I think I've messed up....

Hi everyone,

I would like a little advice on my dealing with a cancer male that I've been seeing recently. Well, for starters I'm a Pisces and I've just learned how compatible Pisces and Cancers are supposed to be.

For the last month I've been spending a lot of time with this cancer male that I think is just gorgeous. It's like he's PERFECT... exactly what I want in my man. (hard to come by) Anyway, I found myself getting ATTACHED to him extremely fast.

At first I just wanted to take it really slow and allow the friendship to develop and see where it goes, but I became impatient and my feelings got ahead of me. I started wanting to move faster and wanted it to be exclusive. He has many female friends that he sees as well and always told me that it wasn't "like that" between them, but he was still open to dating.

I think that I've messed up because I moved fast and wanted to get exclusive. I became so overwhelmed with the way that I was feeling that I just couldn't take it anymore. While he was at my house, I told him that I felt that things were moving way too fast and I was getting too attached and I didn't think he should call me anymore. I told him that because I felt as though I was setting myself up to get hurt. He had already expressed that he wasn't ready for a relationship, but his actions said otherwise. My car is in the shop so I don't have a way to get to and from and he can't drive right now because of other reasons. This guy lives very far from me and for him to get to me... he had to catch two buses, two trains and another bus. Wow! He was determined. Maybe that's what drew me close to him too. He just showed all the signs that he wanted to be with me.

Now I feel like I've made the worst mistake after telling him not to call. I've tried to call him and he told me that he just needs time to think and he hasn't called me back or answered my text messages. I want to let him know that I was overwhelmed by my emotions and that I really do want to be friends, but with space between us because I was getting attached too quickly.

Dang, did I mess it up completely? Are Cancers forgiving people? What do I need to do to get him to listen to me? I really want to see where it could possibly lead. I miss talking to him.

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance...

Why don't you try sitting down and writing him a letter .. that way you can only say what you really mean. Oftentimes, when we are in the moment, we will bungle-up what we really mean, but, then it's too late. Once the words fall from your mouth, you can't take them back.

In a letter .. you can make sure that you don't mess up again by saying something you would regret.

"I've tried to call him and he told me that he just needs time to think and he hasn't called me back or answered my text messages."

I wouldn't call him or text him again, since his only response was to basically say he needs space, and to contact him again might just make him get irritated. A letter, that explained your position hopefully wouldn't seem too pushy.

You might want to try talking to prettypisces24 on the Pisces board, for she's Fish who's been with her Cancer man for 3 years. She might be able to give you some insight into this combo.

I've dated several cancers, Leo Female! I know, not a perfect match; but not a bad match either. I agree with P-Angel; I did the same thing you did early on in my last cancer relationship! He was beautiful inside and out! Perfect Body, smile and loving spirit. He said he wasn't ready either, but he was dating only me and also had female friends. I just gave him his space to be him.

He's hurt and feeling vulnerable; he's probably shut down and is sulking wondering where did he go wrong! Obviously he's done nothing wrong! You can't rush a Cancer, for if he loves you he loves HARD and long and loyal! The only thing you can do is explain your position and wait for him to forgive you for hurting him. If he truly cared he'll call; if not then...It's probably over.

Thanks for the advise. I appreciate it. I think I will just fall back a little and give him space so that he can "think". Like troubleleo said, if he truly cared, he'd call. If he don't... then I guess it wasn't meant to be.


P-Angel, I think the letter approach is good because I can express myself better in a letter. (I've been told that I can write the hell out of letters... lol)
I'm not sure if a letter would be good right now though. You don't think that since I've been calling and texting him that a letter on top of that would be kind of taking it over the top a little? Or would it show persistence? Hmmmm...

luckystar, I was thinking that if I back off, he'd come around. There wasn't a problem between us at all, so I hope that he does come back out of his shell. We had great times together, we clicked so well. It was just too much for me and to know that he wasn't ready was so hard. I told him, "Babe, I really, really like you. I feel that my emotions are getting ahead of me and I'm getting very attached too soon. I don't think you should continue to call me because I don't want to get hurt and you're not ready for a relationship." So it wasn't like I was mean and rude, I was sincere. I hope he realizes that and forgives me.

Thanks again for your responses...

Pisces - I am a Cancer female and most times when Cancers are emotionally cornered, especially if they have not internalized or rationalized their feelings before you've expressed yours, they retreat to get clarity on things. It is nothing against you. They just need to self evaluate.

He is probably thinking about you as much as you are he. We DO NOT LIKE REJECTION. We are also afraid that our feelings will be hurt, thus the reason we guard them so fiercely, because once you have us, you have us. There is no letting go on our parts, even when shit has hit the fan. We have a tendency to stay with bad situations too long, even after they have far surpassed the expiration date.

Look at it this way, the longer it takes for him to figure things out and realize that he wants to be with you, the longer it will take for him to leave you if things aren't going good. We are loyal once committed, unless you lie or cheat on us.

Cancers NEVER just up and leave you. If a Cancer has left you, (no contact at all) then you missed all the signs of their impending departure. We are not the most direct people, especially when it comes to expressing feelings, but we will tell you when things aren't going good.

I think you have nothing to worry about because 9 times out of 10 a Cancer if they really care will comeback after a few days of thinking things over. Look at it as a positive, he hasn't told you to go fuck yourself. When/if he says that then you've hit a nerve and it is very likely that he meant it. Good luck.

Thanks a lot Hotgal78...

Thanks for so much more insight on things. I feel so much better!

Thank You...

Hey guys...
First I want to say thanks again for all the support and insight that you all have given me. I appreciate it. Well for starters, I decided to go ahead and send My Cancer friend a note as troubledleo suggested. If you look at the very bottom, you will see my original note to him and his reply. Tell me what you guys think about his response.

Pisces4Scorp...



Cancer Male Response:

you wont loose me as a friend, but i have to fall back and put things in perspective.

------ Original note ------

From: Pisces4Scorp
To: CancerMale
Subject: Hey Stranger...

I was thinking about you and I hope that the last conversation that we had didn't push you away because I haven't heard back from you.

I was feeling very overwhelmed because I realized how much that I do care for you, but at the same time, I've realized how important it is that we are not rushing into a relationship. You have to become friends first with a person and I know that I still want to grow to become your friend.

With that being said, I hope that we can continue to be friends and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Holla at me...

I meant, the letter was P-Angel's idea. Thanks...

"Ok - what if you send a "cancer girl" an email, you know she's read it, and doesnt respond at all - 10 months later an nothing - ??

This cancer girl was an ex of friend of mine (libra) - and he played her dirty..(ahole)

I told him forget it -"

----You gave him the right advice cause it is very likely that she will never call him again. When you hurt me, I can ignore you and shut you out for good especially if I haven't built a deep emotional attachment to you. Why would I want to open myself up to the possibility that you may do it again?

"Fool me once shame on YOU, fool me twice shame on ME!" ----- We abhor rejection and get very cautious of your motives if/when you wrong us.

Hey! I'm back and so is my Cancer friend! (Yay!) We eventually ended up talking and everything is good between us. My friend did say that he was just taking time to himself for a while. He said that he felt that he just needed to step back for a little bit (a week)and think about things. He has been calling and sending text as usual and he told me the other night while talking on the phone that if he didn't have an early morning appointment the next day that "there is no place that he'd rather be than with me"...

Wow... I guess it is true that Cancer's need their space and we just need to respect it and let them have it.

I'm happy and I've learned that I need to start writing my feelings in a journal from now on and then come back to it. So that I won't be blurting out things that I truly will regret later.

Thanks to everybody and their help!

Pisces4Scorp... and Cancer...