Question for my fellow Cancers...

Have you ever been in a relationship and you were head over heels in love, but it was so emotionally draining that you started lose interest and your feelings faded?

THAT IS HOW I FEEL, I FALL IN LOVE IN THE BEGINNING HEAD OVER HEALS AND THEN I OOSE INTEREST, I AM A SCORPIO BUT MY MOON IS IN CANCER......THE GUY I AM IN LOVE WITH IS A CANCER AND HE HAS A VERY HARD TIME RECEIVING MY LOVE, I FIND IT SO DRAINING, IF I TRY TO LET HIM IN ABOUT HOW I FEEL, HE BACKS OFF COMPLETELY AS IF HE WAS SCARED OR SOMETHING AND HE HAS BEEN DOING THIS FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS.......I THINK HE KNOWS THAT TOO AND HE IS TRYING TO DO EXACTLY THE OTHER WAY AROUND, DETACHED IN THE BEGINNING AND THEN WITH TIME ....HEADING TOWARDS ADMITTING IT, NOT SURE ANYMORE
I LOVE CANCERS ANYWAY, I EVEN LOVE IT WHEN THEY ARE MOODY, I TOTALLY UNDERSATND THE PRESSURE OF HAVING FEELINGS

That is so true UC...

Lately I feel like I'm always initiating things with my sig. other and I'm soooo tired of it being one sided that now I'm just fed up.

The crazy thing is last week I was so depressed about the turn in our relationship, now this week I'm like WHATEVER! I still care, but I can't let this consume me anymore.

I think Cancers have trouble receiving love**

Do you think we have a trouble receiving love because; that one time you fully give love unconditionally and the ending of it is devastating? You can NEVER fully give of yourself again? I believe that Cancers after being hurt (by that one true love) they always keep something for themselves not surrendering completely.

That's funny Scorpio978...

My sig. other that I'm referring to is a Scorpio. It has been an emotional roller coaster and I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of feeling confused!

Dear PeanutBrown,

tell me more maybe i can advise you in a positive direction.....i feel like giving up sometimes but i just cannot allow myself to be a coward..to be honest i really cannot see a scorpio in a push/pull game, however they are extremely proud, and this pride can prevale in most situations without realizing that we can loose a lot, but then when we wake up we realize it is wrong and then we try and patch up.......

PeanutBrown....to answer your question in one word...yes. I know exactly what you mean.

Syzygy....ditto! You should check out my thread entitled "piscean psychic vampires" over on the pisces board. Very interesting stuff.

I hate falling in love every now then.....its really drains me mentally and emotionally......Its true that we dont get much in return for our honesty,loyalty,kindness and loving & understanding nature from our friends & lovers........Adding to the woes people say we are as cold as "DRY ICE".

yes, why do you feel so cold? i didn't think that cancers can be cold but they are very cold sometimes, i really do not understand this one(it makes me very sad).....

I get cold in a relationship when I realize that no matter how loyal, loving, supportive, and nice I am the love ideal I have in my head will not match my real relationship. When I realize the potential that I see in a person just isn't materializing. When I see that it's just not the way I envisioned it...

if I may....cancers feel that they do not get the same love and loyalty etc, in return that they give...and yet in my experience it seems that is because you try to give it to the wrong kinds of people... you [cancers] seem to like to go after the people who want to run around and be free and somehow think that they will change just for YOU...yet when someone comes along who is capable of giving the love and devotion you say you crave, you run away from that sort of person.

I would like to see all of you receive the kind of love you claim you want... but you have to take a good look at yourselves and learn to accept love when someone offers it to you rather than be suspicious of it.

I have about 23 cents to give out today, and I think that was about 6 of it.....

XANGELFISHX,

do you think they "run away from that sort of person" because they think they are not worthy of their deep love.......or they are just suspicious as you say?
anyway, i am going through exactly what you've described, whenevr i have that aloof attitude he is hooked, if i open up and show what i feel, he shuts me out.....

''whenevr i have that aloof attitude he is hooked, if i open up and show what i feel, he shuts me out.....''

Aloofness is an attractive trait for Cancers (and Scorpios too!). It is attractive to see people have their own lives and passion for life without them depending on you.

What Cancers dont like is EXCESS DEPENDANCE on them. This is what scares them off when you try and get too close. They want to be dependant on YOU when they want to. They want you around like a strong wall.

If he is shutting you out - then he simply doesnt trust you. He is suspicious that youre after something so the Cancer puts up his barriers and moves away.

Ive grown very close to the Cancer in my life...he USED to do this with me. Push me away when I showed any feeling..etc

But NOW - I let him come to me and he lets me go to him too. I can ring/text him and he likes it. He doesnt mind at all. I can now BE MYSELF with him. Maybe its the Scorpio/Cancer intense bond. IF I show how I feel - HE LISTENS AND COMFORTS. It doesnt push him away anymore..

