Slow Moving Crab??

My crab and I have been together for 9 months and there are two things bothering me.

1)I still haven't met hardly any of his friends or family. I know the names of all his family, friends and co-workers and they know all about me so I know I'm not being kept a secret.

I've asked if any of his friends/family ever ask to meet me and he said "all the time." Whenever I ask when we'll meet each other, he always says, "when I'm ready" but won't elaborate.

2)With one or two rare exceptions, even though we do have daily contact, we only actually see each other twice a week - even on long weekends. Easter we both had 4 days off and he only wanted to see me on one of those four days. (On one of the days he was with his family and the other two days he was home alone).

This feels like a very slow pace to me - and sometimes even a reluctance to fully integrate me into his life - but I'm wondering if it's normal for crabs.

Posted by treefrogster
what's your sign?

Aries - but on the cusp of Pisces - and I have a mix of traits from both signs.

Hmmmmm something def is not right. Is he possibly depressed? I may have asked before (forgive me!!), when did his last rel end from the start of yours?

Friends and Fam are #1 on our list, this long into your rel in holding back like that isn't what I normally see amongst us Cancers. We need our time for sure, but after this long it shouldn't be so short leashed in terms of both time spent, and meeting family/friends. I'd def get to the bottom of this, and directly with him. Something has his mind occupied.

Posted by OceanDeep
Hmmmmm something def is not right. Is he possibly depressed? I may have asked before (forgive me!!), when did his last rel end from the start of yours?

Friends and Fam are #1 on our list, this long into your rel in holding back like that isn't what I normally see amongst us Cancers. We need our time for sure, but after this long it shouldn't be so short leashed in terms of both time spent, and meeting family/friends. I'd def get to the bottom of this, and directly with him. Something has his mind occupied.

His last relationship ended a few months before we started dating. The ex messed him up badly and while he still harbours anger over it/her he has told me that he is feeling more okay as time goes on. He was depressed for awhile several months ago but his mood has been more stable the last few months.

I've met one of his friends briefly a few times - but we never hung out together. I met another friend once and I met his closest friend a few weeks ago for the first time. I see his grandmother regularly. Met his mom once briefly (just long enough to say "hi") and spoke to his dad on the phone once. That's it.

His family is dysfunctional and he has strained relationships with everyone. He once told me that he wants to avoid exposing me to their "toxicity" for as long as possible. He's also said that his family doesn't always bring out his best behaviour. I've told him that I can handle it.

He still says that I will meet the rest of his family and spend more time with his friends "one day".

In terms of time spent, I usually don't mind our current set-up as as it generally works well for both of us (for various reasons) but it does bother me that he doesn't seem to want to at least occasionally spend more time with me - especially on long weekends.

When we first started dating he was so full on. He was clearly more into me than I was into him. He was texting me with ridiculous frequency. He was talking about the long-term future and meeting friends/family from the 2nd date. At the time, I had to make a concerted effort to maintain a healthy pace because I felt he might be getting ahead of himself. Pretty ironic actually.

Posted by KittyKnitter
you might not be a secret but you might not be the only one he is seeing.

I can definitely see how it could appear that way, but I'm certain that he's not seeing anyone else.

Posted by treefrogster

Posted by paries

Posted by treefrogster
what's your sign?

Aries - but on the cusp of Pisces - and I have a mix of traits from both signs.

hmm. okay, you being an aries like your space as much as cancers do which is a plus.

i would say to just be patient. we're pretty slow (as you already know) and like to process everything before going further.

click to expand

True. I do like my space. I'll try to be patient. My cancerian cousin and her bf moved in together after 8 months of dating. They're now married and recently had a baby. I'm not saying I'm ready to live together (not at all) but it does make me think that we are moving along pretty darned slowly.

So far the general consensus (with maybe one exception) seems to be that this is not typical Cancer behaviour and that something else is going on (such as cheating, psychological issues or not that into me).

Thanks to those who responded. I appreciate it.