PureAries
@PureAries
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 42 · Topics: 6
I desperately need some help with a Cancer Man!
We hooked up again a few weeks ago and spent the whole weekend together and when I was leaving on Sunday it's like he didn't want to let me go...kept making excuses for me to stay.
In a weird way I feel that we could just fall in a relationship, as long as I never mentioned the word, and didn't feel weird about not having a title to it? Does that make sense?
In a weird way I feel that we could just fall in a relationship, as long as I never mentioned the word, and didn't feel weird about not having a title to it? Does that make sense?
No we don't live together and he's not my boyfriend. We've been close friends for ten years. In terms of intimate relationships, we have only slept in the same bed twice since January, but didn't do it per say.
He's an executive, very career focused and very busy, know A LOT of people.
He's invited me to loads of his family events but never invites me to his friends do as his date or anything.
He's an executive, very career focused and very busy, know A LOT of people.
He's invited me to loads of his family events but never invites me to his friends do as his date or anything.
If I move in, I'll technically be moving into a separate room in his house.
That's what I feared. I'm really not the squatter type and I am destroyed that I lost my job - he's been my anchor for the last six months but hasn't given me a call for the last week.
Given my feelings I thought perhaps moving with a girlfriend would be a better idea, but would that just offend him? I think he was offended I did not move in with him in the first place when I moved here.
Given my feelings I thought perhaps moving with a girlfriend would be a better idea, but would that just offend him? I think he was offended I did not move in with him in the first place when I moved here.
He does call me every day though - every second day at least. Does that mean nothing? : )
It doesn't sound like he wants you romantically but it's hard to tell. Cancers tend to help their friends out and will do whatever they can to help. It's great that you met his family but not a good sign you haven't met his friends. It's been 10 years and no sex? I don't think he wants you romantically. But there might be a chance if you two get close enough.
Hello, not sure if this will help but maybe it may provide a different perspective through the questions I have regarding him, they don't need to be answered its you who needs to know and process them in combination with the rest of the post for whether or not you feel happy with the answers to keep moving forward with said cancer male. During this 10 year period, has he shown you any undivided affection? And when I say that I mean did he seem detached while being affectionate, like he was holding himself back. If he did show you the affection, for how long and what was the nature of the contact that was maintained after it? I have a friend working his way up the ladder as an insurance salesman and ever since he has been working with all of his dreams in front of him(has the potential to make millions, with no degree) he has completely put his life and his life with his gf of 10years(not even 22 yet) on pause. We also recently cut off contact with a friend who wasnt getting his butter together. This for 2 reasons, 1. Our dads always said he was no good, 2. cancer friend had a seminar with the CEO and he stated to remove people from your life who bring you zero benefits. Basically don't let a parasite be a parasite. Now I'm in no way saying you are a parasite, but its like my father always tells me(has managerial exp) manage OTHER people's perception of YOU in order to easily accomplish what you want. My point is he could want you in his life but he has to manage his friends/coworkers perception of him with regards to you... Which when coupled with his cancerian financial worries and position makes for a pseudo Great Wall of china. Now what makes this really interesting is that he asked you to move in with him(side note, titles mean nothing to me..personal reference) which completely throws his ability to manage perceptions out of the window(friends or family) and also shows that to him you bring some benefit in some form(feel good emotions or love, idk). So the black and white is either it will succeed and you establish some form of a relationship quite soon(this means your friendship solidifies or it goes further) or it blows the treetrunk up in both of your faces(assuming you move in). The grey is whether or not something happens with the current status quo. Don't forget though, crabs approach things from the side, so this could be one of those famous cancerian test, you could always play the lady card and ask if he thinks its appropriate.
Thanks CancerScorp - yes this makes a lot of sense, thanks so much for your questions! Sorry I don't know how to "quote" all your questions 🙂 but here are some answers. I wouldn't mind your thoughts?
Attention over the last ten years:
We met on a blind date, went on a second date and I moved across the country the next day. A few weeks later he came to visit and asked me to pursue a long distance relationship - I wasn't interested at the time, and since, I??ve always seem him just as a friend, until six months ago.
So over the years, he's come to my city maybe once a year, we??d always meet, have dinner somewhere really nice and he would always treat me like a princess. Typically, maybe once a year, we would go through a three month phase where he would call me a lot, we would chat for hours??_.but since 2005, he's been in back to back long term relationships — this is the first time he's single.
Since I've moved over, he's introduced me to his friends, family (he's family even telling him that "they like this one", and he didn't correct them and say we aren't dating).
He let me move into his house (he offered) after kicking out a family member. Another family member (goes without saying he's close to his family) mentioned it may cause issues and he told them "it's none of their business, I needed help and he wanted to help me".
In terms of the benefits I bring to him — well it's rather simple as he always tells me (sideways, but none the less!):
-I'm one of the only person he can really open up to (aka have a whinge about work). He is usually reserved / quiet, but NEVER stops talking when we??re together.
-He thinks I'm hot
-We are just really good friends / get on really well
-He likes when I cook for him and look after him (aka anything from playing with his hair to organising something for him)
I really adore him, thinking back he's the one and only man who??s consistently been there for me.
