Un- cancer like behavior (for a male)

I need some viewpoints on what I should do on this one. I am a Taurus female and I have been dating a cancer male for a 3 years and we were friends for 6 before that. Anyway we get along nicely and everything. However when someone mentioned marriage or children he would tense up. After talking about it a year ago he stated that he didn't want to get married or have children. All of which is the total opposite from me. I told him that although I didn't want that now I do in the future and we'll see how we feel in a year and take it from there. The year passed and I was getting clues that it wasn't going to change he wasn't showing that he even wanted to get married, which I see isn't very common for cancer males. We talk about it and although I love him I decided it might be best to break up and he agrees (which broke my heart). Trying to be friends like we were is difficult though since he was such a loving boyfriend to me and he still goes out of his way for me. I tell him that I felt extremely hurt by his reaction to the breakup and he says he loves me but he can't give me what I want because he has to devote himself to taking care his mother and family and that he can't give me what I want. I don't understand any of that. We talk still now and if I need him he is always there but I hope sense comes to him and he'll be a man. I guess he still has some growing up to do. Maybe he felt pressure maybe, he doesn't love me, maybe he will come around. I don't even know what I should do. I know I did the right thing but at the same time I love him and I am tired of always making that first move and speaking my feelings. And I am tired of daydreaming that he will appear on my doorstep with flowers.

Btw his mom and family was awesome and loved me and were the ones that would talk about us getting married.
Tell me any viewpoints on this one please- thanks for reading.

Don't take this the wrong way, I don't say this to be cruel but it seems he doesn't want to get married to you, alot of men often say they don't want to get married (which I believe is partially true) but it's also his way of saying if the right woman for me shows up I will marry her but the women I'm dating now are not women I want to marry, if that one woman shows up that has every quality on my checklist which would deem her marriage worthy he will marry her...If it were me I would not be his friend least not now the wounds are fresh and it prevents you from moving on and it also leaves you stalled and hoping he will change his mind, the quickest way to help him get in touch with his true feelings is to move on, not be his friend right now, he's not going to change his mind as long as your available,

You didn't give him the forever feeling he needed to bridge the gap from boyfriend to husband and you won't give it to him by being his friend, were you are right now with him is not such a bad thing, he's not wasting anymore of your time and now you can focus on yourself, focus on mending your wounds and getting back out in the world to explore dating and hopefully connecting with a man that will be happy be your Mr.Right. Now you understand when you meet a man and he specifically says he doesn't want marriage and kids well believe him and don't give him an extra year like you did with this guy, move on to someone who wants the same things you want.

Good luck

Thanks for the different views. I realized that much when I heard those words coming out of his mouth. I knew it meant he doesn't want to marry me and I was greatly hurt by it. It sucks to not be enough or to be a "for right now". I have been extremely patient but at the same time not stupid. I signed up for match. com 😉 and when I talked about us wanting different things and going our separate ways soon he was the one that said we should break up instead of waiting. Those words and the fact that he seemed unaffected by it give me my swift kick in the pants to sign up and find someone else that will give me the whole package.

I won't say that I have moments daily where I think about him or silently wish he'll show up at my door wanting to be with me and marry. Or the moments where I text him or call but its just dragging this pain on.

It isn't easy that's for sure.

It's when you least expect it, you have completely decided to get on with your life is when they come back to offer you something real....Right now your still in the letting him go stage, once you see that there are men that have the same mindset as you this one guy won't seem so important anymore....He had his chance...his loss

Cancers are lovable. But if he say's straight up he doesn't want you he doesn't want you.

it might not be you. This kind of behavior isn't unusual for cancers who have suffered emotional trauma or seen a lot relationships go bad around them.

I am starting to realize that sadly. However at least he was extremely good to me and took care of me throughout all the hard times this past year so I am glad we didn't end our relationship a year ago. I just one day looked up cancer traits and saw that they love family and children and being near the water and so much more. He did mention a while back that if we did wind up with child that he was open to taking care of it and such ( which was a big jump from his stand before) but who wants that. I told him it's not enough.
I wonder about him since he went from 100% to nonexistent and that hurts to not have him there the way he was before. especially after seeing him get beyond his past relationship which he stayed hung up on long after highschool and that took a few years while we were still friends. I think he might still care for her in a way, or that it affected him because he wasn't the same after that.
It is good to talk about it though. I feel like I burden my friends talking about it sometimes.
Thanks again for the input.

Thank you for the awesome input and sound advice. I am taking it all in an following it. Cancer people are
kind caring people. And I cant wait for the day where I can be friends openly and happily with him again. Your advice came at such a great time and was well needed.

Posted by Applecoma
Thank you for the awesome input and sound advice. I am taking it all in an following it. Cancer people are
kind caring people. And I cant wait for the day where I can be friends openly and happily with him again. Your advice came at such a great time and was well needed.

