Getting back to a cancer?

My ex boyfriend who is a cancer started to stare at me. If I ignore him he ignores me too but if I talk to him he is friendly and always has such a shy smile on his face. Also, if I go somewhere with my friends he will be there too. Is he tryig to see if I want him back? How can I make him come to me?

what star sign are you if you don't mind me asking, and how long were you together for before you broke up, and most importantly why?

I am an aries [nice combination, lol]. We were together for 3 months and we broke up because he was showing a lot of affection but I am not the romantic type and he thought I didn't want to be with him.

oh, you should consider yourself very lucky, i understand that too much emotion can be difficult to receive, you need to be extremely patient and wait till he goes in his shell and let him get comfortable with you then he will come down, i'd say that he wants you back and he doesn't know how to go about it because he felt rejected before and now he will be 10 times more careful.....prepare yourself for push/pull game if you want to take him back, you also need to be able to see beyond the surface, he needs to see that you undersatnd him, somewhere down the line of the relationship(if you decide to go that way) he will start being amazingly caring and possessive, also controlling, and you need to ask yourself if you can deal with that, you see cancers need and feed themselves from your feelings and they want you to constantly show them that you love them and how much they mean to you, they are very insecure(but i love them)...i hope this helps

oh, yeah, vanessa126 is so right!!!!!!(my experience)

Thank you guys. Should I try to be friendly and give him signals that I'm interested?

yes, go for it, but whatever you do don't try too hard, don't be pushy and don't do anything that can be interpreted as a rejection......good luck

what bs u talking about if you show us affection we will respond in kind if you dont show or give mixed signals then expect the same.

well, my experience(not that lucky) was that whenever i told and showed my feelings to my cancer guy he just gave me an evazive answer or just ignored me for a few days...however he acknowledged it, he even said that he knows that i love him, jokingly......maybe he doesn't know what he wants, but i will not give up untill he tells me something good or bad i will not give up

I wasn't sure but if you say he still likes me I'll go for it.
Any other suggestions, guys?

Rebelyell,

I see what you are saying about the interest on his part, but yet he doesn't come forth? I have a similar thing happening with me. For some reason, they are more attentive when you are not so focused on them, and when you do show acknowledgement, they do the same , but then become evasive and hide again. I have been in this stuation for over four years now, but am not going to give up.

Do you want to make things permanent with him?

I think you both still have feelings for each other, but he is being very careful to preserve himself from more hurt and you should try to reassure him...it will take much time...

Bollyhips you`re right. When I ignore him, he ignores me. If I`m nice to him he is also nice but at the same time he gets a lil bit distant.

Yes I want to be with him. He`s such a wonderful person.

Rebelyell,

Does he call you at all? I find that in my past experience with ex Cancers, they don't call. I ususally would be the one calling and when I did call, they wouldn't answer the phone. There is this one Cancer guy that recently got back in touch with me. He said that he like talking with me because I don't expect anything from him. I get the feeling that these guys don't like being pressured. I told him that I am not looking for anything and that we can be pals...platonic of course. Have you tried just being casual with him?

dear Bollyhips,

i have been with my cancer for 3 years, started as sex partners and our relationship grew stronger with every year, i don't like to put pressure but a month agao i ignored him for 2 months and now he started calling but mostly texting every day(it only happened once a week)....they are like that but that doesn't mean that they don't have feelings for us...on the contrary they need to deal with the pressure of their feelings every day(on their own), and that is not easy from them, they are constantly afraid of rejection or of being dumped, my cancer said to me today that he is taking it very slowly now coz when he(may or may not be with me....lol)gets married he will want his wife to be overwealmed with his affection so that she will be high over heels and not leave or cheat on him)............never give up unless he tells you that you are wasting your time

He doesn't call but if I try to be friendly he kinda ignores me but after a day or two he will come to say hi or somethin like that. Also, if I am close to him but I'm talking to another person he will hit me playfully and then say something like "oh so you don't know me". I think he's waiting for me to make the move.

