Need more info on Cancer male

I am still trying to figure out this Cancer guy I've been seeing for a month. Do they usually say things they don't mean? He told me he wasn't wanting anything serious, but my gosh, he contacts me every weekend and we spend 3 - 4 days together and he just really seems like he's into me. He also has made many "I love you," "I'm falling into you" statements when drunk (which I know he doesn't mean literally being drunk and all, but maybe there's something to it?). He actually accused ME of pushing/pulling him and told me that I'm hard to figure out. Whenever we are together he is VERY attentive to my wants/needs and is constantly affectionate. Any advice? Just forget him and move on or keep seeing him and see what happens? I have definitely tried to put a hault on any feelings bc I know I'm just asking to be hurt. Help please!

i think when people say things when they are drunk, that is when their true feelings come out.
i could be wrong, but i dont think i am lol

REALLY?! Thanks Lil.ladie.taurus - that made my night! LOL Though I don't think he loves me since he's only known me a month, but maybe at least he's starting to have feelings for me??

I'd prefer if the guy said it only if he was pretty sure he meant it. Otherwise he's screwing with you in a way. That's how I feel anyway. My guy said that and it did not correspond much if at all with his behaviour or attitude towards me. Now if you say this to a woman and you don't mean it at all, what exactly does that say about your feelings towards this woman? Do you think she's stupid or deserves to be lied to?

Sorry help I'm posing this statement to myself but yeah contrary to what Lil.ladie.taurus says I think you should pretty much disregard what your guy says when he's pissed. I mean, was he slurring it when he said it?

when my ex cancer (14yrs marriage)and i first met, things were totally intense for the 1st 6 months...it was like no holding back on emotions what so ever...
cancer men can be very affectionate, on their own terms. relax, sit back and enjoy the ride..cause you are in for one. my ex is a great guy..just not the "one" for me. the things i admired so much in him, were the things i left because of in the end.

MellowDee - Yeah, I don't like when someone says that without meaning it and I know he didn't bc we haven't known each other long enough. I'm just hoping it means he does have some sort of feelings for me and that's how it came out when he was drinking. It happened 2 different times. He wasn't slurring but was really drunk when he kept saying he loved me. But the second time, he wasn't that drunk and he said he was falling into me and wanted to melt into me. lol What's weird is his ACTIONS are showing he likes me - (holds my hand, always rubbing on my leg, back, etc., seems to want to please me and he kisses me constantly) it's the saying he doesn't want anything serious that I don't get.

menbay12 - Hmmm well, it's definitely intense with the passion and everything and we can't stop kissing - BUT he doesn't SAY anything about his emotions. He just shows me in actions and then says something contrary (he doesn't want anything serious). lol He is VERY affectionate though. So do you think from your experience, it seems like he might be into me and is just playing aloof with his words or something?

That sounds quite similar to the cancer guy I've been seeing. But I need more. I'd actually prefer if he didn't lead me on by being so faux affectionate because of course it's gonna make the other person think he considers you as special. I'm just about to break up with my guy actually cos I'm feeling unhappy with the way it is as I'd prefer to be alone than to wonder why my guy doesn't want to speak to me.

Good luck with your guy help. Maybe his head is screwed on much better.

I think it's too early to start worrying over putting labels on the relationship. Just let it take its course. Just my personal opinion 🙂

Yeah good point RP. You're not so nuts if you ask me 😉

help..
it has only been a month. if you like the way things are going, relax and enjoy. if he starts to pull away, play hard to get..a little. somethings are worth waiting for and mean so much more when you finally hear them.
"i love you"- anyone can say, but if know there is some serious thought behind the feeling, it means so much more.

MellowDee - SO you think the affection could be fake? If THAT is the case, I don't want to even play this out and see where it goes. That's just playa BS! Hugs to you - I'm sorry he has made you unhappy 😢

RaisingPeanuts - Yeah, I wouldn't normally worry about putting a label on anything this early, it's just him saying ALREADY he doesn't want anything serious that is putting me off bc if he is CERTAIN nothing will come of it, what's the point you know?

menbay12 - Yeah, I know it hasn't been that long and I would normally relax and enjoy. I just don't want to start something if he KNOWS it is never going anywhere - you know? I don't want to waste my time if there is zero chance. I don't want to hear "I love you" yet - WAY too soon. I was just wondering if when he said he didn't want anything serious if he meant that bc I don't want to waste my time on something that is SURE to go nowhere.