Cancers are wonderful people, but in my opinion this is not an issue of zodiac signs, but an issue of gender. Take it one day at a time, dont worry about his friendship, it will only hinder you in the healing process. Cry whenever you feel the need, but make it up your mind that he is not the one for you and that there is some lovely man out there who is who is anxiously awaiting to meet a woman like you. Think positive and it will happen.

Well quick update on this guy. I backed off and started dating other guys. On his birthday I wished him well we went out for dinner and whatnot and started talking about my interests which is roller derby and he wanted to go to see some bouts with our mutual friends. So most of the Summer we were hanging out.He was flirtatious and hung out at my house. For my friends birthday we all hung out her, her bf, him and me and went out of town for the evening. He did all the things he use to when he was my boyfriend and I had to remind him to cool it since we weren't like that anymore.

Then when we were at a roller derby expo in Sept. we were looking at a booth of a local store who sold skates and he asked if we were doing xmas presents because he knew what to get me. I told him sure if he wanted to and he took me to the booth to get me fitted for derby skates. I tried to insist to not to because of the prices but he actually had the lady to fit me and not tell me the price of anything and told me he was getting them regardless of what I said. Also since I didn't know how to skate he offered to take me out to practice once the skates were complete which what started out once a week but he gradually made it 3 times a week including weekends from Oct. to Jan.

and there's more...

Then,

For xmas he got my dad a present which he never did before and more little gifts for me. On New Years he offered to he take me out to a place he was djing with work friends and spent the evening with his arms around me, hugging me, flirting with me and actually danced with me (which he never dances)surprising his friends and me.

Then sent texts of himself in suits or pics I would like and mentioned how his friends like me and promised to send pics we took together. All the while stopping by every so often to give little gifts for me. The skate thing stopped since at that time it was snowing. He told me he planned to start up practicing on weekdays since he said the weekends he'll be djing since it'll be wedding season.

Every so often he hung out with our friends but mostly hung out when it was just us. I got as part of an xmas present for him tickets for us to see his favorite actors which was in April. Then as I mentioned in another text he stopped by to hang out sometime in February right when I got the tickets in the mail. We were just talking, him flirting with another out of the blue gift and I mentioned the tickets and we were making plans for the day. All the while he is giving the googly eyes which he would do every so often since we had started hanging out.

I take this opportunity to mention the gift giving and its meaning because it was starting to make me think he wanted to give it another go. And like I mentioned before in another message board that was when he snapped at me. He mentioned that given his past he has a hard time thinking about marriage and children. Which is exactly what xangelfishx said.

Needless to say some of what he said wasn't nice he was mad but more at what his family and friends had said to him and he vented at me. Afterwards I was really upset and mailed him both tickets to the show and cut off all communication until recently in april about him forgetting to wish me happy bday, to tell him I moved and he wanted my address last month and two days ago when I had a moment of weakness and was drunk and found his number and called him.

I'm a mess. But it's partly his fault lol

Sorry I'm venting all my shit- please pardon and excuse. This cancer screwed up my feelings a bit.

btw I found out the price of the skates and it was nearly 800 dollars not including all the padding he bought for my safty and extra set of wheels. and a personalized derby shirt with a derby name he made up for me. *sigh*

So what are you hoping to get out of it?

He doesn't want marriage. You already stated last year that you wanted him to "come to his senses". He had - he was honest and knew he didn't want to be married. Sound sensible to me. He didn't mess you around - you stuck it out hoping he'd change his mind. He didn't.

You'll head down the same path as last time. What is it about this guy - a guy that doesn't want to make you his wife (which is a slap in the face in my eyes) - that you like? If it's the "challenge" then forget it, the only person who will lose here is you because you'll drive yourself nuts.

There are millions of men in this world. Go find one that wants to take you seriously. Why not just accept the fact that, no matter how much you want it, this guy and you don't fit each other.

Relationships are like jigsaw puzzles. They either have the pieces that fit together, or they don't. This one doesn't seem to fit. It's no reflection on you - you just don't have his jigsaw pieces. We each have our own time-lines too - and there's nothing right or wrong about that.

For whatever reasons he has, he doesn't want to get married. It doesn't really matter why, and it's a waste of time trying to work it out because maybe he doesn't even fully understand it, all you need to know is that he doesn't want to be married. And heading down that pressure path is a huge disaster waiting to explode in your face like a bag of steaming shit.

Hey there, i'm going to link you something:

http://zodiac-traits.com/taurus-woman-cancer-man.html
When It's Over: It is really, really sad when this relationship is over. These are the two signs most reluctant to move forward and the two signs most comfortable with the status quo. It would take a lot to break apart an established relationship between Taurus and Cancer, but if it does end it is likely to be a long and drawn out tender goodbye with an attempt on both people's part to be loving and kind.

i wrote comment #42 (by rt), it took us a long time to end, and she was pushing hard for marriage. so your relationship sounds similar to mine except of course, i'm on the other side 😉 . i never bought gifts for her parents though, but listen to NZAqua.

