in better control of your feelings, then move ahead as your instincts dictate.

STOP ALL CONTACT, you're not mature enough to choose that option, or to go through with it...

Thats the only solution, the confusion will keep going for weeks, months or years. Just stop. Tell him, we need to stop contacting eachother and dont respond to his next message !!

Posted by bricklemark
STOP ALL CONTACT, you're not mature enough to choose that option, or to go through with it...

Thats the only solution, the confusion will keep going for weeks, months or years. Just stop. Tell him, we need to stop contacting eachother and dont respond to his next message !!

Better to run and hide than face what's going on? That makes perfect sense.

Posted by bricklemark
STOP ALL CONTACT, you're not mature enough to choose that option, or to go through with it...

Thats the only solution, the confusion will keep going for weeks, months or years. Just stop. Tell him, we need to stop contacting eachother and dont respond to his next message !!

This will cause even more confusion for years down the road. Coulda, woulda, shoulda stuff. Always wondering what might have been. Chicken shit way out.

Posted by 037
I don't even know where to start and this has been on my mind for days.

I met him, we hang out a lot, then he started talking about life, his future, school, work and other women. Ergo, I'm not even potentially viable in his grand scheme.

It has taken me everything to dial back and stay friendly with this guy - talk safe subjects, say Amen when he says hallelujah, slowly but surely start to distance myself and justify the necessity to do so in my mind.

Except, every time I take a step back, he does something to break my heart even more. I'm hurting, and then he says something like, "My best friend is going through something she refuses to talk to me about, but I can wait."

Of course, I ask who said best friend is and he says its me.

Mind you, I already have a bff - incidentally a Cancer. I've probably bored her stiff already with talk about this guy.

So, I say I'm good and hope he's doing good too, only to be told he's coming over.

Cool...

Hmm this sounds like the confusion I went through with one of my guy friends...You mentioned he "knows" your feelings towards him, but did you ever clearly tell him? I have Cancer Sun, Sag Moon, Leo Venus so I can relate to his passion and "I want it now" attitude lol

Posted by Cheeseburger
I'm confused.


Do you want to be with him or not ?

I do

But he does not.

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by bricklemark
STOP ALL CONTACT, you're not mature enough to choose that option, or to go through with it...

Thats the only solution, the confusion will keep going for weeks, months or years. Just stop. Tell him, we need to stop contacting eachother and dont respond to his next message !!

This will cause even more confusion for years down the road. Coulda, woulda, shoulda stuff. Always wondering what might have been. Chicken shit way out.

click to expand

^^^^ I agree.

Crabby is right. Time to shell up till the heat passes.

Posted by Cheeseburger

Posted by 037

Posted by Cheeseburger
I'm confused.


Do you want to be with him or not ?

I do

But he does not.

You know nothing, 037.

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Don't do this, Cheese.

He said he was praying for a suitor for me. Yes, a suitor. That I'm almost too tempting for a man who wants to remain celibate for God. Then he joked about how he was just man enough not to fall though. Besides, he had been praying for me to find a man.

Then he talked about meeting someone at work, then a patient he had an instant connection with, some fucking woman in his church who had three kids and had divorced twice was still a better option for him than me.

Don't do this.

I'm going through too much already.

Lol,

037, Take a break. If that cancer dude said he was praying for a suitor for you. I suggest fight back. Give him a good fight.
My cancer man told me that today.. so I said oh well thank you. Then he lashed out. So I told him he was very mean. Then he said I disappeared every week ends.. so I said what the heck I get my nails done,went zumba class and do painting or even resting my own. I called him he is just *insecure* he doesn't have life and he focused to me. He retreats and said.. M, we don't fight please. hahaha. I told him he cannot defeat nor fool me. I handle employees with different personalities - I know when to bend, consider and just walk away. then he kept praising me. Cancer men are just too much drama. lol.😆

Just fight back and throw all those guilt back to him.