UPDATE: He called and left a message last night telling me he was thinking of me and wondering what I'm doing this weekend. THAT is not an FB (bootie call) thing right??!! Calling on a Wednesday for weekend plans?? WTF?! LOL

only way i can see myself getting a FB is if i thought it could be more.

Yeah, guess that's essentially what I am doing fiddlesticks. LOL Wait, are you a cancer? Are you saying maybe he hasn't been thinking FB all along?

that's what i'm saying... but only he knows

"Yeah good point RP. You're not so nuts if you ask me"

- I know! hah! Thank you very mucho 🙂


"Yeah, I wouldn't normally worry about putting a label on anything this early, it's just him saying ALREADY he doesn't want anything serious that is putting me off bc if he is CERTAIN nothing will come of it, what's the point you know?"

- I see that, but you also mentioned that he accused you of pushing/pulling him. It may be by your actions or even by just constantly thinking about it... you're sending out the signals. It's miscommunication really.

He likes you but might feel a little pressured or rushed... even if it's just him. That is why he told you that. I'm saying this because I've done it before... I liked the guy but felt rushed, pulled out the ol "I just wanna be friends" line to halt him and still have him around. I just didn't want HIM to invest in me while I felt undecided. Certainly didn't expect him to stick around if he didn't want to but I liked him enough that I knew there was a chance for it to grow... we were dating... I just didn't call it that. Obviously, not in love or worried about losing him. Pressure, even in your mind can create panic and send someone running lol

It just sounds to me that if he's investing his time and effort and your intuition says he likes you... then he must.

He did give you a warning though... so proceed with caution. Relax and enjoy it for what it is. Have you had sex with him? DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM... hmmm unless you did... he's still being attentive... good news... yay!

i don't sleep with women unless there is a deep emotional connection... thought this was common for all cancers

I'm very doubtful that's all cancers.

you're right peanuts.....we're male w h o r e s.....its just that when we DO love and commit, its usually deep.....we tend to take everybody that we don't consider to be the "one" for granted. If a cancer isn't trying to marry you, he probably doesn't think much of you for the long term....if that's ok with you (bc you may feel the same or less about him) then great....but ladies don't be delusional about what this very telling sign means!

CancerLa are you June or July?

What does it mean "trying to marry you?" I've had a Cancer in and out of my life for the past ten years. Finally broke it off with him three years ago and didn't talk again until this past summer. We talked on the phone every few days for hours for lots for months, got together once and hung out and he said "ILY" out of the blue. Never would say it all those other years when I did. Then we slept together, and now months later he's sending mixed signals...sometimes "ILY" (only twice so far, when drinking but I think he means it on some level) and sometimes "friends" and sometimes asking questions about how I view marriage. He bought me gifts too for Christmas, some bath stuff, candles, perfume and yeah, he's cooked for me. Did it in the past, though, too, even though he'd disappear without a trace eventually and keep returning.

All of this leaves me confused, unable to trust, unable to really feel any love or express it if I eventually do feel it. He's consistent in his behaviors (calls all the time, regularly) but I'm thinking we're really just friends and having the secks too soon really ruined our chances. To be fair, I'm pretty inconsistent with my responses and emotions as well, when it comes to him, due to lots of reasons.

Any advice from anyone? I'm thinking of friend-zoning for now.

If you can handle this kinda of mixed signal kinda stuff and have patience then yeah keep doing what you're doing. If you think he's worth the wait then I'd say it will pay off. But otherwise suit yourself.

All of this leaves me confused, unable to trust, unable to really feel any love or express it if I eventually do feel it. He's consistent in his behaviors (calls all the time, regularly) but I'm thinking we're really just friends and having the secks too soon really ruined our chances. To be fair, I'm pretty inconsistent with my responses and emotions as well, when it comes to him, due to lots of reasons.