I have told him twice that I liked him (once in January, and once in April) and both times he went into his shell (aka all of a sudden I'm no longer invited to family / friends events), and slowly came back out (starts calling every two days, back in with the fam). I think I'm way too blunt for him, and probably didn't approach it in the best way. What's the best way to let him know that I'm open to pursuing a relationship without blurting it out?
I think your post has really taught me somethin
Attention over the last ten years:
We met on a blind date, went on a second date and I moved across the country the next day. A few weeks later he came to visit and asked me to pursue a long distance relationship - I wasn't interested at the time, and since, I??ve always seem him just as a friend, until six months ago.
So over the years, he's come to my city maybe once a year, we??d always meet, have dinner somewhere really nice and he would always treat me like a princess. Typically, maybe once a year, we would go through a three month phase where he would call me a lot, we would chat for hours??_.but since 2005, he's been in back to back long term relationships — this is the first time he's single.
Since I've moved over, he's introduced me to his friends, family (he's family even telling him that "they like this one", and he didn't correct them and say we aren't dating).
He let me move into his house (he offered) after kicking out a family member. Another family member (goes without saying he's close to his family) mentioned it may cause issues and he told them "it's none of their business, I needed help and he wanted to help me".
In terms of the benefits I bring to him — well it's rather simple as he always tells me (sideways, but none the less!):
-I'm one of the only person he can really open up to (aka have a whinge about work). He is usually reserved / quiet, but NEVER stops talking when we??re together.
-He thinks I'm hot
-We are just really good friends / get on really well
-He likes when I cook for him and look after him (aka anything from playing with his hair to organising something for him)
I really adore him, thinking back he's the one and only man who??s consistently been there for me.
I have told him twice that I liked him (once in January, and once in April) and both times he went into his shell (aka all of a sudden I'm no longer invited to family / friends events), and slowly came back out (starts calling every two days, back in with the fam). I think I'm way too blunt for him, and probably didn't approach it in the best way. What's the best way to let him know that I'm open to pursuing a relationship without blurting it out?
I think your post has really taught me somethin
Also, he's eyeing up a promotion, and so your example really applied - he has been super busy but will be even more busy for the next six months. My natural reaction would be to look after him, cook, help out around the house more then usual, especially whilst I'm not working. Is there any chance he'll start seeing me like a doormat if I do this? I know he likes successful women.
Posted by PureAries
Also, he's eyeing up a promotion, and so your example really applied - he has been super busy but will be even more busy for the next six months. My natural reaction would be to look after him, cook, help out around the house more then usual, especially whilst I'm not working. Is there any chance he'll start seeing me like a doormat if I do this? I know he likes successful women.
Based off this i would hold off on putting a title to it, if he is going for a promotion. For me and the 2 cancers Im friends with, a title makes the relationship more of a chore... Like carrying excess weight on your shoulders. I wouldn't try to put that weight on until after he get the promotion(he will be happy if he gets it which will help initially). You being in more of a supportive role and being able to handle his future mood swings would earn brownie points, but like you pointed out, dont give the impression your no longer looking for work. As a cancer, if you could manage locating another job, and being completely supportive to him during this stressful time then you are like wonder women in our eyes. The key for you will be patience, but to also observe. As a water sign in general, being cared for in our time of need is like the best way to earn our trust and affection. My biggest worry for you when saying all this is there are so many different factors with this guy that need to be observed on your end, and you need to make sure you don't put yourself out there to far with this cancer. Don't lose whatever part of you made him initially gravitate toward you. On point, I don't want you to lose your fire, just because your afraid of burning him a little. Now don't pull out the flamethrower(grandfather is Aries and man can he let it loose), but def prod anything that seems suspect. Minor lesson on us, our disappearing act also is about whether the emotions we have at the time are weak or strong. We have to make sense of what it is that we are feeling with respect to reality and whether or not it is acceptable to keep moving forward with these feelings and actions. A week cancer will pick the easy paths of lies and deceit. Watch this cancer and ask yourself what he does to the person he dislikes the most because no one is safe from a cancers backlash.
I agree with the no title comment. I think that would put too much pressure on him, promotion in mind and all, and also us as friends.
I was also re-reading your comment "And when I say that I mean did he seem detached while being affectionate, like he was holding himself back", and he does sometimes get quite detached, for example he won't make eye contact, tell me the same story twice two days in a row or once he was really excited about going for a hike but once we got there, it became very obvious that he was in a hurry to finish up / had something else to do after (said he had to drop something off at a friend's but the task didn't warrant the behaviour).
When he's angry / doesn't like someone he actually proactively makes their life miserable - he doesn't do that with me, and would realise it he did. That would be the end of our friendship.
When you say "there are so many different factors with this guy that need to be observed on your end" - what do you mean by this? What should I be observing?
I was also re-reading your comment "And when I say that I mean did he seem detached while being affectionate, like he was holding himself back", and he does sometimes get quite detached, for example he won't make eye contact, tell me the same story twice two days in a row or once he was really excited about going for a hike but once we got there, it became very obvious that he was in a hurry to finish up / had something else to do after (said he had to drop something off at a friend's but the task didn't warrant the behaviour).
When he's angry / doesn't like someone he actually proactively makes their life miserable - he doesn't do that with me, and would realise it he did. That would be the end of our friendship.
