Please HELP..Head over heels for that Cancerian :(

Hello, :-)

I am afraid it is only my emotions and desires that mislead me to believe in fairytales ? love at first sight..... But I guess it's the Cancerian's magic...
So, I turn to you asking for help, as my last resolve before I loose any remaining common sence... I desperately need to know if I have a chance, if it is worth trying for that guy.

I am Libra with rising in Cancer, and his Sun is Cancer. We are both 23, and we met 2 months ago in University. I was immediately drawn to him, felt such attraction for the first time in my life, - usually I NEVER GO HEAD OVER HEELS !
I think he was attracted, too - could think so as he was looking at me often, listening when I speak, it was him who initiated contact with my friends, so we started hanging out together .
I know I am attractive for men (when they first see me), but with strangers I appear too serious, difficult , never go in for a flirt... while in reality I am terribly shy and insecure...
He tried to get closer to me at first, but I closed off, bc with his behavior he made me feel so insecure... He was playing the "macho" type, talking , flirting, inquiring about girls. And, he never flirted with me... that flirting stuff made me close off, and even turn hostile to him in some occasions. Usually I just ignored him, pretending to not notice him at all whenever I felt hurt and with low self-esteem?
I did decide however one night in a club to show him I like him... to talk to him. After that we grew closer, had coffee. He turned out to be so much different when alone with me...
BUT, I had decided to claim I am not good for a relationship now, but a sexual one would do just perfect... ( I was speaking in general, not for me and him) - it was habit, and by fear of rejection - as he was not showing what he wanted from me... and yet, I could't resist him. Actually all my relationships for the past 2 years were only sexual ? I couldn't find a man to fall in love with, till I met him. Didn't say that, though...
So, we had sex one day soon after that in his place... It all happened so naturally, it was the most magical and soul- touching experience in my life. I can't believe it was not special for him, too, or that he didn't notice from the beginning how attracted I was. My friends did notice, as this is too uncommon for me

We see each other at the University, and he is acting like it never happened. Which is in turn hurting me, and making me close off. We never spoke about that day, neither me nor him... only that we will do it again.

He stopped initiating contacts with me after that, stopped calling, writing ( as he did before) - whenever I write to him in Facebook or an sms, he always replies quickly?
It even seems he tries to avoid remaining alone with me, speaking to me in a personal conversation.. He will never sit even close to me.
And yet, he is searching my presence ( I can see that), he is acting strangely ? looking over excited, happy all time with everyone else but me? I catch his eyes way too often (and he always looks aside in these cases). He is no longer bragging the girls, though, which is a relief. :-)

And now... something is telling me this is not a common sexual attraction - is has to be deeper for both of us... And yet - could it be only my desire and needs telling me that?
How do Cancerians handle "only sexual" affairs? Is it possible that he falls in love with me? Should I go on, or let go?

Please, if anyone is patient enough to read all that drama, please do share your opinion with me - I am so confused, that I need every peace of advice and common sense from you...

first of all funny_girl is a good name but from what you described you don't seem to match your name. we cancers love laughter and love to joke around. being a cancer male i can only tell you from my perspective. how do cancers handle sexual affairs? with me i can seperate sexual affairs from actual feelings i have for someone i am interested more in than just casual sex. i can see sex for what it is and detach myself from the feelings in order to fulfill a need. but having said that i can say that there had to be something there to begin with. i had to be attracted to you in some sort of way to begin with. is it possible that he falls in love with me? all i can say is anything is possible but that decision is his. should i go on or let go? that decision is yours. i saw that you both are 23 which to me is very young. i made plenty of mistakes at that age that i regeretted but were made in order for me to learn what i know now. so as uncomfortable as it seems right now my best advice is to talk about what you both want. at your age game playing and guessing games are the norm but to truly know what one wants one must ask and seek. you dont know what he wants until you ask and he doesn't until he asks you..my advice is to communicate and be honest..good luck and if you need more advice please ask..also not to judge but please stop having sexual relatioships..you are worth more than that so start beliving and respecting yourself..just my opinion but i think your self esteem issues are preventing you from having a meaningful relationship that is why you are hiding behind a sexual relationships. you know what to expect so you don't have to put yourself out there...again just my opinion from what you wrote..

Cansir, thank you for your reply and advices. :-)

I know in that case Funny Girl is not a match for me - and I used it in self - ironic sense...
When I am relaxed and feeling good - I can be a lot of fun to be around for partying, joking, amusment, talking... So yes, I do love a good laughter, warmth and connecting with people...
Trouble is - I can act like that with everyone else but him... He must have noticed it, too.
Now, about the sexual affairs... I know first impression I make is NOT for one-night stand - it has always been my choice and doing, to get some human warmth and touch and hugs, to deal with loneliness crisis so to say ( which happen quite rarely).
Normally - I am fine being on my own, waiting for a man to really love - and give everything to him... I do not think it proper to create false impressions, to play with people's feelings - and when I know i will not love them, why should I mislead them? (just for the record - I did have one or two fulfilling relationships - they lasted for years, so I know love :-)))

Still, mind games and all that guessing does bother me. When I am in - I am in it completely. I played the sexual stuff, because this is what he seemed to want... And then he began speaking about soul mates and marriage, and family. He was also surprised at the way can talk - understanding each other with only half a word, discussing everything, joking and laughing and having fun... Just being ourselves...
But as I read your reply, I began to wonder - is it possible that he sees me the way you did? That he is uncertain what to expect from me? Quite possible, so I can't blame him for hiding away...

