Just plain rude

Those who followed my previous thread on the weirdo that was my cancerian date x 2, will already know how i came to this point. So after 2 weeks, and only 1 message (saying that he didnt think i wanted to see him again, even though i said i did), today i see him online (im at work and am always on the computer so not like im a stalker) and i send an IM just saying "Hi x"..the fucker goes offline and doesnt even answer. This guy is just wrong on so many levels..the worst being plain rude. Im just ranting 🙂

p.s in my heart i would love to write him a longer message saying he should learn not be so fucked up because in the not so distant future, some guy will be doing the exact sam thing to his daughter. Or i should equally just get a grip and get the shit of a man out of my head..BUT I CANT. He wont go, he just sits there stuck in my thoughts. I am busy, I do go out, and i always just come back to thinking about him. No guy ever deserved it less.

I know its obvious that you wanted a possible relationship with this guy and his intentions were something else. I dont think if you had gotten to know him longer would have made any differece. He prob would have pretended longer and then pulled this behavior when you were more invested.

When you two had that first date, did u even discuss what the two of you were looking for in the long haul? Did this conversation even come up?

yes we knew that each of us (because we are both parents) were looking for more than one-nighter from the start. The whole point is, one day he spoke (texted) me in a way that i found rude and i told him that. He clearly didnt like it and has gone cold since. So last weekend i said well are we seeing each other again or not, he said he thought i didnt want to see him, i said i did, he didnt say anything else..finito.

Yeah, on paper its ridiculous, emotionally or in a sense of pride, its shit.

ummm, no my age isnt an issue at all for me. We didnt ever talk about the future because we didnt get that far! All im thinking is, does this guy suffer from PMT, is he over it already (my guess). It goes back to needing closure, if only hed said lets not go there again..its like the answer to 1000 questions.

well, on the Friday he said that there was a reason he couldnt see me over the weekend but he wouldnt say what it was (so why say that)?? but what about the next week? I said ok, and on the MOnday i suggested that we go see the Xmas lights go on with a firework display etc. He took the whole day to reply and said it like 3 sentences "i was busy today, i will have my daughter til 5.30, when does it start". No "hey, how are you, how wasyour weekend"..just like i was a pain in the ass. So i said i was getting a bad vibe, and BAM.

Maybe he didn't see the rudeness in his text like you did and then found it completely off-putting when you mentioned bad vibes??

But wouldnt you find that offensive, to me it felt like i was an option, rather than an interest.

I know thats exactly what happened, but for Gods sake, what can i do? Should i send him an email, or its already 2 weeks and a whole lot of space later, maybe its too late. Im not too proud to say sorry even though i feel wronged too. Like i say, its a need for closure one way or the other..i can take it!

Of course i asked him about how he was/his weekend..i even used those stupid kiss emoticons, the works! And he didnt say "oh im fine, my weekend was...", just right in there with "im busy". Well s-o-r-r-y, arent we all? It was just like he answered half-arsed, and with no gladness, when he text me i was always like, aww. And although all that might come over as desperate or whatever, its because its takes me so much to consider a date and the effort to build up to it and go meet the guy, he was special, and i liked him and i miss him.

So what do you suggest i do? What i tried hasnt worked, 2 texts over 2 weeks and an IM today.

and also what would the red flag have been?

Your scaring him off. Any attempt u make now will make you seem like a stalker. The more you try to reach out, the more hes gonna get turned off. You two seem like two different people here. You seem more aggressive, need to know where things are, and like to move full steam ahead. He seems more laid back...take his time and likes to prob think things over.

The more you try to fix it, the more he will prob run. You dont want to totally turn him off. You need to leave him be and stop reaching out. Thats prob gonna drive u crazy though. What are your venus signs? Im thinking you aries and him sagittarius.

If he likes you, let him come to you.

Posted by Jynja
Her Venus can't be in Aries. It's likely in Scorpio. And his might be in Leo or Cancer

Sola's venus is either Virgo or Libra.. Most likely Virgo..

thanks Jynja

Posted by Claro de Luna


Libra's are very warm and flirtatious right from the off, but the cancerian nature isn't really like that. It takes much longer for us to warm up.
Also, both signs can be passive aggressive but in different ways, they can really butt heads because of this.

+1

it depends on the ascendant too

I'm not really sure of the specifics, but ASC is very much equivalent to the sun (many places take them as equivalent). Usually if the sun and rising are similar, Then the sun is in the rising person's first house. From my experience it isn't the greatest because both are focused on self (1st house), this might lead to irritation.

