How to turn back time with a cancer?

I'm a leo girl dating a cancer guy. We've been together for a year & a 1/2; officially a year in a few weeks. He's my world. I love him the way you see in movies, the ways I always wanted to be in love. I know he loves me, I love him to my UNIVERSE. He's my fixation, my obsession. I can stare at pictures of him all day, think about how badly I want him to be here; stare at details of his body down to a freckle on his neck and love every last piece of it. I smile when I think about him, talk about him, talk to him, see him. I was broken up with him before, a spand of 3 months. It was hell, I tried to get him back in every way I could, he went into basic training a week after we broke up. Supposedly he got back with an ex who I see as the devil. Manipulative, selfish, vengeful... just the devil & the more & more she'd take the time to make some form of communication just to cram it so far in my face i'd suffocate, I grew emotionally weak. I made mistakes. Those 9 weeks he was gone was rough. So slowly & I mean slowly I gave up on him. There were 3 signifigant events that followed:

1. Drunk/drug induced party at friends house. I was one of few sober. My shirt came off at some point peer pressured by drunk chick friends that I was being a prude. Afterwards I told all the guys trying to hook up with me that I was still in love with my ex & he'd never take me back if I did anything with anyone else. They said they understood before my friends boyfriend grabbed both my wrists & forced his toungue down my mouth for a quick uncomfortable kiss.
2. Craptastic guy who tried to rape me before was in a hot tub with me, I was at the zombie stage of not caring or wanting to live plainly by being around him. Cannot stress enough. He ended up fingering me for a minute.
3. Birthday. Was pressured to settle for another relationship & move on, one of my friends tried to hook me up with a guy I thought was cute months ago & I made out with him out of guilt for my friends efforts after they said to at least kiss him.

When I got the phone call when he said he wanted to start over, I decided I could never tell him or he'd assume I got over him by my behavior & not stress how much I missed him. So I never told him, told him he was my last I ever did anything with when he asked. I came clean about #3, he flipped at first but forgave me, was always paranoid.

Finally I fessed about 1 & 2. We broke up for a day, we got back. He's coping poorly because I lied so much & for so long. When I realized how stupid the lie I couldn't go back, as I had knew cancers react to liars and cheaters poorly and can never really get over it. So I freaked, and lied MORE to cover my lies or lied about not lying because I didnt want him to know I was lying. How ironic, right? so my nuclear option of being honest with him, came clean. The breakup was expectable but not getting back together the next day. He says he cant live without me, but for the last week we've been back constantly puts me down, says I acted like a whore/slut accuses me of further cheating on him or doing it again even though it was when I was with him compared to not. He's been crying alot, we both feel horrible. I want to move on but I know with a cancer its hard. We wanted to get married and have kids. I know being in the military emphasizes his cancer qualities too. so i'm terrified. Hes been saying hes not sure if he cant get over this because I lied and its just overwhelming and he feels as though we're falling apart and I cant have this!

I know this is near impossible but does anyone know or can anyone try to create a cancer damage control? I dont know what to do right now and i'm near desperate of how to fix this and not lose the love of my life.

Just made out. I'm a virgin and my boyfriends known that since ever. Originally he was the only guy who I fooled around with, and I planned to lose it to him but stuff happens he joined the army blah blah etc etc

I think thats the other deal breaker here though. It's hard to imagine someone you love with someone else. I think he's having a hard time with it, cause I guess he considers it on my level just as bad as if I did hook up with someone.

It's not so much a cheat more than the lie. Especially since after I came clean about the 3rd one he always asked "are you sure theres nothing else? I wont leave you just tell me" and I always lied around the 9 times he asked. The thing is I only told him the truth because I didnt want to be a liar, yet somehow by coming clean I am.

Cancer men forgive, they don't forget but they are forgiving men. If he really wants you to work, he will forget about what happened in the past. Just don't tell him NOTHING else about your life unless you want to be bashed for a long time about it. He will use your faults against you but just ignore him when he brings your life up and take about another subject. It is called possessiveness.

I meant take his mind to another subject.

"Just don't tell him NOTHING else about your life unless you want to be bashed for a long time about it. "

This can not be stressed enough. Giving information to a cancer man is on a need to know basis. You wanna treat him like one of your girlfriends and tell him everything? He will tuck every bit information into his mind and use it as ammunition later on.

LK... LK... LK... this is a first!

Oh yeah... peer pressure is for High School kids.
Don't worry about what other people think of the decisions you make.
If you spend your life doing that, you're living for everyone else... not you.
And its your life, never let anyone else have more control over it than you have.
I learned this the hard way.
And its not easy to accept... unless you're going to learn the hard way too (because @ some point you don't really have a choice, life will force its truth on you).

Never, ever, ever lie to a Cancer. Be kind and gentle, meaning move slow with hitting us between the eyes if you have pulled a stunt, but do not lie. I would rather not know every detail, and have a quick honest "I blew it" ownership remark with no excuses about why you did it. As I process the information, I may ask questions as I am ready to receive the answers. I want to get to my level of understanding in layers, not bombarded with your needs if you lied to me. If allowed to approach a situation in my time, with patience on your part, I may totally forgive and you will never have to hear about what you did again.

We forgive, but do not forget. If you expand about why you did something, make it complicated, lose track of what you are saying so you are covering your tracks..........whew, you might as well figure we are going to be lining up our own minds on staying or leaving the relationship. We may love you more than life itself, but will sacrifice that love if we can't trust.

Everybody thinks Cancer so complicated. Maybe not. We are fine with ourselves, are fine with our moods, let us have them. I have found I am able to say hey! I am feeling moody and it has nothing to do with you. Let me be for a bit and I will be in your lap pretty quick. What more could a man ask for lol. I figure let the dude off the hook, let me be fussy, and I will put you on a pedestal.

🙂

How did you get your cancer man back?

Was it the "I tried to get him back in every way I could" or the "So slowly & I mean slowly I gave up on him." that got him?

So turn the tables and ask him what he was doing with his ex and whether he feels what you did was worse than what he was doing. Make a point of where he is coming from and how self rightous he is trying to come off.

If his only problem is the fact that you lied he needs to get over that before you can move on in your relationship. He's probably only upset because of his guilt in what he got up to during the split.

You are young & naive but you dont have to be bullied in a relationship, this guy sounds controlling and being in the army they are taught to be that way. Be careful, go in with your eyes wide open, go in as his EQUAL not a sub-servient other. Which is the way it looks from here.