What Does He Really Mean?

There is this Cancer guy that I work with. I sense this chemistry between us. We flirt, joke alot, and he touches alot too. All seems light-hearted, yet I feel something more. Unfortunately, circumstances present a barrier between us. A few weeks ago, I told him that I will be leaving work due to a better offer elsewhere. He appeared surprised, but said that he doesn't blame me and can understand my frustrations with my current position. I have noticed his apparent distress over this. He hasn't come out and said anything more about it. I mentioned to him that my offer was matched by my current job, and that I will be staying with the firm. He was happy and mentioned that my presence at work makes it a much better place to be. I was happy to hear that, but I didn't read too much into it. This guy appears to be very cautious in his words, actions and behavior. Recently, he told me that he needs to find a girlfriend this year. He said that he has been trying to make things happen wtih two girls, but they were out of reach. Instanly, I felt bad inside and wished him the best. I don't know why he acts one way, an then suddenly tells me such things that totally put me off. I do feel that we have a mutual liking for each other, but I get this hot and cold experience from him at times. For one, I am not one to go out and actively pursue the man that I am interested in. I don't want to seem needy, which I am not, but I want him to know that I do care for him also. I have demonstrated this through my actions. If he is trying to see my reaction by mentioning other interest, then should I just forget about him? It is really hard to do this when he is charming towards me. I have tried being more aloof and neutral feelings-wise. Please help me understand.

cancer man will do that. they don't wwant to come out directly but they will tell you about other chicks just to see your reaction because they assume you will think they are ladies man and be attracted to them. It their way of hiding their sensitive side.

But on the other hand they do want a needy woman just so that they feel more manly. so I would say that needyness may not be bad for you. just ask him they like being pursuid.

yeah, we mention other women to see your reaction. if you don't want to come out directly and tell him you like him, maybe tease him or be a little catty, but nothing over-the-top. he'll feel a lot more confident in how he thinks you feel about him.

Again, I thank you Cancerians on this board for your well informed insight and advice. I will put what you both suggested into action. Nothing too crazy, but enough to have his attention. I know that I have his attention, but something to make him wonder. After all, he always has me in a state of confusion. You guys are so enigmatic, a quality that reels me in. I fall for it all the time. He is a June 26th Cancer. Is it possible that he has many Gemini traits?

Bollyhips....

My ex cancer man when I was trying to woo him... asked me for my opinion regarding a specific girl.... He had mentioned that he was interested in the same girl his friend was, and that he did not know what to do.... I gave him my honest opinion... I had told him that if he really likes her, then he should give it his best shot and let her decide wether she wants him or his friend....

Soon after that we were going out with eachother...

"Instanly, I felt bad inside and wished him the best."... It is great you said that! Like Cancerinlove and fiddlesticks said....they are just testing you...

Queridagirl,

Thanks for the insight. Why is he your ex now?

"Is that also true for Cancer men or is this just an individual thing?"

from what i've read on these boards, and in combination from what i've seen of cancer men, it is true for most of them. you must have heard of it, the famous "shell". if you are willing to dig your heels in and do what it takes to strip away the protective layers, and you can handle moodiness and harshness from time to time, though, the rewards can be great. well, great to me, anyway.

unusualcancer...he is talking about other girls to you b/c he wants you to get jealous...it will make him feel better about himself. it is his way of getting attention from you. it's as if he is showing off to you by talking about all these other women, so you will be like "wow, he knows a lot of women", etc.
but instead, you are turned off by it...

The fact that he talks about other women doesn't necessarily means he is interested. He probably wants his ego stroked, right? Why would he do this if he were interested in the person he is telling this to? To get a jealous reaction? If he were really interested, wouldn't he stop with the immature games and fess up?

"The fact that he talks about other women doesn't necessarily means he is interested. He probably wants his ego stroked, right? Why would he do this if he were interested in the person he is telling this to? To get a jealous reaction? If he were really interested, wouldn't he stop with the immature games and fess up?"

it's true, we LOVE it when girls get jealous over us. but ONLY from those we're interested in, otherwise it's just a bother. it shows that they care, not that we think we're all that. and we're not good at stopping the games and fessing up. we just aren't... we'd need a LOT of security to be that comfortable to put ourselves out there like that because it's devastating to us to be rejected--i'd easily wager much more than any other sign. we don't like to take risks with our feelings. you can always tell him you like him--and make sure he understands that you LIKE HIM, not just as a friend... then he'll be much more secure about his feelings.

