The Cancer Shadow

The Cancer Shadow
(From the book "Astrology for Lovers" by Liz Green)

It's time to take a look at the less pleasant side of the crab. We have already had a peek at some of Cancer's tricks to sustain relationships. But most Cancers are aware, however dimly, that they play emotional games at times. They may not admit it, or discuss it. One of Cancer's favorite expressions is, 'Must we talk about everything? Some things are better left unsaid.' But Cancer isn't blind. With sure-footed instinct, Cancer can read emotional currents very well - even his own.

The unknown side of any sign, as we have seen, lies in the element which is antithetical to it. Water signs, being family-orientated, have a secret side which resembles the air signs. Cancer's gentle, sensitive, sympathetic quality - the loveliest aspect of the sign - carries a strange shadow behind it. We can sum it up in one term: destructive criticism.

Listen, some time, to the ordinary everyday conversation of a truly Cancerian person. Ordinarily they are full of sympathy - oh, don't be too hard on the poor man, he can't help it; how can you turn away such a pathetic stray kitten? Yes, I know she's taking advantage, but she's old and lonely??_..etc. Cancer is quick to excuse the most difficult behaviour traits of others, especially family, because of that sympathy and sense of recognizing other people's needs. But listen, some time, to a Cancer having a good gossip. Some of the nastiest, bitchiest things you'll ever hear come streaming out. Little snippy things - not disagreements of opinion, or honest debates, or recognized dislikes - for this side of Cancer is epitomized by the bridge club ladies who get together and slash the friend to pieces behind her back and then smile sweetly when next they see her, wondering why in the world she should be offended when, after all, they didn't really mean it??_.the Cancer father who, without attempting to be snappish, tells his child how to be. 'Why can't you be like little Johnny down the street, he doesn't show his father disrespect'??_.the Cancer mother who, a little jealous of her daughter, says before the important dance, 'Yes, you look lovely, dear??_.as lovely as possible, all things considered??_.' This is the veiled insult, the disguised criticism, designed to strike below the belt, to demean, to hurt, to goad. Cancer's shadow might be pictured as a gnat, a wasp with a little sting.

And most of the time they are completely unaware of it. Criticize? Never. Many Cancers, displaying this shadow to others, will protest. They like to think of themselves as kind, sympathetic, understanding. But the shadow side of any water sign is ruthless. And can be cruel. Or cold. This is true of all three water signs. With Cancer, the shadow speaks through the mouth.

What are the true motives behind this? Since we are wading through murky waters here, let's have a close, honest look. Remember what we said about water signs. Most important to them is their relationship with others. Water signs do not like to be alone; they cannot bear isolation or rejection. Cancer, a sign of intense feeling needs, has a strong tendency to live through his loved ones. External fidelity. Cancer is a possessive sign - as possessive as Scorpio is traditionally.

But Cancer is more subtle about it. So, to sum up, we might say that Cancer often finds his entire meaning in life through those people close to him. And something in him, deep down, rebels.

Resentment - quiet, seething, unobtrusive, silent resentment - is one of the greatest emotional problems of all the water signs. In Cancer, resentment can reach a fine art. Somewhere, deep down, among all the loving, sympathetic emotions, is the nagging feeling that you're not really living your own life. This is especially true when Cancer gives and sacrifices, and the loved one isn't prepared to come when the string is pulled at last. That resentment turns into negative criticism. It's an act of vengeance. Remember the tendency water signs have to have fixed ideas buried deep down in their minds? Well, the idea here is: I've given him (or her) everything. Now he owes me something back. And if the gift isn't returned, well, then, he deserves a little knocking back in place.

This may sound a little ugly. It is. But if Cancer can reach the root of his resentment, and act on it - act positively, not with negative criticism - his relationships will remain much healthier and more secure. And acting positively means, not too much martyrdom. Not everyone is a child that needs to be ferociously protected. Some people - perhaps all people - need to be let go once in a while. And Cancer needs to nurture himself, his own needs, his own wishes. The more he does this, the less resentment he'll carry. And then the shadow stays in the basement where it belongs.

