will my cancer sun/aquarius ex come back?

so i finally decided to end things once and for all with my "special friend". What made me decide he just wasnt worth it was the fact that some girl hacked his FB page and sent me a really mean rude message in response to one i had sent him. saying all this disrespectful stuff about me and him too actually. when i told him about it, he acted like he could really care less. like i was bothering him with the info. so that really really upset me. i couldnt believe the way he was reacting. i kept texting him to tell him to fix it, he ignored my texts. i called him he didnt answer. so i told him to keep his "jump offs" in check and that i dont appreciate being disrespected. i replied to the message i received and that was it. hours later i get more messages so he still hadnt went on and claimed his page back. this time she forwarded me messages that he had been sending to other girls the WHOLE time we were together. i had asked him over and over and over if he was talking to other girls, or trying to be with other girls, because at that point my feelings werent strong and if he wasnt trying to work toward something more with me, and just wanted to date around, then we couldve just remained friends like we've always been. i wouldve respected that. thats his right to date around if hes not ready for a relationship. but he told me no every single time, i believed him and we took things to the next level. i lost my virginity to him last year. (im 29 btw.) he knew my issues with trust and with guys and why i stayed a virgin so long. i never thought he would play me like that. SO once i found out that he was basically giving his # out left and right, telling girls he wants to get to know them better, calling them beautiful, wanting to hang out with them, what he's looking for in a relationship (a relationship he claimed to me he wasnt ready for) it made me sick to my stomach. so i told him how his dishonesty made me feel. and i ended our friendship. he still never responded. so im wondering if someone with a cancer sun/aquarius moon will try to come back? i really need to get over this guy. i feel one day we may be able to be cool, but right now is soooo not the time. i dont think im strong enough yet to resist him if he does try to come back, and i just have a feeling in my gut he will. but i know its not a healthy situation for me. help!

because i KNOW he's insecure. we've known each other since infancy. literally. i know all about his upbringing and his problems with his father not being in his life and different guys coming in and out of his life. when we were younger he used to have this book about being confident that was like his bible! he carried it around everywhere. but i also know that just because a person is insecure now, doesnt mean theyll stay that way if they get the proper help. so i know that right now is not a good time for us to be friends. but since we will always see each other at family functions etc...(yes our families are that close) then it would be a shame for us not to be cool in the future. i never wouldve thought he would treat me this way...but ive never been involved with him in this way either. u think u know someone...

no other opinions on this?

I'm a first decan Pisces, and not to be overly gruff, but my first reaction to this was...c'mon. I think I notice this behavior in other Pisces (probably do it myself), which is essentially turning off that magic power of empathy to compensate for some personal need you really need to think about fulfilling yourself. You're looking for a reason to blame the other person. I had a Cancer friend like this. Supergood friends for a couple of years, and I'm not the type to hold people too close to me. Suddenly I started nitpicking and thinking nonstop about how inconsiderate he was, blah blah blah, and bear in mind this was guy I got along with REALLY WELL with zero effort from the instant we met. He didn't change, I did. Somehow I forgot this even though I am constantly doing it. Maybe it's easy to take for granted. Maybe he was moody but bottom line, he uh...felt the same ways about the same sorts of things pretty systematically.

I mean...this FWB situation, I'm sure I don't have all the details but since this is a public forum I feel comfortable being a little judgmental to respond to you. If it was FWB, if you "didn't care" before about his stuff with other women, well, what's changed there? You must be the one who changed. Trying to get on a pedestal about this supposed betrayal is just a bad idea. FWB is not a clear cut situation. You know what a monogamous relationship is and that is not it. Why hold this person to that standard? Because you were "in the process" of being exclusive or something? (Are you really sure about that?) Ultimately, it seems like neither of you agreed to anything. Thinking exclusively from your perspective i.e. "my feelings changed, I felt differently, and got more serious about it" is not gonna help you feel better about the situation...and, if you were being honest with yourself, I really think you'd feel better. Making him out to be ruthless heartbreaker out of the blue clearly isn't helping.


