Got suckered by a cancer..cant figure it out

After a whirlwind time with cancer at T-day weekend, then he went back to LA and came home days before xmas..there were non-stiop TM's, calls, emails in between..."miss you, thinking aboiut you, your were great, need to see you". Well the first few days when he was here last week went awesome 2gether. A few days later he became withdrawn. Still called, but "see you tonight, see you tomorrow, would love to see you but with mom...(he initiated these texts/calls, not me)

Tuesday he told me he was staying an extra day and would see me b4 he went. The next day:

CANCER texts me:
"how is the rug workin? What are your plans for New Years?"

ME: "Love it, thanks. was 2 have ppl over but becoming a pain, what about you? You still in MA??

CANCER:
"Leaving for Vegas 2morrow AM, love to see you before I go but gutta see my little cousins tonight...talking to one about college..she may come to LA!"

ME:
"Have fun and Happy New Year!"

No text back, this was yesterday. He left today. How else was I going to respond?

Weakest excuse I have heard yet.give me a break.I don't undertsand why:
a) he even bothered to TM me in the first place or
b) just tell me something went amiss (a mis-communication where he thought I was mad at him, said I spooked him~ although we still saw each other after that night) and did not want to see me the rest of time here.
c) how about not calling at all and just leave? Why bother with the pleasantries?
d) he had no problem telling me how he felt befoe, why lie or still call?

Our TM's have always been very sexual the past month...the last few days before he left more buddy-like. He was like a lite switch. WTF?

I am trying to figure out what happened here, as I am obviously feeling very confused. Feedback anyone?

Happy New Year BTW my friends

*said I spooked him* that speaks volumes, I have to agree with LK and say he didn't want confrontation and knowing your associated and connected to his family he didn't want to be cold towards you....most likely you did everything right, he wasn't feeling it enough to keep going full speed or he got spooked by the connection his family has with you, I think I said before in one of your other post that this may be a problem, In my opinion it's always better to distance one self from immediate family to create a strong bond with a man first and then once the bond is stronger and you know your moving forward reconnect with family, probably felt pressured and decided to cool it down.

Naw...I just heard form my GF who is friends with the family and heard that there was too much "baby talk" (2 drunken nights I spoke about wanting one now at age 40...did not seem to bother him having unprotected sex) His sister also pushed the issue "You 2 both want one and would be so cute together" also she told his mom "Sophie wants a baby" and mom replies "Well, how do her and Chris get along". Now it has been all twisted that I was pushing the baby thing and scared him...therefor, he still contacted me but did not push to see me. I screwed that one up along with the family. Meanwhile, I have a 5% chance of getting prego (had another HGH test).

Preface this next statement by saying his sis and hubby were swingers before their child was born and his sis was attracted to me the first day we all met (I did not know she was and ex-lesbian). Here is the TM this AM from Cancer:

shit! I just got an TM form him (reminder...his sister is a reformed lesbian now married and we all hung out together)

"Mornin U! Heading to vegas now but wanted to ask since you are such an amazing sexual girl...if u like oither girls, cause I think I know one who wants to make out with you LOL"

I replied "Flattered but only do d-i-c-k"

I have a feeling the baby talk and his sister whoo wants me messed this whole thing up for me...it all makes sense now...

Any way to save this being scared about the baby issue? He comes back in a few months. I may have had a few drunken moments but seriously...shlould I let it go , die down or send him something saying to that effect?

"Flattered but only do d-i-c-k"

LMAO! Priceless

I'm not a cancer expert Sophie so I may get a few corrections but if it were me I wouldn't touch that baby convo with a 20 foot pole, it's way too soon, this is why I don't get too involved with significant other family members, they twist and say things and scare the hell out of the guy, whatever he heard wasn't your words so maybe that's something you can bring up with him but if you won't kids no use of trying to hide that fact from him but maybe make it clear that your being highly selective and you don't foresee any babies in the future with him and tell him what you want out of it OR you can stay away from his sis and family until you reconnect with him ie change your phone number give it only to your guy and ask him politely not to give your number out to anyone, I mean all isn't loss, it's just the way you handle things but your really going to have to disconnect from his sis and others until you can get things balanced with cancer man.

Hey Tiki...well it all began back at T-Day when I drunkenly said I wanted to have a baby, could he spare some sperm..hahaha...the next morning he said "You remember you saying you wanted my sperm" I said no. "Well, you want it so here you go..." and we had unprotected sex. Me knowing damn well my likihood of getting prego was slim to none.

The second issue, when he left and me and his sister were talking, I was looking into adoption or IVF..and she said "Chris wants a baby, and you want a baby, I think you should have one together"

He got spooked when I got upset he did not "finish" (I WAS NOT DONE and just about there and boom...he pulls out) He thought I was mad because pulled out...just did not get satisfied...so frustrated. The next night he said I "spooked him" because of it but had another assumption why I was frustrated. I did not want to hurt his manly feelings about me not being satisfied so did tell him this.

This is where he backed off but we still were 2gether Saturday night, no protection again. But after that he backed away and did not see him at all.

Then the TM about another girl wanting me? WTF?

Like I said, liklihood of me getting prego is 5% . Sex alone will not get me prego (IVF, etc, perhaps)

I really want to clear the air about this, and was suggested I mention to his sister how ridiculous this whole thing is so it is cleared. "Sophie pushed him to have his kid"...c'mon now.

TYPO: "did not want to hurt his feelings so DID NOT tell him the reason why me not being satisfied and he finished so abruptly..."