Posted by BrightasOrion
Cancers are lovable. But if he say's straight up he doesn't want you he doesn't want you.

What if he doesn't but seems like he's leading you on.

Thanks for the input guys.

Your excerpt definitely sounds familiar rabidtalker.

He sure wasted a lot of money to lead me on lol.

That's sweet Caesarking but I'm not wasting my time figuring him out. I spent a long time loving him and even though it was mutual for us and it was great he is getting pressure from his mother and sister about marriage and seeing all our high school friends get married and have children and I seem to be getting the brunt of his frustration. When all I ever asked was his take on the idea.It's only so much hurt I can take.

I just wished he didn't spend all that money and I told him so every time after the break up, he never had to buy my affection. I loved him a lot. And I would've been okay with being with him and having children but his fight seems to be with everyone that tells him he'll mature and change his mind when he is older and he is trying to spite them at the expense of my affection and his.

It's all something he needs to figure out as well as his issues with his father. Maybe I'll be around or not I don't know. But after a year and a half of my emotions being played with I'm just one tired Bull.

@ wineaux I figure he has to evolve a lot. This guy is in a weird family situation that was placed on him. His family came from another country during a civil war when he was 9. And he is the only one that is fluent in English so he has the responsibility in the household. He also is the go to when either his mom or sister has issues with anything related to broken computers to credit or what not and it frustrates him. He became like the head of the household a makeshift husband figure. To top it off his sister has two nieces in high school so when they have issues with homework and his sister can't help they constantly call him. Often he gets annoyed and I always use to be the calm and reason for him because his family is so great. Often I helped his nieces with their problems and a lot of time after work I spent it at his place.
He never mentions his father no in the family does. A friend one time asked him about it and he lashed out and was nasty about not wanting to talk about it. He has an older brother who lives life as he wants it and is living his life and he hates/envies his brother. They barely talk because he feels all his burdens should be either on his brother or shared between them. Also his brother plays both the mother and sister for money and he sees it and can't say anything to not want to upset them.

@caesarkreshen I was brought up if you love someone and they love you then eventually you get married, have a life and kids. So although I don't really want a marriage right now I always thought that he and I would eventually get married when we were in our thirties. I wanted to live life and I wanted to live it with him- going to places and seeing new things. He and I were together as a couple for almost 4 years and were friends since we were 17 so his family would always hint at it and our mutual high school friends always busted our chops about it.

What bothered was that in the past we would always talk openly about where we stood.It was towards the end he would get annoyed and tense and get an attitude when his family mentioned it. I never even brought it up until after dealing with the moodiness that I didn't deserve. I simply asked and I got my answer. I took it personally and thought that he simply didn't love me cause he didn't want the same things or even to talk about it. And in all the times we talked about it he never truly told me why. It was always an excuse, or he'll shut down or front with an attitude. It wasn't the same.

I tried many things and I put my feelings out there on the line numerous times which isn't easy for a Taurus to do.
He shut me down.He wants to dwell in his hurt feelings and be spiteful to his friends and family and how do I fight that?

Wineaux how do you deal with his one man island?

lol seriously that's just plain nuts I tell you. How do you deal? I shouldn't ask cause you are still with yours I'm not with him anymore.
I don't know if its just the not wanting to marry me or marry in general because our conversations as of late don't go beyond the "no marriage thing" to figure out anything more so I figure it just that he doesn't want me. I read into like everyone else its not me maybe it'll be for some other chick with him. Now that we haven't talked for so long its stupid to even try to bring it up.

When I drunk dialed him I was filled with the emotion that if I tell him how I missed him and wanted to be with him that I'll get a better response. It was drunk logic. But I got his voicemail. But he texted that he is out of country and can't call but will be back on the 16th. We will meet up since his niece graduated and is going to a fancy college to study being a doctor and I have a grad present for her to give him.

apple, one thing i wanted you to pay attention to from the link i posted is this:

I can attest that it ends extremely drawn out. we got back together again after a year or so, and it took maybe five or so years for us to be completely done. I fear though that if we were to get back in touch again we??d still try again.

don't waste time, if you both have decided it will not ever go further, end it sooner rather than years in the future. if there is one common thing from all the threads i've seen posted so far it is people seem to be clinging to the cancers more than the cancers are clinging to them.

ck, i know what you mean, i feel like i should have tried out for the football team in high school or something, i picked the wrong clique! 🙂

Yes I know I don't want to be that girl.

ha ha @ck you never know they might be out there.

All I want to say is aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh AH!

Posted by pr_princess
All I want to say is aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh AH!

hi! pr_princess 🙂

You might say that now but if you find the girl to be into you like that you might not like her the same way and she'll be in the forums too wondering about you. lol 😉

Posted by Applecoma
You might say that now but if you find the girl to be into you like that you might not like her the same way and she'll be in the forums too wondering about you. lol 😉

Lol so true...