Falling for a Cancer male, hard and fast

I realized my post was to long so I will cut it in half.
First I'm a Leo sun with Cancer moon.
I met a beautiful cancer man, we have a mutual deep attraction. Met online, first two weeks he was constantly txting and emailing me throughout the day. Showering me with so much affection that I started feeling scared, We met face to face going into week 3. Spent 3 or 4 hours together but it felt like 5 mins. Everything about our connection. Was perfect, at the end of the date he asked If he could kiss me and I said yes, I do believe I fell half in love with him right there. We continued to chat/email several times a day..we both have pretty busy lives. Second date week 5 was so beautiful I did end up sleeping with him. Was the most soul shattering beautiful evening of my life. I do believe he felt the same. He did say he felt the same. We continued to txt and email...but it wasn't as much as before. I did end up feeling worried and send him a few emails of what I thought were assurance, but just recently he took as analyzing him. The following date after sleeping with him he told me about an old connection with a young woman (20 yrs his junior) and said that they are going to attempt to reconnect. I guess that didn't compute in my mind because our next date followed a week after that. During which my assurance emails continued, whereas he was txting maybe twice a day, always very sweet txts. Our time together was wonderful, as usual felt to short, but he did end up sharing more on this renewal of connection with this woman...I slept with him anyway! But it didn't hold the beauty it did the first time. So in my dumb fashion I spent the next day thinking on what I should do, finally coming up with an email saying that I cannot be second best and that I wish him luck with this other connection..I shared with him that while sex was great it wasn't the soul connecting experience I first had..I do believe that hurt him. He did continue to text me at least once a day...until the moon started getting full..and I made the biggest mess of everything.
In a heartfelt compassionate email I told him how I felt, that I did think he was the moon to my sun and that it hurt he was ignoring the connection we had. He came back at that and said that he felt "this" was to up and down for him and that I was to analytical (all my messages I thought were assurance) because I felt he was pulling away.
I cannot get him off my mind, to stop texting him I deleted his number, I did del

Posted by arietteheart2
You lost yourself. You kissed him on the first date and slept with him on the second. Not saying there's anything terribly wrong with that but it can cause problems of you sleep with someone before you even know the direction of the relationship.

He was honest with you about another woman...you ignored it and slept with him again anyway.

Then you tried to "pull his card" so to speak to get a reaction. That didn't work because they don't respond to that mess.

Then you unloaded on him emotionally after 5 (or so) weeks of "dating"

You need to reel it back in hard and get ahold of yourself.

Yeah, it's an unfortunate thing when too much happens and too fast.

Maybe if she takes some time off from him, then he will come to her.

Otherwise, it's best that she take a chill pill and enjoy her time with other people for now.

Sexual chemistry and connection aren't the same thing.
I'd expect this from an easy girl who thinks having sex with a guy will make him be her boyfriend.
You barely know one another, he has no reason to be loyal to you or respect you.
This isn't a cancer thing, it it is a man thing. Give sex outside of a committed relationship

then expect him to behave like he isn't in a relationship.

Your right I totally do. Before we did sleep together there was a lot of back and forth getting to know one another, in tune of more than 500 emails, mostly his. I just spent all last night reading them.
I was in a 20 year marriage, 3 years spent on healing myself and then I met him. It normally takes me a very long time to open up to someone. I'm not sure why I have such a strong reaction for this man. When I first looked at his picture I sat there for an hour before messaging him, the attraction was instant. When we shared words it was phenominal, soul mate material. I did completely lose myself.

I have only slept with 4 people in my life, I'm 40 years old. I have always had long term relationships before I have allowed that intimacy. So yes my lioness did scare me a whole lot.

I acknowledged that we were on a roller coaster, and stepped back because both of us are upset. I cannot get him off my mind though so that is why I deleted his contact info. I am a empathetic person, I feel his raw emotions every time we are together. It scared me so I flipped. Not sure how to stop that.
He seems to have a stotic disposition, where I normally have one as well..it's seemed to disappear.