Which leaves me with only one decision - to let go, but remain close and try to show him the real me - as much as possible... To let him understand me and decide... So yes, I will take this advice from you (thank you - you did made me think over my behavior! :-)) and show him what I want and try to not push too hard - more like a friend, not as a lover...

Yes - I do have a question, though...

Is it possible that he is hiding away due to personal issues? He lost his wonderful job due to the crisis less than a month ago (banks are reducing their employees) and he is feeling very low for that matter.

Mostly because he had not thought of saving (which is normal, he is too young indeed), and I know he will get out of this crisis and he will be prepared next time for everything... I completely understand - and told him so.

Could this be stopping him? Even though I let him know it is not important - I just need more time with him alone, not parties and movies, etc...

Could this be all-so-important for him?
I truly can't understand such priorities, as I am much more a spiritual personality than material girl ( though I did make sure to have enough money aside for all occasions, just in case..).

P.S. English is not my native language and its difficult to express myself with fewer words...
So, apologize for all that blubber... :-))

hey funny girl glad you are thinking things over and i hope you don't think i was judging you. i was merely stating what i thought from what you wrote. yes there could be many reasons for him hiding and job loss is certainly one of them. the reason that is important to him is that we cancers love security. we love security in all parts of our lives ex..financial, emotional,etc..securities. when we have a lot on our plate we tend to hide away in our shells to formulate some sort of game plan or to just sulk. again i should say i since i can't speak for all cancers. give him some space, give it some time and continue being you..if he likes you and feels the connection he will come around. also, if that is your picture you having nothing to worry about. you look hot to me :-)

Well you went into it with sex only, he had his sex there isn't much more to know about you, I don't say that to be mean, it's more of you decided for the both of you which direction things would go between you both, now you changed your mind...way too confusing and contradicting, he probably feels it's way too much work to deal with a woman that doesn't know what she wants

Thank you, Cansir, for your kind words. :-) Yes, it is me in the picture.
And you know what? I didn't like at all what you first wrote me - but the more I thought - the more I figured people can't know what my motives for (not) taking an action are... So, it was good to see myself from a stranger's perspective. And... well, I have a lot to learn ...

Both Leokitten & Tiki33 are right (no offense taken, but it does give me pain ;-( )It all looks so silly now... so thoughtless. Fear I guess is a bad counselor...

And it is so hard to let it go... I truly like him and I want to fight for what I want. But is fighting the best choice now? Don't think so...

Haven't spoken to him today, haven't written him. Keep myself logged off from everything. And, as I expected - he didn't try to reach me. We will not be seeing each other for the next 20 days or so.. ( but we live in the same city, so all he has to do is call). 😢

Still, one last question remained - is it worth telling him (in an e-mail, no other way) bout how I feel? I am a Libra and I do fear rejection, but maybe I would risk it... this time.

Yet, they say Cancerians have strong intuition... I just figured he sees my inside and he knows it all. But what if he doesn't?
Should I tell him?

If it was me I wouldn't email him explaining because it always feels like convincing a man to want more, which shows your not comfortable with who you are as a woman, selling yourself isn't required, there was something about you that drew him forward, he will be back so no emails about feelings, you will feel terribly rejected if he doesn't respond and men have a hard time processing feelings, he will feel pressure and most likely withdraw from you which again makes a woman feel tons worse and desperate. You will have another opportunity with him, wait until he's open, he's initiating contact with you and then you can have a do over with him. Right now everything is tender and an email full of feelings will just make things more complicated.

Do you really think he's gonna initiate—?Then be PATIENT as that day might never come ......you hurt him in situation where he was not at fault so expecting him to initiate and comeback has a rare chance.......the connection between you and him must be still there and he's feeling it.......he's trying to move on away from you as he see's no possible future relationship with you.......and from my personal experience i[CANCERIAN] can tell you that i can never remain same old good friends with a serious crush/ex who i cannot see a possible future with......and i do the exact same ignoring thing that your man does.......Try to sort out things fast before he moves on to someone else.......
NO OFFENSE INTENDED

FG sex doesn't mean relationship and women nest and bond with a man very quickly, so what your feeling isn't necessarily what he feels which is very misleading, I'm not saying he doesn't like you or want more BUT he has to say it and show it or it means nothing, any man can respond to a woman but to show her by initiating is to know he wants more with you, if he's not calling you, texting you, emailing you, seeking for you then he's not as interested as you may want him to be, I would suggest you go live your life, their will be another opportunity to communicate with him. You have been initiating contact first and your still confused, in order to stop feeling confused you have to back off a bit