MISSNOMERFISHIE,i kno what u mena, im the exact same way with my cancer male friend, hes been in and out fo my life for 7 years now... each time he dissapears and then comes back, our relationship goes a step further... im with another man right now, and am focusing on him, but whenever this cancer male comes abck into my life it leaves me curious.
i look at it as just friends....with a special bond ... if he really did wnat to be with u, he would have committed to u.... i think he is jus unable to let go ebcuase there is indeed some feelings, but not strong enuff for u to be the one, or maybe he still tryna figure it out. know knwos. but definatley still frined zone in my opinion.

dont mind my horrible typing. lol

hi mellowdee I'm July, 2nd deacon

"Any advice from anyone? I'm thinking of friend-zoning for now."

missnomerfishie...

my guess is that he's always thought you were special but was being critical about some flaw he perceived so he never really pursued the higher level with you. Then with some time apart and possibly some bad experiences to compare you to he now sees you in that light, although its possibly that he sees you that way reluctantly out of default of not finding anything better. That's my take....not the gospel but probably an 85% shot with a typical crab man....

"He bought me gifts too for Christmas, some bath stuff, candles, perfume and yeah, he's cooked for me. Did it in the past, though, too, even though he'd disappear without a trace eventually and keep returning."

These are not special things to do from a cancer perspective, they are basic. For a cancer man if you're screwing him (or he you rather lol....or maybe not? I won't ask....ANYWAY...)for as long as you are warming up that extra spot on the bed you will get the treatment that someone more permanent would expect.

THIS DOES NOT MEAN that he sees YOU as permanent.

Key point here. Like i said before when a cancer truly feels he has found something he will pull out all the stops to "lock it down" with his crab claws before anyone else that may be eligible notices his jewel and comes snooping around trying to compete for the prize. If he ain't doin that, baby....it ain't serious. So during those times like i said before you were special but not "IT" based on some flaw he felt he saw (we are way overcritical about mates just not vocal about it...we just won't move forward...but we WILL stay for fun because....well....its FUN!)

also as ladie.taurus said don't underestimate that many most cancers have a difficult time completely letting go of people with ANYTHING salvageable or redeemable about them....even when we've realized it won't work. However in your case I don't think that's it...I think that you are the victim of a reluctant (by default) change of heart. And more than likely whatever he didn't like about you he'll never tell you because its probably something that you are aware of and that causes pain for you and he doesn't want to be a "bad guy" and add to the pain you've already suffered from hearing about it...

Thanks cancerLA. All of what you wrote makes tremendous sense! And what lil.ladie said also.

i gotta chime in here and agree with the cancer boys and what they've said. i've been with a few cancers, they seem to be my favs. when they want you, you KNOW it. my guy, after pouncing, was talking marriage right away. i made him wait for another 6 months, just to make sure there were no issues i couldn't deal with. plus, we worked out some things. cancers hang onto old relationships that ought to be ended straight out. they have trouble doing that if they feel the person needs them. also, a cancer is still a man, and if you're willing to provide various things, dates or pleasant company, sex, etc. why not keep you around. these guys tho are the marrying kind. the committment kind. my guy has never had casual sex. he's almost 40. he's had waaay less lovers than me, and all of them were serious live in lovers. he has no interest in casual. in fact, after 2 years of friendship, we finally took the plunge and he gave me a very special t shirt of his the next day. i knew very well he was planning our future and picking out china in his heart. he was smart enough and knew me well enough to be patient and let me catch up tho. so, you might want to hold off on falling in love with this guy.

REDHEDGURL.. theres one thing u said that really scared me.....

cancers hang onto old relationships that ought to be ended straight out. they have trouble doing that if they feel the person needs them.

it got me to thinking that maybe thats why he stuck around. after all, after he wnated to push me out of his life i kept clawing my way back in, and he finally accepted.
and i remmeber a long time ago we had a converstaion where i told him: when im with u, i learn so much, i look up to u.
and he said: this may sound mena, but thats why i cnat be around u all the time, u hold me back.