Why? Because the TRUST AND LOYALTY tests have been passed.

so Scorpio sting,
i still have a few more tests to pass, he is testing me all the time anyway.........sometimes i wish he would just let me go and let m emove on but when i try to do so, he comes back and he is really desperate.....i told him he should let me move on and he said that will never happen!!!!!!!so i'm stuck....i suggested that he goes and meets someone else that will help forget about me, he went mad because of that!!!any views on that, please—

He NEEDS time. TIME and PATIENCE come with Cancerians. They have to be 100% sure about you. He is taking his time in getting to know you. During all your time together, including the pulling/pushing, he is Testing you. Your reactions. Your tolerance. Your strength. Etc.

Youre a Scorpio. Be YOURSELF. Work your charm and FIND out WHAT he wants.

What do YOU want anyway? Do you REALLY want him to leave you alone?

thanks Scorpio Sting,

i am from uk too, live in London. thanks very much for your helpful advice!!!
yes you are right with the time and patience, our relationship progressed quite a lot within the 3 years that we have seen each other for, at first it didn't mean anything then, i grew with every year.
you are right, he is checking out every gesture and every statement i make, and sometimes goes very quiet for a few minutes and then asks a question(very remotely related to the subject).
he says to me that i don't know what i want, and that i am spoilt....
but then another day he says that i love him too much( with a very big satisfaction on his face)
I REALLY DO NOT WANT HIM TO LEAVE ME ALONE, TO BE HONEST, AND I KNOW WHAT HE WANTS: HE WANTS TO BE ABLE TO BE FREE TO DO HIS THING, SAVE MORE MONEY TO BE ABLE TO SETTLE DOWN BEFORE TAKING ON A FAMILY'S RESPONSABILITIES...

that is a difficult situation...on the one hand, if you are being pushed away for the reasons that complicated cites, then [assuming this person means enough to you] it is important to show them how you feel about them and that their fears are unfounded...however, at the same time, if you love them that much it isn't really fair to put you through that......proving your loyalty is one thing...but where does it end?

complicated you said you feel that they will eventually get bored/tired of you. This is something cj7 has said to me MANY times.......and it is sad that you guys think that way. Everyone here, and everyone in my life, and even some in his, knows how much I love him...he seems to be the only one who doesn't. As far as I know, you are new here, but cj7 has been here for about 7 years...after everything he's seen it amazes me he still thinks that way...

hopefully if you pay attention you will get over that fear, because you will see many people come on this board and talk about how frustrated they are at being pushed away and how much they love their crabs but just can't handle being treated like they're not wanted. You need to think about that...it's not who you are that makes people get bored or whatever; it's the fact that most people [and rightfully so] can't handle being involved with someone who acts like they really don't want them there.

Now me, I'm a stubborn bull 😉 and I love my crab [mine mine mine mine mine!] with all my heart; I can put up with a lot 🙂

of course, don't think that means I don't find myself at my wits end with him sometimes....but I wouldn't give him up for anything in the world!

"I don't think i'm capable of being in a relationship"
I think about that every now and then. It occurs especially whenever i met guys who being jerks and just wanna have fun instead of being serious in a relationship and also because my past relationships went straight to the drain in matter of few months. Since that, whenever the name of love appear in the air, i would normally run the other way to find the exit door.

But then we need love and attention especially cancer woman. It is when you are ready in a matter of time and fully prepared to dive into any relationship, that feeling of dealing with getting drained or out of love is gone out with the wind. Sometime i wish i have some earthy sign in my chart so i could be stubborn enough and stay grounded and defending the one that i love.

Aww Complicated, you're not the only one, i think that July is the broke month for us cancerian, or perhaps just us.

There is truth in what Angel says.. being a cancer is never easy to start open up and let that "fear" in us to easily subside. We hold onto the fear of being hurt because we know..it sucks and hurts like hell. And one thing that matter the most is trust. When we dont trust anyone, we would never give them any chance to being near to us.

OMG Complicated.. i always thought that i am being the one who could think about all of those questions. you took that all from my head! =)

Complicated and Lostsoul, (and any other cancers) what sort of tests do you put potential mates through?

I am still riding a rollercoaster with a cancer guy since December '07. It seemed like we were making gradual progress until May when I told him I wouldn't tolerate his saying he would call then not calling then I finished by saying 'I guess its time I let you go'. Then all communication stopped. I was just so frustrated....but I guess on retrospect I can see why he stepped back and put me on ignore....I was hoping for a change in behaviour...or at least a conversation about it..NOT for him to disappear.

Since end of June we have been communicating again but all at my initiative and only by text and MSN chat. I asked him why he cut me out and he responded "I didn't cut you out. How are you?" When I reminded him that I hadn't heard from him since May he didn't reply at all so I let him be for a week or so. On the weekend I asked him again where I stood with him and am I wasting my time trying to keep in contact with him and he asked if we could change the topic. So, I have been trying to keep it light.

If he didn't want a thing to do with me, do you think he would just tell me? Would he bother communicating with me at all? Why might he be avoiding answering my questions? Is he trying to let me down easy? If anyone has ideas I am grateful to hear them. I really adore this guy but I also respect him and don't want to be too pushy. Thanks.....