The bottom line is that I think Pisces feel treated differently by people because they are. When it seems like you understand people intuitively, other people can see it even if they don't know the particulars of what it is you understand. So when you just turn that off because you're pissed, they notice that too. It couldn't be more obvious than with someone you've known for a long time and understood for a long time. Sometimes I do think it's unfair to be always be expected to understand or whatever but then again, not everyon

...not everyone possesses this capacity. Banal though it seems, there are usually just two options, understand and accept or move on. If you've got personal needs that aren't being met then the second option seems like the one for you. If this issue is still bothering you so bizarrely i.e. "I'm angry but I'd still take him back" then you probably know something's not right. If putting all the blame in one place hasn't worked so far, you should really re-evaluate everything happened.

i def havent given all the details. if i did, the stuff i put up with will make me look stupid lol. but my whole issue is that he lied to me. i resisted crossing the friends line at first because i didnt want it to ruin the friendship just in case things didnt work out. he pursued me RELENTLESSLY. he told me to just take a chance on him. so i did. we werent exactly FWB. we were exclusive to each other. i wasnt seeing anyone else or trying to and he wasnt, so he told me. we were supposedly just taking it slow when the whole time he was pursuing other girls. and thats what makes me upset about the situation and feeling betrayed. he led me to believe that he was being exclusive to me as i was to him. and the fact that i asked him constantly before i crossed that intimate line and he told me no repeatedly, REALLY makes me angry. i just wanted to know if anyone had any experience with a cancer sun/aquarius moon guy. because usually a cancer will try to come back. but with the aquarius sun who knows...i fear him trying to come back in a couple of months because i know things wont really be much different. a year or so down the road maybe. but not anytime soon. i just want to know what to expect i guess im tryna say.

and this cancer guy is NOTHING like the typical cancer. he's blamed me for every argument we've ever had. he doesnt feel the need to apologize because he says and i quote "u pushed me to act that way." that sounds like something an abuser would say! he never takes responsibility for his part in a disagreement. he just disappears and then i usually apologize for my part and he just goes back to normal like nothing ever happened. and he can get very detached emotionally. i guess thats the aquarius side...but when things are good, they are AWESOME. and i guess thats what kinda keeps me hanging on.

"because i KNOW he's insecure"
"he's blamed me for every argument we've ever had"

vs.
"i never wouldve thought he would treat me this way..."
"u think u know someone..."


I think you did know him.

@wineaux-wow. that gave me the chills! its sooo spot on. and it only happens because i allow it to happen. well not anymore.

@Qlibramale-ur right. i do need to get stronger. so that if he ever does come back i can tell him to kiss wut i twist!

@extemptjunk-tough love. i need it. thanx for kicking my a $ $ basically lol. i kinda lost myself in this whole situation. but slowly but surely im coming back. and this forum and everyones opinions are helping so much!

yeah true. its just so hard to get him out of my system. someone that you've been talking to like everyday for the past year and a half (when he wasnt in that damn shell) and then nothing...i initiated the break up and he was already ignoring me for something i said that he didnt like. i have the right to speak my mind and my opinion no matter what, especially if something he did bothered me. he had no problem expressing his dislike for things. and i listened and heeded what he said. he wanted everything to be about him. such a selfish person...oh well. im doin no contact with this. and i WILL NOT give in.

"i def havent given all the details. if i did, the stuff i put up with will make me look stupid lol."

Case in point. You know what to do. You know who he is, what he's all about, and the poor choices you made leading to your current position.

You're old enough in age to be the wiser but I don't think old enough emotionally yet to be more discriminating. Your lack of knowledge in integrating sexual dynamics into your intimate relationships has caused you to deal with a force you've not yet encountered. I get this feeling that you've regressed to a time in your life where many of us, by age 29, have already covered. like this is your "first love" scenario.

letting go is gonna be hard but key to make way for personal growth. there comes a time when we have to let certain people fade or when we must walk away. some people in our lives, no matter how much we love them, are not good for our health. People can only treat you the way you allow them to and only you can do anything about it. If you want a shred of your dignity and self-worth in tact it would probably behoove you to drop this guy (at least for a while so you can work on improving yourself).

