crzydiam63
@crzydiam63
15 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 256 · Topics: 19
Same Cancer guy driving me insane
If you don't know what he means, ask him. Only he can explain it. This way you'll get it straight from him instead of sitting surmising and getting 100 different confusing interpretations.
Ring the guy, talk to him, emailing isn't the best way to converse by any stretch. email your library to ask if they have a book, sure - but emailing someone you're romantically interested in? What good does it do except create anxiety when you don't know what the other is saying?
Close that distance and speak to him in person, it's far more rewarding.
He's not going to rip your head off for asking him a question, I'm sure he'll be happy to explain himself and it's much better to hear tone of voice instead of relying on an email. Confusion is being created here simply by the way in which you're both communicating - to continue doing the same thing knowing it isn't the best for you, is madness.
If you had no computer, how would you speak to him?
Ring the guy, talk to him, emailing isn't the best way to converse by any stretch. email your library to ask if they have a book, sure - but emailing someone you're romantically interested in? What good does it do except create anxiety when you don't know what the other is saying?
Close that distance and speak to him in person, it's far more rewarding.
He's not going to rip your head off for asking him a question, I'm sure he'll be happy to explain himself and it's much better to hear tone of voice instead of relying on an email. Confusion is being created here simply by the way in which you're both communicating - to continue doing the same thing knowing it isn't the best for you, is madness.
If you had no computer, how would you speak to him?
NZ,
That's great advice. Truth is, I'm a little afraid of calling him at this point. I feel pretty stupid about all of the misunderstandings (all in email by the way).
That's great advice. Truth is, I'm a little afraid of calling him at this point. I feel pretty stupid about all of the misunderstandings (all in email by the way).
Ok NZ,
I thought about it for a few minutes and worked up the to call. Got voicemail.
I thought about it for a few minutes and worked up the to call. Got voicemail.
Posted by crzydiam63
NZ,
That's great advice. Truth is, I'm a little afraid of calling him at this point. I feel pretty stupid about all of the misunderstandings (all in email by the way).
"feel the fear and do it anyway", right?
Best way to get over that fear is to plunge right on in and kick it in its ugly pants.
Go on, you can do it 😛
I tell you what, once you've picked up that phone and spoken to him, you'll feel pretty damn good that 1) not only did you get to speak to him, but 2) you did something you feared, and started the ball rolling for some quality communication.
Posted by crzydiam63
Ok NZ,
I thought about it for a few minutes and worked up the to call. Got voicemail.
Oh yay!!! I must have been writing my response when you posted yours lol.
Did ya leave a message? 🙂
Yes I did as a matter of fact. Just said I was calling to try and have a real conversation and have a good night. My gut says he decided not to pick up. But we'll see I suppose and like you said I'm doing something was afraid to do. In the past I'de be the next president of the united states before I would have made that phone call.
Posted by crzydiam63
Yes I did as a matter of fact. Just said I was calling to try and have a real conversation and have a good night.
wOw! that is one loaded sentence... but I'm not going to touch these Cappy/Cancer threads anymore.
wooden shoes... wooden head... wooden listen
Posted by crzydiam63
Yes I did as a matter of fact. Just said I was calling to try and have a real conversation and have a good night. My gut says he decided not to pick up. But we'll see I suppose and like you said I'm doing something was afraid to do. In the past I'de be the next president of the united states before I would have made that phone call.
Well, i think it's a great starting point to healthier communication, even if you were nervous as hell.
Good on ya...call again tomorrow and hopefully he'll get used to the idea you want to speak in person, and then hang back a couple of days to see if he'll venture out and call back. Can't force him, but you can send the invite to close the distance, which you have now done, and see what happens.
Good luck 🙂
Posted by cancersunleomoon123
i agree with NZ,it does seem like a lot of commuication problems are caused by speaking not in person. i've noticed this in my relationships in men. and even just people actually. I get mad at things but notice in person i never get mad,it's usually from something in other commuication. I keep resolving to speak more in person about thigns but other commuication is just much easier and convienent. You're dealing with a cancer,i'm dealing with a cancer moon guy. Cancers are tricky people.
Absolutely! To all of it.
My cancer male friend: talk by text, he gets the wrong idea and sulks. talk on email, not too bad. talk in person, we get on so well and always have a fantastic laugh. In person is always best, it saves the anxiety and missed vocal and body language cues. It's very rewarding.
Since when did anyone on this board become shy about giving their opinion? Loaded? Do tell.
And, no call back. NZAqua, I'm not sure that calling again at this point is the best idea. I think honestly I just need to drop it. I don't know how things always end up turning out in a way that I don't intend.