But don't quote me on that Claro.. it's more a conjecture/ observation than anything.

btw this is a very angry thread :/

Posted by Jynja
No, the rising is just the outward appearance of a person which is always in the 1st house of self.

If it was you wouldn't identify so much with cancer that you hang out in their forum.

well everyone is wrong! My venus is sagittarius and his in gemini..so actually we are very compatible. I would define stalker behaviour as at least one call/text a day every day, 2 texts over a 14 day period is hardly hardcore aggressive behaviour.

Posted by Sola
well everyone is wrong! My venus is sagittarius and his in gemini..so actually we are very compatible. I would define stalker behaviour as at least one call/text a day every day, 2 texts over a 14 day period is hardly hardcore aggressive behaviour.

sola, you are 30 yrs old.. its impossible that your venus is in sagittarius! it's either in libra or virgo..

sorry, i posted my moon sign! my venus is virgo 🙂 smartypants

who has conversations in txting? that would be annoying. txting is to relay information, is it not? if i wanted to talk, i'd call. i dont usually respond to txts thinking id actually talk to them later. i say, write that email and get it off your chest, it might help you in not thinking about him so much. if you don't want to send it yet save it as a draft, it will help. i liken it to studying: get things out of the way or at least make a list so you don't have to keep it in your mind, or you'll constantly think about the things you need to say or do instead of focusing on studying.

Posted by Sola
sorry, i posted my moon sign! my venus is virgo 🙂 smartypants

😉

i did email him, because although i love this site for gathering opinions, at the end of the day amy heart is what makes my decisions. It was very lighthearted and even though im a very private person, i will post it here (because its done now, i can regret it later)!!

Hello ****I hadnt wanted to get in touch with you for like the 3rd time over the last fortnight, but its only because its been on my mind so much that im just going to say it and thats me done (because im a woman and emotional, ha). Its seems like something got lost or miscommunicated last week, and i know i mentioned getting a bad vibe from you. Well, i think maybe im too sensitive and just not ready to be out again, because you actually didnt do anything that i could ever use against you that deserved me saying that. Truth is that its been 5 years since i met anyone new, and i just forgot about all the "etiquette"that goes with it. Anyway, its so embarrassing for me to do this, but you know, some things are just better off your chest. I hope you meet somebody nice soon x

Posted by Jynja

Posted by spica

Posted by Jynja
No, the rising is just the outward appearance of a person which is always in the 1st house of self.

If it was you wouldn't identify so much with cancer that you hang out in their forum.

My moon is in Cancer, too. In a very tight conjunction with my rising and all in the first.

Also, Spica, why ancient astrology and not modern astrology?

I confess, I know very little about ancient astrology.

click to expand

They're all the same... Ancient, modern.. The modern ones break down the aspects explicitly but if u want a general outline, u can get it with less complications.
Modern comes from ancient but the ancients were more fatalistic

She was asking about red flags......

In her first thread a male cancer told her that maybe the guy needed some time to process what happened....that he might not move at the speed she wanted him too. SHe responded by saying something about not handling him with kids gloves and hes not a virgin and something about his age.....

You didnt give him time and might have jumped the gun. Your trying to move things at your pace and he seems to want to move at his.

You dont see this as coming off as aggressive to him?

So probably the best thing to do is let things die down a little.

I know its hard as I would have probably taken things the same way.

Posted by Sola
i did email him, because although i love this site for gathering opinions, at the end of the day amy heart is what makes my decisions. It was very lighthearted and even though im a very private person, i will post it here (because its done now, i can regret it later)!!

Hello ****I hadnt wanted to get in touch with you for like the 3rd time over the last fortnight, but its only because its been on my mind so much that im just going to say it and thats me done (because im a woman and emotional, ha). Its seems like something got lost or miscommunicated last week, and i know i mentioned getting a bad vibe from you. Well, i think maybe im too sensitive and just not ready to be out again, because you actually didnt do anything that i could ever use against you that deserved me saying that. Truth is that its been 5 years since i met anyone new, and i just forgot about all the "etiquette"that goes with it. Anyway, its so embarrassing for me to do this, but you know, some things are just better off your chest. I hope you meet somebody nice soon x

ahhh i thought it would be lengthy. what is 'thats me done' ?

i also was expecting you to not take anything back, to say: i said i got a bad vibe from you because i'm used to being greeted when i haven't talked to someone for a while, even through text messaging. So it seemed to me that you didn't regard me warmly. and something about you already forgave him because you know he's busy and can't respond better.

idk i think people in prospective relationships want to know what they did wrong, thereby understanding you better. i dont like people to just blame themselves, it can be a bad habit and before you know it the person has pretty much lost their identity and has to get out of the relationship just to find themselves again.

i didnt blame myself, i just suggested that its all been too soon for me and that i need to clear up my own side. I know he isnt likely to respond, and in honestly, it would be far too awkward now anyway. If nothing i feel like ive the right thing by offering some kind of peace, and acknowledgement of misunderstanding.