Yeah he's spooked, I'm sure he's on edge about your actions and i'm sure he's processed the thought that although your chances are slim he may still feel the no condom action is you attempting to trap him, I'm sure that is not your intentions but your actions sure say your intentions are to get pregnant, I would shy away from you as well. Their is no reason for you NOT to use contraceptive with this man unless you 2 have agreed upon not using condoms and he's ready to take on the responsibility of having a child with you, things like this should be discussed

If you want to clear the air USE condoms at all times no matter what and stay away from baby talk with him and with his family and things should be fine.

Tiki...I know he got spooked. Was not my decision not to use condom, but I agree...it takes 2 to tango.

He obviously tells his sister everything, so that way I would like to clear the air with her knowing it would get back to him (she is the one who in turn told my friend)...possibly making him realize it was not the case. Things were said in jest, it's wishful thinking if I could get PG on my own, but not possible anymore. People say stupid drunk things. Things said in jest..whatever.

He is back in the West Coast and will not see him for a month or so. But want this resolved for my own peace of mind.

So you think if I just go over this with the sister and then leave it, all will be done?

Leave the sister OUT of it, this is the part that is spooking me out and no offense it's juvenile to use his sister as a buffer. Sending 3rd party info is wrong on so many levels, words get expressed wrong, things can easily be taken out of context. It's not officially off with him, he will be back and thus the next encounter use condoms, that alone let's him know your agenda is not pregnancy.

If you have to talk to him, talk to him directly, your adults and it should be something that you 2 work out alone. I know your possibly more comfortable speaking with his sister but the fact that she's hit on you is not someone that you want all up in your business...too messy and it can and will get worse if you don't step back and stop the non sense with his family. Do you want him or do you want his family/sister? Try being a bit more private and use better discretion when it comes to your personal business.

well astro pros say that cancers r devious

You are right Tiki....thanks. Leaving it alone. It was suggested by my friend who is friends with sister. IF I talk to him again...that may have been it. He did not want to see me the last few days he was here I doubt he would want to next time he is in town...unless he get's over his spook.

The-Dream...what do you mean cancers r devious?

Sophie it's not so much as leaving it alone but if you really want to clear it up and salvage things then it's something you have to be responsible for doing, I mean if you really look at it, his sister was in the middle of the whole fiasco in the first place, was it intentional? Does cancer use his sister as a buffer to sherk off potential mates? Hmmm maybe, so most likely her actions have been intentional, she seems like she's full of drama and after the whole strictly dick convo LOL I'm suspect

Their will be other opportunities to clear things up, I'm sure of it, if you can't help yourself, you can get word back to him via a family member and he may initiate contact but for future issues keep it 1 on 1

Hi Tiki,
His sister has been in the middle of it all..I don't know what her intentions were. She started the whole "you and my brother" thing (first is was, you and bro would be perfect, I want you to be a part of our family, you should have a baby with him, my parents adore you...bla, bla) I said nothing in return.

But now it makes me think the end was a tactic to get her and I involved? In the beginning def. not, we were inseperatable and NEVER spoek of sis. The middle of this XMAS trip it changed (after he spooked about him thinking I was mad about the sex issue).

So perhaps he decided to hand me over to sis? Wierd, she would call, then he would an hour later, neither knowing they were calling me. Why else would he TM what he did? To see if I would "do her" while he is back in LA? Test me to see hwat I would say? After saying "Flattered, but d-i-c-k only" I did not get a response Would he really want me to do his frigin sister?? Trying ot get me on his sister to get me outta his life? There was a LOL at the end of his TM this morning but still...I just don't get that whole thing.

He lives West, we live East, he does not use his sister as a buffer for mates as he visits only about 5x yr. They are obviously very close (them discussing the baby thing together, the whole family is close.)

She is FULL of drama because she is in an unhappy marraige....she is drama central HUGE.

It will get back to cancer that I was horrified with that TM, I happen to be on the phone with my friend and read itto her when I got it...pretty horrified so did not know what to do. My friend was horrified and embarressed as well, actually pissed.

I am actually too horified to even pick up a phone and call him or even her in the near future.

This is what I'm saying as well moon eyes it seems the sis is the culprit, the sis could be making things up or at the most making things seem much more grandiose than it really is and it spooked him, this guy would have never been spooked if she had kept her mouth closed about the drunk comments and once the issue with condoms came into play he most likely believed what was said was truth due to your actions with him, now if you had insisted on using a condom he most likely wouldn't have gotten as spooked over the whole issue and let it go. I mean who really knows, we can only speculate but in order to salvage this Sophie either cut the sis off or leave cancer man completely alone, his sis clearly is making trouble for you and turning cancer man off from you, ditch the chick, doesn't mean you can't be cordial and what not but first see if you can salvage everything with cancer man

Thanks all my wonderful DXP friends...also had long talk with best GF tonight and she said same thing....sis is causing DRAMA, she needs it and thrives on it.

The way I look at it, I am OUT of that DRAMA...frig him, frig her...they can all go to heck. A fun exploration turned out to be full on DRAMA....this is BS. Too old for this sh8t.

Tiki...thank you for ur advice,,,really appreciated. I would love to salvage cancer if could be, but way too far into the family BS it's NOT about him and I anymore.

Sophie please tell me dating get's better at 40...We need hope lol!

love ya Tiki.
Do I feel more at ease and know what I want easier than I use to...YES! I am less dramatic than I was ...YES! Are wonderful men still hard to come by...YES! Is there hope...YES.

It's hard call, I have been single for 6 years (my choice albeit some bounchicabouboun's)...so I cannot answer that. Grab life while you can.....

I AM ALL 4 IT my friend...!

Libragal...lesbian sister (who is married now w/ a 2 yr old) is friends with my friend. That is how we ALL met, through her. She still does the lesbian thing w/o her hubby knowledge (I JUST found out)

I am way so over it...I am distancing myself.
Thanks guys
Happy New Year