And, no call back. NZAqua, I'm not sure that calling again at this point is the best idea. I think honestly I just need to drop it. I don't know how things always end up turning out in a way that I don't intend.
Posted by crzydiam63
Since when did anyone on this board become shy about giving their opinion? Loaded? Do tell.
And, no call back. NZAqua, I'm not sure that calling again at this point is the best idea. I think honestly I just need to drop it. I don't know how things always end up turning out in a way that I don't intend.
Well, you tried 🙂 And good on you for doing so. I hope he calls, it would be nice.
Posted by crzydiam63
Since when did anyone on this board become shy about giving their opinion? Loaded? Do tell.
Yes, I can understand where all the miscommunication comes from with your Crab... Shy? What does shy have to do with me thinking it is a waste of time repeating myself in your threads? I'm rather blunt and to the point actually... but lets not get distracted, something some Cappies LOVE to do!
This is the problem crzydiam... you do not empathize... you assume. By jumping to conclusions and making assumptions, you continually put the other person in a defensive position. This is NOT enjoyable.
This guy took the time to send you an email trying to explain himself. He put some time into... tried to be encouraging and thoughtful, so you could possibly reflect on it and gain some understanding on how he sees things.
Instead, you take very little time to try and see it from HIS point of view...
You jump the gun and call him, AGAIN.. to what? have he re-explain what he was trying to say in the email? YOU should take at least a day or two to TRY and UNDERSTAND him...
Now... it's no longer about YOUR part in the whole miscommunication, now it's about HIM not picking up the phone. Once again... he's in the defensive position.
And you weren't honest in your phone message. That sentence was loaded because you're implying that his chosen form of communication in this situation is not REAL and does not COUNT. Again... putting him in a defensive position.
Take some responsibility for the role you play in this two way Cappy. And you don't have to tell him everything about what you've discovered. SHOW him. NOT by calling and wanting to talk about it, AGAIN. By being FUN and POSITIVE and letting the petty little stuff go and showing how sweet and happy you can be. Not obsessive and neurotic!
—Newbie?? posting here, although, I have been reading this forum for over a year. I wanted to let you know that I agree with what shellshocker is saying. This energy flowing between the two of you appears to have gotten a bit —obsessive and neurotic?? like they said in their post.
He might be a crab, but he's also a man, a spirit, a soul??_who??s on his own —journey?? in this life, just like the rest of us...do you really want to —connect?? with him? Do you think the current energy surrounding the two of you is doing that? Shellshocker also mentioned your being sweet and fun and positive??_I also agree with this??_I imagine that's more of your —natural self?? and who you want to be in this relationship, and whenever you??re around him, than the person you are projecting to him right now.
It sounds like it's gotten —way, too, mental,?? too early on. Try letting go and letting it flow between you two??_just focus on having fun when you??re together, or in any other communication, and finding ways of naturally connecting with him. No pressures at all. Be in the moment, and see where it leads from there. Be patient with both him, and yourself. And, also take some time to do your inner work. Be happy within yourself, as it appears that you can be/already are that kind of person??_be comfortable and confident and at ease whenever you??re around him??_and let that love and light within you, radiate to everyone you come in contact with.
Believe me??_he will most certainly notice and find himself much more attracted to this energy in you. The negative energy builds resistance and just pushes people, and him, away??_the positive, light energy is much more —inviting.?? To tell him that you??re going into —survival mode,?? projects the negative energies (i.e. fear, insecurity, lack of confidence, etc.) Do these qualities attract you to others? Change yourself —inside,?? and the world changes around you!
And, yes??_I do have experience with a male crab in my life. He is —absolutely and totally adorable!?? He's both indirect, and direct??_it's definitely taking time and I'm allowing myself to enjoy —the dance.?? I'm practicing —plenty of patience?? all-around. We??ll see where it leads??_in the meantime; I'm doing my own inner work and enjoying practicing the art of being happy and loving myself, with where I am and with who I am, in the present moment.
He might be a crab, but he's also a man, a spirit, a soul??_who??s on his own —journey?? in this life, just like the rest of us...do you really want to —connect?? with him? Do you think the current energy surrounding the two of you is doing that? Shellshocker also mentioned your being sweet and fun and positive??_I also agree with this??_I imagine that's more of your —natural self?? and who you want to be in this relationship, and whenever you??re around him, than the person you are projecting to him right now.
It sounds like it's gotten —way, too, mental,?? too early on. Try letting go and letting it flow between you two??_just focus on having fun when you??re together, or in any other communication, and finding ways of naturally connecting with him. No pressures at all. Be in the moment, and see where it leads from there. Be patient with both him, and yourself. And, also take some time to do your inner work. Be happy within yourself, as it appears that you can be/already are that kind of person??_be comfortable and confident and at ease whenever you??re around him??_and let that love and light within you, radiate to everyone you come in contact with.