1. it's a rebound thing...i guess...don't blame yourself for anything, but most importantly, don't trap yourself into thinking he is a great guy...

you are 40...i suppose he is of the same age....at this age men are either very stable[rarely] or immature[more often than not].

sleeping with you even after having confessed he wanted to reconnect with another woman,[which was a mistake from your part as well, to be honest...] clearly shows what kind of man he is and what values he has. you've lost nothing, nothing=a loser. i wouldn't waste my tears on him.

be more loving to yourself and less to him.

2. you've come here for advice/support...i'm sorry to say this, but cancer people are not very helpful. they are emotional, not analitical. they can't offer opinions/points of view, as aquas do, for instance, they offer reactions to your words. i use only the advice of a man i've made friends with on here. but i've learnt a lot about cancer by observing the way they interact.

3. when you ask for advice, i sincerely advise you to take into account the "advisor's" age. love/relationships in the 40's are very different from what they are in the 20s. you'll learn this by yourself.

and now...if you want my opinion: i wouldn't pursue this man. good luck

Thank you, that was great advice.
Having a cancer moon I am very aware of the emotional reaction, my lioness usually balances, but not so with this particular fella.
He's 47. He doesn't feel emotionally mature, has actually admitted to being flakey...I see that as his cancers fear to open up. I tried to assure him, but then did make a complete mess of everything, because as a Leo I do tend to analyze when I'm upset.

Definite roller coaster. He emailed me yesterday afternoon and I was still an emotional wreck and gave it to him good. My last email to him was when the moon was out I. Ful bloom last night. I had to completely delete his contact info again.

Really not sure what I will do if he emails me again. I'm hoping I have my emotions in check, if nothing else we would make fantastic friends as we have everything under the sun in common.
*sigh* I've always hated roller coasters...but sitting at the top always made me feel so alive.

Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it

lessa

roller coaster..this is the sign of a very unbalanced, unhealthy emotional relationship...sth is wrong when this happens...

i can't emphasise it enough LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. be gentle and understanding to you and your behaviour, your mistakes...but don't you ever compromise yourself...if you reply to his messages, never forget he WANTED TO RECONNECT WITH ANOTHER WOMAN WHILE AGREEING TO SLEEP WITH YOU. this will make you think clear and find the right thing to do

if you need any sort of support, feel free to ask.

by the way...i'm an aqua involved with a cancer guy, both in our 40s

Really? I thought the emotional roller coaster was because she had a fling wih a Cancer. Like we turn it off just because its a fling? Impossible. People think we are in love because we pay attention when they give us driving directions.

The way we pay attention.

—mutual deep attraction??. How do you know what he feels? Cancers are masters are hiding their true feelings.
—Was the most soul shattering beautiful evening of my life??. It was sex! You don't get out much do you?
First date: —he asked If he could kiss me and I said yes, I do believe I fell half in love with him right there??. Damn Cancers are good!
—Second date—?_ —I did end up sleeping with him??. Don't you think you were a bit to, (ah what's the word I am looking for? Oh yeah) EASY?
—We continued to txt and email...but it wasn't as much as before??. Before the SEX? That's what happens when you are to, (ah what's the word again? Oh yeah) EASY?
—after sleeping with him he told me about an old connection with a young woman (20 yrs his junior) and said that they are going to attempt to reconnect??. When is the best time for a PLAYBOY to get rid of a clingy woman? After, he has had his way with her.
Many Cancers have a need to salve their conscience, because they don't want to answer to their own guilty feelings. ITS TORTURE! To prevent this, they will commonly warn you before taking big steps, knowing most people will not understand, but satisfying their own twisted standard of fairness. He warned you. Anytime you give IT up after this, it's on you. It's all fair game.

