helpless

is it just me, or is there any other cancers that's life is not getting better. i am ready to give up. Sometimes i wonder what have i done so bad that i am being sooooo punished. will i ever find happiness and love. this has been the worst few years for me and i don't know if it will ever change.

First of all you need to stop thinkin like that, please. Now, ok, tell me what is wrong and we will try and help you see that everything is gonna be fine and this is only a temporary thing, for real. Your life is taking a differnet turn but that wont be the only one and the around the next corner could be paradise? who knows what is coming next. you have to wait and see! all I know is that i listened to some stuff today that would make even the hardest of hearts go weak and cry like a baby! So much heartache, but the most beautiful gift was in there with it! This is for real. I have a Cancer friend that I just made at work, and she is the best; she is the one that told me the story at lunch today. We have become very close and we go down to the pool hall and eat together and talk about really heavy stuff, and this was about her brother who died of Aids. It made me cry and smile all at the same time and I think it was absolutely tragic and the most beautiful ending. Touched me so very much. It made me appreciate the agony and the glory of living. This is why I am so sure God does watch over us. If you would like to hear it, I will continue...

...........................

to suzy. yes pls tell me more i want to listen. I know that there are people with worse problems, but when it's your unhappiness sometimes it doesn't even matter what it is. my life has been really bad for the past two years, but this past one has been the worst. nothing has been gong my way. i feel i haven't had one moment to smile. i will admit that i am a very unhappy girl. I am tired of waiting for happiness, i feel like i deservse some happiness. suzy you can email me at sexyleggs711@aol.com

sexyleggs711

Yeah, I will e-mail you. I didnt want to put the story out publicly but if I had to I would. I am glad to hear from you again. I am a little treetrunked up right now but I will try to relate.
Just hang with me. I will get there.

YES.

Sorry folks your mom is a little in the bag tonight and just butting in to everyones converstations and really showin my ass! haha

Sorry! carry- on and ignore me, please! time to go crash the next door neighbors party! The guy has always loved me and I am feeling kind of frisky! LOL

Love ya's
Your Mother!

maybe i should bring my arsenal of toys!! LOL I could really livin things up over there! 🙂

Dear Sexy,

I did receive your e-mail, but I have yet to think of a explanation for you. I was hoping that some of that story I sent you last night would, even though different, provide you with some food for thought?? Whatever you are going through now, may be used for reasons you wont fully understand until the time it is needed. You must perserve and hold on, and wait to see. I know you want a man to rescue you and someone to love you and take you away from all your troubles, but you must do this for yourself and not wait on another. Once you can provide all that you need and desire on your own, then you will be happy and you will attact the love you want so badly. But first you must help yourself!!!

This is a message from the Libra board that I posted. The title is 'God...I Just Need Love'

I am by myself and if I cant be with someone to love right now then I will love me.

Here are a few tips you can start with.

I woke up and lounged around and did my nails and did my eyebrows and gave myself a hot oil treatment and read for a while. This was nice. I did have some stressed out moments but I soon forgot it.

You could take a bubble bath or light some candles around the house.

You could watch a really good movie and eat chocolate!

How about paint your toes.

Buy a little treat for yourself!

Anyway, y'all out there without that prince or princess, he/she will show up just hang on. In the meantime, take really good care of YOU! Love yourself, ok!!!

Love you,
SuzyQ

PS and thanks for putting up with me! 🙂
If it wasnt for this board, I would be without anyone to talk to other than work or family! You all make me laugh and sometimes cry but I am never ever loney or bored

SuzyQ, I know I can be defensive and so forth at times...my family is very dysfunctional and I have spent all of my life trying to rise above that...
I believe I am succeeding in this endeavor...
What I am trying to say is..
I would be honored to be included amongst your friends on this board...

Sexyleggs, I agree with Suzy's comments...
Be good to yourself and don't depend on others for your happiness...yes, this is easier said than done...but, treat each day as a new day, a new opportunity to be good to yourself and to be the best person you can be!! When you are down in the dumps and feeling low, you attract the wrong kind of people...abusive or negative (whatever they are...they would only bring you further down!)
So, concentrate on your inner beauty! Love yourself! Focus on your talents and wonderful qualities...
Be good to yourself!
It may take time, but eventually, you will attract someone who is worthy of you!

Dear SuzyQ and Star,
Thank you both very much for responding. Your right it is easier said then done. I try and keep myself alive, i do take care of myself physically (thank goodness) that is one thing I haven't let go of. I guess that's why i am broke also as i spend alot of money on things. i guess you can say that is what i replace a my happiness. the sad part is i can't let go of this man. on the inside my gut instinct still tells me he's the one. maybe timing is everything and maybe we are not meant to be together now. but i've tried to live my life in the meantime, but it still makes no sense to me as i meet plenty of men (all the wrong ones) and they end up being nothing. so that's what brings me back to believe that i have found my one true love. what confuses me is if god does not want me to be with him, why can't he bring someone into my life already so i can get over it. my friends believe that i will never get over this, that whether i meet someone new today, tmr. if months, years pass and i finally find love believe me when i tell you that this man will conatct me again and i don't thonk at all i would be able to resist (even if i have a new love) my friends agree with this. this man has touched my life in a way that no one can replace. it's sad, so sad. because ddep he knows how special i am and just can't commit, he is so afraid of commitment. I do lov ethis man , more than anything and there have been times that i wan't to weaken, but i know i cannot. i have come along way with this matter, i 've been to therapy. the last time we spoke i told me that he can't keep doing this to me and until he can tell me what i need to hear pls do not contact me again. now it has been almost 7 months and i guess he really is listening to me. the problem is, that he has a pattern and could call at any moment, days, months or years. that's how my life has been with him. i just never gave up hope on this because that is how strong i feel about it.
well sorry to vent so much. it helps to talk about this though and i hope the two of you can understand how my heart aches.

regards
alyse

da hell? umma's suzyQ/wonderbox too?

lol weird...

OMG, Luz, you may be right! Too weird!!

Alyse, I had an 8 year relationship with a guy who mesmerized me...but, he couldn't commit...
I finally broke up with him. It was hard, and truthfully, I still care for him in many ways. In fact, it was perhaps the hardest thing I have ever done! I still have a family heirloom of his that he refuses to take back! Even now!(I broke off with him 4 years ago!) One thing that has helped is that we have only communicated by mail since I broke up with him..and none in the last year or so. He asked to come and see me...'just to talk about old times'...I told him I had a cat (he is allergic to cats)! I knew that if I let him in my door again, we would just continue the same pattern!! Why? Because HE was HAPPY with it! I was the one who was not... Did that matter to him? No, not really...

I waited too long for him to commit. He kept saying next year would be better...we would have more time together...
He was a workaholic. I waited year after year and I finally realized that they were empty promises..
I made myself face things I didn't want to face...but, that is what I had to do in order to break free!