When you say "there are so many different factors with this guy that need to be observed on your end" - what do you mean by this? What should I be observing?
IME cancers do not like to be chased they are the chasers. Also, IME when they want you, you will know. They might not be as direct as us Aries, but you will know. From the sound of it you're reading too much into his kindness and maybe digging for something that's not there. Cancers are true and loyal friends. They'd do anything for the people they love. That's what makes them amazing. If there is something, if there is interest on his side you're not going to lose his interest by missing the signs. When a Cancer really likes you it will be hard to shake them off. So don't worry too much about it. Be relax, calm... There's nothing more unattractive then someone who seems thirsty. Let him come to you. For now concentrate on getting your life together, getting a job and a career. Cancers really look for that dream girl with her life and career down. If you are more worried about him (someone who's not even your bf) then your own career and life he'll know and be turned away by it. Cancers are very intuitive and they see everything. You can not hide anything from them. He has his life together and he would want his woman to be too. You need to get your life together and be more independent. Even then it's not a guarantee.
I'm an Aries with a Cancer man.
Good Luck, I really do hope everything works out for you.
I'm an Aries with a Cancer man.
Good Luck, I really do hope everything works out for you.
So basically / unfortunately, I thought about all your feedback and really agree with you. Either A-he's not interested or B-he's not interested right now. In either case I can't just sit around and wait for him, and need to focus on my job search etc. So firstly, thanks for all your advice! : )
Typically, if I man didn't feel the same way I would cut him out. Understandably I don't want to do this here. He really means a lot to me as a friend as well.
Last time I went over to his place, he was having a really hard time with his boss, and was saying things like —I'm so over it??, acting like he wanted to quit himself. His face shows no emotion though, and when I ask him to expand or if he's ok, he brushes it off as though he said it by mistake. I know he's really struggling emotionally and takes work very personally. How do I support him through this without sounding like a needy girl who just wants to be his GF? This is a space I'm really not familiar with so could really use your help.
The goal here would be to maintain our friendship, in a way to thank him for letting me move in, and stop him thinking I'm just after him because I'm in love with him. Does this make sense? Anyway this will be hard but I thought it would be worth asking. Thanks again for all your help!
Typically, if I man didn't feel the same way I would cut him out. Understandably I don't want to do this here. He really means a lot to me as a friend as well.
Last time I went over to his place, he was having a really hard time with his boss, and was saying things like —I'm so over it??, acting like he wanted to quit himself. His face shows no emotion though, and when I ask him to expand or if he's ok, he brushes it off as though he said it by mistake. I know he's really struggling emotionally and takes work very personally. How do I support him through this without sounding like a needy girl who just wants to be his GF? This is a space I'm really not familiar with so could really use your help.
The goal here would be to maintain our friendship, in a way to thank him for letting me move in, and stop him thinking I'm just after him because I'm in love with him. Does this make sense? Anyway this will be hard but I thought it would be worth asking. Thanks again for all your help!
It's good that you're aware of sounding too much like a girlfriend and that's key!! I think the biggest thing is just not to expect anything because that's what girlfriends do is they expect certain things. As long as you don't do that expecting certain things and giving ultimatums. I think the biggest thing to remember is just enjoy your time like you would anything other friend. No pushing or getting impatient. He already knows how you feel. But from the sound of it you'll do just fine. I really do hope something comes of this for you. You sound like a great person.
Good luck 🙂
Good luck 🙂
I'm still amazed at this: Mr married to his job has just taken two sick days to clean the house before I move in (he knows I'm a clean freak), getting contractors in to get the carpet done professionally, and painting the walls.
Also, one of his close friends who's been ill for years has just passed away, and he calls me straight away to talk through it.
I offered him help (physically and financially) a few times with the house and he keeps saying not to worry about it.
Can you blame me for being confused?
Also, one of his close friends who's been ill for years has just passed away, and he calls me straight away to talk through it.
I offered him help (physically and financially) a few times with the house and he keeps saying not to worry about it.
Can you blame me for being confused?
No I don't blame you. And I understand your need for action it's the fire in us. IMO you've already put down all your cards. Which I commend you for! But he already knows how you feel. So let him be a man and come to you. IME you can't push or rush a Cancer. They do things the way they want to when they want too. They may be sensitive but they're not meek. Plus would you really want a man to be with you because you pushed it? Or wouldn't you rather him do it because that's what HE wanted. Be patient. Be there for him. It's not a guarantee he will have feelings for you (or even that he's not growing feelings for you) but at the very least you'll have an amazing friendship out of this.
P.S. Cancers are very amazing to friends and family. They would do anything for them which is what makes them great 🙂
P.S. Cancers are very amazing to friends and family. They would do anything for them which is what makes them great 🙂
Posted by Finbuff
Pure Aries, don't kid yourself, this guy likes you - ALOT!
He wouldn't do all that with his house if he didn't want to make a big impression on you.
And I disagree, I as a Cancer, LOVE it when a woman chases me to some degree.
It makes me feel wanted and secure in venturing into a relationship.
I had a relationship with an Aries once, and the one thing I loved about her was the aggressiveness.
I think you have something special with this guy, so value it!
