so i met this cancer man. first i wasnt interested in him because i had problems and issues of my own and he was really willing to help me out with my issues and be there and show he care and willing to listen and give advice no matter what. at first i was pretty shocked that a guy that has a crush on me would give me advice and have my best interest in heart no matter if its about him or not, i never had someone do that or actually be there for me like how he has. so at the time i was trying to get over someone and my focus was on that but his focus was on me and i told him to wait for me but i had him waiting for too long. i didnt really take his feelings into consideration because i was focusing on mine and recovering but i soon realized that he was the one i needed and i fell for him hard. i came clean and told him how i feel about him and im ready to be with him then all of a sudden there are excuses of why we cant be together. there is also another female that was involved he was talking to her while tryin to get with me and i knew that but never payed any mind to it i just knew about it but now its like he has 2 females and hes trying to choose between the 2. i love him and care for him alot and it hurts that im an option but i understand i made him feel the exact way in the past. and soo as a friend in the beginning i told him everything as of a friend i thought why not and i didnt think much of it but now he uses my faults and past mistakes against me all the time and throws it in my face when we have an issue and holds it over my head and it really hurts me because i never knew he would do that or judge me that much. i care so much of what he thinks about me and he only focuses on the negatives but i have way more positive aspects. i apologized plenty times and i just cant seem to get through to him and he has this grudge over me thats he says is stoping us from being together because it messes with his insecurities. right now he wants to be friends and grow from there and im just scared that i might lose him to someone else because the friend position isnt the absolute position i wanted to be in. if im his friend i have no say so weather he can get in a relationship or not. i want to be with him and i pleaded so many time and tried to get him to see im all about him and he is all he wants but he keeps pushing this friend thing right now and i feel way more for him then friends. i really fear him choosing her over me and it bothers me alot just
