How wrong am I here?

I've been getting a lot of flack from friends about spending so much time with my boyfriend and not making time for them. So we planned a girls only long weekend to Vegas. For obvious reasons I didn't invite my boyfriend. He's a cancer and he's taking it pretty hard. The atmosphere here is pretty heavy. But the guilt is fucking overwhelming. It feel likes he's going through the stages of grief. We went through the denial, anger and now were at depression. I'm not going to budge. I can't. It feels like my body has turned to stone and I couldn't give in, even if I wanted to. I do feel bad, though. And he's kinda cute when he gets like this...

In the cancer sphere- how bad is this? Is going to vegas without you such a repugnant offense?

I'm not a cancer but prepare to deal with this decision for the rest of your life together. You'll see the effect of it for sure.

Posted by Rays Heart
I'm not a cancer but prepare to deal with this decision for the rest of your life together. You'll see the effect of it for sure.

Well reading this made my heart skip a beat and not in a good way. For fuck sake! Ominous.

Posted by WaterboyCancepio
You're not wrong. He will get over it. You're not his mother, budge and you will mummy him for the entire relationship and he will suck the life out of you.

Simple.

Advice taken.

You need time and space for you, its kind of selfish of him to not allow you to at least have one weekend with your friends. You shouldn't feel guilty they were there before him I assume, so its actually really wrong of him to upset with you. Just ensure that its only to hang out with the girls nothing more than that, if he can't trust you then you have an even bigger problem.

I think the most important part of this is figuring out what his problem with it is.

Is it because he wants to rob you of the joy of hanging out with your friends?
OR
Is it because he feels insecure about the stability of your relationship and just needs some reassurance from you in that it's a girls weekend, not a slap in the face of your relationship.

I'm guessing based on his reaction, it's the second one. And as his girlfriend, I hope that you have some compassion for the human being that is your boyfriend. And yes, maybe his insecurity isn't your problem, I'm sure that will be pointed out to me by many others on dxp. But the way I see it is... his insecurity is your problem, to a point. IF you want to be in the relationship with him. All too often we forget that relationships do require a lot of hard work, and compromise. I'm not talking about compromising yourself and not going on the trip... but like I said, seeing it from his angle, bothering to figure out what exactly it is that's making him react the way he is. Talking truth with him.

A lot of this post might go out the window depending on how long you two have been together. I'm thinking it's a long term relationship. Perhaps you've only been together a few months. I still think if you care for him, an open dialogue needs to be had to uncover the mystery of his reaction. Instead of just trying to justify your decision in a "I'm right, he's wrong" type of way.

I'm only going on the limited info in your OP. So, my apologies for any assumptions or omissions.

The trip is this weekend, so I think I'm going to use the time till then pampering him and reassuring him. At deezie, I have tried to put myself in his shoes and I know I would feel apprehensive if he were having a guys only weekend to Vegas. That is a huge part of my guilt because I understand, at least partly, why he's upset. But I can't really think of a compromise. Either I go or don't go. Although Waterboy just gave me an idea- unlimited phone calls and texts. I think that's a fair compromise. Hopefully, he'll respond well to that.

That's good Rose. I feel for you... bit of a tough situation. And I definitely think "not going" is not an option.
But think of it this way.... your friends have been flacking you for all the time you've been spending with him. And then you tell him you're going away without him. The creature of habit has been upset. I would think he should be able to get over that, but.... who knows right? You win for not being able to win apparently! Everyone wants a piece 🙂

I would minimize the trip as a big deal. Give him lots of attention until you leave. Go off on your way, and enjoy your weekend - speaking to him an appropriate amount for the time that you won't be at home (your idea of appropriate while you are out doing other things). And I agree with Waterboy... bending to his will, if he does blow up your phone while you are gone is going to set trouble up for success.

Waterboy- Yeah I know that's not what you meant, but I figured it'd be a fair compromise. Anyway I talked to him about that and he just shrugged and is now completely ignoring me. So I bet he thinks he's wearing down my resistance (which he is! or was) and is going to amplify the sulking. Now I feel played. I'm going to enjoy vegas.

Rose, well I don't know how strong is the relationship but some things come with the territory and when in a relationship you can't make single decision without it affecting your partner directly vice versa (as one day it can be you). It seems like, he's not seeing this trip as you see it and the best would be to get him on the same page. Good communication is key, I think you should move to support your life as a whole and enjoy.

Absolutely take him with you (it would be no question if it were me), and take him because you want to, it's no big deal in the bigger scheme of things - the more the merrier, and what's better than having your ultimate BEST friend along to spend a great time. Who wants to be abandoned or left behind because of gender or status. Everyone wins, everyone* has fun.. With a partner you're serious about, you have to compromise and your friends will just have to do "more" of the adjusting with time. Friends come and go and get lives of their own, your soulmate and BEST friend is forever. I would be more worried if he didn't care or feel anything.. Kick him in the pants and take him with you. Have fun..

Posted by MoonBunny
Cancers are more easily moved by logical debate than by emotional argument.

You need to be direct with him. It's the best way with Cancers to just tell it like it is. Be tactful, do NOT insult him in any way, and reassure him as much as possible that you still care for him and nothing is going to change just because you're going on a mini vacation with the girls.

The rest is on him. He has no right to stop you from going, and if he can't see that through the haze of emotion then he needs to grow up and learn some self-control. Don't dump him for it if that's the case, but firmly guide him in the direction of sucking it up (again, tactfully!).