I know he likes me a lot, but there's something blocking progression into a relationship. Either A-he just wants to be friends, B-not over his ex, or perhaps C-I've been too pushy (I did declare my love twice in four months! haha) - who knows? I'm all ears if you know how to turn this into a relationship? haha
I think he finds security in me moving in with him (his ex wouldn't and I think he felt rejected). The other funny thing is I usually keep my phone on silent and never answered it (always called back). Recently I've started turning it on and I've seen a distinctive difference in his behaviour since I've been answering his calls straight away. It's weird how the smallest things really affect him.
I think it's hard to tell at this point on what he feels for you romantically but I know for sure he cares a hell of a lot for you. Cancers are kind and generous people but I think if they let you live with them that says a lot. Cancers love to have the ideal money maker boss on their arm but money is a want but not a requirement. They chose with their hearts first then their mind. So if you don't have too many other issues going on he can probably look past the money and take you in. If he likes or loves you enough he will take you in and then help you become better like have you take care of him or what he can't get done because of his work priorities but then he might help you start a business or something so you can eventually have money too and be a team together. Cancers thrive on someone who can easily get down with teamwork. If you go live there and don't do shit with your time and don't take care if you he might tell you it's time to leave. But if you try your best hell put more stock in you. And cancers have strange tendencies. Sometimes if they like you it's obvious and they'll say it and cling to you and do all the romantic stuff but sometimes they don't act like that when there is a big ass risk that states them in the face. Then they might just play it safe until they see the results they're looking for. Cancers have been known to totally and completely love the person but they won't allow it to show or grow if their are huge risks that needs to be cleared up first. They are hardcore lovers but they are also logical business people.
Posted by aquavita8
Move with the girlfriend which will leave your relationship with this man to develop narurally. Moving in with him will bring more confusion as it is already there also moving in may keD to a sex scdne but that does not mean relationship as u are hoping for. Move in with a girlfriend keep him as a friend and let things go slow he just broke up any way less than 1 year ago with someone else.
Genuinely can't move in with someone else now that I've committed to moving in with him. It's happened twice before and he saw it as rejection and makes me look very inconsistent to him.
d, thanks again that's very helpful!! You are very insightful, your message really speaks to who he is / our relationship!
Posted by StarChild63
I think it's hard to tell at this point on what he feels for you romantically
Yes I keep forgetting that astrology is not the answer to EVERYTHING! Haha
Posted by StarChild63
Cancers love to have the ideal money maker boss on their arm
He has mentioned MANY times that, unlike most men, he wouldn't mind dating a women who earns more than him. Problem is he earns a lot. I did get a job offer a few days ago, for a role that would pay more than / equal to him ironically, but it's a job I'm not interested in. I spoke to him about it, explained I would prefer doing something I liked and earn less, then something I hated and earn more, and I think he respects my decision (although I'm unsure he really —got it?? if you know what I mean?) I thought about taking the job to please him but then that would speak against who I am...
Posted by StarChild63
Cancers have been known to totally and completely love the person but they won't allow it to show or grow if their are huge risks that needs to be cleared up firstclick to expand
This REALLY resonates. Hypothetically, if this was the case, how do I figure out what are the risks he is seeing in dating me?
When we first hooked up, I basically sat him down and said "look we have been friends for 10 years, now you've made a move on me, you need to be really sure this is right if you want to date" and I think it scared him off!!! haha
I do know it has nothing to do with finances as he wouldn't let the relationship progress even when I was employed, has been very supportive in my job search (past and present) and is very positive that I will get a job in no time with my skills (more confident then I am!) I also am quite self sufficient, pay my way, own property, have savings. My intention is not to move in, sit on the couch and expect him to look after me! : )
He also has Leo Moon & Venus in Taurus, which makes him very slow in love (and time just gives him an opportunity to change his mind!) This was confirmed by his ex as well...they "dated" for 6 months before
before he made a move physically.
Anytime. You seem very sweet. I bet he loves that about you. Yea the more details you give the more I can see. You are a risk to him. Because you're not his ideal princess charming but your cutting it close to that image. So you are a risk but he knows you have the potential to become a non risk and then a benefit. Financially and romantically. I think love stories tht include a cancers passions with money making or high creativity -which somehow always happen to be brilliant business plans at the same time--are the sweetest and most deeply felt. Whenever you think a cancer might like you then they start spending money on you often or investing in you or the people in your family or they start risking more of themselves for you then that's when you know they really like and most likely love you. He's letting you live with him! Most cancers won't let you stay over 5 hours at their house because their house is their shell. He is literally letting you in his shell. That's a exclusive cancer experience. They hate to be exposed tote world and by having that much access to him then he knows if and when he gets exposed he wouldn't mind because he's comfortable with you. C'mon your families talk to each other! He let you around his family! That's a big deal. I've known my friend for almost 10 years and she has never let me meet her family. Only at common events that would make sense with me being there but not exclusive stuff. That's why I knew he really cared about you but if he also stayed around after you said I've been doing it for 10 years which way are you going he DEFINATELY wouldn't then turn around with you and play with your heart like that unless he's cold. And he doesn't sound cold at all. But after all you are a risk and he is a cancer so yea he will move slow. But he will move in a way that makes it hard to tell if it is romantic or friendship but he will make it clear that it is not just friendship because he wouldn't do that stuff for most people but at the same time you twos relationship status doesn't change. I see what this is. I say just keep going with the flow and always be open to him and don't let yourself get insecure. Don't worry about money. He probably already has that part figured out just in case you can't put in the pot. He would rather you work your passion then to make money at a job that's not for you. He also knows that you'll find your place in life and that everything will fall into place. But he's not sure. So that's why he's
So that's why he's hiding behind a friendship. Once he's sure I wouldn't be surprised if you move from friends straight to husband and wife. Just give your passion your absolute best shot and don't ever put him or your passion over one another and keep him balanced-don't let him put his career over you. Now that you'll be living together you can seduce him in every way. Cooking cleaning if he has kids-attending to his kids, and going with the flow of life together. Try to make the moments together special. Take care of him cater to him and don't run away when he does the same to you. Just let it grow and let it happen.