^^^ I think it's only sweet if she means it. Parts of her "mean" it but them she turns around and calls him rude because he didn't respond to her. So, one could think she was only sending that email in anticipation of him responding to her.

It didn't work so now she's upset... and starts critizing him

She also mentions that she "forgot" the rules of etiquette... which again is not true. Her first post on this board was to check the rules of etiquette BEFORE the date. She forgot nothing..

She has also admitted that she "got what she wanted" by having him over for the second date sleeping with him. She wanted "the kind of bond that can only be had sexually". She said she had "no regrets" about it... which is again, not true because her attempt to "bond" did not result in the relationship she had expectations for.

I think her email was another "play" to get what she wants from this guy.. which is his focused attention and for him to respond to her the way she wants him too. I also think she is perplexed why he isn't... since he "isn't even her type" (great looking, lots of material things)

This is her frustration and confusion

Shell shocker, sorry but your post is idiotic..and i meant every word i put on there.

Posted by Sola
Shell shocker, sorry but your post is idiotic..and i meant every word i put on there.

which part is "idiotic"?

Posted by Sola
Maybe he didn't see the rudeness in his text like you did and then found it completely off-putting when you mentioned bad vibes??

But wouldnt you find that offensive, to me it felt like i was an option, rather than an interest.

I rarely chime in here, but I will...

The way I read this, you WERE an option, as you should be. He was with his daughter and she was the priority. I'm not going to pretend to know how Cancer's think--still learning, but I will say I know family is a priority. It should be for any parent Cancer or not. So that would be a no brainier for me. You failed to digest that he was hoping to spend time with you because you were so hung up on the fact that he didn't ask about your weekend. The man sounded like he was busy--but who the hell knows. I can be absent minded at times as well and have on occasion "ignored" when someone says "good morning" to me. Really I'm just too caught up in what's going on in my head. I'll just start rattling on and moments later realize--sh*t I didn't even say "hi" and later apologize/laugh it off. Sounds like you took his text as a slight, where none was intended. I also think you were expecting to take a particular seat in his life immediately after having sex and that was not established yet, at least not from what I read in this and your other thread. A man wouldn't be so easily slotted into my life after sex....so I'm not sure why you thought you would be.

Just my *proceed to read through the rest of thread*

Posted by Jynja

Posted by Sola
and also what would the red flag have been?

From your previous post:

1. Inconsiderate - he did say he wanted to spend time with his daughter. Did it occur to you he might have been so engaged with her, he didn't have too much time to respond, but he still tried to respond to you anyway?

2. Nagging - you went straight at him to say he was rude. Did you even ask why he didn't respond to your question about how his weekend was? Or was it just about you and your protocol?

3. Entitlement - why did you even think he had to respond to your question before saying what was up with him?

4. Slave-driver (I'd be scared to date a woman who came at me like that)

Just to name a few

click to expand

+1

Posted by Claro de Luna
The red flag could have been the negative response from you when he was being fairly neutral if not positive in his response by asking about the time it starts. He might immediately imagine more of those negative responses in future and be a bit perturbed by the thought.

+1 I would think this, and I would be out, never looking back.

He wasnt with his little girl on that day..he said he was GOING to be with her on the day i was suggesting meeting. Like i would take a huff over his child anyway, what are some of you people?

Look, the guy was over me 14 days ago, really (again) this was closure for me. I am grateful as ever for the advice, viewpoints etc.

Yeah, hes not into me..everybody gets that part (even me)!! I liked him before the sex, my feelings didnt intensify in any way after the event.

Yip, big sucks, but thats the way it goes.

Well, looky who it is!


Not to mention, still being the cookiemonster I remember. If you insist on hitting the club at your age, I would suggest you go kick (big) rocks with flipflops on. Say it ain't so, Sola. Say. It. Ain't. So.

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by Sola
Shell shocker, sorry but your post is idiotic..and i meant every word i put on there.

which part is "idiotic"?

click to expand

I wouldn't pay that any mind. Sola calling someone idiotic is like if Hellen Keller (sarcastically) asked if you were deaf.

