sagittarius female confused with a cancer male

earlier this year, i met a cancer male. we initially started speaking online and then met in person. he lives in another city and i visited him a couple of times and he visited me once as well.

initially, he reached out to me every day. paid me a lot of attention. was sweet and flirtatious and attentive. he wasn't direct with regards to his feelings for me but, it felt like he liked me. i ended up falling for him very hard and at one point he (in not so many words) said he loved me and i told him i loved him.

at that point, i noticed him pulling away. a lot.

then the next time we saw each other, i felt a really big change in the way he was towards me. he was not affectionate or attentive anymore. in fact, it felt like he didn't even want to be around me or that he was bored. i have a history of really negative relationships (that i had shared with him) and i reacted in a very insecure way. initially asking him if he liked me anymore (which really annoyed him, though he did answer that he was starting to get really frustrated with me).

by the time we parted ways, he had said he didn't love me and wasn't sure how he felt or if he even wanted us to continue trying to be more than friends anymore but, that he'd always want me as a friend.

when i got back home, he pretty much stopped talking to me. and i really started to feel insecure and like he was trying to ditch me. i told him my fears and we ended up fighting a lot. now, over a month later, it's worse than ever. he blew up at me and told me that i treat him horribly and he ended up blocking me on facebook and deleting me off twitter.

he has emailed saying he cares and misses me but that he has no confidence we can have a healthy relationship and that he is too angry with me to speak to me and that i need to figure out how to mend things.

i don't know what to do.

i am pretty typical of a sagittarius in that i am brutally honest and tend to put my foot in my mouth. but, i don't play games and i generally want to deal with things directly. i also have scorpio rising and my moon in pisces so i am actually probably just as emotionally intense as he is.

all of this has hurt me badly.

i know he is a good man and i know that he's had trouble in relationships in his past and i am upset that now i feel i've added to that.

i just want to know how, if at all, i can try and mend things.

even just to be friends.

right now he ignores any contact and won't tell me if he wants me go

You are not emotionally balanced inside enough to be in a healthy relationship with a man, your insecurities will drive men away each and every time and you'll end up spending an exorbitant amount of time trying to FIX your relationships which will only create more of what you don't want.

Chill out....Leave it alone for a little while, get grounded. First off you did nothing wrong to cause this man to pull back on you and unfortunately you shared with him you something very important and deeply personal which is you have a history of really negative relationships and so like little boys do they test and they push and they create friction and drama because they want to control and have all the power, you have a pattern of negative relationships but you DON'T HAVE TO TELL MEN ABOUT THAT or risk being toyed with and played with by an unevolved soul.

Don't mend it, don't fix it, dump him, delete him from your social network b/c he's toxic and he's only going to have you jumping through hoops to win his approval and validation, you'll cling onto him as if he's the only man that can make your life relevant and the reality is YOU MAKE YOU RELEVANT NOT HIM.

Take your power back, just b/c you have a history of having really negative relationships doesn't mean you keep playing that out with him. Go back search from the beginning...He chased you, you could do no wrong, you were perfect but then the discard and devalue phase comes in and it takes you by surprise, he's no longer giving you all of his attention like he used to, he's now subtly hinting that something is wrong and you being insecure become super reactive to that and begin to try and fix it and this is when he says you are not good enough and completely devalues the relationship he shared with you and proceeds to discard you altogether. I know the pattern all too well. Google toxic men, devalue discard cycle, Narcissitic men and the pattern of seduction. He's not doing anything new.

Now he has all the power, he gets to ignore you, treat you poorly and you are constantly on the begging end of the relationship, trying to fix it, pleading for attention, you have lost all control, all power....GET OUT NOW

Stop playing this toxic bullshit game out with him or you'll lose yourself completely to it and become some needy, desperate clingy unattractive psycho female. You don't need his friendship, you don't him, you don't his approval and validation...YOU ARE RELEVANT WITHOUT HIM, you were born alone and you are going to die alone and the only person that make you relevant is YOU.

If a man rejects you for no reason he is deliberately attempting to hurt and control you...Get out of that abusive situation asap.

You are not emotionally balanced inside enough to be in a healthy relationship with a man (yet)

Start working healing your self image and self esteem or you'll always struggle with relationships b/c men will trigger your insecurities and you'll feel compelled to act them out which sabotages the relationship.

thankyou tiki.

i agree that i am not very emotionally balanced inside. and i need to heal from a lot of things before i can actually get involved with someone and deal with my insecurities in a mature way.

i appreciate your answer.

he finally did reply to me...he says he wants to build a relationship with me but, doesn't feel it is possible given how i've treated him so he is letting me go.

imho, then let him go. anyone who can walk away from you, let them walk away. you don't want a man to stay if he doesn't want to. that would be worst, wouldn't it?

He's playing games by telling you that he wants a relationship with you but he is still letting you go. If he was treated so badly why would he still want a relationship? Sounds like he is trying to bait you into grovelling for him.

As a Cancer man I absolutely love the sense of humor Sags have. People say we are the funniest in the zodiac but Sags are more clever in their humor and make me laugh the hardest and longest.

But yeah, Sags annoy us because we try to put an emotional principle before them and they turn it into Schtick. We get a good laugh out of it, but it gets old because we like to analyze emotional principles with other people and Sags arent about that.

Not to say Sags can't be emotional, but they can't be on the same level Cancers are.

thanks hightide

we did share good humour together....but, in terms of being emotional, i have a scorpio rising and a pisces moon and i would be willing to bet that i am likely as emotional as he is.