But 10 years with no sex or forward ness is alarming.
I just read your post again. I think you are a rebound. I think he's getting over his ex ad that's who he really cares about. I think you moving in will make him feel like he didn't take a L if is ex was the one who did the dumping. I think you are filling in the void for now because he thinks he wants you. He might like you friendship wise but might be trying to force himself to get over his ex and force a romantic feeling for you. But this will end bad because if it's been 10 years and he never tried anything. He might also be trying to keep up with image. So if he's older and established his family might be wondering why he can't settle down and if his ex dumped him he might not have the confidence to start from scratch all over again and build a new relationship with someone so he thinks he can get that with you. But his heart is really with her and that's why he looks like he's moving slow. He's not moving slow on a friendship he's moving slow because he can't get the romantic feeling so that move to make you lover status won't let itself happen because he can't force a lie or a feeling. That's why he's been down for te last 6 months before this idea came. He's having a bad time getting over the ex and probably wants her back and could he using you to make her jealous of what she could've had hoping to lure her in.
Yep, rebound.
Posted by StarChild63
I just read your post again. I think you are a rebound. I think
That comment crushes me but you may very well be right. Is there any way to know either way? I guess this is one of the things that really confuses me. Would a Cancer really risk a friendship like ours to prove a point to an ex? It seems rather cruel.
I'm not overly concerned that he didn't try anything in ten years, remember I lived across the country for the whole period so a relationship would have been impossible AND I did turn him down when he first asked me out ten years ago. We caught up every six months during this time and spoke regularly on the phone. We were just friends and that's all I wanted....until now.
Posted by StarChild63
He might also be trying to keep up with image. So if he's older and established his family might be wondering why he can't settle down and if his ex dumped him he might not have the confidence to start from scratch all over again and build a new relationship with someone so he thinks he can get that with you
When they split up (I'm not sure who broke up with who but I'd put my money on her) he did say that he was "very humiliated to be single again in his forties". I don't have the heart to be used like that 😢
What would you recommend I do to change my faith (aka make myself less available, keep my distance, no touching, etc) or is it written in stone that all he wants is a pretty girl on his arm for the public to see?
Posted by Finbuff
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention....I tried very, very hard to play "hard to get" with her because I wanted her to prove to me it wasn't all just an infatuation. I had a hard time accepting her interest because I was a bit intimidated and star struck by her, being a dance instructor and all. Playing hard to get worked for the most part, but there were alot of gaps in our relationship, like on again, off again.
Hey Finbuff, thanks for your feedback. That also resonates. He seems to be testing which is probably due to the first time told him I liked him (6 mths ago): he made a move on me that night, we cuddled (only) and in the morning I asked if this was serious as I didn't want to ruin our friendship, highlighting that he was very important to me. When he didn't come back to me after a few days I pushed him for an answer (first mistake) so he said best we don't.
My natural reaction to that is to pull away (which is what I am attempting not to do now, after I declared love for the second time!) so I cut all ties for a few months, after explaining that I was attempting to self preserve / I struggle with rejection. Obviously he was really hurt, he became purposefully unhelpful, cold and rude. I had never seen him like that before. After a few months (and a lot of work on my part) we were back to normal, catching up twice a week, calling every day / second day. We are basically in a relationship minus the "special adult time".