Posted by ScorpSuperior
Well, looky who it is!


Not to mention, still being the cookiemonster I remember. If you insist on hitting the club at your age, I would suggest you go kick (big) rocks with flipflops on. Say it ain't so, Sola. Say. It. Ain't. So.

LMAO@If you insist on hitting the club at your age, I would suggest you go kick (big) rocks with flipflops on.

Lard give me strength!

I'm not familiar with Sola's story but Sola you are very intense, you definitely should learn patience, let the men come your way as in be the initiators which is an easy way to know if he's into you instead of you having to guess which can rear in feelings of discomfort and insecurity.

Although I don't think you're a desperate woman, the way you go about maneuvering though the dating process well you give off this desperation vibe that men can sense immediately, sometimes a woman's energy can send a man especially a feeling man like cancer out the door.

Learning how to not prioritize men to the point that you need to FOCUS intensely on that one persons behavior which evolves into you initiating a conversation (that he's not open for) which then evolves into you needing to initiate closure which isn't necessary for most situations.

Learning to stop making more mistakes after the one initial mistake would definitely work out in your favor, by stopping the behavior that reeks of desperation and instead focus your own life and on other men that ARE IN FRONT YOU--AVAILABLE which can stave off the bad feelings that lead you to write closure emails which can prevent you from making more mistakes and at the same time something magical happens, while you're doing your own thing, you allow space for the guys that are hesitant to trickle back into your life, that's if you want another opportunity to date the same guy again.

I also suggest you stop interpreting meaning behind text messages and the best way to do that is to not use text messaging as method of getting to know a man, use it sparingly in the beginning, once you lock down a commitment then of course use it more but during the courting phase communication can get crossed and kill it and end it before it gets off the ground.

If you have to communicate via text/online etc then try to withhold on making an assumptions because doing that translates into drama--being a drama queen--men don't like that.

Can we just define desperation? I gave the guy a WEEK between the only 2 texts that i sent him..how is that desperate or intense??
Up until the bad point, or communication was more or less 50/50. Desperation is the want of something when its all there is to have, just like food. I wanted the man, nobody else. He doesnt know my feelings apart from what i put down in the email, and even at that i didnt go into any major detail. The people on here know my feelings more than he ever did, because my analysis is displayed on these boards. And he didnt give me anything to analyze becuase he has remained silent the whole time, apart from one shitty little text a week ago.

Posted by Claro de Luna
30 is the new 20, didn't y'all know? I sure as hell don't have my knitting needles out yet.

40 is the new 20. But, black light basement parties are "where it's at", as the young folk say. Who needs a club?!

2 text INITIATED by you can reek of desperation, women that have options don't initiate text messages nor do they attempt to initiate communication of any kind. Why? She doesn't have to because she has other options and here's the thing, MEN KNOW THIS ALREADY, men know that if he doesn't come for you as in INITIATE DATES/INITIATE COMMUNICATION quickly that his chances of having you are ZERO and for that reason alone he won't allow too much time to pass if he's interested. He know if he wants to minimize the risk of losing your interest HE HAS TO DO SOMETHING and again MEN KNOW THIS so when you chase them through initiating contact not once but twice well he begins to smell that desperation odor all over you and what follows is this, he won't do anything because he'd be encouraging you to chase him, men don't want to be chased, NOT REAL MEN. The initiator is the chaser.

He know you exist so there isn't a need to contact him again after the first initial text, doing so is like the equivalent of saying WHOOO HOOOO OVER HERE, HERE I AM, it's nudging, it's annoying so he remains silent.

You sent him 2 text messages and initiated closure telling him you messed up and a gut reaction to that is "ewww ugh her--if I say nothing she'll move on" because that's how you make men feel inside when you start blathering on about misunderstandings.

Something very important to remember is you see and do things one way and he FEELS what you're doing another way and the feelings you're creating in him are not in your favor. 2 initiated text is 2 too many, he got the first text message so sending another one is reeking.

Again I don't think you're a desperate woman but you have poor relationship habits that send men running in the other direction, what feels right to you and makes sense to you can come across all wrong to a him, he's not saying anything to you because your behavior isn't attractive, he's not going to reward you unattractive behavior with more attention if he senses needy, that would be encouraging you to be the initiator in the courting and clearly that's not what he wants to experience.

OPTIONS ARE NO USE IF YOU ARENT INTERESTED IN THEM!! Christ what part dont you get about that? And again, thats fine that each individual has their own approach to dating and all the "rules" that go with it. In my mind we are nothing other than incompatible, i did nothing wrong, in obviously in his mind neither did he.