I noticed that he is always where I am. If he is not there I don't even get to see his friends but if he came they will be very close to the place where my friends and I are.

And damn.. he always stares and a few days ago he gave me such a shy smile. It made me melt.

He wants u back and also wants u to make the first move......he's checking out your reaction abt how u feel whn he's around you.......He's analyzing you and planning abt his next indirect move to get it on with you......Its annoying but he might be trying to be around u to make you feel uncomfortable and guilty for breaking up......I dunno how many of you would agree wid this......

I don't think he wants to make me feel bad about the break-up because this happened a few months ago and he was the one who broke up with me. Also, after a few weeks he said something like "Are you still mad on me? Cuz I feel really bad about what I did" He doesn't have any reasons to make me feel guilty.

dear rebelyell,
crabs don't like feeling guilty or assuming responsability for any of thier actions, so they put all that on our sholders.........he will always blame someone else for what he has done......

yes leokitten, correct but your cancer is already commited and married to you so it is a different ball game........

"Are you still mad on me? Cuz I feel really bad about what I did"...........I use this line whn i mess it up wid grrls.........I use the angry instead of mad.......I would ask this question only if i was interested in being back wid the grrl......so good signs for you coz he's feeling sort of guilty himself......now the big —? is do u want him back—?

ItSeemedImportant,

it is so true, LeoKitten has no idea(or maybe she does) as to how lucky she is to have such a cancer guy!!!!

they are addictive in did, they have like a patern, i learned that i f i am not happy about something i can only address it in a very remote conversation...it is all at his pase(damn slow), i never chase him and that intrigues him, sometimes i find this very sweet and good but sometimes i find it so tiresome.

i wish i knew where i am with my cancer guy but i know i can never find out unless it is his idea and on his terms, so, ItSeemedImportant, if you have any more interesting facts and comments please let us know

dear leokitten,

you are right with everything you say....i am afraid of getting a reaction and things are getting bottled up!!!
i will change that, i have to otherwise i will end up being miserable(nearly there)!!!i guess i just don't want to loose him or don't want him to be upset(lol, i am doing that at my own expense).the other morning he asked me to go and get the paper(he was doing something else) and i said it was too cold outside and it is very ealry in the morning(wanted to saty in bed for longer).....he asked me i think about 20 times to go and get it...i only went to make him shut up!!!

thank you very much for your input, i should put my foot down and i will, no more of that crap, if he wants me we have to discuss things if not at least we know where we are!!!!!

I pretty much have to agree with Leokitten on most of her input.

I have read some of you ladies posts and a man will only do what YOU ALLOW him to do. Period. This back and forth coming and going is not good for you are your emotions. I wouldn't allow ANY man to do a push pull dance on me. If he pulls consistently Cancer man or any man for that matter then we are done and he will not have to tell it to me. He will see with my actions that I will not accept him back on his terms. No! That is not a good thing for a man to do.

If a man wants to be with you, he will be there, immature or not and deal with it. A Cancer man can DEAL with problems. You ladies set the tone of the relationship with you man. I wouldn't allow him to come back on his terms and threaten me when he can't get what he wants when he wants it. No, that kind of behavior is not acceptable and it is not cute.

Ok so.. my question was.. Do you think he wants me back? Should I be friendly to him and wait?

Ok so.. my question was.. Do you think he wants me back? Just my opinion and I know because I have dealt with a Cancer man before if he wants you back, you will not have to wonder. I hear women saying Cancer men are very indirect and nonconfrontal but please Cancer men can be very, very intense, demanding and direct. He will tell you what he wants and he doesn't want if YOU set the tone of the relationship properly. He will TELL YOU! I guess some men are shy but if a man really wants you, he will be direct Cancer man or not.

Should I be friendly to him and wait? Yeah, be friendly but a little distant and aloof. Just don't act like you are sitting around waiting for him to make a move.