Come to think of it, aside from the fact we're not sleeping together, this is the best, healthiest, most mutually supportive relationship I've ever had!! Haha
The more you say the more I say he sees you as a friend only. Cancers are slow but not that slow. 10 years and no adult time means he doesn't see you that way. He's not attracted to you. He might have thought he was when he tried it out but he couldn't even get to the point of touching you so he just cuddled to see what it felt like and it looks like he didn't like it. He's your friend and he cares about you that's why he doesn't want to hurt you by telling you that you are a rebound or a friend that will always be a friend. His behavior switched from nice guy to player. He's probably using you to fill a void. I think when you turned him down in the past he never really took you seriously since and decided in his mind that your a friend not a lover. Cancers are freaks and passionate. No cancer that has known you that long and then has the opportunity to touch you will pass up fucking your brains out unless they don't feel anything for you. Trust me. Especially for men. We can fake it if we want some but he can't fake it and take advantage of you that way because he cares for you as a friend. I think he thinks he can settle with you because you have history but he knows it won't work but is trying to force it. That's why it looks like he's going slow. He's trying to force himself to get feelings for you ad thinks by moving in with you he'll have that happy life image but something tells me this won't end well. He's also letting everyone else know that you are friends so they won't be confused. Didn't you say he let you around his family but not his friends? That's a bad sign. Plus he's letting his ex have hope. If he says he moved in with you it looks like oh he's helping out a friend but he's still available to rekindle the old flame that he really burns for. Talking ever so often and having huge gaps does not count as knowing someone for a full year. His ex and him could've only known each oter for a year but seen each other every day. That might beat your 10 year friendship. And I'm not trying to be rude or mean but in no way shape or form do you have a romantic relationship with that man. Cancers give 1000% more to their relationship with lovers then they do friends. His ex can probably tell you way more about him and you might learn things that you never knew about him at all or couldn't have imagined with him. I have a feeling he's after the ex and if you think your in a relationship with that man then I'm guessing you might have been the reason his e
His ex can probably tell you way more about him and you might guessing you might have been the reason his ex split with him. Which is why he probably specifically picked you to help out and move in with him. You move in with him, ex gets jealous, he wants ex back badly because that's his burning desire so to do that and fix what might have broken them up-you-he pulls the ultimate diss---that also is disguised as him helping a friend. He moves you in as a poor helpless soul then connects with the ex again and has her over all the time and in her presence he's going to treat you like a strict friend just so he can show his ex that your only a friend and that's it and all he was doing was helping and then on the other side e gets to help you out and be a friend and still have a good friend relationship and also the possibility of being with you if all else fails and he needs to marry for convenience and not love. That's just my opinion. Cancers are passionate and they do have times of bad distance with people but if he never really touched you or anything like that he doesn't have that burning desire. He wasn't testing YOU he was and is testing HIMSELF to see if he can really fore feeling and he knows the answer is no but probably feels guilty and responsible for leading you on in some way.
TRUST ME. My cancer friend never liked me romantically and never got close to me. She never made it clear until I flew off the handle and started pretending she was my girl until she was finally forced to tell me te bitter truth--which was she adored me as a friend but friend is a far as she will go. And that never changed with her. It won't change with him. And if he gets with you out of convenience he's going to cheat on you and treat you like a accessory because you keep tricking yourself to thinking your more even when he says no-verbally or nonverbally-so he might feel if your too pressuring to be with him even when he says no then he's going to treat you like a accessory out of guilt or feeling responsible or being confused or out of punishment for not listening to him the first 87 times in those 10 years. He won't feel sorry for doing it either because he sees you don't mind being a accessory and you keep deluding yourself into thinking he wants you and maybe for spite for tearing him apart from his love
TRUST ME. My cancer friend never liked me romantically and never got close to me. She never made it clear until I flew off the handle and started pretending she was my girl until she was finally forced to tell me te bitter truth--which was she adored me as a friend but friend is a far as she will go. And that never changed with her. It won't change with him. And if he gets with you out of convenience he's going to cheat on you and treat you like a accessory because you keep tricking yourself to thinking your more even when he says no-verbally or nonverbally-so he might feel if your too pressuring to be with him even when he says no then he's going to treat you like a accessory out of guilt or feeling responsible or being confused or out of punishment for not listening to him the first 87 times in those 10 years. He won't feel sorry for doing it either because he sees you don't mind being a accessory and you keep deluding yourself into thinking he wants you and maybe for spite for tearing him apart from his love
Bottom line if you are not in a ROMANTIC and COMMITTED relationship to a cancer then you are just a friend. People think they see all of the cancer as a close friend fwb or distant ex but cancers really give and get the greenlight only when both people have made the agreement to be in a solid committed relationship. And the minute this happens you will see your cancer in their true true natural loving form with no boundaries or no running away--just living life together with no hiding or fears. You ain't seen nothing til you seen that. His ex had the commitment. You never did. So he'll keep it only on a certain level. What you might think is sweet and caring his ex might see as distant. What you might see as psychotic madly in love behavior with no boundaries or inhibitions is what his ex might see as normal behavior. And cancers are quite good at hiding their personalities that they put aside for only their committed lovers.
To tell for sure just ask him flat out. You never know he might surprise you and tell you he does want you. Idk you just has to talk to him about it
Posted by StarChild63
He's not attracted to you. e
Sorry this is getting long and confusing 🙂 I completely agree it's likely he's not over his ex, although he was always complaining about her drinking! I think he does still love her and has become defensive about her since they broke up. He is however very attracted to me, has said so many times and the only reason we have not slept together is because I stoped him every time (personal preference not to sleep with someone I'm not in a relationship with). Every single time we got close, he is the one who initiated. He has said that it is very difficult for him not to take advantage of the situation (sounds very player, you're right!)as he really likes me, thinks I'm attractive, etc etc, usual guy lines. Finally, he's also the one who got me back here through referring me to this job, so he obviously believes in me career wise.
Posted by StarChild63
That might beat your 10 year friendship.e
I also agree that the ten year friendship doesn't really "count". We did not pursue each other romantically during this time because A-I was genuinely not interested and B-The times I remember, he was in a relationship. He has also told me many times that if his GFs had a problem with our friendship, he would toss her (he has said that about the most recent one as well).