Hi Fiddlesticks,

You are so great with your help! I want to tell him my feelings, but at he same time, I don't want to scare him. You see, we work together and I feel this may be a barrier. To make it worse, he is my boss. I sense that he is interested, but has to play it cool since others are always watching. I wish there was a way to make it easier.

hey bolly. speaking as a girl who went thru a long bit to get togethe with her cancer (we're married now, btw) he was my friend first for a loooong time. i, however, am a pursuer and have no trouble letting a guy know exactly what i want and how much of it i want!! ha. i've learned that first, yes, they like feeling your jealousy. we've played a little cat and mouse game with his ex, still living in our US house. not fun for me. at first, he got off on it tho i think. until i said i'd had enough and was leaving. so, brought that game to a screetching halt. they feel "validated" and it's an "affirmation." don't let that nonsense go on too long. they go sloooooooooow with letting you in on their attraction. you will almost certainly have to be alot more open with your interest in him. it will certainly speed things up. and they seem to need a much higher degree of emotional security. be prepared to constantly assure him that you love him, about how handsome and sexy he is. how much you desire him. and be prepared to show him how much you desire him. alot. which i love, but some women might find a little much. be prepared for some moods too. and half the time neither one of you will know what the mood is about. in return tho, you get an amazingly complex, sensitive, loving and sensual partner.

Hey redheadgurl!

Thanks for sharing your story and advice with me. What you mentioned about Cancers getting off on jealousy is soooo true. He would mention other girls that he is interested in to me. First, I take this as a mixed signal, like "back off", "I'm not into you." If someone you are interested in tells you this from time to time, what would you think? I know my feelings for him are so real, that any other guy who may be interested in me, seems invisible. All I think about is him. I am trying to wean myself away for the sake of my emotional well-being. Cancers are so complex.

Somebody please take the initiative.. unless you guys prefer maintaining a stand-off. At least exchange phone numbers..

When they talk about other girls to get you jealous, what kind of reaction are they looking for? Just to see if you're jealous? I don't want to seem vulnerable by showing any sign of jealousy, so I pretend it doesnt bother me.
I've thought about what bolly said about talking about other girls meaning 'back off' 'i'm not into you'.. thats always a possibility isnt it?

Crudemood!

It is you and me in a sea of mystery! Think we can crack the code?

Yes, Bollyhips, oh yes we can.

But I'm not sure there's alot to be cracked, I mean, its all basically been laid out with all the advice here. I've noticed that everything thats been said about cancers, has happened with mine and I'm starting to relate to whats been said, good or bad. I'm actually quite shocked how exact mine turned out to be, its like it was so predictable.

Maybe there are some questions that you had that are left unanswered..
But, cancers, I adore you, although I did get angry at mine today and I let her know it but thats another story for another time.

Hello everyone!

It has been a while. How are you guys doing? I hope all is well and it good to be back again. My Cancer love interest sent me an email he took of me. Do they take pictures of people they are interested in? We had all gone out as group with other co-workers and I didn't realize he took a picture of me. Not certain if I should see this as interest from him. He can be hard to figure out. Any thoughts?

Hi Firefly,

Thanks for your valuable input and well-put together information. I am in agreement with all that you have said and it is becoming clear to me that there may be something real here. Is there anyhting more you would like to share about your Cancer guy and are you guys still in communication?

My Cancer took a picture of me at a bar we all went to. I was with another co-worker, but the picture had me in focus.

He also sent me an email saying that he did not forget my gift (this was after Christmas...I was on vacation) and that it was abit more special than the gifts he gave the other co-workers. He sent me this email at almost 2 in the morning. I was amazed.

Hey Moon_Eyes,

Wow, could it be? We do flirt and are playful with each other, however, we try to keep it at a minimum due to the job. Neither of us has openely admitted feelings for each other, but there is something I feel whenever he is near me. I love Cancers and have always been attracted to them. Who could resist a Cancer?

My Cancer guy always leaves me wanting him more and more. He is so funny and always makes me laugh. There are times when he has a sterness about him or seems standoffish. I know when not to interact with him. I have been, and still am in love with this guy for nearly five years now.

I get the vibe that he is very sexual too. I mentioned to him and another co-worker about my tendency to be the dominating one (if you know what I mean). It was just something that came up in conversation. He just paused and had this coy smile on his gorgeous face. From that moment on, he has been giving me lingering eye contact and holding my gaze longer than normal.

Do you think that may be a good sign?

lol,

I just might do that!

bollyhips, go for it! he sounds fantastic and totally into you. you must tell him how you feel, good luck! not that you need it...

Hello Moon_eyes and London_libra!

You guys are really sweet! I really appreciate your advice and good wishes. I am a bit confused with him today though.
He was on the quiet side and he asked me into his office later on in the afternoon to discuss work-related issues. When we were done discussing work, he told me that I looked really purple today, meaning I was dressed mostly in purple. So I said, thanks and showed him my rings. I had on this huge purple crystal flower ring and another crystal ring. When he saw the huge flower ring, he said, "Wow, what the heck is that?" Then we both laughed and he asked me if I can take it off so that he could wear it. I said sure and told him it would look good on him, jokingly. I ended up giving him both rings, and he said that he wanted to show some other co-workers while he had them on his fingers. I turned out that eventually they noticed the rings on him and they started laughing loudly. I knew they thought it was funny. He had them on for ten minutes.