"FG sex doesn't mean relationship and women nest and bond with a man very quickly, so what your feeling isn't necessarily what he feels which is very misleading, I'm not saying he doesn't like you or want more BUT he has to say it and show it or it means nothing, any man can respond to a woman but to show her by initiating is to know he wants more with you, if he's not calling you, texting you, emailing you, seeking for you then he's not as interested as you may want him to be, I would suggest you go live your life, their will be another opportunity to communicate with him. You have been initiating contact first and your still confused, in order to stop feeling confused you have to back off a bit"

Ofcourse he wants more and ignorance is a sign of him wanting more.......A girl tells a guy i just want a sexual relationship and no more than that.......Then what do you expect from a guy with a good amount of self-respect—?You girls seem to ignore cancer's worst trait "FEAR OF REJECTION".......and more than self-respect its this fear of rejection which is holding him from initiating......Im not saying that you initiating contact is a good option.......but the only option i see if things stand a chance to work......or you can simply move on and forget him!!

FG take into consideration what tejas is saying, initiate and let us know how that works out for you

Ok, so - I've decided ( damn, it's sooo difficult for us Libras to reach a decision...)

Anyway I feel like I've lost all my chances with him - so, I will not loose anything if a make one last attempt.
Usually, I do agree with tiki33 - men should make the first move, show their interest, etc...
It was only my intuition that lead me to believe there was something deeper than what he showed... and that gave me courage to make the first move.

I am confused now, and no longer that certain. So, I am writing to him, telling him honestly what happened from my point of view, without expecting anything in return.

Thus at least I can move on ...

Ok, so - just a quick update after I wrote him... Just in case anyone would have the same dilemma.
I only wrote him a short mail - telling him what happened between us was much more than just sex, and acknowledging it was me who took matters into that direction ( as I think he wouldn't have done it otherwise).
Telling him I request and expect nothing from him, as before... just to start the New Year clean...

Well, his reply was very gentle and kind, he understands me and is ok with that. Not ready for another relationship now (as he broke up in august). Everything is clean and settled between us, etc...

Well, this is it and I am calm now, although it will take some time to get over it... He is wonderful, no matter what.

Wish me luck 😢

Uh oh you got Tiki started on this one! I didn't read all the posts but I wouldn't ask anything or say anything to him at this point! I wouldn't text write or call him! He will come around on his own trust me and then if you want to know how he feels ask! Its not guaranteed you'll get a strait answer though! You just have to sit it out... And if he doesn't come back around oh well his loss!

Hi, honeygirl, and thank you for your reply. 🙂 It came too late, I'm afraid, as I had already written and got a reply. (You can see above in my post) - I thought it was over. 😢

BUT, HE DID CALL ME! Boy, I was so surprised! He actually invited me to go with him in the countryside for 4 days, to have a New Year party! 🙂 It is a small group of friends of his- only guys and one couple. I don't know them yet and I'd love to meet them. 🙂
He did tell me to bring a friend if I want to (I think we was hoping I can bring along some girls?), but I can't - everyone has plans already.

I gave him a final reply the day after - since I already had planned something else, I had to see if I can cancel it (and I had to think it over 🙂).
He seemed glad I am coming, he tried hard to convince me how nice it would be. 🙂

Still, I am a bit worried, as I would be all alone, I only know him and nobody else, and I don't know what is our relationship now - are we just friends, lovers, what?

Please advice, what do you think- shall I have new hope? Can he have deeper feelings for me? How should I behave, friendly, or more seductive? What shall I do? 🙂

Oh, but I am so excited! 🙂)) and really looking forward for some replies and advices, as I feel like I'm gonna explode soon. 🙂))

Thank you for your replies, UC and LK.

Yes, I do feel like I'm setting myself up again - I still have that bad feeling, as he did not wanna see me not ever once before we leave on Tuesday, he didn't call me after I said I was coming... So, I can't help feeling low. 😢

And yet - I want it so badly, I just can't give up, not yet.

Yes, I know we will get physical, but I do hope I will also have the chance to talk to him, tell him what I truly need and seek from a man, tell him also that even for sexual relationship - I need fidelity, only me, only him. (yes, Leokitten, I AM NOT OK WITH OPEN RELATIONSHIPS).
But what does a serious relationship mean - for me it is living together, making plans for the future, having it all. And we can't have that - we are both too young, and in our country - it is even more difficult for young people to have plans for the future. 😢

Still, a part of me is hoping he will love me, once he gets to know me better... And I will have 4 days do show him ... myself. Is it mission impossible? Just have to try... 😢

I agree with LK.......draw a line and decide what kind of a future u want with this cancerian—?Avoid sex but continue flirting and he'll be chasing you in 2009.......wish you luck!!!!!