—our next date—?_?? I slept with him anyway!?? Wow! You seem determined to go down fighting. This one is one YOU Deary.
—I spent the next day thinking on what I should do??. You can start with closing your legs. Finish this off by getting some self respect.
—I shared with him that while sex was great it wasn't the soul connecting experience I first had??. It wasn't your soul that was connecting there Deary.
—I do believe that hurt him??. Ouch!!! Please don't use those hurtful words with this innocent Cancer guy. Hello? Is anyone in their? Deary? You can't hurt a Cancer with goofy words like that. We have WALLS built around us, and that's just the first line of defense. You hurt him as much as a primitive wood arrow would hurt a massive stone castle wall. Duh!
—In a heartfelt compassionate email I told him how I felt, that I did think he was the moon to my sun and that it hurt he was ignoring the connection we had??. Did you ask him to marry you as well? Did you explain that it's not nice to deflower innocent virgins and then run away? You are as clingy as they come. Stop! Get some self respect woman! Please! For mankind??s sake.
—said that he felt "this" was to up and down for him??. Translation: You are to clingy and I want to get away from you. — I was to analytical??. How??s my response for analytical, Huh? —I felt he was pulling away??. You mean OUT?

Posted by arietteheart2
You lost yourself. You kissed him on the first date and slept with him on the second. Not saying there's anything terribly wrong with that but it can cause problems of you sleep with someone before you even know the direction of the relationship.

He was honest with you about another woman...you ignored it and slept with him again anyway.

Then you tried to "pull his card" so to speak to get a reaction. That didn't work because they don't respond to that mess.

Then you unloaded on him emotionally after 5 (or so) weeks of "dating"

You need to reel it back in hard and get ahold of yourself.

+100 You slept with him way too fast. This is why you gotta wait because it ratchets up the feelings and you have not established any solid connection with this man. The "mind blowing sex" is really fantasy island. Sure it felt great but now that you see he's already jonesing for an ex how much it really meant to him. Gotta go slow on these things if you want them to develop. I've made the same mistake you have and it's live & learn for all of us. Cut bait & swim.

—Before we did sleep together there was a lot of back and forth getting to know one another, in tune of more than 500 emails, mostly his?? ONLINE? This was foreplay for this guy.
—I was in a 20 year marriage, 3 years spent on healing myself and then I met him??. Pure chance? or maybe he smelled you a mile away?
—It normally takes me a very long time to open up to someone. I'm not sure why I have such a strong reaction for this man??. Cancer??s are excellent judges of character and personality. He played you like a fiddle.
—When I first looked at his picture I sat there for an hour before messaging him, the attraction was instant. When we shared words it was phenomenal, soul mate material??. I think you sold yourself on the goods, before you even had a chance to meet him in person. You played yourself right in to grip of this Cancer Playboy.
—I did completely lose myself—?_ —I have always had long term relationships before I have allowed that intimacy??. Your own admission is the key to understanding what truly happened here.
—I feel his raw emotions every time we are together??. News flash Deary, that wasn't his emotion.

I apologize in advance if I came across a bit cynical about your post. The truth of the matter is that both he and you have a problem here. He is obviously a selfish self absorbed good for nothing PLAYBOY. Yes, he is a CANCER, but he is also a PLAYBOY. This makes him a dangerous person, because he uses his ability to read people and his emotional radar for his own selfish gain. He's like an evil Spiderman, using his spidey senses to rob banks. Unfortunately, he got you. You on the other hand, also need to learn from this experience and get over him, cause it seems to me there was no reciprocity in his feelings towards you. He wanted one thing and one thing only. Best thing you can do is get away from him, and move on with your life. Accept that this is not your soul mate, simply a checkmate, you lose. A little more healing is in order, and I truly think you will benefit from developing your worth as an individual. There are many books on the subject, and you can get passed this unfortunate but all too common episode. Good Luck and Good living!

Posted by mz
1. it's a rebound thing...i guess...don't blame yourself for anything, but most importantly, don't trap yourself into thinking he is a great guy...

you are 40...i suppose he is of the same age....at this age men are either very stable[rarely] or immature[more often than not].

sleeping with you even after having confessed he wanted to reconnect with another woman,[which was a mistake from your part as well, to be honest...] clearly shows what kind of man he is and what values he has. you've lost nothing, nothing=a loser. i wouldn't waste my tears on him.

be more loving to yourself and less to him.