hmmm. ok, a conversation my guy and i had: he-i can't be in a relationship with someone who needs me. that can't go anywhere, i never know if they're with me because they want me, or need me. if the girl can stand on her own, if i don't complete her, but am an equal partner, standing beside her and she's got her own life, well, that's the only way i can be with someone. it's the only way to be sure a woman actually likes me, for me. (remember, cancer's need tons of approval and validation)

his ex, who promted this discussion, was a "needer." manipulated her way into his house and then contined to be clingy and hysterical and needy. over a year later and she's still trying to hang on to him. he married me tho. the perky, lively, flirty and fun girl who clearly doesn't need him or anyone. but chooses to come home to him everynight. i think this is the distinction. course, he may mean something else entirely. maybe just showing him that he's wanted, but not needed will do the trick....

thats makes total sense to me.
ive always been the one to hound him, n wnat to see him, i even used the word "need" on several occasions.
lol
god im pathetic. lol

yeah, i think pisces is right. cancers just can't seem, by and large, to just flow as much. there are exceptions of course. there always are. but these guys are not whim based creatures. they like security. they like the homefires and homecooked meals. they plan for down the road, and enjoy doing so. i live totally in the moment, cause that makes sense to me. how the hell do i know what's going to be going on next year? and i wear my guy out sometimes. we go out and do lot's more than he's used to. but i usually always keep it light. fun. these guys pick up moods like i can't believe. what you project, they'll feel. light, fun, loving and easy seems to bring out the best in my guy. and flirt!! just kinda back off, and flirt and joke, and be kinda breezy sexy. compliment the heck outta him, but be offhand about it. he'll probably love that. oh, word to the wise! don't poke fun of them too much. they take it serious. they think you're saying what you really mean. and remember, like picses said, patience. i knew my husband for two years before we took the couplehood plunge.
long story, but right when i realized i had fallen for him, was ready to tell him that we had to break up the friendship cause i was getting too involved, he sweeps me off my feet. whatever. now, he's the most devoted and tender and irritating and moody man of my dreams!!

oh, and having the courage to love someone and go after that love with focus and gusto is not pathetic, it's called living and being human. i admire you more for that than if you were cautious and wouldn't take the risk. i say: you go gurl.

prettypisces24 hit on a MAJOR point:

Cancers (at least when we decide we are at a point where we're ready for commitment---"our light is on" as Miranda would say on Sex and the City lol) will immediately take our own minds through the ringer trying to see if you could be "the one" if we like you. We really don't like wasting too much time with anyone who couldn't be "the one" either.

I'm the same way. If I don't see serious long term potential in someone we won't past two real dates....the most I'll allow is screwing and casual hanging out from time to time when I have nothing better to do if I feel like I'm dealing with someone who won't be "IT" for me.

And if someone gets past those 1st two dates still in the "potential" category...if/when they get enough marriage-potential "demerits" later down the road (with me usually sooner t han later) I will IMMEDIATLY lose all interest in dating them).

I just think: why should we be bothered about waiting it out to see if we have been deemed "the one" or given the red card? Seriously, that's so much like "we are not worthy" crap. If a man is going to make you run rings around yourself and think you're going crazy and question your own self worth, HE IS NOT WORTH IT. If someone thinks they have the right to make you feel like crap, they are not worth any effort from you.

In my case, I reckon it's subconscious stuff coming into play. Like in my case with my cancer ex, initially I was more or less ignoring or else deflecting his advances but then the moment I started acquiescing to him and realise that I actually quite liked him, I noticed after a few weeks of tender sex, sweet sentiments, that he was not so eager anymore, not replying to my texts, not returning my calls. And I wonder is it because somewhere inside himself *he* didn't feel worth it? So when he felt that I was coming on to me he automatically backed off without perhaps consciously being aware of it.

I don't know for sure what was his motivation for behaving the way he did. The bottom line for me is that he hurt me. And I had to walk away from him.

That is the only question we should be asking here when we're trying to find out about our possible love interests: it's whether they are showing us respect. This, above all else, shows whether the guy is into you. You SHOULD NOT be thinking how you should deprive yourself or go out of your way or endure tests of self deprivation to find out if you are worthy of his respect or not.

You should put yourself FIRST and the only sign you should look for is if he rates you highly too and if not, then he's not "the one" for you.

prettypisces24 for a man who truly loves his mother to tell you remind him of her is the BIGGEST compliment you could get! Congratulations!

Hey, cancerLA, please check your email inbox. 🙂

I just did....so glad I could be of help to you!!!