It strange that on this very forum Cancerians stress that they test to see how you care by waiting for you to show it. BULLSHIT advice if it simply comes down to an opinion on desperation.

Posted by Sola
OPTIONS ARE NO USE IF YOU ARENT INTERESTED IN THEM!! Christ what part dont you get about that? And again, thats fine that each individual has their own approach to dating and all the "rules" that go with it. In my mind we are nothing other than incompatible, i did nothing wrong, in obviously in his mind neither did he.

It strange that on this very forum Cancerians stress that they test to see how you care by waiting for you to show it. BULLSHIT advice if it simply comes down to an opinion on desperation.

LOL, chileeeee some of these girls will put out ish to make u feel a "hi how u doing" initiated to your male interest is the most evillllll, desperate, bitchiess, demanding thing everrrrrrrr in life.

Ive been on these forums before asking for advice for my situation with a Cancer male and some of these people just KNEW he was done with me, I was PURE EVIL for letting it be known that my emotional needs are relevant, I was desperate for saying , "I've missing u, wanna chill soon" , WEAK for being understanding of his feelings, and b/c he doesnt respond to some text hes just not that into me.

Some time later he invites me over for dinner and wine, comes clean that the pulling away had to do with a combination overwhelming feelings for me (which I, III KNEW) and being in a mentally confusing time in life. Currently rebuilding our friendship and in a great space.

In my experience Cancer men are the biggest sweethearts. Immediately , understandably the normal response to getting ignored is "hes not that into me". It's also possible that he(or a future man) GENUINELY feel guilty about hurting your feelings and not coming 100% correct. Or just processing. My Cancer man told me he admired my strength, kindness and understanding through the turbulence. That I didnt become bitter, cold , and stay having a chip on my shoulder, like MOST would and stayed showing him love. They often feel misunderstood. Showing them loyalty even through the bad times can actually SET U APART from the pack.

Up to you if u decide its worth seeing if there can be compromise, understanding. Doesnt make you weak. Potentially will have your Cancer man value you as special.

There may be other fish in the sea, but YOUR HEART knows what fish it wants and , YOUR values know how often those kind of fish that make u feel that way come around, YOUR LIFE determines how much time u

are willing to waste on mediocrity/fronting/bull ish vs investing in something special.

I'm not gonna pretend like I know every single detail of your ordeal, nor do I wanna give u false hope (i'll chime in more specifically hopefully when I get the time) but for now just wanna say, YOU know your situation better than ANY of us. Not saying dont listen to some with the "desperate" talk, b/c it is great knowledge to be aware of, but PLEASE.... there is not a universal man brain, heart, nor does every man share the same life experience.

Be open, but dont ever let some hollywood romantic drama view on love make u bitter, cold , or be fake and not show ur man (especially Cancer man) u are genuine and they are appreciated.

Tv, movies, and guide books may tell u other wise but in love there is no 1+1=2, no rules, cuz not everyone shares the same life experience.


Like I said, would love to give more insight/advice specifically, but from girl whos been through the ringer on here and who isnt so cruel to front on a hot special man to another, you CAN get rewarded and appreciated for it. Dont feel down, best of luck.

if u'd like/prefer feel free to pm me

What I did notice though is you ended an email to him with "hope you meet someone nice".
Dont know if u are truly over him, but if you are not, then don't be. "Hope you meet someone nice" translates to "Im over this situation" and just because hes not replying like in the beginning doesn't mean he's over you. Before I would rush to giving him a pass to be over you I would suggest taking some good time to think, and send a nice email saying ur feelings, misunderstandings, and letting him know the door is open should he be interested in pursuing. If he is this special and great dont let your pride/anger at the moment f up what could be a good thing. I wouldnt call u desperate or tell u for sure that he views u this way, but agree with some on here and say calming down, taking a breather, and accessing is good.

OMG, I think i heart you rudescorpiooooooooo

Lord...this BS is till goin' on...

NAh, it ended ages ago...

Yep the desperation reeeks, calling him rude then turning around and sending him a closure letter well that's rude, chasing a Cancer is not going to work, it's a difference between displaying affection, patience, kindness, love even if he's being introverted verses calling him a name because he's not reacting/responding to the way you want/need him to. And yes she became bitter and cold, that was what the closure letter/text/email (whatever way it was communicated) was about, she can't hack it when he's pulling all the way back so of course she should bail out if she can't hang, this can go on for months, years, she's 30 count it up.