Hi i was wondering if you could be of any help?, i was recently seeing a cancer male, but i decided to walk away as i felt it was one way love even tho it was him who oringally chased me, i asked if we could remain friends but hes asked to delete eachothers numbers, is there anyway i could turn it around, as we did get on great.

Thanks 🙂 that helps I lot, I tell myself friendship, but deep down I'm still madly in love with him, and only broke up with him to see if he would show his love by chasing me once more, as he seemed to become withdrawn,

We use to worked at the local walk in center together, but I was sacked shortly before we finished and him asking to delete one anothers number, which I couldn't bring myself to do, two months have past, my sister had an appointment at the walk in center last week, I found it the perfect excuse to see him, we instantly locked eye contacts from across the carpark, he just stared as he drove off, his facial impressions seemed bothered and I hoped emotions was still involved, I took it upon myself to make the first move and txt him, but he acted childish brushing me off as non-importance,

Think I may of hurt him more than I expected with my immature cry for love, think it maybe best if I did do as he pleaded and leave him alone,

I seem to have got lost with emotions and just hope he could one day be civil and hopefully rebuild on our relationship.

:-) x

taurus88,

i think he is testing you to see how badly you want him, as you rejected him before, he will not make a move till he's more than 100% certain.
i know that whenever i tell my cancer to leave me alone and try to brake it off, he chases me desperately, calling and texting, like it is the end of the world.....
as It seemed important is saying...are you sure you want him, it can be addictive and very painful, with a lot of good and also alot of misery(prepare yourself for a push/pull game too because you started a bit on the wrong foot if i may say so)....
i iwsh you good luck and you need to be very strong too, no matter what you decide to do

leokitten,

you have no idea how much you're helping me, and i am so grateful. the situation needs to change, as it makes me miserable. i have decided that i will wait till i see mt cancer guy next and then i will put him on the spot: if he wants me he needs to say so and accept all the right things that involve us being together if not he needs to let me move on(after you explained to me a few times, i finally realize how simple that can be), i know he will not want to discuss anything on the contrary he will accuse me of being impulsive, and i will say that if he cannot answer me i will have to leave him(there and then), i know he will chase me endlessly(to follow the pattern), but i will always remind him that unless he clears my questions will not go back!!!!
i guess it took me a while to get here(your help was tremendous), but no matter what happens one has to have some dignity

wow, leokitten, i so like the way you do stick to your guns, you are a very good example for me....i am not as thorrow as you are but i really think that this advice is really worthy of being followed.
you are right, if he sees the slightest uncertainty as far as my dignity is concearned he tries to take advantage(i am sure he knows damn well of what he is doing and that he cannot get away with this situation for too long, i guess he is waiting for me to initiate this conversation). again, you are right in saying that i should tell him that i would like to have a discussion and on what topics( i am sure that he will say no, or try to say that we can do that some other time).
thanks so much for your input, you will help in saving me from my misery and from being mistreated....

thanks so much for your input, you will help in saving me from my misery and from being mistreated....

scorpio978,

Why are you miserable? Why do you ALLOW this Cancer man to make you miserable if that is the case? You are the only person that can make yourself happy! Your Cancer man's behavior shouldn't make you miserable. He is just being himself and just say NO and stick and quit trying to please him.

I wouldn't let his behavior get the best of me or make me miserable. Find some more activities and make him and every thought of him unimportant! You really don't have to have a talk with him because no talking in this world can make any man feel the way he feels about you. If you two are not in a committed relationship and he clearly has expressed that he doesn't want to be committed right now, then you will be pressuring him.

Leokitten has very good advice and she is very fortunate to have such a wonderful Cancer male but I want her to try giving some advice to these "hood" Cancer men. These Cancer men are mothers! LOL!