Hope it works for you

Regards,

M

I'm sorry, Cheese.

I'm just very wary about hope right now😢

Posted by M143
Lol,

037, Take a break. If that cancer dude said he was praying for a suitor for you. I suggest fight back. Give him a good fight.
My cancer man told me that today.. so I said oh well thank you. Then he lashed out. So I told him he was very mean. Then he said I disappeared every week ends.. so I said what the heck I get my nails done,went zumba class and do painting or even resting my own. I called him he is just *insecure* he doesn't have life and he focused to me. He retreats and said.. M, we don't fight please. hahaha. I told him he cannot defeat nor fool me. I handle employees with different personalities - I know when to bend, consider and just walk away. then he kept praising me. Cancer men are just too much drama. lol.😆

Just fight back and throw all those guilt back to him.

Hope it works for you

Regards,

M

LOL

If you don't like being confused, find another Leo or an Aries. You'll always know where you stand

He could be a total dork and crushing on you hard yet you keep doing the cha cha. You're a Leo! Get him! 😉

Posted by Happygolucky
If you don't like being confused, find another Leo or an Aries. You'll always know where you stand

Leo maybe but Aries not exactly.

Posted by 037

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by bricklemark
STOP ALL CONTACT, you're not mature enough to choose that option, or to go through with it...

Thats the only solution, the confusion will keep going for weeks, months or years. Just stop. Tell him, we need to stop contacting eachother and dont respond to his next message !!

This will cause even more confusion for years down the road. Coulda, woulda, shoulda stuff. Always wondering what might have been. Chicken shit way out.

^^^^ I agree.

Crabby is right. Time to shell up till the heat passes.

click to expand

Crabby.....lol

Posted by 037

Posted by Cheeseburger
I'm confused.


Do you want to be with him or not ?

I do

But he does not.

click to expand

This is why you have to cut him off.
Love works like this, if you're not attracted to a person, and you keep hanging out, you won't start to like them all of a sudden, this feeling "I'm not attracted to this person" will stick, and that's not healthy for anybody. Best to cut them off and find someone who really likes you without a doubt. Those exist.

037, I suggested what my lioness did to me when I started *acting funny* (her words, not mine 😉 ). She didn't cut me off completely though. She said backing away was her way of seeing if I could *come and get her* (again, her words not mine) I think it was her way of determining my true feelings because I was *all over the place* (yeah, once again, her words not mine). She said actions speak louder than words - I think that's her life slogan! HaHa. If you let cancer continue to do this, know that he can do it with ease for a very long time - he's made for the ups and downs of emotions. Leos not so much - although you may be able to for a while with all that cancer in you. 🙂

This is why I try to encourage those women who find their cancer man scurrying about to just let him be, to have their own life and LIVE IT and let cancer come to them. But also DO NOT play games because he will give that shit right back to you and it will only prolong the process anyway.

We are all individuals and do what we do for our own reasons. You are living the situation. We are only seeing a smidgen of the view, so if your instinct are telling you something, trust them over what anyone says with a grain of salt.

Posted by thinktoomuch
Distancing yourself is always the best thing to do in a situation like this. Trust me, I´ve been through the same thing. We did date, but didn´t work out, so tried a friendship. It was impossible for me, as I still wanted to be with him. But he wasn´t the best at it either, sometimes overstepping the boundaries of what - in my opinion - a friendship is. At the same time, he would - like this one - tell me to meet someone else and talk about, how he was finding it hard to meet women. Sounds like this cancer is doing the same. I don´t have any answers as to why, but distancing yourself is really the best. Give up hanging out with him for a while. It doesn´t have to be forever.
I´m thinking, that even if it´s not consciously, they like to have someone on the backburner, till they find someone, who is more right for them. We all want closeness, intimacy and great relationships, nothing wrong with that. But would he treat you like he is treating you right now, if he had a girlfriend?

