How does an abusive mother affect a Cancer man?

My Cancer man told me that his alcoholic mother tried drowning him twice when he was a child. That she would punch him in the face for no reason when he was only like five or six years old. I know that regardless of sign this abuse would affect anybody pretty bad. But I have read that Cancer men in particular are pretty close to their mothers for the most part. And that they tend to idealize them (of course if they are good mothers) and try to compare any future mate with their mothers.

But I haven't read anything that talks about how cancer men behave in a adult romantic relationship when they aren't close to their mothers.

He has also told me on two occasions that his sister hit him on his head with a hammer when he was 5 years old and she was 4 years old. He also told me that she chased him with a knife when they were in their early teens but didn't catch him.

A little background, he is divorced and has been for ten years, he cheated on his ex-wife with his secretary for three years, he is a wonderful father to his three teenage children, he is sweet and tender with me, but sometimes out of the blue he says "woman annoy me" and "I am glad you are not a dumb ass like most woman I know."

When I asked him what type of relationship he has with his mother he said, "Not close, I don't really keep in touch with her. I hardly ever call her." When I asked him about his sister he said, "She is a loser."

I don't know guys.... sometimes I feel like I am getting involved with a women hater. But oh, he is so sweet and gentle with me that I have fallen in love with him. We have been dating for 7 to 8 months. Still not exclusive, because he hasn't asked me (I have another thread just on that topic). But back to this topic at hand. My heart breaks for him, when I hear him mention the abuse he suffered as a child. A little about me; I am very loving and loyal, I am very nurturing and supportive to those I care about. Just the other day I texted him something nice and he texted back, "🙂you're too sweet to me!!" I replied, "Of course. Why wouldn't I be sweet to you?". It took him 15 minutes to reply but when he did, he texted, "Well, I like it."

I have a Cancer niece and nephew. When they were children they were so sweet people would fight over them. I can't imagine abusing one of these tender loving children. You would have to be a sicko. But not everyone is fortunate to have good parents. Just be supportive of him.

Thank you LunarMaiden for your reply. Yes, you are right that only a sicko can hurt a sweet innocent child like that. Thank you, I will continue to be supportive the best I can. Just a little afraid of whats to come in our relationship.

BikerCh1ck: All though I do appreciate your post, I agree with the school of thought that traumatic and other experiences that we have as children do affect our adult lives. And sometimes the after effects if not treated with therapy will tend to manifest themselves in our adult relationships. So, since I love this man and I am trying to have a serious relationship with him and he has chosen to share this information with me. I would have to disagree with you that this is not my problem. If I am going to be part of his life, his traumatic past will be my problem and I am simply asking for advice on how I can best deal with this situation. But thanks for posting and all though I disagree with your post I do respect your opinion. Thanks.

Can anyone shed light on this subject? How does an abusive mother affect an adult cancer man's romantic relationships?
Any input will help. I welcome comments from women that have had a relationship with a cancer man that had mother issues. And of course I welcome comments from cancer men. Thank you all for reading my post. And any input will be appreciated.

Posted by everevolvingepithet

Posted by SweetSexyScorp



And I am not going to change my user name, because I am still sweet, I just can't stand it when people hide behind the anonymity of cyber space to act like total jerks.

One word:
"Run!"
😛

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Hi Evervolving, Thanks for posting. I had to go back and hide a all the communication I exchanged with an individual that came on my thread that pretended to be a nice and genuine person, only to find out that she had a hidden agenda, trying to sell something and I really don't know why she got on my thread.

So I want to get back to my serious question. Has any woman had a relationship with a cancer man with mother issues. And to all cancer men, do you have any advice. Thank you. 😄

Posted by SweetSexyScorp
....he is a wonderful father to his three teenage children, he is sweet and tender with me, but sometimes out of the blue he says "woman annoy me" and "I am glad you are not a dumb ass like most woman I know."

I don't think he hates women. I mean women get away with bluntly saying they HATE men because they've been fucked over a couple of times, which is less than what this guy has been through!

To him most women are probably "dumb" because they come from a different place than him, emotionally speaking, and have different priorities, so obviousely they don't understand him. What this does is it makes him distance himself from women hence the negativity. But you have actually taken the time to get to know him and understand him... and well, even love him. Even if he was the extreme of extremes, love can certainly change that and push someone in the right direction.

The guy has been "affectionate" with his secretaries, which is a healthy sign, right? He's not trying to drown them or beat them to death with a hammer? And he is a wonderful father of three teenage children you say? I think he'll be fine. Especially with someone like you by his side.

And remember, Cancers are clingy and need reassurance. Don't hold it against him. It's just they way they are. I'm a Cancer moon/venus myself. He may or may not be looking for a mother figure but don't mother him, just be supportive. It's all about balance.

Well I would like to ask something. How long have you known this guy? If not very long it seems suspicious to me. Because think of it this way, how do you even know any of this is true? There are a ton of sociopath's out there with the pity story to dish out to get close to you. Just a warning.

This quote: "We have been dating for 7 to 8 months. Still not exclusive, because he hasn't asked me (I have another thread just on that topic). But back to this topic at hand. My heart breaks for him, when I hear him mention the abuse he suffered as a child."

Why would anyone that is not an item (as serious one at that) tell you something so serious about themselves? Apparently it's working. I find that extremely suspicious. It's not like people should just throw that story around for fun. 7-8 months is NOTHING. I have a feeling he tells this story to all the girls he dates. I'm not trying to be rude, but this is a huge red flag for me when I read this. I mean what man is going to lament on and on about the abuse? He mentions it more often than not by the last sentence in the above quote. Guard yourself. Have this funny feeling about it.

Posted by everevolvingepithet

Posted by Xin
There are a ton of sociopath's out there with the pity story to dish out to get close to you. Just a warning.

This is sage advice. A vetting process of some sort is something I'd suggest.

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