Posted by StarChild63
He's also letting everyone else know that you are friends so they won't be confused. Didn't you say he let you around his family but not his friends? That's a bad sign. eclick to expand
Quite the opposite - his mother's partner allured to the fact we were together, saying something like "We like this one, she's a keeper" and he did not correct him. As for friends, he's introduced me to quite a few, invited me to work functions and house parties. I have to be honest with myself though and say the number of social events that I'm invited to since my last declaration has decreased, which would again lead me to believe you're right. Ironically as I'm making more friends here and get busier, he's inviting me to more / getting possessive / asking where I am all the time?
All in all there is no question in my mind that he cares for me, finds me very attra
All in all there is no question in my mind that he cares for me, finds me very attractive (aka demonstrated in words and actions - this is not even a question in my mind)and may have been interested when I moved over initially. Time passes, things change, his behaviour is (slightly) less agreeable as when I first arrived. Maybe I'm just imagining it but anyway, I think you're right, he's not interested now, maybe never.
As an Aries, if I like someone and find them attractive - that's a relationship to me! Am I right to say that's not necessarily the case with Cancer?
So this is my game plan: He will make a move eventually, as he has many times before, for us to cuddle / kiss / sleep together and when that time comes I will say "I really care for you a lot, however I'm not interested in kanoodling with anyone unless I'm in a relationship. When you're ready to take me out on a date, we can reconsider, however in the meantime lets just be friends".
Being a Cancer, he lives in the past and wants what he had (case in point, his ex is the flavour of the day now when he saw her once a fortnight when they were dating and this is the reason he declared his love for me after I moved across the country last time) If he does love me, he will only realise it once I move out and he starts missing me.
Posted by PureAries
As an Aries, if I like someone and find them attractive - that's a relationship to me! Am I right to say that's not necessarily the case with Cancer?
By this I mean "it's a relationships / mate worth considering"
Posted by Finbuff
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention....I tried very, very hard to play "hard to get" with her because I wanted her to prove to me it wasn't all just an infatuation. I had a hard time accepting her interest because I was a bit intimidated and star struck by her, being a dance instructor and all. Playing hard to get worked for the most part, but there were alot of gaps in our relationship, like on again, off again.
You say be patient, but also that this Aries Girl managed to get you by "jumping you". I'm confused as it's kind of contradictory 🙂 What exactly am I to do? haha
I know I could jump him and have my way. I haven't done this because I want a relationship.
I'm also curious, how long does it take you to get over a long term relationship? Say 3-5 years? If we're assuming he's not over his ex, maybe that could give me a guide.
Maybe your the safe choice. Cancers definately don't run off of attraction alone. Their feelings run deep and they want the total package. Mind body and soul. They do their best in relationships. Deep ones. When they're not in relationships their rotten eggs because all of their admirers see the finally single sign and then they come flocking and the cancer gets distracted and busy. Anyways if you really want to try you need to reach him on all those deep levels before he opens up to the idea of you. And why tell him the same thing again you will get the same answer. If a cancer verbally tells you something flat out or you say you want something and they don't give it to you that's a serious sign of take them seriously. Maybe he had feelings but he just couldn't do it. And that just means his family likes you it doesn't mean he does.
Posted by StarChild63
If a cancer verbally tells you something flat out or you say you want something and they don't give it to you that's a serious sign of take them seriously.
I think that's good advice for men in general!!! 🙂
Thanks Finbuff, I really appreciate your thoughts!
Look I know in my heart of hearts that he's holding off. Is that because he's scared I'll eventually reject him? Or is it because he's in love with someone else? He did ask a lot of questions as to why my exes and I split up....
When we first hooked up, I asked him to think about it as I mentioned earlier and the next day we had a dinner with a couple friends off mine (usually I would have let him stew but this was organised before we hooked up). On the way back, he of course drove them and me back home. Once we were alone he was very distant. I tried touching him and he pulled away. Maybe it was the pressure, I don't know, I'm probably over analysing.....but he felt very cold / unready. This really hurt me and I forced him to give me an answer on the spot, and we all know how that turned out.
Today, if I play with his hair, rub his back, etc he purrs. But every time I've made a move (I'm a communicator so I tell him verbally I'm into him) he pulls away. Then he slowly comes back. This has been replicated many times. The last time I told him, his eyes were all red and he said "Last time you told me if we didn't date right away, we had to only be friend forever". I'm an Aries, lets me honest half of what I say I don't really think through : )
Then about a month later we hooked up, slept in the same bed (to be honest to say we didn't make love is probably a misconception....I guess there was just one missing detail! haha) We spent two days together after and when I went home he seemed very uncomfortable with letting me go, kept making excuses for me to stay.
I guess this is my questions: Under the understanding that I have told him verbally many times, and he has never committed (which is a massive red flag for me. If he was not a Cancer I would have walked away a LONG time ago), is the only way to know for sure to make sweet love to him? Is there really no other way?
Look I know in my heart of hearts that he's holding off. Is that because he's scared I'll eventually reject him? Or is it because he's in love with someone else? He did ask a lot of questions as to why my exes and I split up....
When we first hooked up, I asked him to think about it as I mentioned earlier and the next day we had a dinner with a couple friends off mine (usually I would have let him stew but this was organised before we hooked up). On the way back, he of course drove them and me back home. Once we were alone he was very distant. I tried touching him and he pulled away. Maybe it was the pressure, I don't know, I'm probably over analysing.....but he felt very cold / unready. This really hurt me and I forced him to give me an answer on the spot, and we all know how that turned out.