And I know exactly how it feels, when you come here, knowing for sure, that he has no romantic interest in you, and people tell you to just go for him. It´s like hearing what you want to hear most, but at the same time, you know that that is not how it is.

Spend some time on just yourself 🙂

Exactly! Great point!

You guys are going way deeper than necessary. Also, hes a cancer. He just needs to be sure its what he wants. Show him why. Stop going the Cancer route with him. You are fire for petes sake! Light the room up and be the beacon.

Hes going into a shell and you are too. Like 2 turtles poking their heads out to see if its safe. As soon as your head comes out and you see the other turtle whoops! Its not safe! Pops head back in!

Posted by thinktoomuch
"be the bacon" LMAO

Go eat! Just not pork...beef sausage.

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by thinktoomuch
"be the bacon" LMAO

Go eat! Just not pork...beef sausage.

I´m a woman, so I eat chicken 😉

But seriously though: if she tries to be the bacon, he will probably just feel pushed into something and back off...

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Seriously go eat some sausage. I said BEACON, not bacon.

Posted by thinktoomuch
Wow, did not see that. Excuse me.

But the statement still stands about chasing..

IDK, You kinda have a point. Mostly what I see is they need to be directed. If you let them chase, they lose interest pretty quick. Its like you gotta lead them to the glory land and let them drink from the pool of love. Once they taste the sweetness of heaven they will perk up. Until then, I think they are a dud.

Thinktoomuch, if its not any trouble, what was your situation?

Happygolucky, you're so funny! I love the turtle analogy most. Sad thing, though, I already shelled in.

😛

If nothing at all, its a safe place for now. I can think more clearly.

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by thinktoomuch
Wow, did not see that. Excuse me.

But the statement still stands about chasing..

IDK, You kinda have a point. Mostly what I see is they need to be directed. If you let them chase, they lose interest pretty quick. Its like you gotta lead them to the glory land and let them drink from the pool of love. Once they taste the sweetness of heaven they will perk up. Until then, I think they are a dud.

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I won't disagree here. I don't know if its his Leo rising. One of the first few times we hang out, I would say what I wanted to do on the weekend.

For instance, I'd say I want to go to the movies.
He'd ask if I need company.
When I say I would love company, he says,"Ask me, then."

So weird.

lol

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by thinktoomuch
Wow, did not see that. Excuse me.

But the statement still stands about chasing..

IDK, You kinda have a point. Mostly what I see is they need to be directed. If you let them chase, they lose interest pretty quick. Its like you gotta lead them to the glory land and let them drink from the pool of love. Once they taste the sweetness of heaven they will perk up. Until then, I think they are a dud.

Even in a situation like hers, where the guy has specifically said, that he wants her to be with someone else, talks about other women and that he is not interested in her like that?

...No matter what I did - back away, try to be open and communicate, be dramatic, be sweet, be honest, you name it. Sometimes, probably most times, it´s better to back off and take care of one self, instead of trying to be some version of oneself, that another person will love. I see a lot of resemblence with her situation and mine, but ofcours it is just my thoughts.

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And that's where most ex-gf went wrong with me. If you're doing things to get a reaction most likely you'll get disappointed. If not immediately, then further down the road once I figure out what you're doing. So you're right it IS better to just be yourself than be a version of yourself and let the SO determine if they want to be with the real you or not. Well said!

Seems people are trying to apply logic not understanding they are dealing with a person who is likely feeling his way through the relationship - atleast I do to a point - react intuitively. Atleast it seems that way to me. So why go through all the song and dance - you'll just waste time and likely delay the step forward.

Think about what I said about having to LEAD a cancer. They have no balls in a relationship. The men anyway. The crabettes are tough as nails

I have a few cancer friends and my brother in law is a cancer

Posted by KsamCancer

Posted by Happygolucky
Think about what I said about having to LEAD a cancer. They have no balls in a relationship. The men anyway. The crabettes are tough as nails

Im assuming youve dated a cancer male before?