Later, he came over to my desk and gave them back to me. He told me that they didn't notice the rings on him at first, but when he put his hands in clear view of them, they cracked up and asked him about the rings, etc. He told them that the rings belonged to me and that he wanted to see if they noticed them.

What do you guys think about this? He is very comedic at times, but then he throws me for a loop later in the evening.

Later, we bumped into each other in the subway, and he questions me about my family in full details. I am wondering, this guy really asks too much questions. He wanted to know about my personal life, my mom, dad, sister, brother, their kids, their ages, what they all do for a living, etc. It was like being on a talk show with Oprah. I didn't mind the questions, but I was curious to know why he asked me so many and in such detail. He also wanted to know my realtionship status. Anyway, we talked until we got off together at a stop to connect to another train. The train that was across the platform was an express train, and he asked me if that is the train I am supposed to be on. I said it doesn't matter that I can take it or the local. He usually takes the local train to go home. I told him that I didn't mind waiting with him for the next train. He said that I should take the express train and I said fine if you want me to go, then I will. Then he said, no it is up to me if I wanted to wait or take the train.

Then he says he is meeting up with this girl Ana to see "Lost" who I knew was married. I knew they had something going on for awhile even before she was married. When he told me this, I said, "Oh, so guys still see each other... and he said yes. Then I asked him, but isn't she married, and he said that she is divorced now. Then I asked him if they are planning to get married, and he said well, it is up in the air and that you can't put the cart before the horse. Also, he said that she not interested in getting married soon and neither is he. So I said, oh ok. I mentioned that people don't really get married as much and that they live together before committing ia a big way. I also mentioned that I don't see the point in marriage especially if people can't commit wholeheartedly. I also told him that I don't see myself getting married either because of what my parents went through. I told him that I am a free spirit and that marriage is very restrictive. He paused after hearing this and asked me if I want to be lonely when I get older and I said no, that people lose their spouses after death and move on. He told me that I am living a fantasy life. I told him no, that he is living that life right now, no commitment and that many people do this.

The bottom line: I was hurt and didn't want him to see that I was. He mentioned this girl to me as if he wanted to say, look I am involved with someone. That is fine, if he likes her and wants to be with her, it is not my concern. After all, he is my boss and I am his subordinate. We never established anything between us.

I am just feeling confused, thrown off and hurt.

The bottom line: I was hurt and didn't want him to see that I was. He mentioned this girl to me as if he wanted to say, look I am involved with someone. That is fine, if he likes her and wants to be with her, it is not my concern. After all, he is my boss and I am his subordinate. We never established anything between us.

I am just feeling confused, thrown off and hurt.

Well sorry you can EXPECT him to sent you on a loot! LOL! It is not funny but this man can test the waters of a saint. I

In my own personal opinion, I just believe he told you what the deal was upfront. He told you he was after two unavailable women so he told you upfront. He didn't say that he didn't like you or he would not DATE you, he just told you that it wouldn't be anything more than just a date.

He is interested in ANNA because she is dating him and other men. She is not trying to tie him down into a marriage or a relationship. That is why she is so attractive to him. Anna is not AVAILABLE to him on his terms either. Anna is making him put in work. Anna is not allowing herself to be "easy" for him to get.

You as the mysterious Scorp that you are, I KNOW you have game OK! SO, YOU become unavailable. The reason why he was asking you so many questions was basically to see if YOU are an open book, do you have mystery, are you available and if you didn't mind fuc@ him and remain quiet during the interview, YOU ARE TOO AVAILABLE.

Read through game my dear!

PS-Bollyhips,

Remember, Men love mystery, the unknown. Just don't be an open book to NO man who is not fully committed to you. Period. If he wants to know anything about you, LET HIS IMAGINATION wonder about you. I know you are a Scorp and I KNOW you have mystery. Keep him on the quest. Never be boring.

Hello Krobe,

Thanks for your input in my situation with this man of many questions, but vague moves. I am actually a Libra with a Scorpio love sign. I don't know if that counts for having a Scorpio influence. So, basically my Cancer guy wants to be free and date as many women as he can. I do see this in him. He appears to be very interested in people in general. He asks many questions to others that we both know. I guess he just likes to know about people and what their lives are like. As for me, I have never confessed my feelings to him. In fact, I have been very busy with my life and work.

I mentioned to him last Friday that Ihad a date with this guy that I have known for three years chatting online. He was instantly curious about the guy and wanted to know how I met him, his name, his race, etc. I told him, but kept it to a minimum. Then we started to talk about other guys that I have known, etc. I told him that I tend to attract the "bad boys" because one of my exes was in jail. I think he was intrigued by this. He has this impression of me being a "sexpot" because of the way I dress. I know this because he told me this one night when we all went out on a teambuilding event after work. He was very drunk and told me that I dress provocatively showing cleavage, etc. I was in shock. I didn't realize that this man took so much notice until that night.

Anyway, I am still interested in him, but will keep my feelings in check and let him wonder even more.

Thanks again to all of you who read my post and helped me!