2. you've come here for advice/support...i'm sorry to say this, but cancer people are not very helpful. they are emotional, not analitical. they can't offer opinions/points of view, as aquas do, for instance, they offer reactions to your words. i use only the advice of a man i've made friends with on here. but i've learnt a lot about cancer by observing the way they interact.

3. when you ask for advice, i sincerely advise you to take into account the "advisor's" age. love/relationships in the 40's are very different from what they are in the 20s. you'll learn this by yourself.

and now...if you want my opinion: i wouldn't pursue this man. good luck

+100% agree and I'm a Cancer. 🙂

you've come here for advice/support...i'm sorry to say this, but cancer people are not very helpful. they are emotional, not analitical. they can't offer opinions/points of view, as aquas do, for instance, they offer reactions to your words.

I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH THIS PART OF THE STATEMENT.

Cancer people tend to be emotional, yes, but also quite logical and analytical. As far as helpful, we can be helpful also, if we feel we are making a difference. I hope I was helpful. 🙂

I agree with the other stuff Este said.

Im finding it strange everyone is jumping over the sex issue like a hot potato!
I feel very respected in word and action by my cancer man.
He shared with me first about feeling an amazing connection with me. He has told me that he adores me. Even after the sex. He did step back though from txting and emailing constantly to just a few. This is after sharing that he wanted to explore an old connection with another
We really are both hurt by each others push and pull.
Im asking advice on how to stop from hurting myself and him. He still emails me sweetly even after I stopped. I cant ignore him. I dont know how.

Posted by lessa
Im finding it strange everyone is jumping over the sex issue like a hot potato!
I feel very respected in word and action by my cancer man.
He shared with me first about feeling an amazing connection with me. He has told me that he adores me. Even after the sex. He did step back though from txting and emailing constantly to just a few. This is after sharing that he wanted to explore an old connection with another
We really are both hurt by each others push and pull.
Im asking advice on how to stop from hurting myself and him. He still emails me sweetly even after I stopped. I cant ignore him. I dont know how.

What's really strange to me is a 40 year old woman (I'm 44 btw) who doesn't understand how she either harpooned her chances by having sex too soon or let herself get played by a player. If this man were soo great, why didn't he tell you about the ex until AFTER you had sex. Also, him telling you he's interested in another woman should be END GAME for you. A man whose truly in love with you would never glance at another woman let alone tell you he's interested in seeing her.

PS: He knows he set you up with the meaningless "sweet talk" so now he's got to gently back off so as not to appear like a cad. But actions always speak louder than words. He's already told you he's interested in another woman. End game. Totally end game. You're just too drunk on love/lust to see it.

I will quote "I dont get out much"
I am very confident. I am a Leo that does shine off me. I do have a great self esteem. I am naive though. And emotional. This Cancer man knows how to pet my lioness.
I also know how to pet him too.
It is a roller coaster though. Im willing to bet neither of us stand a chance. I didnt reply to his email yet. It was way to sweet. When I do I will be firm on just friendship. The fantasy he has with this other woman wont last. He hasnt seen her yet. Wondering now if being his friend will allow us a chance to start over...with my legs closed!

Posted by lessa
Im finding it strange everyone is jumping over the sex issue like a hot potato!
I feel very respected in word and action by my cancer man.
He shared with me first about feeling an amazing connection with me. He has told me that he adores me. Even after the sex. He did step back though from txting and emailing constantly to just a few. This is after sharing that he wanted to explore an old connection with another
We really are both hurt by each others push and pull.
Im asking advice on how to stop from hurting myself and him. He still emails me sweetly even after I stopped. I cant ignore him. I dont know how.

sorry lessa...told you it is like this on here...

let me think what i would do in your situation and see if it would work for you...

i think:
1. i'd give me some time thinking if i want him that much or not, if i like the way he treats me or not.-at this stage you don't cut him off entirely