In my personal experience with a Cancer man, boy, you have to keep him on the chase. No giving in, no spoiling, no mothering and be very much not interested. Live your life date other men and put him up for the challenge. I have pretty much noticed that this type of man does not want you to lay down and say here, you can have me. If he is making you miserable, mirror him and make him miserable. Quit trying to do things to prove to him that you will be a perfect wife or girlfriend or friend with benefits and just make him very unimportant. Foremost make him work for YOUR love and make him work VERY hard to recieve your loving. I am not telling you to PLAY hard to get, BE hard to get.

I am not referring to ALL Cancer men because I also know alot of committed Cancer men in loving relationships. You have to have some tough skin to deal with this man. Real tough, no valley girl mentality with him, nope, not going to cut it.

I am not suggesting you play games but try and see if it doesn't work!

I don't want to sound mean but I MADE THIS TOPIC

Anyway, I have a question. Is it good to say sorry for being mean to him and ask if he still wants me in his life? I wanna make his heart melt, lol
Any ideas?

dear krobe03,

you know what this sounds very much like me, i have been doing that tough game, hard to get(non intentionally) and i think that is what got him, but i am so tired of all that, basically something needs to change.
i really thank you guys a lot for advising me, i know that trying to talk to him will leave him with a very bad taste and it will make me look desperate(more than i really am) in his cancer view.
i know what you're saying is working but i am tired of being tough all the time(not that i don't like it)....everytime i give him a hard time he loves it, whenever iam nice and kind he just becomes an ass, and that is the only thing that i canot have. i know he has feelings for me and i know that he doesn't want to loose me, and i also know that he is not ready to commit right now(he tells me i should be patient)...i willdefinitely tell him that i do not appreciate his attitude and that needs to change and do not want to see or hear from him till i think it is right(then he will chase and chase till i give in, and then we'll be back to square one)....you said some interesting stuff, i really appreciate it, thank you

I don't want to sound mean but I MADE THIS TOPIC

Anyway, I have a question. Is it good to say sorry for being mean to him and ask if he still wants me in his life? I wanna make his heart melt, lol
Any ideas?

Well sorry we try to talk to ALL the women on the boards.

But, I wouldn't tell him anything. He is the man let him tell you. I don't know why women constantly believe men don't share their feelings. Trust if he wants to fit into your life HE WILL! You won't have to say anything. Nothing at all to him. Let him do the talking. It is best to let the man tell you what HE wants and then you agree and take the lead. I wouldn't hide my feelings but you have to ask yourself, 1). Is he constantly calling and pursing YOU? You are the prize. 2). Is he committed to you and telling you he wants to be in a relationship with you? 3). Is he constantly consistently demonstrating with his actions that he wants to be with you?

If you answered NO, to any of those question then you might want to move on until he steps up to the plate. I wouldn't kid myself.

I wouldn't worry about how to make HIS heart melt, he would be worried about how to make MY heart melt. A Cancer man WILL tell you what he wants from you.

i know what you're saying is working but i am tired of being tough all the time(not that i don't like it)....Yeah but you have to be tough inside and not tough on the outside. Let him reach into your heart so he can come closer. You cannot have a hard shell on the outside and expect it to work. You have to set boundaries that YOU, trust and he will want to follow the lead.

Another thing. You have masculine energy and the Cancer man has feminine energy so everytime you move forward and try to make things work, well you get back to square on because HE is the man, he should be moving things forward. That is why you keep getting this push and pull struggle.

Everytime you move forward you are doing masculine "manly" things and remember Cancer man or not most men like to take the lead. Just let him lead you you follow and be vulnerable wtih your heart. He is a MAN, he is the one who should be moving things forward, not you. You move things along well after he has givin YOU a whole bunch.

krobe03,

that is deep.....i have never seen things that way, maybe he should take the lead and not allow him disregard my boundaries, i think he did get to my heart as he says to me that he thinks that i love him too much(i really felt very vulnerable when he said hat)...i think i am just going to back off for a while(re-establish values) and he can have his turn at thing(moving sideways)......why on earth would he waste his energy to talk about how to raise kids(he said that he knows that i would spoil them and he will have to be the tough side), and who will pay the morgage and the bills, and settling down if he doesn't see me in the picture—that is all he talks about(you should see his face how it lights up, when he opens this subject).......it is confusing for me

why on earth would he waste his energy to talk about how to raise kids(he said that he knows that i would spoil them and he will have to be the tough side), and who will pay the morgage and the bills, and settling down if he doesn't see me in the picture??