Complicated... I am with a Cancer and I have spent alot of time trying to figure him out. Everything you put in a nut shell in your thread, I had to find out about him for myself. He never expressed those things to me... but because of my driven personality I looked at every possible way to try to work things out between us. So I would ask myself questions and it all came down to how could I make him feel loved. With a little soul searching and my own tests I realised how complicated Cancers were and just learned to deal with it with patience and understanding. Other people looked at me as weak and submissive but I loved him enough to do everything to prove my love.

My question to you. If someone tries to reassure a Cancer of all these "questions" by doing everything to make them happy and confident so that they will no longer have any room to question; what will cause them to let go and allow themselves to be loved? Because at times I feel like my efforts are unapprecaited and i have been with my cancer for almost 2 years now. Sometimes this behaviour only makes me want to back off.

*goes to take 2 advils*

LOL! Complicated YOU crack me up. You are so funny!

Complicated... thanks I appreciate it? I asked you because your way of thinking is exactly how I figured my Crab out to be.

"If the guy proved himself to me in all my areas of question, then i would probaly get scared, avoid him for about a week or two, just to sort it all out in my head. I will need to step back into my shell for a while."

This is how my guy was in the beginning and I couldn't understand it. He confused me, because the closer we got the more he pushed me off. Of course I put in the necessary hard work and found all the patience in the world, so he is not like that anymore. But I am glad that you confirmed it, because I am sure that other people on here who are just in a relationship with a Cancer would probably get the same treatment and not understand the behaviour, you post would really clarify things.

"Do you know how hard it is to attract a stray cat?"

LOL, yes I am quite aware of the chase with a Cancer. I used a similar example on another board instead using the Crab.

?Have you ever tried chasing a beach Crab. He backs up... he runs side ways... backs up some more.... then runs in his hole. You'd just sit there waiting for him to come out... cause you just wanna snatch the little bugger. LOL... Then you'd sit there even more, because he'd sit in his hole and peep out... almost out but not enough for you to grab him... yeah... everybody wants to say that they captured this Crab.?

Thanks again? because I don't think that any Cancer on this board has really explained how they feel the way that you did. When I was going through these things with my Cancer I wish you were around then. It would have made things a lot easier. But I guess it made my situation a lot sweeter.

LOL Peach! Yep... it's all too familiar. I think we all have to go through this little dance with the Cancers though. Like complicated said, once you get them then all that dancing back and forth was worth it.

I think my cancer is going to be in his shell for a while...

We were talking on the phone last night and he and his friend were getting drunk. So I guess he wanted to show off, and he asked me the next time we have sex, can he use a camera....wtf—

anyway I said "hell no, so you could show it to your friends?"

He said "No you can take the tape home with you"

I said "Nah, your not even my man yet and your asking for alot..."

-----------silence-------------

then he says......lol "I'm about to finish drinking these beers, and smoke my blunt, and I'ma call you back"

even though he didn't sound mad, he was kinda drunk, I know I kinda hit a nerve or something...so what do you think cancers—

OSexyG...When I first met my Cancer he was like this, he had no tact. He would ask me things and I would find them rude and disrespectful. If I answered him blunt he would shrug it off and say he was joking. Alot of times he would use alcohol to get things out in the open. I think he used this tactic as an excuse so that if I gave him the wrong response he would say he was drunk.

Other Cancers will tell you that they would say things in the beginning stages of getting to know someone, just to see how much they can get away with. Basically they want to see your reaction so that they can figure you out. That is why it is very important to be yourself around a Cancer, because they constantly put you through these little tests. Although you may not understand why it is just to reassure them of their own personal doubts about he person.

He probably really wants to do the video with you... but used drinking as an excuse to get it out... as opposed to asking when he is sober and being rejected. Or he could have said it to figure out what kind of stuff you're into. Maybe he is against videos and sees it as sleazy and if you answered yes he would have lost respect for you. On the other hand he is probably into that stuff and wants to see if you are also into it by asking you when he was drunk to avoid the risk of getting shot down and feeling embarrassed. If you were against it and got angry... in his mind he could always say "I don't remember asking you that, I was drunk."

You can never tell with Cancers. If you feel comfortable, you should ask him what was his motive by asking you that. Try not to be confrontational when you aks. Cancers hate confrontation.

I have been head over heels and given up because it got to be too much work. In other words, the lady didn't feel as strongly as I did and the relationship was clearly out of balance. Funny thing is that after treating me like I was rather unimportant, she came after me once I walked. It was hell waiting to see what she'd do but I hung on. We ultimately did break up, but...

"you [cancers] seem to like to go after the people who want to run around and be free and somehow think that they will change just for YOU...yet when someone comes along who is capable of giving the love and devotion you say you crave, you run away from that sort of person."

Ummm, maybe. I can agree with the first part, but not the running away. I mean not running away if there's any kind of attraction. A lady friend very much wanted to be more than friends and she is a fine person and a great "catch" but I felt ZERO physical attraction to her. It just was not going to happen. We stayed friends once we got the "stuff" on the table.

The fact that this friend wasn't someone you found attractive has nothing to do with what I said..... maybe you're different, maybe you're lying, who knows? but in general this is somethingcancers [particularly cancer men] do....and it's psoted all over these boards - not just by the women [or men] who want to be with cancers, but also by cancers themselves.