Believe me??_he will most certainly notice and find himself much more attracted to this energy in you. The negative energy builds resistance and just pushes people, and him, away??_the positive, light energy is much more —inviting.?? To tell him that you??re going into —survival mode,?? projects the negative energies (i.e. fear, insecurity, lack of confidence, etc.) Do these qualities attract you to others? Change yourself —inside,?? and the world changes around you!
And, yes??_I do have experience with a male crab in my life. He is —absolutely and totally adorable!?? He's both indirect, and direct??_it's definitely taking time and I'm allowing myself to enjoy —the dance.?? I'm practicing —plenty of patience?? all-around. We??ll see where it leads??_in the meantime; I'm doing my own inner work and enjoying practicing the art of being happy and loving myself, with where I am and with who I am, in the present moment.
^^ i like your spiritual, first post 'newbie'. come back and play anytime!
Shellshocker,
Don't think it is a waste of time commenting on my threads. You're one that actually does provide some good substance. I need blunt, I need in your face feedback. That's the only type of feedback I often understand. I like someone that knows how to and actually stands up to me. This Cancer is that way and I think one of the things that is even drawing me to him.
You are pretty spot on with the above. You're right, I assume a lot of the time and jump to conclusions. I never really thought about how this would make the other person feel so thanks for bringing that to the front. I'll keep that in mind in the future.
I am always willing to consider, listen and own up when I need to. Sometimes I just need someone to tell me to do it only because I don't see it. I did call him but only to give that personal attention after all the emails sent throughout the day. Honestly, I really didn't get upset that he didn't pick up and was not surprised. I told myself he was either busy or I had done a fine job of running him off, which even I can admit would not be a total shock and perfectly understandable. I'm very good at unintentionally self sabotaging. Something I'm working on but old habits are hard to break. I have a lot of passion and emotion that I have an extremely hard time controlling.
He did actually text me while I was at work this morning telling me he was sorry he missed my call and thanking me for calling. I emailed him back, after reading your post, and actually apologized for jumping to conclusions and for not taking the time to consider his point of view/feelings. So, your advice did help me view the whole situation more appropriately. I told him he had given me a few things to give me a reason to stop and think. I said I'd call him next week from the beach to see how he was doing if he would like. So, regardless of what happens, I've owned up and extended the branch if he's interested in reaching for the other end.
Thanks, I really do appreciate the attention, thought and time you put into responding.
Don't think it is a waste of time commenting on my threads. You're one that actually does provide some good substance. I need blunt, I need in your face feedback. That's the only type of feedback I often understand. I like someone that knows how to and actually stands up to me. This Cancer is that way and I think one of the things that is even drawing me to him.
You are pretty spot on with the above. You're right, I assume a lot of the time and jump to conclusions. I never really thought about how this would make the other person feel so thanks for bringing that to the front. I'll keep that in mind in the future.
I am always willing to consider, listen and own up when I need to. Sometimes I just need someone to tell me to do it only because I don't see it. I did call him but only to give that personal attention after all the emails sent throughout the day. Honestly, I really didn't get upset that he didn't pick up and was not surprised. I told myself he was either busy or I had done a fine job of running him off, which even I can admit would not be a total shock and perfectly understandable. I'm very good at unintentionally self sabotaging. Something I'm working on but old habits are hard to break. I have a lot of passion and emotion that I have an extremely hard time controlling.
He did actually text me while I was at work this morning telling me he was sorry he missed my call and thanking me for calling. I emailed him back, after reading your post, and actually apologized for jumping to conclusions and for not taking the time to consider his point of view/feelings. So, your advice did help me view the whole situation more appropriately. I told him he had given me a few things to give me a reason to stop and think. I said I'd call him next week from the beach to see how he was doing if he would like. So, regardless of what happens, I've owned up and extended the branch if he's interested in reaching for the other end.
Thanks, I really do appreciate the attention, thought and time you put into responding.
Posted by NZAquaPosted by crzydiam63
Yes I did as a matter of fact. Just said I was calling to try and have a real conversation and have a good night. My gut says he decided not to pick up. But we'll see I suppose and like you said I'm doing something was afraid to do. In the past I'de be the next president of the united states before I would have made that phone call.
Well, i think it's a great starting point to healthier communication, even if you were nervous as hell.
Good on ya...call again tomorrow and hopefully he'll get used to the idea you want to speak in person, and then hang back a couple of days to see if he'll venture out and call back. Can't force him, but you can send the invite to close the distance, which you have now done, and see what happens.