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I'm not saying it to be disrespectful

Posted by KsamCancer

Posted by Happygolucky
I have a few cancer friends and my brother in law is a cancer

Oh did you date your brother in law?

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Nah, I like ladies. Don't get all defensive dude. I didn't say YOU had no balls. Just cancers in general.

Posted by KsamCancer

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by KsamCancer

Posted by Happygolucky
I have a few cancer friends and my brother in law is a cancer

Oh did you date your brother in law?

Nah, I like ladies. Don't get all defensive dude. I didn't say YOU had no balls. Just cancers in general.

Just fucking with you man

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Coo coo.

oh I like women who are chasing the guy until they get over it. Let them act like a fool or crazy or whatever you call it.
The woman who kept resisting and pretending she is ok when she is not.. there is more hope for a fool than a great pretender.

Posted by M143

oh I like women who are chasing the guy until they get over it. Let them act like a fool or crazy or whatever you call it.
The woman who kept resisting and pretending she is ok when she is not.. there is more hope for a fool than a great pretender.

It's what you have to do to get your own closure.

Posted by thinktoomuch
My bad - I´m the one who use the word chase. I know she is not chasing him.
In this case, I should probably have used the word "trying", trying with him, being there, being nice, trying her best and still being in contact. But not chasing like that. Sorry.

This is what irritates me about some posters on here. DONT DO IT! RUN AND HIDE! LORD FORBID YOU GET HURT! Its how we learn!

A person who never sticks their hand in the fire will never experience the pain and will always wonder about how hot it really is.

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by thinktoomuch
My bad - I´m the one who use the word chase. I know she is not chasing him.
In this case, I should probably have used the word "trying", trying with him, being there, being nice, trying her best and still being in contact. But not chasing like that. Sorry.

This is what irritates me about some posters on here. DONT DO IT! RUN AND HIDE! LORD FORBID YOU GET HURT! Its how we learn!

A person who never sticks their hand in the fire will never experience the pain and will always wonder about how hot it really is.

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that's true.

to know TRUE PAIN and SUFFERING... it will shame and make you HUMBLE.

it sucks but from what i've seen and heard and learned, through suffering we grow from that. we can't grow without it.

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by bricklemark
STOP ALL CONTACT, you're not mature enough to choose that option, or to go through with it...

Thats the only solution, the confusion will keep going for weeks, months or years. Just stop. Tell him, we need to stop contacting eachother and dont respond to his next message !!

This will cause even more confusion for years down the road. Coulda, woulda, shoulda stuff. Always wondering what might have been. Chicken shit way out.

click to expand

I agree!

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by thinktoomuch
My bad - I´m the one who use the word chase. I know she is not chasing him.
In this case, I should probably have used the word "trying", trying with him, being there, being nice, trying her best and still being in contact. But not chasing like that. Sorry.

This is what irritates me about some posters on here. DONT DO IT! RUN AND HIDE! LORD FORBID YOU GET HURT! Its how we learn!

A person who never sticks their hand in the fire will never experience the pain and will always wonder about how hot it really is.

I totally agree. I like that Ronda Rousy thing: Don´t be a do nothing bitch.
Same thing here. Experience, live, learn.
And if you feel like, you should stay in this, then do that🙂 I did for a long time, tried many many times, but it just never worked out, friendship or nothing.
So what you should understand also, because sometimes we tend to forget and just go full on all the time, is that: it´s okay to take a little break. It´s okay to not be there for him all the time and think much about his needs as a friend.
Downgrading your heavy feelings for someone is pretty hard to do, if you see them all the time. So a break is a good thing, I think🙂

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Then you are not giving 100% and you do not deserve him. You are being fake. In or out. Shit or get off the pot. Need a break, LEAVE. I dont want someone "some of the time". This is when shit goes downhill and "will he ever come back" threads.