Also, you can't break up with this guy. He was never yours to begin with. FWB is not the same as a committed, monogamous relationship. This is where experience with sex comes in handy. Human sexuality is a complex thing and actually shouldn't be taken as lightly as we tend to do. I don't think it should become a serious business matter but it can seem to work that way when emotions are factored in.

when i said i would look stupid for "putting up with" certain things, i learned seem to be normal cancer behaviors by reading all these posts about them. like not returning phone calls or texts for days, disappearing, whenever i would get close he would pull away and act all distant. and at the time i would literally curse him out for those things because i thought he was being a rude inconsiderate ahole. then i would apologize and he would come back. but this seems to be the norm with cancers. i remember one time he asked me "why are u so nice?" i was like "what?!" he says "it kinda scares me. it doesnt, but it does." what does that even mean? not by any way shape or form do i want a romantic relationship with this person anymore. he's just not boyfriend material and he may never be. he says he wants to get married one day but i dont see it. hes just too unstable. i feel like he'll never be content. he'll always want more and i dont want that in a boyfriend or a husband. i would like to be friends with him again one day. our friendship was so loving and supportive and easygoing. we had so much fun. and even when we first decided we were gonna cross that friendship line things were so good. and then when i started getting closer...BAM. things changed. in my opinion FWB is much more casual then what we had. he opened up to me about things he had never really discussed with anyone. but i also noticed that when he told me something major, or very emotionally deep for him, he would disappear for a few days...
i think this is a case of friends who shouldve never crossed that line. we were too close and too emotionally involved already as friends for a FWB situation to work out, and i was def not experienced in what to expect. and maybe it'll be years before we can be on good terms again, but i dont hold grudges. i forgive and let things go for myself just as much as for the other person so i dont carry a burden around, and i dont have to think about it. i may have made him look like a villian, but in reading about cancers and others experiences with them, a lot of times i let my impatience dictate how i reacted to him, when maybe i just needed to wait. theres NO excuse for lying to me about talking to other girls, or leading me to believe he wanted something more, but he technically wasnt mine. maybe he did want more but got scared. idk. theres SO many thoughts going through my mind constantly. i wish i could just shut them off lol.

i just need to take a deep breath and let it go. one thing i notice about myself and other pisces is that we will hurt for awhile and we will analyze everything sooo much, until we just get tired of thinking about it and then its done. we are not wimps in any way. we're actually quite the opposite and when we've had enough, then thats it. we can be very stubborn. and even though we may forgive u, we still wont let u get too too close again lol. im at the point where im just starting to get tired of thinking about it. my brain wants a rest from all the analyzing. i need to let whatever is gonna happen, just be. and when i feel myself getting weak, im coming back on here cause u guys are good at kicking my a $ $ into shape in the nicest possible way lol

oh i forgot to mention. someone did a reading for me and they said that i would be friends with him again. but as for romance to leave that to the heavens. im assuming that means dont try for that. just let things flow how they may.

You were close friends for many years, and I get that the emotional closeness there is beyond the comprehension of someone trying to dissect this on the internet. Keep in mind that since this is just words on a page, I'm using cliche terms for brevity's sake. The step-up in commitment denoted by "boyfriend/girlfriend" is sexual exclusivity. That's what I meant at any rate. I don't use "FWB" to refer to anything else but the lack of control either person has available to wield over the other. Without getting into it too deeply, maybe you should first acknowledge there were reasons you weren't willing to call him a boyfriend and vice-versa. Friends don't really monitor the other is doing; that's something you'd expect boyfriends/girlfriends to do. Like anyone else you've got to accept responsibility for your own train of thought and corresponding actions, right?

If he was your boyfriend, he was your boyfriend, and if he wasn't, you went into this demanding boyfriend behavior from someone you didn't call a boyfriend. And the way you're describing it now, there was no margin for error or understanding. Also, as a friend, you don't typically demand closeness, even if it's always been there. What you've described suggests more information about this guy won't flow directly from him, which is another good reason to dismiss it. These conversations don't include him and by definition aren't dialogue that lead to any kind of resolution. You're pitting your feelings at the mercy of some third party. There's no ultimate truth anyone else uninvolved in the situation knows. Making yourself feel incompetent over things you only found out because someone rooted through his facebook account doesn't even make sense. To know that stuff you'd have to be like her, obsessive enough to justify violating someone else's privacy to maintain a fragile ego. You shouldn't feel stupid for not being pathetic enough to spy on him while you were together. You ended the relationship over something you actually had evidence for long before this, which is a lot better. It'd be easier if there was some court of public opinion which would definitely make you feel certain this was the right move, but there isn't.

Whatever he did, he's not doing anything now and he hasn't been doing it for a while. More importantly, what you've been doing seems to be making you more aggressive about a relationship you already put the brakes on. Things that he's not even doing, but other people are doing on facebook are justifying your avoidance of more important stuff to focus on his shortcomings again. There aren't many foreseeable scenarios in which you should just resume contacting him because it's really that urgent, life-or-death or whatever.