Well for one if he is having financial problems right now it is just to be just "friends" with him. You don't want to take on the challenge of being the man of the relationship giving out more than he is willing to put in do you? Men love to give, an emotionally mature man will love to give to you and do for you simply because he will love you for "being" just you. You don't have to constantly reassure him or prove loyalty to him. That my dear is "game". What I mean by "game" is the man (Cancer man or another sign doesn't matter) does so much to keep you stringing along, you turn cold, he gets what he wants and then pulls. Women will spend their whole life savings and give ALL the money out of their bank accounts to try and change this man's behavior. Just sit back and take a seat my dear, you are not a man. Your energy for being a Scorp may be masculine but you are not the man in the relationship, your Cancer man is.

Everytime you "move" things forward and do things by giving instead of recieving you are taking on a manly role and if he is a straight hetersexual male, he probably cannot fall in love with a MAN! Let him do the work. It is in his nature to want to do for you and please you.

If he has financial problems, I don't know about YOU but I will ditch him. I will tell him that I am sorry you are having financial problems but you cannot be my man until you get your social life together. I don't want a man who has financial problems. I would tell him that is beneath me. I guess this will let him know you have standards and you are not going to just settle for any old thing.

krobe03,

thanks for your message, i guess you got it all wrong, with regards to the finacial problems. he is well off but he feels that he needs even more to be able to be more than secure(he said that he cannot say no to me whenever i would want/need something, regardless of what that is-within reason).
he is looking to get a very well paid job so i don't have to work(he talks in general not me in particular-"i would preffer that my wife stayed at home")
i do not want to do the work, all i wanted is to know where i am, that is all, i don't mind sitting back and let him do his thing......i just need reassurance.sometimes i feel like he is so upset with the fact that he has me to love him and he is still not ready to settle down because of what he wants to achieve(he feels like it is his duty to make sure everything will be perfect)

thanks for your message, i guess you got it all wrong, with regards to the finacial problems. he is well off but he feels that he needs even more to be able to be more than secure(he said that he cannot say no to me whenever i would want/need something, regardless of what that is-within reason).
he is looking to get a very well paid job so i don't have to work(he talks in general not me in particular-"i would preffer that my wife stayed at home")
i do not want to do the work, all i wanted is to know where i am, that is all, i don't mind sitting back and let him do his thing......i just need reassurance.sometimes i feel like he is so upset with the fact that he has me to love him and he is still not ready to settle down because of what he wants to achieve(he feels like it is his duty to make sure everything will be perfect)

Well sit back and let it happen naturally.

krobe03,

to be honest you're right, i should sit back, do you think that if he didn't want me or had feelings for me he would have stayed with me for 3 years—or has it stayed because of he is a clingy cancer?
please take the time to send me a message or all the ladies out there that can give me a piece of advice, it would me much appreciated, thank you

krobe03,

to be honest you're right, i should sit back, do you think that if he didn't want me or had feelings for me he would have stayed with me for 3 years— Well to be perfectly honest with you what man wouldn't stay with you if he can have a friend with benefits type of deal. I don't know maybe he is comfortable with you right now but he is using that I don't want to commit deal to have his cake and eat it too. I just read between those lines, which of course my Cancer friend tried that with me too. I just wasn't buying it.

In my own personal opinion, if you don't want to be committed to me then you are basically trying to play me for what you think I am worth. I don't know I value myself and I will and won't waste any of my time showing a man loyatly and giving him a commitment when he is not willing to give me the same thing. That is playing me. If you don't want to be in a committed relationship with me, then quit asking me to reassure you of my worth. No, you get what you put in.