2.a if my decision were to pursue him, i'd keep it nice but openly tell him what my values about fidelity are- at this stage sex would be out of question but my mood about us would be positive
2.b if my decision were that i want sth else in life/that he is not worth my effort, i'd cut him off...entirely [after having a closure...i suppose you'll need this sooner or later]

i would never, but never become emotional...no matter what they say about cancers' emotionality, i think they fall for classy women who never lose their composure...at least this is how i handle my crab...i have no idea what he really feels about that...anyway i'm a mixture of aqua,cappy and sagitarius mars...while he's a mixture of cancer and gemini...

oh, and go online and read a lot of stuff about rebound relationships, relationships, etc...this is what i did after my divorce and during my rebound relationship...i was in one even if i didn't admit it at that time...and i recognise many in your writing...but sincerely...it is a process you have to go through even if you like/want it or not...

i hope i helped...😢

MZ, I did come here for advice, I assure you I'm soaking it in, and appreciate everyone's comments. Especially yours though as you are seeming to be understanding my thought process.

He does email me sweet words, just now I sent him a brief message saying that because we do have so much in common it would be a shame that we part ways.
Funny you said that about class and composure as he mentioned the same thing. I am classy and very composed...I am a Leo! But the only other Cancer I dated was when I was 14...still in love with him btw and we still communicate!

My adult experience, both Leo's. Very Leo.

What I think happened here was my Cancer moon..which is very emotional showed face and my lioness couldn't back her down as she normally would.

I never chase, I just am, I'm thankful I found these forums as it does help me realize my balance again...or maybe now that the moon is waning I have full control of my emotions. Which ever it is, I am feeling good today.

I do desire a friendship with my Cancer man as I do believe it will blossom into something specular, I am very empathetic and feel others emotions. There is something there that is worth patient effort.

I will never regret jumping into bed with him, as I do feel respected, that's the main thing right there. And I am 40 and single...why can't I =)
I don't do FWB though
I can't recall who posted being love/lust drunk...but hell yeah you are 100% correct and today I am okay with that. No harm no foul in that.
I don't do second best..I am a patient woman, and with patience comes the right man, I do believe my Cancer man is my perfection. He will know it one day too.
Excellent advice MZ I do plan on following it.

lessa...good...

now step 1. make a list of calm, settled friends to go out with for coffee...no crazy nights out...this is for gals, not ladies... go out with one, maximum 2...no need to post stupid "see how happy i am without you?" photos on social media if you share any with him...

even if you don't like going out right now...just do it...for an hour or so...nothing spectacular..

step 2. buy that expensive thing you've wanted for several months, but you postponed it...

keep in touch

Lol...no no social media...I'm VERY private about my family life, as he is.
And ugh...I already bought a beautiful expensive dress...for him but didn't wear it yet haha.
Okay unmentionable store here I come, nothing better to make one feel beautiful than silk and lace!

Already taking full advantage of my friends!
Cancer men...you all are brilliant masterminds I tell you!

Lessa, I do wish you the best. I apologize if I offended you in any way.

I think your cancer guy should consider running for office. He sweet talks you like a politician. That's why Cancer's make good politicians, they can lie thru their teeth, and people still believe them. This is an ability that can be used for evil, or good. Each individual has to make that choice. I remember being lied to by 2 famous Cancers not to long ago,

George W. Bush and Donald Rumsfeld - Sneaky Crabs I tell you.

I will end by quoting the Police:

"Our so called leaders speak
With words they try to jail you
The subjugate the meek
But it's the rhetoric of failure"

I don't offend very easily, pretty mild mannered. I do appreciate every word that was written. I did ask for an opinion, and everyone has one, most of what everyone said was completely true. I loved it.

Everyone was completely helpful and I did walk away from posting each time with something to think about.

I really do adore this cancer man, I do think he's the moon to my sun. I'm a patient lady and willing to built that friendship...despite our rocky start.

I've offered that and he's accepted...very happy tonight.

Thanks all your words helped me phenominally...all of your words.