Another peculiar facet of the shadow that Cancer can turn against himself is the way in which Cancers eat up popular opinions without checking their facts. Give them one or two pertinent bits of information and they will bring to bear the full weight of their own feelings and prejudices, and pass judgment. Negative criticism also implies judgment. And Cancer's judgment, when it's based on half-digested opinions like this, is likely to be not only faulty, but destructive. It can be called opinionatedness. Listen for the 'They say' or 'Everyone knows.' It's the commonest voice of Cancer's shadow. And the real object of the exercise is: I protect me and mine. Anything outside is suspicious.

How do you deal with a Cancer shadow, once it's let loose? Sometimes it's best to ignore it. After all, it isn't meant with malice. Sometimes it's best to confront it, and bring a little honest truth into the discussion. But most important, it's best to notice it. Those little barbs and inferences, unnoticed, sink in. Cancer has immense emotional power, because he can read the feelings of others so well. And whatever the shadow, the light is there too - the compassion, the subtlety, the gentleness, the caringness. That's worth a lot.

I can spit out some mean things to people when I'm pissed so I stay away until I cool off. I also try to not take things what people say personally and I especially don't keep tabs.

Sometimes I'll air my frustrations about a situation with someone with a very close friend or my mother. Not bashing the person more like trying to get advice on what to do or how to approach the problem. When I directly approach people I need to confront without thinking about things it just gets all shitty. LOL!

I can see some things that sort of hit home. More in the areas of gritting teeth and staying silent. Took a lot of time to act more like a fire sign who speaks out (although I still tend to be diplomatic).
The one area I am aware of is that I *could* wield criticism not like a hammer, but like a scalpel that can cut to the bone. I catch myself before doing it, though.

The problem with Cancer's criticism (not to go too in depth with that because we Virgos definitely pull this shit also) is it comes up in the most unexpected of places. I have a Cancer friend who would brood for ages and then hit me with what's wrong out of the blue. I never see it coming, it comes across as a blindside.

The resentment and silently seething part. Yep. That was my marriage to a T. On the one hand I was married to a controlling, abusive bastard. On the other, after getting frustrated with getting nowhere in trying to communicate with him I dived inwards and kept the resentment to myself. I should have been more vocal about it but I wasn't. Towards the end my close family and friends were getting earfuls of my venting and raging about him and the marriage. Now that we're divorced (WOOHOO AND HURRAY!! 😄 )I'm still working the emotions out of my system. When I find out how he or his mother have manipulated the kids in some way to be against me it comes raging to the surface. So far no one has truly witnessed my typhoon type tantrums when it happens. The last time it did I pretty much cursed him in every way possible from one of the deepest, darkest parts of me. If the universe takes heed of a mother's righteous rage and acts on it then he's going to be toast. The kids should be off limits in the matters of family drama and divorce, IMO.

No, I really just want to live and let live. I've cut him out of my life and heart as much as I can, have burned all feelings of love to ash long ago. Because of the kids I'm still going to have to deal with him and I'm always willing to deal fairly. Unfortunately he is very much the Taurus shadow self (go read it) and he's not willing to deal fairly with me. I want even my resentment towards him to be burned to ash so that he has no effect on me whatsoever. I'm at the point where his nasty opinions of me are laughable and mean nothing to me, but when he tries to deal unfairly or manipulates the kids and plays games on that level it raises my hackles like mad.

i am the endorsement of this shadow~ sadly...

😛

rofl....that's cute! And true!

So true... I try explaining this to my mom all the time.

Fisherman might be a scorpio.

Fisherman is an aqua...you cannot see it clearly in this cartoon but that's how they represented aquas. There's a whole collection of this...I think I will go around each board and post. 🙂)

Posted by CluelessCancer
Sigh Scorpio shadow was weak too-Earth Signs are Tyrants-I like.

Perhaps you are in need of some professional help? Because that does not sound healthy 😛