Good luck 🙂click to expand
NZAqua,
It was hard and thanks for the cyber-courage!
Posted by cancersunleomoon123
i agree with NZ,it does seem like a lot of commuication problems are caused by speaking not in person. i've noticed this in my relationships in men. and even just people actually. I get mad at things but notice in person i never get mad,it's usually from something in other commuication. I keep resolving to speak more in person about thigns but other commuication is just much easier and convienent. You're dealing with a cancer,i'm dealing with a cancer moon guy. Cancers are tricky people.
Crzydiam63
Angel,
Thanks for hitting the board and with such a great post. It's amazing how right you can be about thing by only reading a short thread. Gosh, there are some highly perceptive people on here!
Crzydiam63
Thanks for hitting the board and with such a great post. It's amazing how right you can be about thing by only reading a short thread. Gosh, there are some highly perceptive people on here!
Crzydiam63
Crzydiam63 dear!!!
Well, been reading all the post and I must agree with Shellshocker...don`t overanalyze , and don`t jump to conclusions, besides, meeting and knowing somebody new is supposed to be pleasurable and by the post, it is not for you! It seems that there are so many unnecessary complications...and at this stage, neither you nor him need them!
I agree that we are all attracted to good vibes and positive energy, and by somebody fresh and clear, don't need to cloud things up with double messages or sarcasm, or hard-to-undesrtand texts, or mails or anything.
It will not make you more interesting in his eyes, just more confusing, and in this stressful lives, we all want to meet somebody special who can be an oasis...not another source of stress!!!
Also, take into account that a Cancer man is complex, and above all , SLOW. If you know yourself, and you know you will be anxious and waiting, and not being able to live your life or distract yourself due to him..then I recommend out. Cancer men are slow and this fact drives away many people from them. for them that's good, because it kind of filters those who really care. But things will maybe not flow as easily as you would like and that can make you feel bad. Just know that is a strong possibility with him.
Now , you have shown you are interesed. He knows you care, you phoned and responded mails and texts right away. Besides all Crabs perceive easily how others feel. So there is not much you can do but just live your life until he contacts you again...I dont know if you should be the one again who calls...maybe it is his turn, after all, if he gets used to go doing all the job, he will never initiate anything.
Cancers are passive and receptvie, they are confortable being at the receiving end, so if you do all the work, he won't complain and won't move a finger...unless he has to....
Hope you are okay, above all, feeling well, and that you takes things slow and easy. Remember, it should be FUN at this stage! Problems can come later, much later, but not now!!!!
🙂
Well, been reading all the post and I must agree with Shellshocker...don`t overanalyze , and don`t jump to conclusions, besides, meeting and knowing somebody new is supposed to be pleasurable and by the post, it is not for you! It seems that there are so many unnecessary complications...and at this stage, neither you nor him need them!
I agree that we are all attracted to good vibes and positive energy, and by somebody fresh and clear, don't need to cloud things up with double messages or sarcasm, or hard-to-undesrtand texts, or mails or anything.
It will not make you more interesting in his eyes, just more confusing, and in this stressful lives, we all want to meet somebody special who can be an oasis...not another source of stress!!!
Also, take into account that a Cancer man is complex, and above all , SLOW. If you know yourself, and you know you will be anxious and waiting, and not being able to live your life or distract yourself due to him..then I recommend out. Cancer men are slow and this fact drives away many people from them. for them that's good, because it kind of filters those who really care. But things will maybe not flow as easily as you would like and that can make you feel bad. Just know that is a strong possibility with him.
Now , you have shown you are interesed. He knows you care, you phoned and responded mails and texts right away. Besides all Crabs perceive easily how others feel. So there is not much you can do but just live your life until he contacts you again...I dont know if you should be the one again who calls...maybe it is his turn, after all, if he gets used to go doing all the job, he will never initiate anything.
Cancers are passive and receptvie, they are confortable being at the receiving end, so if you do all the work, he won't complain and won't move a finger...unless he has to....
Hope you are okay, above all, feeling well, and that you takes things slow and easy. Remember, it should be FUN at this stage! Problems can come later, much later, but not now!!!!
🙂
Awwwwwwwww PiscesArgie,
Thank you sweetie. Your natural kindness always shows through. I'm doing fine but have been anxious. I'm taking a few days off next week and headed back to the beach. Should give me plenty of time to think about all the good advice today.
I'll see if I can get you a good Crabby picture while I'm there!
Thank you sweetie. Your natural kindness always shows through. I'm doing fine but have been anxious. I'm taking a few days off next week and headed back to the beach. Should give me plenty of time to think about all the good advice today.
I'll see if I can get you a good Crabby picture while I'm there!
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