Down the line, none of this will help you with some other guy you might have similar problems with but no extensive history to refer to. You have years and years of interaction with this guy and you didn't think badly of him in light of it for most of the time. Maybe you liked the familiarity but also felt the need to mature, for something more, and for some reason you weren't able to get that from this one relationship. There's no use compiling all of this stuff in your head as a defense against someone who's not even around. Whether or not he comes to you later is hardly the point. If you find out what you really want and go after it, you'll feel in control of yourself. If he's there, I doubt he'll seem irresistible. If you want to be friends again, you won't feel threatened by him or at the mercy of any cycle of events.

Hey Piscestam!

As a fellow Fish myself, and reading through all this, and being older than you..I can relate to most answers here.
You are absolutely conscious and aware of how everythign went...his lies, his manipulation, his blackmailing..but remember it takes two to tango. He is not the only one "to blame" for all this. You agreed too!

Time for regrets has passed. Things happened in that way for a reason, and we learn all the time from our mistakes. We become wiser and we grow with each experience. Take the positive out of all this, that you now know better...He has to deal with his own issues..whether he will beat his insecurity depends only on him and there is nothing you can do.

Sometimes we Fish like to be in the position of "saviours" of others. We love to try and help those with issues and we take it like a personal thing to help. But it is energy wasted because there is nothing to do in most cases, just being there for that person, but not feeling responsible for their changes. I have learnt that myself over the years with people who were in my life, were not really adding anything positive to my life and I just kept them to see if they would change...big mistake!

Now, just focus on the most important person on earth: YOU.

I know how it feels to be broken hearted, we are so romantic, we idealize people and when reality hits..boom! Again, it gets better with age and as we are not past-oriented people, you will let go...Pisces can be like Phoenix birds when it comes to love , we will always be reborn..no matter how many times we get hit..we will always be up and about regarding love.

Time heals all....surround yourself with your close friends, and pamper yourself. if you have to think about it all, orient it to learning , not regretting. Regretting is wasted energy. There is nothing to do to change things.
This man, circumstancially a Cancer, certainly is not what you deserve. He didn't value or respect you. He is the one missing out!!!!

I understand the deep connection we can have , us fish, with Crabs, they are so magnetic...and we Fish are sometimes obsessive...bad combination! drug -like!!!! it will come out of your system...I repeat FOCUS ON YOU.

Healing yourself and raising your self-esteem is what will save you from attracting these toxic people...
Work on this dear, IM sure sure sure you will be okay, and I send you all my most positive energies your way 🙂

thank u guys so much for ur input. u have no idea how much this helps me :-)

crap...i need input. so...my sister is the boss at a before and after school program in our area. "the cancer" works there as well. when he was out of work i begged my sister to hire him. this of course was when we were on good terms. hes amazing with kids. so anyway, i have to take a cpr class for my job. i work at a country club. my sister told me she had to set up a cpr class for some of her employees who hadnt taken it yet. its mandatory for them too. she said i could just go when they go. since i know some of her employees i thought it would be a good idea, since i would be with people im familiar with. one of my cousins works there too so i was like cool, this should be fun blah blah. "the cancer" had already taken the class from a previous job he had working with kids so i thought i would be safe in knowing he wouldnt be there.everything was all good. BUT last night my sister told me his certification expired so now hes gonna be there too. ugh...what do i do? i cant cancel. i dont really want to cancel either because i dont want him to think hes affected me to the point that i would cancel my class just so i wont see him. i dont want to feed into his ego anymore than i already have. im really nervous guys. the class isnt till the end of january so i have about a month before this goes down. how should i act when im there? ignore him? try to stay as far away from him as possible? or act like nothing is wrong and just be my normal self. im hoping by that time emotions wont still be so raw and i really wont care either way, but right now im FREAKING OUT. im already starting to move on and i dont really think about him as much. i also have this really sweet capricorn guy im talking to thats helping my progress lol...i just need some opinions on this. thanx! :-)

i wouldnt be rude. i would say hello if it came down to it, and then i would act like she didnt exist for the rest of the time. lol

@wineaux-right. and im gonna make sure i look smokin hot when i go just to remind him what he lost and that im doin just fine without him!