I just see through this game and in the same situation, I wouldn't ALLOW it. If we were just sex buddies, then that is it. He would not ask me to do anything else. Sex is what you get. I just don't see myself presenting myself as a sexual contact either. I believe that a man is aware of exactly what he wants with you and if he wants you, he will step up to the plate without hesitating or bye.

or has it stayed because of he is a clingy cancer? I don't know, maybe he likes the challenge you present or maybe you are a comfort zone for him. I would just do my own thing if something happens it happens but I wouldn't put my heart into it. Cancer men tell you what they want from you. If he really wants you he will tell you, you would not have to wonder. Just in my own personal experience I know he will tell you what he wants from you. Just let him tell you first, or if you were anything like me you will make him cry and tell you.

please take the time to send me a message or all the ladies out there that can give me a piece of advice, it would me much appreciated, thank you

thank you,
" Just let him tell you first, or if you were anything like me you will make him cry and tell you."
i like that, i used to have that attitude a while ago,that is how he got hooked and told me that he is mine, now i guess i've become too vulnerable plus i want more all the time, guess i have to build that back up and see what happens....(he does tell me that he wants me and that he needs me, etc, but i still want more, i guess it's my venus as well-scorpio, my moon is cancer...lol, what a chart)

thank you,
" Just let him tell you first, or if you were anything like me you will make him cry and tell you."
i like that, i used to have that attitude a while ago,that is how he got hooked and told me that he is mine, now i guess i've become too vulnerable plus i want more all the time, guess i have to build that back up and see what happens....(he does tell me that he wants me and that he needs me, etc, but i still want more, i guess it's my venus as well-scorpio, my moon is cancer...lol, what a chart)

What exactly are you looking for from him?

i don't think i am really ready to commit in a serious relationship right now(we are both faithfull, though)but at least i would like to know that he will chose me to commit to when he decides it is time to settle down, which he said it will be at the end of this year or early next year

newsflash
🙂
Today I was really friendly to him and later he came with his friends and sit next to me. He was smiling and playing and looking at me. I just had to make the first move and then he came.

the above post might be one of the very few truthful posts on the cancer board...I agree with everything you say

I agree with Vanessa.

ladies.....,
let me explain a bit how i see things from both perspectives, let's not forget that i am scorpio after all(i get bored so easily)....and not anybody can put up with a scorpio, in fact whoever does it, they must be really great people(they deserve a prize), i think i am miserable because as a scorpio i must have things my way, otherwise i just become restless(miserable)....lol, it is a very good thing that he is like that otherwise i would have been long gone(run where no crab can reach me, no matter how clingy it is)!!!
he feels me, he knows when i am "miserable", and he knows how to react to it, he knows exactly how i am.......he also said that he is saving the best at last, and also let's not forget how much cancers love money(he is too mature not to be focused on what he wants to achieve...and then have time to concentrate on a relationship 100% ).......if i am wrong we will see.......what do you guys think about this?

Guys, I got another problem with my ex boyfriend.

So now he's trying to be close to me BUT sometimes he's really mean. Like.. Lets say this moment he's really flirty and after a few seconds he gets angry and says something like "I dont talk to you". He also flirts with another girl. He laughs really hard and stares at me at the same time. His friends are now very friendly but I don't get his attitude. If he's alone and I go to talk to him (even if I only say hi) he doesn't even look at me (shy ?) but when his friends are around he gets very loud and flirts with all of my friends EXCEPT me.

but when his friends are around he gets very loud and flirts with all of my friends EXCEPT me.

If you really want his attention, start flirting with his boys, I am willing to BET you get what you want from him.

''If you really want his attention, start flirting with his boys, I am willing to BET you get what you want from him.''

Yes - Try flirting with guys in his presence. Observe his reaction and behaviour....