Today, if I play with his hair, rub his back, etc he purrs. But every time I've made a move (I'm a communicator so I tell him verbally I'm into him) he pulls away. Then he slowly comes back. This has been replicated many times. The last time I told him, his eyes were all red and he said "Last time you told me if we didn't date right away, we had to only be friend forever". I'm an Aries, lets me honest half of what I say I don't really think through : )
Then about a month later we hooked up, slept in the same bed (to be honest to say we didn't make love is probably a misconception....I guess there was just one missing detail! haha) We spent two days together after and when I went home he seemed very uncomfortable with letting me go, kept making excuses for me to stay.
I guess this is my questions: Under the understanding that I have told him verbally many times, and he has never committed (which is a massive red flag for me. If he was not a Cancer I would have walked away a LONG time ago), is the only way to know for sure to make sweet love to him? Is there really no other way?
Go ahead and try. He probably won't be able to get it up. Cancers can get massages from close friends-make or female. They are comfortable with that, they can get close and touchy feely in that way. For him not to have done it to you or even TRIED in 10 YEARS means he has nothing for you other then friendship. And you are alarmingly delusional. You made love to him without REALLY MAKING LOVE TO HIM?! What kind of shit is this? Now I'm questioning your mental ability. What you have is a deep friendship and maybe at most innocent intimacy you do not have any type of a romance love going on. He's just using you to fill the void because he knows he can because he knows your easily deluded. I almost don't believe this story.
Ok so I thought I??d update this post. I hate that when I read old posts for advice there's never an ending per say??_..
I didn't take anyone's advice (apologies!) and the next time he made him move, we hooked up. The two weeks we spent together romantically was very unfulfilling physically (he was good but weirdly ungiving?) and emotionally for me.
Yesterday I saw on his ipad a notification that he was on Tinder.
I couldn't stop myself and raised it with him. I thought our friendship was worth much more. His complaints were that we moved too fast (we really didn't, we had no —discussions??, I asked very little of him, etc etc, let him have his way), he was not ready, he's coming out with zits he's so stressed. He says he's incredibly attracted to me and likes me as a person and has been acting like a teenager, but then contradicted himself and said we could date if I didn't live here. Never during this time did he ever apologies or admit he was wrong — basically my fault for opening my legs. He admitted being distant though. I think it's all crap of course — he can't be honest with me and hasn't been for a long time. I tried to explain that what he feels towards me is lust, not love, but he doesn't get it. Still wants to keep me in the isle just in case.
He of course wants to stay friends, doesn't understand how that could be hard for me - not that I'd have a choice given I live with him!
Weirdly, although I wouldn't do it again, I??ve ended up with a sense of peace — he's actually been a jerk to me and disrespectful for some time, and I couldn't admit it to myself. I told him this. I said —If you want to stay friends, treat me with respect or I'm not interested??. We??ll see how that goes.
Anyway thanks for all your help and I hope this helps someone. Moral of the story is, although Cancer men may need a little push in the right direction, you should not have to run after them......
I didn't take anyone's advice (apologies!) and the next time he made him move, we hooked up. The two weeks we spent together romantically was very unfulfilling physically (he was good but weirdly ungiving?) and emotionally for me.
Yesterday I saw on his ipad a notification that he was on Tinder.
I couldn't stop myself and raised it with him. I thought our friendship was worth much more. His complaints were that we moved too fast (we really didn't, we had no —discussions??, I asked very little of him, etc etc, let him have his way), he was not ready, he's coming out with zits he's so stressed. He says he's incredibly attracted to me and likes me as a person and has been acting like a teenager, but then contradicted himself and said we could date if I didn't live here. Never during this time did he ever apologies or admit he was wrong — basically my fault for opening my legs. He admitted being distant though. I think it's all crap of course — he can't be honest with me and hasn't been for a long time. I tried to explain that what he feels towards me is lust, not love, but he doesn't get it. Still wants to keep me in the isle just in case.
He of course wants to stay friends, doesn't understand how that could be hard for me - not that I'd have a choice given I live with him!
Weirdly, although I wouldn't do it again, I??ve ended up with a sense of peace — he's actually been a jerk to me and disrespectful for some time, and I couldn't admit it to myself. I told him this. I said —If you want to stay friends, treat me with respect or I'm not interested??. We??ll see how that goes.
Anyway thanks for all your help and I hope this helps someone. Moral of the story is, although Cancer men may need a little push in the right direction, you should not have to run after them......
My takeaway is by using the book "The Rules" you may scare him away...if the book "He's just not that into you" may be a reliable tool as if you find you relate to this one....he's probably not that into you...
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Last week I lost my job and he offered for me to move in with him, rent free. He's talked a lot about helping me find work but he's not actually taken action in helping me. Understandably I'm pretty depressed and lonely (new city and all).
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A-Am I delusional in thinking he could ever like me romantically based on the above? If there is a change, how can I facilitate this (aka not play games, but keep myself busy / unavailable, etc?)
B-How do I know if he means it when he offers for me to move in, or is he just feeling obligated?
Apologies in advance if this is a little long : )
Thanks I really appreciate your help!
Pure